Why the fuck was she the sane one again? No sane wasn't quite the right word for that. Responsible? Mature? Adult? Ahh, that was the right word for this. Why the fuck was she the adult in this house? The closest one to an adult besides her with Karin and the test-tube baby Naru.
Up next was Sakura and Sasuke, as a distant second. Followed by Naruto of all people. Then sitting way in the back as the least adult person in the whole house who was the actual fucking adult and the Hokage, Kushina Uzumaki. As to how this woman was feared throughout the ninja world was lost on her.
Well, she might run the whole village, might as well try and fix all the bullshit that was happening with her home life. Why didn't she move out again?
When she found Kushina the woman was putting up a couple of snowglobes on a bookshelf.
Naturally, Tayuya forgot all about the reason why she showed up. "The fuck is with the snowglobes?"
"I get that you're angry because you're suppressing your lesbian urges but you really need to watch your language young lady." Kushina hummed a small smile was on her face as she placed another snowglobe on the shelf adjusting the globe just so. There was a good half dozen or so of the globes lining the top shelf, with another two acting as bookends. This was way too many snowglobes for a sane person to own. "And you're the one that said I needed a hobby besides trying to set my son up with girls."
Oh right, that's why she was here. And now she was angry again. She grit her teeth and drummed her fingers along the wall. She needed to remind herself that in theory, Kushina was the best thing to ever happen to her, by a long shot. Before she was just kind of angry and trying to survive, now she was just angry because she liked to be angry. Probably not healthy but hey, it was her life.
Tayuya breathed and closed the door behind her. It probably wouldn't do much good, she could already feel the storm on the horizon. One that would result in both of them shouting and yelling at each other. Her own fault for letting this whole thing fester for such a long time. Still, she had to handle this with all the grace and social tact she could muster.
"You're a shit mom." Crap. Well so much for subtlety, then again if she was too subtle Kushina wouldn't get the message so maybe it was best to take her out back and crush her skull in with the truth stick. It was better than watching the only real family she had go up in smokes.
Kushina blinked at her before returning to arranging the snow globes producing another one from a bag that had looked empty. The only clue that Kushina had heard her was that the smile was gone.
"Hey!" Tayuya snapped, being ignored was the easiest way to piss her off. She had been prepared for a shouting match. She was going to get something out of Kushina. She was going to fix this here and now! "Did you hear me? I said you're a shit mother! You're a barely functioning adult, all you're doing is giving Naruto a place to fucking live instead of actually raising him. You made a big fuss over him going on a training trip so that you could train him how to use the Kyuubi, but guess fucking what? You haven't done that once! You bounce from one new thing to the next never stopping to even consider the consequences or following things through. And no I'm not talking about the half dozen projects you've started as Hokage because I have no problem with making sure those things get finished."
She breathed taking a step forward, Kushina didn't so much as move like she was frozen in time. Whatever that was fine. She had a lot of ammo. "But I'm not a fucking mother, I can't raise them especially when I'm barely a year fucking older than them. Let's start with your fucking daughters, shall we? Not once did you try and teach Naru how to read, did you know she has an interest in seals? Oh or that her interest in Sasuke is based purely off of the genetic code that Orochi-fucking-maru and Kabuto put inside of her? Oh wait no that's fucking cute so you probably just ignored it and smiled.
"Speaking of Kabuto why the fuck did you just let him fucking go? The guy is an irredeemable creep! I would know! The bastard fucking raped me twice while I was high as a fucking kite on the drugs he forced me to test." Kushina finally turned to look at her, her eyes were wide and her arms fell to her side. "Yea, I bet you didn't know that about me, did you? Well, guess what there's a lot more than that."
The woman flinched, and said nothing, just biting her lip being as useless as always. She felt bad for half a second, maybe she didn't need to be shouting, maybe they could just sit down and have a nice talk about all this over a cup of tea. Fuck that. The anger came rushing back into her like an unending wave. "Did you know that Karin still cries at night sometimes because she feels like she's not good enough, she blames herself for her mother's death. Oh, and did you know that up until a few months ago she was cutting herself? You're fucking welcome by the way."
"Sasuke's still fucked in the head, even after you removed the seal from him. And guess what he still wants to kill his brother, but I guess that if you had the chance you'd fucking adopt and forget about him too. But I supposed that the best thing to happen to that kid is because of you even if it is just a hybrid clone of you that's mentally fucked into loving him." Her voice was cracking now. She was running out of stuff to shout about. Time to break out the big guns.
"Your own biological son, you know the one that you abandoned for thirteen fucking years only to go surprise! I'm here to say I'm your mom and then not fucking raise you. Really fucking needs his mother. Imagine that, would you? A boy that never knew his parents actually wanting to spend time with you? Go fucking figure. You're so obsessed with trying to find him a girlfriend that you don't spend any time with him. If you did then you'd realize that all of the girls you picked out for him are complete and utter shit. Especially Sakura and Karin by the way. You're so obsessed with such a stupid thing that you'd let a criminal walk away from you because he promised to bring you, redheads. Which by the way is the weirdest fucking fetish I've ever heard? Like when the fuck was the last time you did something as mother and son with him? You don't train him. You're basically a landlord that's way to invested in his love life." She slammed her hand against the wall, her voice was all but gone and she was short of breath now.
And yet Kushina hadn't moved. She stood there like a statue, the rain just sliding off of her. This whole thing had been pointless! Kushina was too fucking dense to realize it, then she was too fucking dense to be told about it. After a moment not flinching Kushina moved her hands the smallest amount, doing an open-palmed shrug her face twisting into the most pathetic smile she had ever seen.
"Are you done?" Kushina asked her, her voice cracked like an old boat in the middle of a storm.
Tayuya stood straight squaring her shoulders to glare up at the woman. Fine, if Kushina wasn't going to fight for this piece of shit family then she would. "What do you think?"
Kushina laughed, or was it a cry? The mask was breaking, the statue was cracking to reveal the sponge that had absorbed everything she had said. "You're right. I am a shit mom."
"My biggest fear when I was pregnant with Naruto was whether or not I'd be a good mom ya'know? That's why I learned how to cook so good and started doing all the housework. Minato said that I'd be a great mom. I never believed him. I just knew that I could rely on him to help me figure things out." Kushina was one of those ugly criers. That eternal beauty she carried was shattered by a torrent of snot and tears pouring down her face. "I thought I'd figure it out eventually. And that I'd have a lot of help. But then," she shrugged again turning her head to look out the window. "All this happened. And I didn't know what to do. All of a sudden my baby wasn't a baby and he was a teenager. One that had lived his whole life with me. I didn't know what to do."
"So you wanted him to give you a grandkid so you could have a second chance?" Tayuya sneered, and Kushina winced.
"When you put it like that it sounds a lot worse," Kushina mumbled between her sobs. "I just want him happy ya know? And I didn't feel like I was the best person for it. So I wanted him to find a girl that would make him happy, like how Minato made me happy. Is that so bad? I just wanted my son happy?"
"Naruto fucking loves you!" Tayuya jabbed her finger into Kushina's chest. "You fucking basket case. He's the easiest kid to make happy. All you have to do is give him ramen and say he'll be Hokage one day and he'll smile for a week fucking straight. You want to make him happy? Grow up and spend time with your son! It's not fucking hard."
"How the fuck should I know? I've never had a kid! And I don't ever want to have a kid. But really you're asking how to do something for once is fucking rich. Just fucking do it, not like you can fuck shit up more than it is." Tayuya sighed, great now she felt like the bad guy. "Also you're ugly as shit right now, so clean up then go spend time with your son for once in your life."
Kushina laughed trying to rub the ugly from her face with the back of her hands and using her sleeve as a kleenex. "Yes, ma'am."
"Good, and umm sorry for yelling at you like that I was kind of expecting you to shout back and stuff," She mumbled, trying her best not to blush after this victory. Whether or not anything would come of it remained to be seen.
Kushina hugged her, great, now she had snot and shit on her shirt. "I'm sorry you had to do this, to begin with, Tayuya. For what it's worth I do love you, more like a pain in the ass little sister than anything else, but family all the same."
"Oh good to know you can still talk shit when you're crying your eyes out, you useless lesbian." Tayuya smiled, returning the hug as best she could. "But I love you too in a completely platonic way. Because I don't roll that way."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night."
From that day forward Kushina made good on her word and stopped being a complete spazoid and actually started to raise her son and adoptive children. With activities such as training the family dog (Giant fox that was sealed inside of her son), getting in touch with relatives (Helping Sasuke plot revenge on Itachi), and sampling perfume, there was nothing special about that last one, they were literally testing perfumes.
Kushina was the happiest she'd been in quite a while. And nothing was going to rain on her parade short of death. Okay, so maybe there were a few things, but nothing that would actually happen any time soon. She had a mother-son date with Naruto tonight and they were going to get ramen. They tried going to other places but ramen was just so much better.
A knock on the door echoed throughout the house and Kushina knew exactly who it was, no one else knocked like that. Her parade was now considerably rained on. With a sigh stomped to the front door, waving at the rest of her lovely little family as they waited for Naru to cook whatever she was cooking that night. It looked like rice and other not ramen stuff. She took a page from Tayuya's book and put on her best bitch face. "What do you want Kabuto?"
She was so arresting this guy tonight. And she had the perfect place to keep him.
"I have succeeded in my mission Lord. Orochimaru." He bowed in the door and gestured towards the twenty odd girls all with red hair that stood behind him. All of them looked like they didn't even belong in this fandom, and more than a few were… boys? "For your son, I present to you. Erza Scarlet, Erza Knightwalker, Rias Gremory, Princess Yona, Yoko Ritona, Shouto Todoroki, Kallen Stadtfeld, Shirayuki, Pyrrha Nikos, Morgiana, Nami, Yusa Emi, Chelsea, Lisara Restall, Maki Nishikino, Kirishima Eijirou, Mei Hatsume, Chise Hatori, Mahiru Koizumi, Satanichia Kurmizawa McDowell better known as Satania, Futaba Sakura."
Kushina sighed glaring at Kabuto. "We're full, piss of Kabuto and go to jail." She then slammed the door in his face. She slapped herself. "No more setting my son up, remember what Tayuya said."
She'd have an Anbu or someone take care of Kabuto. Maybe Kakashi, he wasn't doing anything. Wait, better idea, Tsunade.
There was a knock on the door. It wasn't Kabuto.
"Yes?" she asked, opening it an inch. One of the redheads stood in the doorway, she was wearing armor and had a very nice sword. And her hair was so pretty. Shame she wasn't paying attention to Kabuto's introduction.
The redheaded warrior gestured towards Kabuto who was now tied up - wow they work fast. "He basically kidnapped us and dragged us here for some reason, are you okay if we just end him?"
Oh, problem solved. "Please feel free, but no property damage please."
AN: This chapter brought to you by angry reviews! Except not really. It was mostly just me venting about why I don't like writing this fic. I made the cast to big. Anyways! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Tayuya is fun to write. Also, I'm kind of jealous how Kabuto got to go out, what with being killed by twenty redheads.
Also, I'm kind of jealous how Kabuto got to go out, what with being killed by twenty redheads.