The Great Raid
A/N: Everybody knows about the 1500 players, NPCs and NPC mercenaries who tried and failed to conquer the Great Tomb of Nazarick, but until now, no one has known (Or been willing to tell) the truth of just how that Great Raid met its unfortunate end. By the way, I am obviously taking liberties with certain facts in Overlord canon, so if that bothers you… Please let me know… I always need a good laugh!
~At a certain bar in downtown Tokyo~
"What do you mean, you all failed? How could that have happened? You had a force of 1500 Players, NPCs and Mercenaries from over 50 different guilds, clans and solo Players against a measly 41 members of that damned guild and their dungeon's NPCs! What the hell went wrong!?"
"I don't want to talk about it. The ONLY thing I have to say is that Ainz Ooal Gown has a dungeon that NO ONE will EVER be able to beat!"
"You HAVE to tell me about it!"
"Well... Buy me another drink and MAYBE I'll tell you part of it."
"Bartender! Another round over here for us. And make his a double!"
Several months earlier, in the Great tomb of Nazarick...
"Lucifer, Ulbert... I need your help to finish up the Eighth Floor Guardian's design." Peroroncino said in a conspiratorial voice.
"Why us, Pero-san?" asked Lucifer. "Isn't the NPC, Victim, already finished?"
"I talked Momonga into letting me add the final touches and, to be perfectly honest, I had an idea for Victim's trump card that I just knew the rest of the guild members might not approve of, especially my blasted sister!"
Ulbert leaned in closer and said, "Now THIS sounds interesting! Tell us more!"
"Well, you guys know how I've been going out on solo missions over the past year, right? Well, umm, I've been collecting some very special data crystals that when combined with the right skills that only the three of us have together, can make an ultimate defensive weapon that will insure that no one will ever defeat the Great Tomb of Nazarick. BUT... It kinda pushes the game rules a little bit and I need the help of you guys to skirt around that problem so the shitty devs won't come down on us for it."
Lucifer looked at Ulbert and they both showed an evil grin emoji above their heads.
"We are both in on this with you, Peroroncino-san!"
~Back in the bar~
"Christ! We lost over a 150 NPCs and Mercs just getting through that damn swamp to get to that fucking tomb! I mean, just who the hell wants to have their guild HQ in the middle of some shitty poisonous swamp, for god's sake!?"
"Sounds awful. So, what happened when you finally reached the Tomb of Nazarick?"
"Well, we blew through their outer defenses of Skeletons and Zombies fairly easily, only losing a dozen or so of our weaker NPCs in the process. We were feeling pretty confident of blowing through that tomb with the sheer weight of our numbers after that, but once we got into the tomb itself, we realized that hell awaited us in short order."
"What do you mean?"
"LOTS more undead, including Death Knights, Wights, and some other weird things that I had never seen before. We started to suffer more losses, even though we were still doing pretty well and getting further and further in. But then, in one section, a damn hole opened up in the fucking floor and four of my own guildmates dropped into it. As the hole started to close up, we heard some strange voice saying, 'Welcome to The Black Capsule.' I later heard that those four players quit playing Yggdrasil right afterwards. It dropped our membership below the level to qualify as a guild for several months before we could recruit some more players to replace them."
"What the hell could have had that kind of effect on them?"
"I have no idea. We never heard from any of them again, either in the game or out of it, so we never found out what that hole led to. But that was just the beginning. Those evil bastards had some of the most devious traps I've ever seen. Traps that teleported you to rooms where continual death attacks were cast on you, illusionary walls where the arms of monsters would reach out and pull you in, truly evil shit! Other players told me about doors that were actually the mouths of monsters, exploding monsters that fell on you from overhead, and all sorts of other nasty things. Then we finally made it to the third level of the tomb, only to meet some Gothic Loli who said she was the Floor Guardian and she proceeded to wipe the floor with us, wiping out over a hundred PLAYERS, not just NPCs or hired mercenaries, all by herself before we were able to finally kill that fucking bitch and make it to the fourth level of that nightmarish place!"
"What happened after that?"
"We got to the next level down and found a giant underground lake and things just got worse and worse from there."
"What do you mean?"
"I need another drink, friend. Oh, thanks… This hits the spot."
"So then, about that lake…?"
"I'm getting to it. Geez! Let me at least enjoy this booze a bit! Now where was I…? Oh, yeah, that fucking lake! Well, here's what happened there..."
~One month after their initial meeting in Nazarick~
"Well, Pero-san, that should take care of that final problem." Said Lucifer.
"Yeah, that should damn well do it as far as the shitty devs are concerned!" added Ulbert.
"Thanks, guys. This is perfect! NO ONE will ever make it past the eighth floor now!"
"What did I tell you, Peropero?" said Ulbert. "Altering Victim's speech pattern, gets around the game prohibitions nicely while hiding those two frequencies in his attack will be not only devastating, but cause damage that no Player will ever want to talk about, much less risk going through again. Especially since they will never be able to figure out how it was done."
"Just make sure that my sister never finds out what this attack entails, guys. She would probably kill me for something like this!"
~Back at the bar...~
"So after all of that, then what happened?"
"Out of the 1500 of us that started that fucking raid, we lost over a third of our forces getting through the first seven levels of that hellish place. We kept wondering just how many of those damn levels there were in that god damned dungeon. Some of us just gave up and logged out and you know how those shitty devs set up the fucking rules so that logging out in the middle of a guild raid was an automatic forfeiture of your most valuable item to your opponent in order to stop people from using that method to gather information and use it to go back again and again. But it was so damned difficult that some didn't care anymore and just wanted out of that exercise in futility that was our raid on Nazarick."
~One month before the Great Raid...~
"Thanks, guys." Said Peroroncino. "Without your gift for obscure languages, Ulbert, we never would have gotten this past those shitty devs. And without your hacking skills, Lucifer, we would never have been able to plant those hidden frequencies that will be activated by Victim's attack."
"Just remember," Lucifer said. "This will be a one-time only attack. It will be totally devastating, but I had to make sure that it will be erased from Yggdrasil's servers after it has been used. Otherwise, they would almost certainly disqualify our entire guild and probably sue us into bankruptcy. But I set it up so that they will never find out how we did it and if they act like they usually do, they will say nothing against our success to cover up their own failure to explain it. And of course, this would not have been possible without that particular combination of subsonic and hypersonic frequencies that you came up with, Pero-san. I only wish that we could see those Players' real faces when this hits them!"
Peroroncino clicked an arrogant looking smiley emoticon and said, "Yeah, especially since I secretly leaked some info that it would take a really large party to take our guild down and gave out some enticing details of a few of the treasures that we had. I've been working hard to piss off some of our enemies and get them to band together to attack us. I estimate that we should be attacked within a few weeks."
Both Lucifer and Ulbert clicked up some evil smileys as Ulbert said, "This is going to be so much fun!"
~And once again, back at the bar...~
"So, friend, what happened when you made it to the eighth floor? Was that the final level?"
"We never found out. Shortly after getting there, this silly looking floating fetus-like thing showed up and after saying some kind of nonsense that we couldn't understand, the damned thing cast some sort of spell in that same nonsensical language. That fucking thing then turned its back to us and we thought it was going to flee, but that motherfucker actually FARTED at us! The sound of its flatulence was deafening! All of a sudden, people started logging out right and left. Hell, I was near the back of the group and suddenly, I also had to log out. We never did find out exactly what happened. Our complaints to those fucking shitty devs fell on deaf ears. They wouldn't say a damned thing about this to us other than 'You forfeited the raid by logging out. Tough shit.' All we knew was that trying to defeat the Great Tomb of Nazarick was impossible!"
"Well, just what did that fetus thing say, maybe there is a clue there."
"Umm, lemme think... I believe it was something like, 'Selohssa uoy era kcuf eht ohw?' That pink little piece of shit then paused and said, 'Nees reve evah ouy odlid tseggib eht yb dekcufttub teg dna revo dneb ot eraperp!' That ugly little fuckwad then waved its hands and cast its spells that we at first thought were supposed to be defensive buffing spells. If I remember correctly, it cast these two mysterious spells, [Gnimmortsrus fo esruc] and [Eton nworb eht fo esruc]. After that, and I would never say this to anyone else if I were still sober, I logged out to find my pants full of explosive diarrhea and vomit all over my clothes and my game gear. It took me forever to get that stench out of my apartment!"