It took a decent amount of time for the medication to wear off. The bridge crew simply sat around the bed in the medical bay, too shocked to really do much of anything else. McCoy had taken up residence closest to Jim's bed, that way he could be there immediately should anything happen. Sulu had nestled himself in the upper left corner, his legs just barely brushing against the privacy curtain that had been drawn around the area. And Scotty and Uhura sat together at the foot of Jim's bed, hands clasped firmly between them. Spock had excused himself not long after the rest of them had arrived to go take care of things on the bridge. He'd seemed to be his normal collected self, it was only because of the three years they'd spent together that anyone was able to tell how upset he truly was at the loss of their friend.

There wasn't much of a warning before Jim awoke with a deep breath. His eyes just sort of fluttered open and immediately made a round of the room, taking everyone in. Bones, hand resting gently against Jim's knee, eyes dark and tired. Uhura, tear streaks still lining her face, smeared make-up creating a ring of black around her eyes. Scotty's eyes were puffy and he was sniffling occasionally. Sulu was staring darkly at the floor, picking at a loose string on his shirt.

They all looked so lost, so confused. He supposed he probably looked the same, his heart felt heavy and black, his eyes too dry to even shed any more tears. He parted dry, cracked lips but paused before he'd uttered a syllable. There was nothing to say, nothing he could say. Nothing was going to make this better, nothing at all.

Finally Uhura broke the silence, skipping all pleasantries and getting right to the point, which he was fine with. What were they supposed to say, 'hey, how's it going?' "Jim we-could you-" She had to stop as her voice became thick with emotion and her eyes watered once more.

"We want to know how he died." Sulu spat, finally tearing the string off with a harsh tug.

"Yeah of course." Jim replied, his voice hollow. He figured they'd want to know details, they had every right to know, Chekov had been their friend too. He inhaled deeply through his nose, licking his lips before beginning, "We beamed down, and before we were even fully on the planet, something shot directly between us. It took out an entire tree, just- reduced it to ashes. We tried to reach the ship but nothing was working, so we were gonna try running to high ground."

Scotty nodded softly at the idea, knowing that when there was interference on a planet, it usually helped for them to get as far from the planet's core as possible.

"We were running up to the top of the hill when one tackled me from behind." No one cared enough to ask what the aliens had looked like, some details were just meaningless. "Chekov turned back, he wanted to try and help. I yelled at him to keep going, that'd I'd meet him up there."

Jim paused and Leonard found his gaze drifting up to his friend's face. He was saddened to see how dark Jim's normally vibrant eyes were. There was always a light behind them, a keenness that couldn't be faked and a fire that couldn't be extinguished. Presently though, they were just dead.

"He listened. And," Jim released a shaky breath at the memory he was reliving but his eyes still refused to drip, "they fired the weapon. One second he was there, running up the hill and yelling into the communicator and the next-" The Captain simply shrugged, shaking his head softly against the pillow behind him. "He was just gone."

A breath escaped Uhura's lips as her eyes shut tight, her face contorting in a visual representation of the pain she was feeling inside. Scotty simply gripped her hand more tightly, water dripping down his face.

"So he didn't suffer?" Sulu whispered, his voice small and hesitant. He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer, if his friend's death had been in agony or not. There wasn't much he could do about it now anyway.

Jim shook his head numbly, "I don't think so. It was pretty quick, so."

"It's not your fault you know." Uhura stated with a sniff, tears were once again flowing down her face and she wiped at them even as her gaze remained focused on her hurting Captain.

Somehow those words were enough to reawaken Jim's previously dry tear-ducts, and he felt the burning of liquid rising behind his eyes. "Of course it's my fault." He spoke, voice cracking.

"Oh Jim," Leonard sighed heavily, closing his eyes and tightening his grip on his friend's knee.

"Laddie, you cannae blame yourself."

"Except it's my job to protect you guys out there. I'm supposed to look out for my crew and- "

"You did." Sulu interrupted suddenly, halting Jim's tirade short. "You did what you thought was best, what you thought would give him the best chance. Jim, telling him to run instead of going back for you, I don't think any of us can say that we would have done something different."

The other three in the room gave nods of agreement and Jim couldn't contain the sob that escaped his throat. Slowly, Leonard maneuvered Jim upwards and into his arms, holding the crying man close and rubbing gentle circles across his quaking back.

There was a sudden depression in the bed and soon a second warm presence was leaning against Jim's leg, and then another by his feet, and a third on his other side. He opened his eyes to see his crew, his friends, his family sitting around him.

They were all connected, more deeply than they probably ever had been before. Connected by their helplessness and their grief. By their desire to do something and the knowledge that there was simply nothing that could be done.

A/N: Okay, hello guys. Once again I apologize for how potentially sad this is. There's gonna be one more chapter after this, and then we'll call it quits. For now though, let me know what you thought and I hope I didn't cause too many tears! :D