26wowie it's been a while guys
not exactly 5000 words, but i felt like i was stretching it already. slowly trying to get the flow back, yknow?
Of all the sheisty things Mom could do. This one nearly took the cake. Therapy. She put me in therapy. Her, of all people, said I needed to 'get some help'. Really? Just really, Renee? I scratched at the armrest of the chair I was sitting in, annoyance forming on my face.
"Miss Swan, could you answer my question please?" I didn't like the therapist. He treated me like I was dumb.
Good news y'all. I'm not a werewolf and I'm just paranoid as hell.
I stared at the clock behind him. Its eyes kept flicking left and right and it was pissing me off. Irrational, I know. But I really didn't want to be here.
This room had an ugly wallpaper from the 1980s and Doctor White smelled like a foot left in a sandwich bag that fermented in the sun. He also asked stupid questions. Okay, I wasn't being nice. I knew I wasn't. But this guy deserved my irritation.
"For the last time, I don't want to kill myself," I said through gritted teeth. I wasn't suicidal. I wasn't self-harming. I didn't mean to hurt myself! "I was scratching my leg because it itched."
He started to drawl on and on about self-care and de-stressors among some other boring things and I tuned him out. He's like a broken record I swear.
Staring into the constant moving eyes of the cat clock, I thought about how I got here.
(ง'̀-'́)ง
I had to go back to the hospital not too long after I had ripped my stitches with my scratching. My leg not too long after that had become tender and hot, while the pain had slowly started to become unbearable over the next few days. When the nurse removed the grotty looking bandages over my wound to inspect the stitches he found pus oozing through. He had cleaned it up and he noticed where I had mangled my leg trying to scratch it. That's probably what caused the infection in my wound because I'm an idiot with zero self-control. The nurse stared at it for a while, then he turned to my mom and said he had to speak with her. Which then turned into 'an intervention' with my primary doctor, the nurse, and my mom. And what a shit fit that was. Renee was wailing with her mascara running down her face about where she went wrong and how I broke her heart. Like, ummm?
Long story short, they think I'm self-harming because I keep scratching my wounds, not just the one on my thigh. I had been scratching at all of the injuries the dog had given me but the thigh wound was the one I picked at the most.
Most of the smaller injuries like the scratches had healed but the bites have still yet to heal. Mom had been already trying to pursue me into seeing a therapist because according to her I had been acting 'off'. I don't really think she should have any say in how my normal behavior is considering she didn't really know me. Bella, on the other hand, is the reason I'm tolerating being here. Bella knows me. She could tell me when something was wrong. And she did. I had been having nightmares of the attack. It was always like I was reliving it or I dreamt of my body ripping itself into the form of a beast. I always woke up with a scream stuck in my throat with Bella hovering over me. I felt guilty waking her up in the middle of the night because I couldn't handle a nightmare. And getting the bed sweaty. We always had to change the bedding because I would sweat through so much.
(ง'̀-'́)ง
"Miss Swan." Doctor White tapped his notepad with his extravagant ink pen. Fountain type with gold accents. I looked into his beady black eyes. Does he know how much I don't like him? Is he aware he smells like a rotting leather shoe? "Did Animal Control ever contact you about the dog?" "Yeah, they called my mom. Damn thing killed a few cats before they caught it. It was foaming at the mouth," I lead on, thinking about the monstrous beast that attacked me. "They had to shoot it. It tested positive for rabies."
I was forever traumatized by the rabies vaccines I had to receive.
"Are you afraid of dogs now?" Doctor White questioned. "No," I automatically responded. I loved dogs. Always have and always will. Did he honestly think I was traumatized- by the shots yes, but by dogs? My nails dug into the vinyl of the chair's armrests. I wouldn't let this freak accident affect my view on one of my favorite animals. "Have you been around a dog since the attack?" Doctor White inquired, scribbling something on to his yellow notepad.
"No."
"Why not?"
'Because I couldn't leave my house you Quack!' I breathed slowly out of my nose, trying keeping my rising temper in check. "I haven't had the opportunity to be around one." The Quack hmmmed and leaned back in his plush chair, dabbing his forehead with a silk rag. "I'm seeing some hostility here Miss Swan, have you thought about breathing exercises?"
Oh my god.
(ง'̀-'́)ง
"Soo... how was therapy?" Bella was leaning on the headboard organizing papers. I was flopped over the foot of the bed with a magazine covering my face. "Ugghhhhh." Bella slipped a paper in the shredder plugged in by the bed. It sounded like a woodchipper. "It wasn't that bad was it," A sock covered foot poked me in the ribs. "He kept asking if I was going to kill myself, then he kept asking different questions about the dog attack, then he kept asking different questions about how aggressive I was." I pulled the magazine off my face, looking at the green ogre on the page. Shrek came out not that long ago and I made Bella watch it with me. Bella couldn't understand why I was laughing so hard when I saw the commercial for the movie. I couldn't really explain Shrek meme's now could I?
"I'm not aggressive. A bit pushy, but aggressive?" I looked over to my twin. "Am I?" Bella raised a brow at me. "You called yourself 'the baddest bitch' after knocking Paul on his ass and sitting on him for pulling Jake's hair last summer." She wiggled her toes at me. I sat up. "Okay, that was the exception."
"You threatened Francine with making her choke on her own necklace." "Well, she shouldn't have opened her fat mouth about Niko's braces. She's a bully and she backed off, didn't she?" Francine's the stereotypical 'Mean Girl' who thought she was hot stuff until I called her out on her bullshit. Fucking long-necked, croc wearing hippo, is what she is. Bella continued her footie assault on my person. "You are a bully, Gabby. You bully the bullies." "You're my twin, you're supposed to love meeeeee." I whined and rolled over onto my belly, listening to the little radio playing on the desk.
"Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner..."
The radio switched to a Red Hot Chili Peppers song. I was relieved that Bella, Miss-I-Don't-Like-Music-Bella, actually liked some music. She was very picky, leaning towards alternative and old rock music. Lord help me if I change the station when she's listening to it. My taste was similar but much more expansive. Pop music from the time of my past life I kind of like, but early 2000s pop got on my nerves. I just wasn't a fan.
"The Quack says I have separation anxiety." My voice was muffled into the bed. Bella tapped my back with her foot. "We both do," she said, sliding another paper into the shredder. "He wanted me to get onto pills." I braided a small strand of my hair. "Mom wouldn't make you." Mom was a neglectful nut at times, but she did like the more alternative side of things. I changed the subject.
"Mom is taking us grocery shopping tomorrow." The Quack gave Renee a list of foods that I should eat. I really don't want to go food shopping with her. Last time I did, Mom brought home so much Wheatgrass and Kimchee. I'd rather eat a whole basket of freaking grapefruits than drink wheatgrass again. Oh well. I can sneak some good snacks into the cart when Bella isn't looking.
"Girls! Come get dinner!" Mom called up the stairs. I shuddered on my way down the stairs, clicking the radio off as we passed it. Tonight, was one of the few nights Renee demanded to make dinner. I share a grimace with Bella.
I must prepare my stomach.
(ง'̀-'́)ง
It was strange being alone at the store. By alone I mean not attached at the hip with my sister. I had been deemed irresponsible and not to be trusted with the grocery shopping by my treacherous, hurtful sister. "Hmph." Bella was somewhere at the other end of the store looking for the 'healthy' food that was on the list. Mom ditched us as soon as we came in to inspect 'superfoods'. Mom said she had found a new recipe to try. 'Ew.' My stomach twisted at the thought of eating that disgusting slime that mom called a casserole last night again. Mom said it was a new recipe she wanted to try, but it was a mistake considering she couldn't cook. We somehow stomached it so we wouldn't hurt Mom's feelings. It was so bad. Mom said it was supposed to be something called a Spinach Artichoke Quinoa Casserole but looked nothing like any casserole I had ever seen. So Bella wanted to redo it, "The right way," She had said. I wanted nothing more than to hide at the local McDonalds and drown my sorrows in McNuggets and soda. My cravings were killing me. It's been months since I've had anything I wanted to eat. Drink. Anything that I enjoyed and haven't had since my stay at the hospital.
I stood before a small fridge near the registers. No soda. This friggin store was trying to kill me. I sighed and looked at my selections. Water, water, fancy water, water filtered straight from a cloud, and what would you know- more water. Aside from the locally labeled juices, there were only bottles of water and small bottles of milk. Wasn't too much of a fan. I mean, I'll drink it, but it's not what I wanted.
I reached into the cooler and wrapped my hand around some brand that claimed it was straight from a spring with no filtration whatsoever. Yeah. Sure Jan.
It was cold and clear; I could see my reflection in the plastic. I stared in disbelief at the price of this bottle. Why the hell was it so much?
Considering the financial situation, I was in during my past life, it doesn't surprise me that I'm a cheap bitch during this life. Although... Upper Middle Class was very much better than the poor class I was in. But still, no way in hell I was paying nearly four dollars for a small ass bottle of water. I'll go somewhere else thanks.
"Nope."
I put it back. That was ridiculous. I scanned the other bottles then decided I didn't need any of them. Closing the door, I looked for Bella. We usually shop at a different store, but Doctor Quack told Mom that we should try certain foods to 'help with my mood swings'. I don't really see how that helps aside from being a massive pain in my ass. Mom can't cook and I can't stand looking at the price tags on the shelves here. Wouldn't Walmart be better? The stuff here is nearly triple the price if not double than what we could get at almost any other store that sold groceries. I glared at a 10-dollar watermelon. This store was too bougie for me. The floor was wooden, shiny, and made my shoes squeak when I walked on it.
Where oh where has my twin gone? I scoped out the aisles, searching for that head of dark brown hair. The store had classical music playing over the loudspeakers. Can't say I've been in a store like this before. I found Bella inspecting two different brands of Kale. I came up behind her and slumped my weight onto her shoulders, "What are you doing?" She didn't even jump. "Hmph. You're no fun." "I can't tell the difference in between these two." Both bags looked the same to me.
"Do we have to get it," I questioned. "Kale tastes like ass." She did the old man face at me. "Yes, it's on the list."
"Bella Bear, we just-" I took the bags out of her hand and tossed them back on the shelf. "-Leave them there." Bella slapped my wrist and picked up the one with the yellow packaging. "No, we need one." My sister tugged on a long strip of my hair. "You need to eat better, Doctor's orders," She tossed the bag of nasty leaves into the shopping cart. "But it's gross," I grumbled in return. "Too bad." Bella pushed the cart down the aisle while scanning the wares on the shelves. At least I got some granola. That's good, right?
Ya'll don't even want to know what the total at the checkout lane was. I felt a little bit of my soul leave my body at the sight of it.
I couldn't wait to go to Dad's in two weeks. I would like to go fishing with him soon and get my dirty little hands on some of Harry Clearwater's fish fry. Anything but this stank ass kale.
(ง'̀-'́)ง
"Do you want to get ear piercings?"
Bella was nose deep in a Shakespear novel and completely took me off guard. Since when was she interested un that kind of thing? "Like lobes or..." She playfully kicked at me. "Our lobes Dummy Dum. Jake said he got his done and now I want to get mine done." Huh. I slapped at my bandaged thigh. Shit still itched like mad. I turned down the tv. "Yeah, I'd be down. You're the schedule queen, when do you want to go get'em?" I'm not even gonna try doing it myself. Bella would skin me alive then hand my remains over to Charlie who'd probably give me the 'I'm not mad, just disappointed' look. I'm not equipped to handle that. "Y'gonna get some cutesy hello kitties," I cooed at her, and she retaliated by smacking me with her ratty book.
We went on Friday after school with Renee. She wanted to take us to Claire's originally, but I was able to convince her to take us to an actual parlor. With trained professionals and no traumatic piercing guns. We both got moonstone studs to wear after the holes heal up. Birthstones and all that, y'know?
Mom actually got pierced after we did! She got her navel done! Dad would have a heart attack if he was here.
(ง'̀-'́)ง
When we left the parlor laughing with Mom and I hanging onto each of Bella's arms I felt so happy. Happy about this wonderful day. We picked up Chinese takeout and watched a movie with mom on the couch snuggled under a fuzzy blanket. We cleaned up, showered and took turns french braiding each other's hair. Then we stayed up making sure our bags were packed correctly and effectually to Bella's standards. I got a sock ball to the face when I tried to stuff things inside the bag willy nilly.
Lying in bed I stared at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling listening to my sister breathe. She was still breathing. And my thoughts were keeping me awake. They always did every summer when we were about to make the journey back to Forks. After all, me being here changed things, didn't it?
(ง'̀-'́)ง
I don't know why I'm telling you all these little things, all these mundane everyday things. Maybe I'm just desperately trying to hold on to this before the shitstorm that I know is heading our way becomes the new normal. I know one thing is for sure.
I don't want Bella to die.
And I want Edward Cullen far away from her.