AN: Italics means the character is having a confessional.

Randy stands dramatically on top of a mountain. "Twenty castaways will suffer in the extreme cold of a bum fuck town fighting to outwit, outplay, and outlast, to ultimately win the grand the prize of one hundred dollars."

Tweek standing next to a tree "Playing this game without caffeine will sure be a challenge!" Tweek shrieks as a bird flies near him.

Token sitting on a log "As one of the only two black people on this season I feel the need to represent my people."

Randy takes a step forward "For the next twenty days, these children will battle to become the sole survivor!"

Vampir faggily shakes his cape and hisses "I know most of these kids hate me but I'm here to prove that the darkness is on my side!"

Kyle rests his head on his hand in deep thought "We're out here walking through the wilderness and I'm just, like, wow! I can't believe this is really happening"

Bebe adjusts herself "With these brand new puppies, I better be sitting at the finals!"

Randy gets on a helicopter and keeps talking. "They'll have to duke it out in challenges while enduring the elements… and each other."

He steps off the helicopter onto the snowy ground where four tribe mats are resting on the snow. The castaways begin to file in from wherever they came from.

Nichole throws her hair back "It's game the fuck on."

Cartman raises a fist. "These ass faces better respect my authoritah!"

"What the fuck's going on here man," Towelie hits his joint.

Randy smiled at the twenty kids. "You ready to get started?!"

They were all like "Yeah!" except Craig who just didn't say anything.

Randy gestured to the four mats. "Then it's time to divide you into your tribes, as you can see there are going to be four tribes of five. The first tribe is Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters, you're the yellow tribe."

Butters was all like "Oh boy!" as he ran over to the yellow mat to join the other four.

Stan looks at some ants building an ant hole "My tribe's pretty cool I guess, as long as Fatass doesn't eat all the food."

Randy continues" "The next tribe is Wendy, Bebe, Nichole, Red, and my own daughter Shelley. You are the pink tribe."

Shelley blushes "Shut up, dad!"

Wendy brushes her hair with her hand as she sits in the snow "Of course they put all the girls on to the pink tribe." She rolls her eyes.

"Next up is the blue tribe, Craig, Clyde, Token, Tweek, and Towelie."

Clyde helped to direct the confused Towelie over to the blue mat.

Craig sighs as he watches the birds. "I hate it here."

Pete looked around at the other kids who were left and immediately put a hand over his face.

"And the last tribe is… Pete, Michael, Henrietta, Firkle, and Vampir. You are all the black tribe."

"Why it gotta be black?" Nichole speaks up. Token nodded, his brow furrowed.

The goth kids were distracted by trying to stand as far away from Vampir on the black mat as possible.

Vampir jumps out behind a tree and hisses. "I already can tell that I'm an outcast on my tribe, but I will prevail!" He runs away.

Randy claps "You all ready for the first challenge!?"

Everyone clapped in a nonchalant manner.

"This is the combined reward and immunity challenge, in addition to immunity you will be winning five extra bags of Cheesy Poofs for your tribe. Now here's how it works. Each tribe will have to carry one member, who will have to do the puzzle, over the hill. The first tribe to finish will win immunity and the Cheesy Poofs and the second and third to finish just get immunity."

Randy pulls out a gun and points in it the air. "Survivors ready?" He shoots. "Go!"

Tweek screams at the sound of gunfire.

Kyle turned to Cartman and said "Okay Fatass, you gotta drag me over the hill so that I can do the puzzle."

However Cartman was distracted staring ravenously at the bags of Cheesy Poofs on the reward table.

"Fucking concentrate Cartman, do you want to vote someone off?" Stan badgered him.

Cartman swatted Stan away, "Get out of my face." Then he picked up Kyle by the arm and started running. Stan, Kenny and Butters each supported another limb.

"It's like does he really think I don't want to win the Cheesy Poofs?" Cartman takes a piss in the snow.

Shelley barked "Which of you is the smartest?"

Wendy coyly says "I guess I am." Shelley throws Wendy onto her back and starts running.

The blue tribe unceremoniously picked up Towelie and started sprinting.

Clyde leaned onto a tree. "Towelie was the lightest so it was obvious that he should be the one carried." Clyde stares off into space.

Vampir hissed and swished his cape. "Who are we going to carry across, ssss?"

Henrietta placed a hand of her hip. "Firkle, you fag."

Vampir tried to grab at Firkle but Firkle withdrew away angrily. "Don't touch me you gay fucking piece of shit," he spat.

Randy commentated from the sidelines. "Looks like the Blue tribe already has an early lead carrying the towel, with the Pink team not far behind. Black has yet to leave the gate."

"Jesus Christ, let's go Firkle, we're losing." Pete picked up Firkle against his will since they were already behind.

"And the blue team has already made it to the puzzle, GO Towelie!" Randy yelled. The blue team threw Towelie on the ground at the foot of the puzzle, where he slowly picked himself up.

"Uhhh, what am I doing?" Towelie mumbled.

"The puzzle, you retard," Craig bitched at him.

"Well first, I'm gonna get a little bit high," Towelie said, pulling out another joint.

Meanwhile the Pink tribe had just made it to the puzzle with the Yellow tribe right behind them. "Pink is good, GO Wendy!" Shelley dropped Wendy without ceremony, and immediately Wendy went to work on the puzzle, which she already realized was an image of Mayor McDaniels' face.

"I mean it made sense, the Mayor is a cultural icon of the area," Wendy gesticulated pretentiously at the shore of Stark's Pond.

Cartman threw Kyle onto the ground "Hurry up Jew! I want them Cheesy Poofs!"

"Ow fuck." Kyle rubbed his tuckus and he stood up to quickly place pieces together. He made some rapid progress but Wendy was already in the final stages of the puzzle.

"COME ON JEW HURRY THE FUCK UP!" Cartman screamed.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP CARTMAN, I'M TRYING TO WORK!" Kyle turned around completely from the puzzle to get all defensive at Cartman.

Wendy slid the last piece of the Mayor's blue hair into place. "Yes!" she yelled.

"PINK TRIBE WINS IMMUNITY AND THE FIVE BAGS OF CHEESY POOFS!" Randy yelled throwing a finger from each hand in the air.

Red jumps up and down "YES!"

Shelley just nods like she knew they would get first.

"Towelie are you ready to start the fucking puzzle yet?" Clyde said with attitude as Towelie took a fat rip off his joint.

"Uhh, almost ready kids!" Towelie coughed.

Towelie coughs up a loogie on the sidewalk. "I know these kids might not think much of me just because sometimes I like to get a little bit high. When they get older they'll understand." he lights another one up.

At that moment the Black tribe finally showed up and dumped Firkle at the puzzle.

Stan looked around with concern. "Kyle you really better hurry up, everyone else is here now."

"Relax I'm almost done," Kyle told Stan as he easily slid the last few pieces into place.

"YELLOW TRIBE WINS IMMUNITY!" Randy yelled. "Now it's down to Blue and Black, one of you is going to tribal."

Firkle started sweating as the pressure got to him. "Fuck!" As he accidently let a puzzle piece slip from his fingers.

Henrietta clapped her thighs together as she jumped. "You can do it, Firkle!"

Towelie finally finished smoking his joint and started looking at the puzzle. "It's a kitty!" he said contently, then started rearranging the pieces randomly.

"Holy shit." Token uttered as he realized Towelie was actually completing the puzzle.

"It's beautiful!" Towelie rubbed the finished puzzle of Mayor McDaniels'.

"BLUE TRIBE WINS IMMUNITY!" The Blue tribe rejoiced loudly, raising Towelie up on their shoulders as their champion.

Towelie sniffs some glue. "See I knew what I was doing the whole time," he falls over.

All of the castaways returned to their mats. Randy looked over to the Black Tribe. "Goths, I have nothing for you. I'll be seeing you at Tribal Council tonight.

Yellow Tribe

Day 1


Butters sat in a field of flowers. "I'm really happy that we won immunity today, because I think these fellas might have booted me first."

"You fucking suck Kyle! We got second to that whore!?" Cartman lambasted Kyle again.

Stan standing behind the shelter Kenny and Butters were feverishly working on before nightfall. "Kyle and Cartman being at each other's throat is not going to be healthy for our tribe, I can just feel it."

Pink Tribe

Day 1


As soon as the ladies walked into their camp, Red had excitedly planned how the tribe's shelter would be built. "I know! We could build our shelter out of rocks!"

Wendy patted Red's shoulder condescendingly "That's a great idea, but I think it would be better if we used the tarp they gave us."

Shelley standing very confidently "I know I was recruited to be on the show by my dad, but I think this isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be."

Blue Tribe

Day 1


Token looking befuddled as the rest of the tribe started to build a campsite. "What do you mean we have to sleep outside?"

Tweek fiddled with some rope trying to tie a knot. "I-it's survivor dude, you know?"

Token had his arms crossed "I don't get how everyone could be so comfortable with sleeping outside, we'll freeze to death!"

Black Tribe

Day 1


Pete and Michael were standing next to the haphazard shelter they built as Henrietta and Vampir went off to find firewood and Firkle went off to smoke by himself.

"So we're voting out Firkle right?" Pete bluntly stated.

Michael taken aback. "I thought we were going to vote out that douche vampire kid."

"I mean Firkle cost us the challenge, he should go. If I fucked up the puzzle, I wouldn't be surprised if you guys voted me out for it. It's only fair." Pete explained.

Pete flipped his dyed hair. "There's no way us four goth kids will make it to the final four, there's also no way Makowski excuse me 'Vampir', will flip from us because he's expecting to get cut first. We should keep him around and use him to our advantage later."

"That does make sense though." Michael looked to the ground.

Michael leaned on his cane. "I can't believe that this first vote is actually going to be hard...fuck man."

Firkle was standing alone smoking a cigarette. "Even though I totally blew the first challenge, I think that I should be fine."

Meanwhile, Henrietta and Vampir were looking for things to burn with their lighters for warmth when Vampir suggested "So do I have your vote per se?"

Henrietta "Oh, yeah I guess."

Henrietta stamped out a cigarette "I'm not voting with this faggy vamp kid, he has to be fooling himself if he thinks I would write Firkle's name down over him.

Tribal Council

Night 1


The black tribe sluggishly walked to tribal council with their torches. There were five lawn chairs as Randy stood being highlighted by the light of the many candles behind him. "Come on in." he greeted. "Everyone dip your torch into a candle because once your flame is out so are you."

"That's gay." Pete remarked as he dipped his torch into a candle.

They all sat down as Randy started tribal council. "So Firkle, do you feel like it's your fault that the Black tribe is here tonight?"

Firkle angrily snaps "Get off my ass, old man."

"Alright, Vampir, you seem to already be an outcast, do you think that you might be going home first?" Randy continued.

"I mean anything could happen per se, but probably." Vampir looked to the ground.

Henrietta raised her hand. "Can we vote already?"

Randy sighed "Fine. Henrietta, you're up first."

Henrietta got up to walk to Sparky's dog house roof where pieces of paper and a marker were waiting there.

Henrietta wrote quickly in cursive. [Mike Makowski] "I thought I would write your real name, you delusional twat."

Pete quickly ran up and voted.

Firkle voted next and in a sloppy scribble [Vampir] "It's either you or me."

Michael followed looking distraught before he voted.

Vampir voted last. [Firkle] "Perhaps you shouldn't have been so slow on the puzzle per se?"

Randy spoke once Vampir was back in his seat. "I'll go tally the votes. This is so exciting!"

Randy returned with the shoebox with a slit cut into it with him. "Once the votes are read, the decision is final, the person voted out will have to leave tribal council immediately, and walk through my house. I'll read the votes."

Randy pulled out the first vote.

[Mike Makowski] "Mike? Oh that's Vampir." Randy chuckled.

"Next Vote."

[Vampir]

"That's two for Vampir."

Vampir frowns.

[Firkle]

Randy quickly opens the next vote.

[Firkle]

"That's two votes for Vampir and two votes for Firkle with one vote left."

Randy picked up the final vote.

"And the first person voted out of Survivor: South Park is…"

Randy flips the vote.

[Vampir]

"Vampir, I'll need you to bring me your torch."

Vampir skulked as he grabbed his torch and headed over to Randy.

"Vampir, the tribe has spoken."

Vampir opened the back door and walked off.

"Now black tribe, hopefully this will get you into gear because I know as easy as that vote seemed, you won't want to be making another boot anytime soon. Head back to camp."

The black tribe stood up, grabbed their torches, and cheesed it back to camp since they were freezing their nipples off.

Vampir sitting in a recliner in the Marsh's living room while Sharon disapproves in the background "I mean I'm only really shocked that it was a three to two vote, and not a four to one. They didn't like me so I really had no chance per se. Good luck to everyone I guess.

AN: I hope you enjoyed reading this! Please review your speculations and let us know what you think!

Next Time on Survivor: South Park:

Tweek sitting under a tree. "The pressure of the game is really getting to me!"

Also, a twist shakes up the game.

Cartman pushing Kyle. "Get the fuck out of my way, Jew boy!"