Author's Note: THIS DOES NOT FOLLOW THE MANGA OR ANIME. Thanks.


Why?... Why-WHY-WHY!? Why me... out of all the people in world why me? Why do I have to be part of some accident that transforms me into this- into this bakemono. Why me? Why couldn't it be someone who wanted to die- someone who didn't care... why me, my peaceful life is ruined... I don't want to be this thing. I just want to die- what if I eat Hide? What if I go around murdering innocent people? HOW COULD I LIVE WITH MYSELF? I can't do this...

Tears rolled down my face as I cried. I can't take this... this life as a thing that eats humans. A thing that is hunted down by the CCG... a thing hated by the population... why me? Why is my life such a tragedy? This isn't what I wanted...

About that time where I would almost lose control, I heard someone at the door. I didn't want to answer it- what if it was Hide? I'm so hungry... I can't bare it- if it's Hide I might just eat him after opening the front door.

"Hey idiot, open up!" The person said. Aggressive attitude? A woman's voice? "Idiot." Is it her?

I heard the door knock louder- if I don't hurry she might break the door down... damn it, Touka... why must you do this to me? "Open the door before I kick it down!" Seems I was right, she would kick down my door. Unfortunately, I don't need a broken door in my house, it might cause problems.

I went over to the door and slowly opened it to see Touka with... something. It smelled good- SO GOOD. But with that in mind, I knew what it was being a "half-ghoul" and all, where everything tastes bad to me now, with the exception of coffee and humans...

"I'm not eating that. Go away!" I yelled out to her as I quickly tried to shut the door, however, being Touka, she stopped it before I could close it all the way.

Touka immediately responded truculently holding the door as I ever so hard tried to push it closed, "Believe me, I would if I could, but the Manager told me to bring this to you! He said something about needing to understand that this is 'how life works' or something." She started to slowly push the door open with her one hand, god I was weak.

"I don't care! I don't want to eat another person! Not after you forced me to last time... just leave me here to die." I replied. I was inconsolable at this point- who could help me? I don't know any ghoul therapists, WHO WOULD BE WILLING TO HELP A GHOUL ACHIEVE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD? The CCG won't, they'll lock me up and torture me for all I know.

"It doesn't look like I have a choice, Kaneki." She forced the door open finally, and I was thrown a few inches back onto my rear. I looked up to see Touka looking at me. Her purple hair covering her right eye. She was wearing Anteiku's uniform... the "package" being carried in her right arm. She looked mad at me- probably because I wasted her time holding up that door but, how can I know? If I'd never met- no, seen Rize, I might have gone for Touka. Her body seemed so delicate yet she was a person who relied on brute force...

I looked down. I was sorrowful. You'd look at me and see a pitiful 18 year old college student. Touka probably saw that in me. What Yoshimura, the Manager, thought was inconceivable to me, but he probably made something up about finding my point in the world. I don't care, honestly.

"You have to eat this, Kaneki." The woman in front of me dropped the package near my legs. "If you don't, I don't care- I was just ordered to bring this to you. You can sit here and rot if you want."

I wanted what was in the package. Was it liver? Heart? Intestine? Throat? Leg? Arm? I didn't care, I wanted to eat it but even so, I had to hold myself back. Rize's consciousness was in me, or rather, I made a second personality within myself that wanted only to eat, what a mirror of what Rize would do.

The question was, should I eat it. It's not if I want to or not, it's if I should. I was given a second chance at life since the accident with Rize, so maybe I shouldn't let it go to waste by sitting hear and dying. Mr. Yoshimura came to all this trouble to help me, so maybe I shouldn't let his effort and time be for nothing. And Hide- Hideyoshi, what would he do without me? He would be sad at losing a friend, someone he's known since childhood. Someone he's laughed and had fun with and gone through hard times with... I don't want him to feel lonely intentionally, or at all really, but... I don't want to be a ghoul. However I may not want to be something, I won't live for myself, I'll live for Hide. "It's been to short, Hide. Maybe later on, when you have someone else to care about, I'll leave... but for now I'll stay." I thought.

I opened the package. It was a small container with a cloth wrapped around it. Slowly was the only way to open it. I had to control myself; if I didn't, what would happen later on when I'm hungry? Touka had disappeared by now, shutting the door and walking off to who knows where (probably Anteiku, but I don't know). I was shaking as I was opening the box, trying ever so desperately not to lose myself. When I had opened it, of course there was meat. Ningen.

Without hesitation I ate it. It tasted delicious, however, I still regret eating it- a person like me...


It's been said that a ghoul only needs to eat about once every one to two months, so I'll have to eat on average about nine humans a year...

I've been doing better recently. With the hunger gone, I've decided to go back to the university with Hide. It's been pretty peaceful lately, but I don't expect that to last forever. I've kept going to Anteiku- nothing out of the ordinary except for Rize gone. I regret not being able to run away from her so that this mess wouldn't of happened, so that she would still be alive too... funny, huh? I'm wishing for the person that almost killed and ate me to be alive again... this word is perplexing, no, humans are perplexing. We can't fathom some things we do, yet we still do it. We might be ghouls, but on the inside we're basically people, right?


Several days after Touka's visit to deliver food, I decided to join Anteiku. Not for the food or for the money, but because it was a place of serenity. If I can live as much as I can in a place where I don't have to think about being ghoul, then I'll live by that. I don't want to be a ghoul or a human, I want to be me.

"Kaneki, this coffee tastes like shit." Someone sneered at me. Oh, that's right... I'm supposed to be practicing making coffee...

"Touka, calm down it's only my fifth time trying today." I passively answered to her rude tone. I wasn't big on talking back or aggressiveness, so I always tried to keep quiet and relaxed.

"It doesn't matter, it's still a pain when you're wasting what could be good coffee." She looked at me this time as she talked, she didn't look angry just annoyed that she had to deal with me. That's a depressing thought.

"Ok, ok. give me some time I'll get the hang of it."

At about that time the door opened revealing the enigmatic and energetic "womanizer" Hide Nagachicka. "Youkoso." Touka looked up to Hide brightly and happily.

I don't know if it was that she didn't like me, she liked Hide, or she did that to all customers- why the hell does she treat me like trash? Maybe I just have to get on her good side? I'll figure it out eventually.

"Hey , Kaneki." He waved at me as he walked over and sat down.

"Oh hi, Hide." I looked at him smiling.

"So you got a job here huh? Did'ya get it to get close to her by any chance?" Hide smirked as he lightly gestured to the girl next to me. Touka, in response, walked into the back with an irritated face.

"W-what? No, no, that's not it at all!" I replied trying to make myself heard so Touka would come back and finish helping me.

"Relax eyepatch, I'm only teasing." The blond responded.

I sighed and looked at Hide, "Hide, you're mean."

"You just can't take a joke Kaneki." He replied. "By the way, is that permanent?"

"Ano..." Hide... I can't tell you the truth can I? But I can't make up some lie either... "I don't know, the doctor didn't say anything about it." Well, it was the truth, no doubt about that, but whether he would buy it or not was another story.

"What a bad doctor." Hide responded making hand gestures here and there... but he was right, he hadn't explained much to me at all.

"Oh crap!" He suddenly yelled rushing and getting his stuff. "I only meant to say hi... I have to go Kaneki, sorry for staying so short!" He said as he rushed out, stumbling to get organized and balanced. Hide...

"Now that he's gone, let's get back to work, Kaneki." I could hear Touka sneer my name. What about me pisses her off so much? I can only wonder.

"Hai."


By the end of the day, I had gotten a little better at making coffee. Touka might've thrown up the little sips she took from each small cup because of what she said "tasted like shit". It did insult me a little, but she complimented me once and let me off the hook "for now". Just thinking about that gave me shivers... I could feel the sadism that might be lurking within her.

I was walking home- the dark night filled with street lights and other lights made from humans. I looked around seeing everything that was around me... it wasn't something I'd normally do... usually I'd just lose myself as I subconsciously walked home, but for some reason I was looking this time. Why? I don't know. I just walked admiring what I missed all these years. Did becoming a ghoul open me up to the real world? Was a tragedy all I really ever needed? I stopped suddenly. I took a look around me in the middle of a sidewalk. It might've been night, but the streets were still busy as the city kept moving.

I could smell people individually. The scent baring a sweet and delicious smell. The people all walked not giving a care in the world that ghouls might be in the crowd among them. I was envious because I could never wholeheartedly be careless, except for when I met Rize. The crowds kept moving. The cycle of life kept moving. People would have myriads of things they would want to do, but I could only care about myself and Hide. I blame myself for being self-centered, and that's all I could think about. Was a shameless, tragic young boy Ken Kaneki was.


"Irimi-san!" I inside-voice-yelled to a girl, "A regular tea please!"

"On it!" She replied.

About a minute later, Irimi then called out to me again, "Kaneki, could you please serve this lady here for me? Touka's busy, Koma's running late and I have to go to the back to get a few things."

"H-hai" I quickly responded. Telling me to make someone coffee was a mistake on its own. I swear Touka gave me a look of "I'll kill you if you screw this up" to me. I nervously walked over to the position of which I had been practicing for a long time now. I kept telling myself not to screw up, but that only seemed to make me even more anxious. My hands were shaking because of how tense I was, but they stopped when I thought about Oka-san... my mother. She was such a happy woman. Well, not necessarily happy but she was caring. "It's better to get hurt, than hurt others" was a sort of thing she said. She cared too much for others, which ended up being her death but even until the end, I loved her. It was so calming thinking about her...

I made the coffee fine, thinking I did outstanding work, but the customer would have to decide that on her own. I walked over, attentively not to trip with my inept legs as I awkwardly got to the woman. She had a small child with her, her daughter I'd suppose. I gave it to her with a smile and started walking back.

No further than two feet had I gotten when she called for me back. The imagination could only give me a small percentage of the insults I could get for making such horrendous coffee...

Instead I received a question, "Sir, are you new here?" She quietly said. Nothing about the coffee? No, it wasn't that... she took a sip of it and looks content with it... does that mean I made good coffee?

"Y-yes ma'am." My awkwardness slipped out of my mouth.

"I see..." She said. "Nice to meet you, I am Ryouka Fueguchi, this is my daughter Hinami." Her words felt kind, like my mother.

"Hi. I'm Ken Kaneki." I looked to Hinami. She didn't look at me, she looked away into nothing before getting up and running into the back.

"Don't mind her... we're just having... family, problems." She was able to get out without a change in her voice.

Judging my Hinami going into the back of Anteiku, I guessed that these two were friends of Touka or the Manager. And being friends of them, I guessed they were ghouls. A ghoul reminded me of my mother huh... wherever God is, if he exists, must be playing tricks on me. But even so, it just looked like another side of life. The CCG and most humans want to eliminate ghouls, and the ghouls want to eat humans to survive. Like zebras and lions- they both are trying to protect their family and live at the same time. They mate, they birth, they play, survive... what a cruel world.

"Do you know the Manager, by any chance?" I asked staring into her orbs. Those eyes could fill the oceans many times with the tears that they could create.

"Yes, he's a friend of mine. But, pardon my asking, are you a ghoul?" She quietly said, making sure no one else heard our conversation.

"N-not particularly. I mean, I'm like, a half-hybrid thing..." I stuttered making nonsense, "Rize's organs were put into me, and now I'm... whatever I am now..." My mouth managed to word as I remembered that girl and my innocence as a human being...

"Ah, I see.. so young and you've already gone through your fair of troubles." She looked up, trying to cover her pity (what I believed to be pity, at least) up with a smile of grace. "Don't lose your hope, Kaneki Ken, just keep living."

She got up and walked over to Touka. The two started to converse before Ms. Fueguchi disappeared into the back. Young huh? Fair of troubles...

"BUT IT'S NOT FAIR." I almost yelled out. No one else seemed to be here right now. It was just us at Anteiku and the Fueguchis, who were in the back. I slowly sat down in pain. What was I getting so mad over? Shit... I'm going insane... I'm going to lose my mind... I'll die if this keeps up.

"Kaneki." I snapped back into reality. Slowly lifting my head I looked at who was calling me.

"Touka..." I unconsciously said. I think she saw my eyes, or something that looked sorrowful within me. She came over to me, as if it were instinctive.

"Kaneki? What's wrong?" She asked as she sat in the chair opposite of me. Touka... my eyes started to tear a bit, thinking about the recent events. Why are you only now being nice? Even when I was near going insane you didn't help me... why now?

Nothing came out of my mouth. I just sat their slightly teary eyed trying to think of an excuse, but not a thing could come out of my mouth. Instead I wiped my eyes and smiled to Touka, getting up and heading back to the counter to clean.

"Kaneki?" She asked once more. Her left eye watching me closely.

"Nothing." I finally responded before picking up a towel, and getting back to work.


The end of the week finally came- the first week I've gotten through at Anteiku. It might've been the next morning from the day after my actual first week since starting to work here, but it still didn't change the fact that my hopes were up about being able to peacefully live here.

The first thing I saw from when I got to the shop was Hinami and Kyouko at the shop talking with the Manager. I started to set up for the day ahead as the two girls walked out of the shop and what I presumed was shopping, however, Hinami's face was the same as the first time I met her- dark and without motion. Judging by "family issues" and the fact that only her mother was here, I presumed the father must of been killed by the CCG or another ghoul as he defended "his" territory like the others, and the two came here to reconcile with each other and live the most graceful life they could for a bit.

They both exited the shop as the Manager walked over to me.

"Kaneki." He quietly said. His face in the direction of the Fueguchi family as they headed off. "Do you know what it is to have a serious, caring relationship?" The white haired man asked.

"Um... I don't think so... I've never been in one, and I don't presume that movies and TV shows would count, would they?" I responded with another question.

"I see. Two humans who love each other can make a child, am I not correct?"

"Uh, y-you are correct, Yoshimura-san." I looked over to his stern, unmoving face.

"And what happens if two ghouls love each other?" He asked a second question.

"Then... a ghoul child is birthed, correct? Or, not in that manner, but in an undescriptive way, yes."

He made a small smile, "Yes. Hinami is the child of two ghouls, however, her father was recently killed by another ghoul. We have no idea as to why someone would target a peaceful one like him... he was a doctor who ran a small clinic. A very sad thing indeed, so I hope you can provide as much comfort for our guests for a few days, Kaneki."

"Yes sir!" I instinctively said.


It was later while Koma, Touka and I were closing shop that a man came by and... he was with Hide.

"Hey Kaneki! Meet my upperclassmen, Nishio Nishiki." Hide said as he strolled into the café and caught be in a one-arm hug.

"Tch. I'm outta here." Touka abruptly said and swiftly walked out of the room.

"Huh... wonder what all that was about."

"That girl Touka and I have a bit of... " I saw him sniff the air. Even if it was momentarily, he did pause long enough for me to notice. What was he doing? "...a feud."

Hide looked at him with disappointment, "You have a feud with a cute girl like that? No wonder you'll be lonely forever Nishiki! Well, I mean, maybe your gf will dump you!"

Nishiki, in response, flicked his head, "Damare. She wouldn't do that."

"Yeah, yeah," I saw Hide brush off the contact of skin, "Hey Kaneki, you're done with work right? How about you come with us? We're going to his house to get a few things then over to mine to get a few more things."

"Uh, sure, why not? Koma, can you handle the rest?" I looked over to the waiter.

"Sure, I'll just leave it to Touka." He said as he chuckled. I chuckled as well.

"Thank you, Koma." I said as I went over to change out of my Anteiku clothes.

As soon as I was done, we headed out for Nishiki's house.

UPDATE DATE: January 7, 2017. I decided to look at my work and fix errors. I will be doing this with future chapters and old ones.