48Disclaimer: Puny fan fiction writer does not own Minsc and Boo! No one owns Boo but Minsc! Nor Minsc but Boo! I am certain! I have paperwork somewhere… Boo is not sure who owns Harry Potter, maybe his witch does. That is how it worked in the snowy fields of Rashemen! *Squeak!* What's that, Boo? *Squeak!* Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling and we are owned by the corporate owners of the Baldur's Gate's Series? *Squeak!* You heard him! And you should listen! Boo knows about these things…
Harry Potter and the Ranger and the Miniature Giant Space Hamster
A New Witch!
Hermione was distracted.
She was trying to divide her attention between her copy of Great Wizarding Disasters of the 1670's and Who to Blame and watching Harry, but she was having trouble. Normally, it was quite straightforward for her to do two things at once. Especially when one of those things was watching Harry. If she couldn't do something else while she was observing him, she'd never get anything done!
Harry grunted as he swung a sword that was easily a foot longer than he was tall. He stumbled at the end of his swing as the weight of the blade threw him off balance.
Honestly! Someone had to keep an eye on that boy! He was liable to end up killing himself if he was left to himself!
It had nothing to do with his lovely green eyes. Or the way his hair adorably stuck up all over the place. Or the grin that he got only every once in a while when he thought no one was looking but she actually was and it made her stomach feel all queasy and her head all fuzzy…
No. Her vigilance was a matter of Harry's safety, pure and simple.
Hermione rarely believed her own lies. She was sadly too smart for that.
But that's not what had the brightest which of her age distracted.
"Ha!" Harry cried out in triumph as he lodged the heavy blade in the wooden head of one of the many practice dummies that surrounded him. "Err…" he mumbled when he was unable to dislodge the sword.
No. What had Hermione distracted was the big, burly man that had taken it upon himself to teach Harry how to fight.
Minsc.
Normally, the brawny ranger would be shouting nonsensical encouragements at Harry while he went about his 'training.' But today Minsc's eyes kept glancing between Hermione and the small rodent that was always in his hand or somewhere on his person.
Hermione didn't think that was very hygienic.
"Gah!" Harry shouted as he used both hands to pull on the trapped sword, trying to pry it free. He wasn't having much success.
Minsc kept glancing at her and then turning to whisper to his rodent.
It was driving her barmy!
She tried to refocus her attention on her book.
"Hermioninny!" Minsc shouted as he strode over to her.
That was another thing! Did the big oaf always have to shout?!
"Yes?" Hermione timidly responded.
"Boo says I should ask you a question." The manic gleam that was always in Minsc's eyes was focused completely on her.
"Okay."
"Boo says that you are definitely not Evil."
She raised her eyebrows in surprise.
"I shouldn't think so," she glanced at Minsc and decided to be clearer. "No, I'm not evil."
"And Boo wants to know if you are a witch?"
Hermione furrowed her eyebrows at that.
"Of course I'm a witch."
Minsc's eyes widened in delighted surprise while his hamster started running up and down his arms, squeaking up a storm.
"That is the best news that Minsc and Boo have heard ever since we were told that the Ice Dragon Berserker Lodge was hosting free bear wrestling! Oh happy day!" Minsc threw up his arms in triumph.
Hermione was confused.
Boo squeaked rather loudly.
"Oh, right. Sorry, Boo," Minsc turned his attention back to Hermione. "Boo has reminded me that I did not yet ask you the question."
"You didn't?"
"I do not think so. And Boo says I didn't. It is best to just follow his lead on these things. He tends to be right more often than I am…"
"Okay…"
"Anyways," Minsc continued, "Minsc and Boo would like to know if you would be our witch!"
"What?"
"I said, Minsc and Boo would like to know if you would be our witch!"
Is he hitting on me?
Hermione's eyes nervously switched back and forth between Harry and the overly-muscled ranger.
Harry now had both feet up on the dummy's chest as he used his whole body to try and pry his gigantic sword loose.
"Umm…" she eventually responded, "I kind of have my mind set on being someone else's witch…"
Minsc looked terribly confused at that.
"Are there other Rashemeni berserkers lurking about the castle of Hogywarts that Minsc and Boo do not know about?! You must not trust them, Hermioninny! Not all of them seek to kick the pants off of Evil as I do! And kick them I shall!"
Boo squeaked again.
Minsc focused on the Hamster.
"You think so, Boo?"
Another squeak.
"Okay, I'll ask her," he turned to Hermione again. "Boo says you are confused. He says to tell you that we do not want to have you as our witch in that way, whatever that means. Being our witch would not get in the way of your wanting to have kissing time with Harry."
Hermione's eyes nearly popped out of her skull. She sputtered as she tried to come up with some sort of denial.
"I… I…"
"There is no need to hide it. Boo is quite the romantic. He sees right through such things."
Boo squeaked in the affirmative.
"No, Hermioninny, we want you to be Minsc and Boo's witch so that we can finish our dajemma and finally become Heroes of the Ice Dragon Berserker Lodge!"
"Oh. Well, what would it mean if I was your witch then?"
"Minsc and Boo would be your most loyal helpers and followers and kickers of butts that needed kicking!" The ranger excitedly shouted. "We would go where you go! Guard you as Boo guards his berries! And stomp on the Evil faces of any Evil faces that you say need stomping! Right, Boo?"
Boo squealed his high-pitched agreement.
"And what about Harry?" Hermione asked.
Boo squeaked before Minsc replied.
"Boo says that still-too-scrawny chosen wizard boy would be free for the kissing as you please! No one shall get in the way of Minsc and Boo's witch and her kissy kissy time!"
Hermione glanced over at Harry again.
"Ha HA!" the young wizard shouted in triumph as he finally pulled the sword loose. He fell with a crash as his momentum carried him into the dummies behind him.
"Okay," Hermione agreed, "I'll be your witch."
"Oh happy day of days!" Minsc shouted at the top of his lungs as Boo sang in a high-pitched tune. "My sword, my soul, my hamster...all of these I pledge to...to Hermioninny, my witch... HEAR THAT, EVIL?! MINSC HAS A NEW WITCH! WOE IS YOU! Start shaking in your booties! Minsc and Boo and Hermioninny and Harry and friends are coming for you! Your butts will be kicked! Your faces will be punched! And your squishy insides will know the shame of being speared by JUSTICE!"
AN: Thoughts?
Any suggestions for what Minsc and Boo and friends might get up to next?
Thanks for your reviews. And thanks for reading!