47Disclaimer: I don't own it.
The cover image for this fic is used with permission from NixxiCal on Deviantart dot com. Thanks! She's got some awesome Baldur's Gate character images. Check them out!
Author's Note at the end of the chapter.
Harry Potter and the Ranger and the Miniature Giant Space Hamster
Minsc and Boo
"You there! Chosen wizard boy!" shouted the rather large man whose bald head sported a curious purple tattoo of a circle. "Come with Minsc and Boo, and we shall teach to you the honored ways of kicking the pants off of Evil!"
A high-pitched squeaking noise added an exclamation to the large man's sentence.
"Err… what?" asked Harry.
"Your great wizard, Dumbles the Flashy One, has told us of your great destiny to fight all the great Evils in this world. But Minsc is saying to Boo that you are too scrawny to fight Evil all on your lonesome. But Boo has had a wonderful idea! We shall train you in the art of butt-kicking! He's very smart, Boo is."
"You want to teach me?" Harry asked somewhat incredulously.
"I will not do the teaching! That is up to Boo! I will do the butt-kicking for Goodness demonstrations! And also the sword waving!"
Harry looked at Hermione with one raised eyebrow.
"Evil shall behold the sound of your footsteps and quiver in fear for the soon to be felt kicking by your boots! We shall have you liberally kicking the butts of this Voldemort in good measure!"
"Did any of that make sense to you?" Hermione asked Harry.
"Who is this Boo you keep mentioning?" Harry asked. "Is he around here somewhere too?"
"Boo is Boo," the large man replied, while holding out a small yellow hamster for Harry to see. "He is always here with Minsc. For what is Boo without Minsc or Minsc without Boo? The cowardly little villains of Evil are always trying to tear us apart. But they fail! Boo is so quick and evasive and there is ever so much of Minsc to search, there is no hope of getting us apart!"
"Eww…"
"But enough of the talking! Talking is for the sages! Minsc is for the butt-kicking! Like this!"
At that point, Minsc drew a very large sword and began attacking several of the nearby practice dummies. From the little squeaks that Harry and Hermione could hear, Boo was joining in rather whole-heartedly.
"Go for the eyes, Boo. GO FOR THE EYES!"
A few minutes and several destroyed dummies later, Minsc and Boo stopped their rampage to turn back to Harry.
"That is how it is done! One look at Boo's mighty fury and Evil goes screaming for their mothers! Look at his mighty rage!" Minsc held out the hamster once more for Harry to see. "It is small so look close. Trust me, it's there."
"So, Dumbledore really thinks I should learn from you?"
"I will teach you to make Evil squeal like Boo when he's eaten too many berries. And let me tell you, Boo can put them away!"
"Okay, I'll give it a shot."
"Harry!" Hermione cried, "You can't be serious!"
"Why not?" Harry answered. "You have any better ideas?"
"Well no…"
"That is the spirit, scrawny wizard boy!" Minsc shouted before dumping entirely too many swords on the ground at Harry's feet. "Magic is impressive, but now Minsc leads. Swords for everyone!"
Disclaimer the Second: Many of Minsc's lines in this and the following chapters are quoted from his various appearances in the Baldur's Gate source materials.
Author's Notes: First of all, this story will (probably) make more sense (maybe) if you read my other story: Harry Potter and the Knight of the Radiant Heart. (That is, if it ever makes any sense at all.)
In a review of Chapter XXIII of HP & KoRH, harmless bystander requested a scene where Harry and Hedwig did some dialogue like Minsc and Boo from the Baldur's Gate series. If you don't know who Minsc and Boo are, you're missing out on two of the greatest characters in RPG history, IMHO. Anyways, I didn't think that Harry could realistically start talking like Minsc, but I did get an idea for a scene: what if things had gone a bit differently and instead of Keldorn, a different character was brought to Hogwarts from the Forgotten Realms?
I originally posted this as an omake at the end of Chapter XXIV of HP & KoRH, but I thought it might be disruptive to the flow. So, I decided it would be better to move it to its own story. I also had an idea for a second little chapter. That will be posted soon.
So, this is meant to be a (hopefully) humorous, probably crack!fic out-take/omake alternative to HP & KoRH. Don't look for silly things like storylines or plots or consistency. Boo says that Heroes do not need such things! It will probably be more scattered than Minsc after one too many blows to the head! Who knows, if people seem to like it, maybe I'll continue with episodic snippets of Minsc and Boo and Harry and friends.
Or maybe I'll have other silly ideas to add. Who knows? I sure don't! Maybe Boo does. I should ask him…
If YOU have any ideas for a scene or two, let me know in a review. If I can think of a way to make it work, I just might write it up.
Please note that the chapters are posted in no particular order - I'm just putting them up as I think of them. Therefore, don't look too hard for any type of continuity or chronology. There's only the general concept. Unless otherwise noted, of course.
Thanks for your reviews. And thanks for reading!