Authors Note: This is chapter is a tribute to How I Met Your Mother. It's a fusion of two of my favourite episodes. Without a further ado, here it is.

The Double Date

Two pairs of eyes stared at the red head before them, the hesitance they felt quit thoroughly conveyed. But the red head didn't give up, rather pushing the issue again. For you see the owner of the two pairs of eyes had finally gotten together, raising the number of couples in their group to two, the red head and her blond haired fiancé Ron, and Monique and Felix. Being the only couple in their little group for the last 4 years, Kim finally had the opportunity to once again press her issue. That's right, she wanted to set up a double date/ game night between the two couples.

"Oh come on guys, why don't you want to have a double date?" Kim asked.

"Because…Because…we just got together. I don't think it's such a good idea to go on a double date so soon." Monique replied. Truth be told, she just didn't want to go. While Kim and Ron were both the nicest people you would ever meet, they were still lousy hosts. Not to say they were all bad, Ron's cooking was still to die for. It was the activities that were lacking, being geared towards older couples then newly minted ones. But knowing Kim, she wasn't about to say that to her face.

"Oh come on, it'll be fun! I'll even get Ron to make his famous seven layers of Heaven cake." The red head pressed once more, hoping they would take the bait.

This ploy seemed to be working, as after a couple of minutes of intense thinking, Monique gave in. "Oh, all right!"

"What! No!" Felix said forcefully. He so didn't need another evening of that again. Four years ago, he had went there with his then girlfriend Zita Flores. 'The burnt quiches' he thought with a stutter.

"I know the last time wasn't great guys, but we've gotten a lot better. I won't even be cooking this time. Come on, Please!" She said, producing a puppy dog pout at the end.

"Oh Alright!" Felix caved.

"Yay! I have to go tell Ron the good news!" Kim exclaimed happily. Before anyone could notice, she was already halfway out the door, skipping in delight.

"Oh what have we done?" Felix and Monique said with a groan. 'Another rotten evening' they thought.


Wade was on a mission, to finally get a date. Ever since his break up with Monique, he had been sulking around. But enough was enough he figured. So, he decided to go to the nearest karaoke bar to test his luck. After 3 hours of attempts, moves, singing and rejections later, he had finally scored. A girl, with a personality much like his had infact came back to his place. Unfortunately, before things could progress further, she had fallen asleep.

'I must have been such a riot that I overwhelmed her.' He thought as he placed a blanket on the sleeping girl. At 21 years old, Wade truly felt untamed, being a single guy in New York City and all. Granted, his luck has been relatively trivial to date, but he figured it was only a matter of time. Right?

The following morning, Wade was awoken by a ringing phone. As he answered the phone, he heard a rather obnoxious knocking at the door. Grudgingly he made his way towards the door, only to find Monique and Felix at the door.

"What do you want?" he said rudely. Normally he was a gay fellow, waking up early in the morning for work. But going to bed late and not having coffee in the morning could make anyone into a sour-pus.

"Why thank you Wade. Such a nice greeting you gave us" Felix stated sarcastically, a mock sorrowful look propagating his face.

"My bad, I was out late last night and….."

"Say no more Wade. So tell Uncle Felix how many times you struck. Come on." Felix said in a tone that would have made Barney Stinson Proud.

"Felix."

"I say 10." Monique piped in.

"Could I love you any more" Felix stated whimsically.

"Monique" Wade stated, glaring at his friend.

"20?"

"God it is possible to love you more!" Felix said before starting to kiss Monique passionately. Prompting Wade to slam the door in their faces.

Knocks once again propagated the apartment, as excepted Felix and Monique were there, a look of regret on their face.

"Come to apologize?" Wade asked.

"Sorry Wade, we are still recovering from Kim and Ron's get together thing."

"Oh yeah, I remember that. So how did it go?" he asked as he let in his guests. They all sat around his sofa set, a coffee table as its center piece.

"Horrible!" Monique and Felix said rather forcefully.

"Oh come on guys it couldn't possibly be that bad?" Wade said.

"Oh really. Yesterday evening, Ron came to our door." Felix began.

"Yeah so?" Wade asked cautiously.

"He came to warn us that Kim was cooking Cream Brule." Felix said. A look of horror had propagated the room, all having a previous experience with the horror that is Kim's cooking.

"In retrospect that should have been our clue one." Monique said, reflecting on her past mistake.

"I'm almost scared to ask this, but what happened next?"

"Well, we arrived there. And before Felix could give me his speech on things to watch out for, the door opened and we were transported into the room of horrors." Monique stated.

"Ok hold up, I understand the whole caught by surprise thing, but room of horrors? They have the best apartment out of all of us." Wade stated, his confusion apparent.

"Oh that they do. The only problem was Cream Brule that Kim cooked was spattered everywhere."

"Poor Kim. Ron's this gourmet cook and for get-togethers like these he usually does all the cooking. Leaving Kim with the cheese. Usually no one eats the cheese, so Ron usually has Rufus eat them before anyone could get a piece. That mole rat has probably saved more lives than vaccines. Although sometimes, Kim convinces Ron, I'll give you one guess how, to let her cook. The result is well this."

"Well this time her semi succeeded in actually making them. She just spent a majority of the evening forcing the Cream Brule upon us."

"Yeah that happens. You know, this was the dish that she was going to make when we were supposed to go for a get-together."

"But we never went to their get-together." Monique stated curiously.

"Exactly, I managed to convince them out of it. No need to convince old Wade west-side here." Wade said smugly.

"Ok, we won't." Felix said, abruptly breaking Wade's smug attitude. "So any ways the evening wore on. And the games they brought out! God, if I have to play another round of Duck, Duck goose again I'm going to lose it."

"Granted, their choice in games are pretty bad, but come on guys it couldn't have been as bad as you guys think."

"They even had a spat about an Egg timer Wade, An egg timer!" Monique said angrily. "Apparently, Ron was freaking out about him not being able to make his soufflé without it and Kim kept nagging him how it was his fault for breaking it."

"Ouch!" Wade said sympathetically.

"And don't even get me started on the guitar." Felix sighed angrily. "They entertained us with the worst song imaginable!"

"Gives you hell by All American Rejects?" Wade asked.

"Worse, Tubthumping by Chumbawamba."

"Those poor fools. I mean everyone knows 1000 miles by Vanessa Carlton is the go to song for entertainment. "

Monique just glared at Wade. The sound of a laughing track could be heard in the background. "That's not even the worst part." Monique stated

"I don't see how it could get worse."

"Do you now?" Monique said grinning. "Show it to him Felix."

Felix proceeded to go on Wade's laptop and type in a website called: Kim/Ron and Monique/Felix BFF's . A video started playing.


Welcome my friends.

"Is that Ron trying to imitate Michael Bublѐ" Wade asked.

"Yeah, just wait until Kim joins in."

To the story of our date!

We had so much fun! Playing around all day. Oh Yeah!

(A picture of the four of them playing duck goose came up. Kim and Ron seemed to be having a blast, while a bored look propagated both Monique's and Felix's face)

Eating weird foods and throwing up all the same.

(A picture of Ron vomiting from eating Kim's cooking came up, a look of horror appearing on the new couples face.)

There were some ups and some downs.

(A picture of Ron smashing the egg timer with a hammer came up. Kim, Monique and Felix could be seen in the background trying to stop him.)

But overall we all had a blast. So there's only one thing left to say.

(The tune changed to one resembling the theme song of our favourite sponge under the sea)

Are you free? Are you free? Are you free next Saturday!

Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free next Saturday!

Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free next Saturday!

Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free next Saturday!

Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free? Are you free next Saturday!

That's the 31st.

(An animated calendar marked the date)

Monday or Friday would work to.

(The animation once again marked the date)

Or you know, any other day would work too.

(The entire calendar get filled with red x's)

So come on tell us.

Are you free? Are you free next Saturday!

(Time the voice was much higher. Indicating it was in fact Kim reaching her high note)


"I still can't believe Kim hit the high note" Wade stated in a genuinely surprised tone.

"Oh I know, I've only heard her do it once. And that was when Kim and Ron engaged in amorous activities in our dorm. They must have thought I was sleeping, but I was wide awake. I could still hear her screams, it sounded like a dying lion." Felix said getting lost in his daydream.

"Felix, snap out of it!" Monique snapped her fingers in front of him.

"So what did you guys decide to do?" Felix was still recovering from the memory.

"Oh what did we not do?" Felix stated, now fully aware.

"Yeah, as soon as we went home, we changed our information. Bank accounts, emails, you name it. In fact we almost left the country. But the flights were full."

"I'm still saying I would have fit in luggage bag." Felix stated.

"And I'm saying that's for my clothes?" Monique retorted. "So anyway we decided to do the next best thing and camp out at your place for a little bit."

"Please, Please, Wad ester. We'll do anything. I'll even let you have my Stormtrooper costume." Felix pleaded.

"They one with the signed by David Prowse?"

"Yeah, so what do you say? Deal?" Felix offered desperately.

"I don't know?"

"I'll even throw in a replica lightsaber used during the filming of episode IV."

"Deal!" Wade said enthusiastically. "Although there's something you guys should know."

"What?" Both Monique and Felix said at the same time.

Suddenly, the girl Wade had brought over walked out of a room in a hurry.

"Hi Wade, I had a great evening. Sorry I have to go. But we should do this again sometime. Yeah! Ok call me!" she said as she headed out the door.

"Who was that?" Felix asked.

"That was Racheal."

"Nice!" he said offering his fist.

"Actually nothing happened last night." Wade said raising his fist to Felix's.

"Wade, Wade, Wade. You just got duked."

"What exactly are you saying?" Wade asked skeptically.

"Did you get her number?"

"Well no but…" Wade was cut off.

"What I'm telling you is that you had no chance with her. In fact I think you're the sexless inn keeper.

"How dare you? And what is that?" Wade asked in both a mixture of curiosity and anger.

"Oh my god, he's totally the sexless in keeper." Monique said matter of factedly.

"What's the Sexless inn Keeper?" Wade asked.

"Oh you're in for a treat." And so Felix began.


Twas the night before New Year's

And the weather grew mean

Twas three in the morning

And I was stranded in Queens!

The tavern grew empty

The gas lights grew dim

The horse-drawn carriages

Were all but snowed in

Last call was approaching

And my fortunes looked bleak

Then I turned to my left

And stifled a shriek!

She had a peach-fuzz beard

And weighed sixteen stone

She gobbled up hot wings

And swallowed the bones

I muffled a scream

And threw up in my mouth

I asked, "Where do you live?"

And she said, "One block south."

I swallowed my pride

And six shots of Whiskey

And prayed to the gods

That she wasn't too frisky

Back in her cave

She prepared us a snack

Neath her mighty hooves

The floorboards did crack

But when she returned

She found a sound sleeper

And thus she became

The sexless innkeeper


"That's sounds nothing like me" Wade said defensively.

"Doesn't it Wade? Cause I think it does." Felix said.

"Me too. In fact I think Mr. Clergy here may have been taken for more than just his bed?" Monique stated.

"What?" Wade and Felix asked incredulously. Monique simply pointed.

"She took my Treseme hair shampoo! Nooo!" Wade yelled dramatically.

"I think I need to go and lay down now!" Wade said in a sad tone. As he walked away, Monique and Felix both busted out laughing behind him.

Unknown to any of them. Wade had accidentally left the phone on.

To Be Continued.

Authors Note: So, what did you think? I used the entire, poem from the 5x04 episode of How I Met Your Mother called Sexless In Keeper. Honestly, it was one of the funniest shows I watched up till date. Anyway, next chapter should be out soon. Rate & Review.