I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.

I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.

I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.

I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.

I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.

I'm ASEXUAL so I MUST just be looking for attention.

I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.

I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.

I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.

I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.

I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.

I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse.

I'm a CROSSDRESSER, So I must be gay.

I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak

I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I'm a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.

I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!

I'm WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE.

I'm not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.

I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.

I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins.

I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion.

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I am a WITCH, so I MUST be an OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.

I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.

I like FANTASY, so I MUST have no grasp on reality

I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.

I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.

I'm STRONG so I MUST be stupid.

I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times.

I don't want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.

I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.

I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.

I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.

I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.

I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.

I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake.

I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.

I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist.

I'm ADOPTED, so I MUST be jealous of all other kids

I'm SKINNY, so I MIGHT enjoy how I look in a dress.

I'm EMO, so I MIGHT be crying out for help, so please help me.

I'm a NEGRO so I MIGHT really hate that term.

I'm BLONDE, so I MIGHT like hanging out in the sun. That's why my hair is light.

I'm JEWISH, so I MIGHT not eat pork.

I'm GAY, so I MIGHT have trouble finding people to hang out with who don't talk about me behind my back.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MIGHT not want to shop at a store that uses nearly naked girls to sell products.

I'm ARAB, so I MIGHT not enjoy hearing people hate on my country.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MIGHT be worth listening to.

I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so MIGHT have a reason to, if you want to listen.

I'm ATHEIST so I MIGHT still have morals.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MIGHT be looking for something to believe in.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MIGHT want to teach people to take care of themselves.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MIGHT want to help people now, regardless of the future.

I am LIBERAL, so I MIGHT be more open in my views.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MIGHT be excellent at hospitality and have a cool accent.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MIGHT be trying to get better after a long, hard struggle.

I'm a GUY, so I MIGHT love sports, or dance.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MIGHT be part of a great team.

I'm a DANCER, So I MIGHT have lots of fun at swing on Saturday night. Come join us!

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MIGHT love how they breathe in summer, but keep you warm in winter.

I'm a PUNK, so I MIGHT be trying to look tough.

I'm RICH, so I MIGHT be able to help.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MIGHT love how it goes with just about any other color.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MIGHT look a little washed out in bright light.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MIGHT regret that fact.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MIGHT feel horrible and avoid that temptation in the future.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MIGHT have chosen life when the world didn't expect me to.

I'm PRETTY, so I MIGHT be tired of catcalls.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MIGHT have a bright future.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MIGHT be creative.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MIGHT be trying to stay modest, which is not fashionable.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MIGHT be someone who aspires to understand beauty.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MIGHT not eat that burger.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MIGHT be accepting.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MIGHT be a great older-brother to them all.

I have Big BOOBS, so I MIGHT have trouble finding a cute top that doesn't look indecent.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MIGHT be comfortable.

I hang out with GAYS, so I MIGHT be trying to understand them.

I'm a STONER so I MIGHT need help getting better.

I'm a VIRGIN so I MIGHT be saving myself for my husband.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MIGHT have good reflexes.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MIGHT have more energy later.

I'm SINGLE so I MIGHT have higher standards.

I'm a SKATER so I MIGHT love to go fast and learn tricks.

I'm in BAND, so I MIGHT be good at an instrument.

I'm MORMON so I MIGHT try to follow Jesus.

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MIGHT not think skin color matters.

I'm GOTH so I MIGHT like fishnet.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MIGHT be human.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MIGHT have a metabolism problem I've lived with since I was five.

I'm PREPPY, so I MIGHT be trying to stay away from groups that have hurt me in the past.

I'm on a DANCE team, so I MIGHT love having fun.

I'm YOUNG, so I MIGHT be discovering a lot of new things.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MIGHT have saved for years to get it.

I'm BI, so I MIGHT understand what both my guy friends and girl friends mean when they talk about falling for someone.

I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MIGHT enjoy a sport that doesn't involve fighting over a ball.

I'm ASEXUAL so I MIGHT have friends, but not romantic attachments.

I don't like the SUN so I MIGHT have really good skin when I get older.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MIGHT actually listen when they talk to me.

I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MIGHT not like belts all that much.

I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MIGHT just whoosh them out the window.

I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MIGHT be trying to show them a better way.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MIGHT want to share the fruit of that with others.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MIGHT be better with one-on-one conversation.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MIGHT laugh harder.

I tell people OFF, so I MIGHT call you out when you're in the wrong.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MIGHT not appreciate being compared to Severus Snape.

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MIGHT have a reason to be, when you keep talking to me like this.

I'm a NUDIST, so I MIGHT believe in the beauty of the human form.

I read Comics, so I MIGHT know more about Spiderman than you.

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MIGHT pray they never have to be one again.

I'm TEXAN so I MIGHT be worried about the hurricane that just blew through.

I'm a CROSSDRESSER, So I MIGHT enjoy the other sex's fashion.

I am a FANGIRL so I MIGHT have more fun watching my favorite film than you.

I draw ANIME so I MIGHT be seriously talented.

I WATCH PORN so I MIGHT want to connect with someone on that intimate level, but get pushed away whenever I try.

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MIGHT love playing with your younger siblings.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MIGHT make connections you wouldn't.

I'm a YOUNG WRITER, so I MIGHT need all the feedback I can get on my work.

I'm DISABLED, so I MIGHT be the coolest person you ever met.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MIGHT think men and women are equal, but not the same, and they should be treated as such.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MIGHT be in high school.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MIGHT just not like sunglasses.

I like BLOOD, so I MIGHT be alive.

I'm an ALBINO, so I MIGHT dye my hair interesting colors.

I'm WHITE, so I MIGHT sunburn kinda easily.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I MIGHT just not like romance in general.

I'm not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MIGHT bhave a few good friends instead.

I care about the ENVIRONMENT, so I MIGHT recycle.

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MIGHT enjoy self-inserts.

I CHAT, so I MIGHT have relatives in different countries that I like to talk to.

I'm PAGAN so I MIGHT believe plants have spirits.

I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MIGHT want to protect the dignity of life.

I like CARTOONS, so I MIGHT enjoy simpler plots without a ton of sexual tension.

I like READING, so I MIGHT have read Inkheart.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MIGHT have tried other religions and found them lacking.

I am WICCAN, so I MIGHT grow herbs.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MIGHT actually think for myself on occasion.

I am a WITCH, so I MIGHT be able to fix your fence.

I love YAOI, so I MIGHT like Yuri! On Ice.

I like FANTASY, so I MIGHT have a thing for dragons.

I DON'T CURSE, so I MIGHT be more creative with my insults.

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MIGHT have more fun.

I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MIGHT actually get decent grades.

I'm STRONG so I MIGHT think twice about insulting me, if I were you.

I go to RENFAIRES, so I MIGHT love the cool food you can only get there.

I don't want a BOYFRIEND so I MIGHT be choosing religious life.

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MIGHT have a different religion.

I love marching band, so I MIGHT play an instrument.

I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MIGHT need something else to do with my time.

I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MIGHT worry about them a lot.

I cry easily, so I MIGHT be under a huge amount of strain.

I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MIGHT be a good beta.

I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MIGHT really make a good beta.

I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MIGHT be a private person.

I like FIRE so I MIGHT make awesome campfires.

I'm ADOPTED, so I MIGHT look a little different than my parents.

I have a confession. When I started this story, this chapter was what I really wanted to rephrase. I actually agree with the sentiments of the original, that that kind of stereotyping is ridiculous, which is why it was almost fun to try and rewrite it. What do you think?