It was so long ago... I was just this naive little girl back then...
We were on a spree, smashing bosses like nobodies business.
There was me, Princess Peach, ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom.
Yoshi, The Cannibal Of Yoshi's Island. He's fucking adorable.
Birdo, The Yolk With A Joke. She tells pretty killer jokes.
Luigi, The Oracle Of Demon Lord Weegee. He sucks off ghosts using a handy toy from an old inventor, who specializes in suck & squirt technology.
Mario's ex girlfriend, some child that still plays with toys. Some of them even look like Mario.
Creep.
Some Toad lady that leeches off me.
And Daisy, The Manic Flower Panic. I can still remember that day, when that Toad dared peek up her dress. I wasn't in the room with them, but..."

*KRRRRRRRT* *PLINK* *VADOOOOOOOM*
"HI I'M DAISY!"
*SLPURSH*

He was just a stain. Not even enough of his cap was left to use as a Power Shroom. Thankfully Yoshi's dog was there to clean up the mess.

So, we were on our way, passing through a darkened grotto, when Luigi experienced one of his posessions. He transcended into a pasty, dead eyed form; and said "I forsee Soldier Of Fire Mario joyously taking it up the ass from a giant scalie. Me thinks it be Bowser."
"Is it hot, my Lord?" inquired Yoshi.
"Sure is, slut. C'mere."
It was at this time I fell to my knees, uncaring that the action dirtied my dress.
Surely my lord spoke the truth, for it is his kindness that we continue to live. He would not hurt his most faithful.
My friend, my confident, my hero? Fucking the enemy? I mean, sure, that's something to imagine another day, but right at that moment, I was pissed.
No longer was I going to sit on the sidelines. No longer would I stay locked behind bars and the will if my people, and no longer would I make up problems with the castles pipes so I could stare at Mario's ass.
This Was The Legend Of The 7 Stars all over again, but this time I'm packing nore heat than a silly pair of gloves.
Fuck Mario.
And fuck our friends, too. Except Weegee.
Heisourlordandhelovesusandwelovehimforgivemelordforihavesinned.


"I AM THE PIT IN EVERY PEACH, THE FLESH OF EVERY TREE. WHEREVER PEOPLE WILL FALL IN DARKNESS, I WILL REACH MY CORD DOWN THE HOLE AND PULL THEM BACK UP AGAIN.
I AM THE PEACH."