Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own any HP intellectual property rights. Just a dude with a laptop.

A/N- My muse climbed aboard the Dramione ship and I followed her only to get a great many works in the making. For now Harry/Hermione fics aren't going to be coming from me. Sorry if you're not interested in Draco/Hermione fics, but I can't help where my muse takes me. I just follow blindly.

Anyway, here's an amusing little drabble that just came to me one day reading some dramione fanfic. Obviously this story is rated M because I used the 'F' word. Too much for a T rating.


"So let me get this straight. Ron asked you to marry him, and your response was to go and fuck Draco Malfoy?"

"To be fair Draco fucked me. It was a very wonderful ending to the night. At least three times."

Harry Potter squeezed the bridge of his nose. "And you and Malfoy are…what exactly?"

"Fuck buddies?" Harry choked on his tea. Hermione bit her lip, "Look Harry…"

"I really, really don't want to talk about this," Harry said. "Never, ever, ever talk about this. Please do not talk to me about this."

"Harry you're the one who said I could come to you with anything and…"

"You could just not tell Ron," he interrupted lest she scar him with even worse images of Malfoy.

Hermione blinked, "Not tell Ron? Harry, you do understand that I'm not marrying Ron, ever, right?"

"But he loves you."

"He loves what he thinks I represent, Harry. He thinks I'm going to be the wife he wants. But I could never be that. First, I'm smarter than him. I'm always going to make more money than him and that makes Ron uncomfortable. Second, I'm never going to be a housewife. Third, I would murder Ron before the ceremony was over because he can't think before he speaks and believes it's perfectly acceptable to be a git and just shrug it off."

Harry screwed up his face in concentration, "Hermione, what exactly are we talking about?"

"I just want to know how to explain to Ron that I'm with Draco and very, very happy with him."

Harry shuddered at her words. That was disturbing. Wait…"So you and Ron aren't a couple?"

"No, Harry. That's why I was so surprised Ron just showed up and proposed. Haven't you been listening to me?"

Harry rubbed his head in his hands. He really should NOT have told her she could come to him with anything. That was stupid of him. And how the fuck was he going to deal with Ron bemoaning Hermione's rejection while poor Harry was enduring nasty mental images of Hermione and Malfoy? Fucking hell, how was he supposed to live with those images in his head? It was a thankless job, being the Boy-Who-Lived.