I own nothing.

Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum

-Chapter Thirty-Six

"This is taking a bit longer than I thought it would," Maxime rumbled.

"Yes," Albus agreed, stroking his beard as he considered the maze. "With their levels of preparation, I wasn't expecting it."

"Potter's up to something," Minerva said immediately. Albus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. How would one go about getting a prescription for tincture of wolf's bane? He wasn't sure if he wanted it for himself, for Minerva or for both of them.

"Do you have any plans this summer, Minerva?" Albus wondered.

"Uh. . .no, Headmaster," Minerva admitted. "Why?"

"I am buying you a vacation," Albus said firmly, "no arguments. You will go on this vacation and you will relax."

"I have to prepare for the next school year!" Minerva argued.

"You've been doing this long enough that you can prepare in your sleep," Albus countered. "You are going."

"Well, I suppose. . ." Minerva was interrupted as the maze dropped in a flurry of flashing lights and sparkles. In the center of the pitch stood five figures, well four and one sprawled on the ground. The later quickly shot to his feet as the surrounding crowd let out a wild cheer. "Oh, what the hell?" The woman leaned forward, squinting at the group. "Is that. . ."

"I think so," Albus admitted.

"Care to share?" Igor asked. "Wait, is that. . ." Before either Albus or Minerva could speak, the grey clad figure below them raised his wand. There was a mighty bang and the crowd fell into startled silence. Harry turned and pressed the tip of his wand against the dead man's throat.

"I am Peter Pettigrew!" the man announced to the silent crowd, his voice magically amplified. "I betrayed the Potters to my former lord, the man known as Voldemort. Sirius Black is innocent!"

"Well," Albus began. He glanced at the assorted heads of school, politicians and other very important people that occupied the VIP box. His eyes settled on Amelia. "This looks like a job for law enforcement." The woman stared at him in shocked betrayal.

"Potter!" Albus turned back to see Minerva already halfway to the group.

"Mostly," he amended. He felt an eyebrow rise as he noticed another figure far ahead of Minerva.

(:ii:)

"I deserve this," Harry stated as he removed his helmet.

"Deserve what?" Cedric asked.

"This," Harry said as he took a quick pull from his flask to dull the incoming pain. Amalie crashed a halt in front of him, her hand already winding back. The punch felt like it nearly took his head off and he had to work his jaw for a moment to confirm it wasn't broken. He smiled and turned back to the young woman. She was panting and teary eyed. "Hey Amalie."

"Hey?" the French witch demanded before launching into a long spiel in rapid, angry French.

"You didn't tell her," Cedric said.

"I didn't tell her," Harry agreed. As soon as Amalie needed to take a breath, Harry stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. She fought wildly, but he held on. "I'm sorry."

"I looked around and suddenly I was all alone!" Amalie snapped. "I had no idea what was happening!"

"I know," Harry agreed, holding her tight and beginning to rock back and forth. "I needed you to be safe."

"I don't need to be safe; I need to be with you!" Amalie managed as her struggling finally began to wane.

"I couldn't risk you," Harry stated. He dispelled the armor on his hands and gently stroked the woman's hair.

"But you could risk Hermione, Ron and Luna?" Amalie sniffled.

"They're more capable," Harry stated. "You know that."

"I'm very capable," Amalie argued, the last of her anger gone.

"You are," Harry agreed, "but not for this."

"Scottish Fury, inbound," Cedric warned. Harry glanced over Amalie's shoulder and saw Minerva charging at them at full steam.

"Potter!"

"I've got her," Harry said as he shuffled Amalie behind himself. The older woman loomed over him, or she tried to. Emotionally she was doing an excellent job, even if physically the effect was somewhat lessened by their similar statures.

"Potter, explain this," the woman hissed.

"Peter Petti. . ."

"I know who he is!" Minerva snapped, making them all jump. "Why is he here?"

"Yes, why is he here?" Harry looked past Minerva to see Amelia, surrounded by red robe clad men and women.

"The cup is a portkey," Harry stated. "We were kidnapped by Voldemort and Peter here. Peter's very sorry. Voldemort's very crispy."

"I am," Peter agreed happily.

"Voldemort?" Amelia demanded, suddenly looking rather pale.

"Yeah. I burned him again," Harry frowned at that. "Why did I do that? I tried that already. Next time I'm going to drown him. . .or maybe electricity. Is electricity just burning something with more pizzaz?""

"You knew Pettigrew was alive," Amelia accused as she, like all present, chose to ignore the tangent Harry had gone off on. "You knew he was alive and that Sirius Black was innocent. How did you know?"

"Uh," Harry began brilliantly. "You can't prove. . ." he trailed off as Amelia's eyes narrowed. "I'm just a school boy."

"Try that when you're not covered in someone's blood," Amelia snarled. "I'm guessing it belongs to stumpy here." Harry glanced down and frowned as he noticed that he was indeed splattered in blood. He glanced at his helmet and found a crimson handprint on the right side of it.

"Oh." Fortunately, he was saved from further enraging the woman.

"We ran into him last year." Harry turned at the voice and saw Remus glaring at Peter. "I did report it. I assume your department just didn't care for the word of a known dark creature." Amelia did a decent impression of a goldfish.

"Oh," Kingsley drawled. "I'm going to need a name and badge number to go along with that statement. Amelia likes examples for crucifixion."

"I'd be happy to after all of this is finished," Remus replied.

"Well, now that everyone has had all their questions answered. . ."

"Not even close Potter," Amelia snarled.

". . .I have some loose ends to see to!" The older woman lurched forward, her fingers digging into the collar of his breast plate.

"Oh, no you don't," she hissed, "and I've been warned about your little disappearing act." The standoff was broken by a shrill cry from somewhere beyond the crowd.

"Medic!"

(:ii:)

Poppy had been elbowing her way through the gathered aurors when she heard the call for her services. "Move!" she roared. Most of the aurors turned at her cry and quickly parted as they caught sight of her. The rest didn't even need to look before diving to the side. She set off at a trot, spotting her assistant already ahead of her.

Harry shoulder checked a red-clad auror out of his way and fell to his knees next to a human laying sprawled in the grass. Poppy did the same, knocking the pink-haired woman to the ground and out of the medic's way. Poppy's eyes fell upon the casualty and she hesitated for a second as she recognized Mad Eye Moody before she too fell to her knees on the body's opposite side.

"What do you have Harry?"

"Pulseless, apneic," Harry reported.

"I see," Poppy replied as she peeled the man's eyelid up. Moody's gaze stared straight ahead even as his glass eye spun to take in its surroundings. She brought her wand up, but his pupils remained the same size, even in the presence of light. She seized an arm and found it almost immobile. "Rigor." She took a deep breath and looked at her frantic assistant. This was always the worst moment for a new medic. "He's gone Harry." The young man looked up; his eyes wild.

"He can't be dead," Harry snapped. "I won't allow him to be dead!"

"Harry," Poppy began.

"You need to make this shit make sense," Harry shrieked, grabbing the corpse by its collar and beginning to shake it. Then, as if to simply add to the chaos, a new voice spoke up.

"Hey guys, look who I found!" Poppy turned and stared at Sal. The man had Mad Eye Moody leaning against him. "Huh! Two Mad Eyes, how weird."

"What?" Poppy demanded.

"Stupid bastard!" Alastor spat as he tumbled to the ground. He lurched forward and snatched the eye out of the other Moody's face before forcing it into his own. "You're lucky you're dead, or I'd have killed ye!"

"Wait, he's dead? God damn it, Harry!" Sal snapped.

"I didn't kill him!" Harry snapped back. "He was like this when I got here! He's in rigor. He's been dead for at least an hour."

"Alright." The new voice cut through the rabble and everyone fell silent as they turned to look at Amelia Bones. "Sal. Explain this, or I will have your head mounted on a pike outside my office."

"Well," Sal teased.

"On a fucking pike," Amelia hissed.

"Okay, so," Sal began, "I got to the castle early and decided to go visit my old boss. Everybody knows that Mad Eye was my boss back in the day so that is a totally normal thing to do that requires no ulterior motives. Anyway, I got to his office and he wasn't there, so I began poking around because I was bored. Then his trunk started cursing at me and questioning the species of my mother, which is bitch by the way. I opened it up and boom, a pissed off May Eye in a box."

"And you know nothing about Peter Pettigrew?" Amelia demanded.

"Who?" Sal asked. Harry elbowed him in the thigh. "Oh, right! Peter Pettigrew. Everyone knows the tragic tale of Peter Pettigrew's courageous death. That poor martyr against the forces of evil." He glanced over Amelia's shoulder. "Hi Peter!" Amelia stared at the man, but his cheerful grin didn't budge.

"So, who is our impostor?" she finally asked.

"Barty Crouch Junior," Harry stated.

"He's dead."

"Peter!" There was a commotion and Peter appeared, dragging along a pink-haired woman who had been trying to handcuff him. Harry just pointed at the man.

"I saw the body," Amelia stated, deciding then and there that unless there was a body, a full body with none of this toes business, she was no longer declaring anyone dead.

"Yeah, me too," Sal agreed. "Too bad Harry got to him first or he could have explained that."

"No! I didn't kill him," Harry shouted. "He was dead when I found him."

"That's happened to me too a few times," Sal admitted. Harry threw up his arms in aggravation. Poppy turned from the little sitcom they were putting on and prodded the body in front of her.

"What in the world?" she murmured as her hand sank into his torso with little resistance. That caught Harry's attention too and his wand came out, casting a quick diagnostic spell.

"All of the bones in his chest are powder," he reported. "You can't even call them fractured."

"Like a massive, blunt force hit him without disturbing the skin," Poppy agreed after her own diagnostic.

"A massive blunt force like a castle wall breaching charm?" Harry asked.

"That seems a little specific. . .

"Fleur! Get yourself over here!" Harry roared. After a moment, the blond woman managed to push her way through the aurors.

"Such a romantic summon, Lover." Harry scowled at her and pointed to the body. "Barty Crouch?"

"Yes."

"I thought you wanted to torture him too," Fleur said with a confused tilt of her head.

"Torture?" Harry sputtered. "I wasn't going to torture him!" Poppy wasn't entirely convinced by his tone and stared at him. "Really!"

"We'll speak about that later," Poppy stated.

"Enhanced interrogation, pull out questions with plies, whatever the hell you did to that Peter fellow," Fleur said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"I didn't torture Peter! I gave him the opportunity to repent and make reparations for his sins!" Harry snapped.

"That sounds so much worse than torture," Fleur pointed out.

"Does he perhaps strike you as the type of man to sneak up on a fair maiden in the dark?" Harry hissed, pointing at the corpse. That caused the woman to hesitate. She peered down at the man for a moment and then looked up at Amelia.

"I have no idea what he's talking about and I would like a solicitor."

"You don't need a solicitor if a Death Eater attacked you and you defended yourself," Amelia groaned as she massaged her temples.

"Ah, but that's what a cop would say, isn't it?"

"Okay, everybody shut up," Amelia ordered. "We are going up to the school. I am borrowing a conference room. Then, you will only speak when I ask questions."

"The school?" Sal asked.

"It's a shorter trip and therefore less chance for any of you to escape," Amelia stated.

"Sounds like fun," Sal chirped. "Have a good time kids!"

"Shack," Amelia stated. Sal let out a squawk of shock as he suddenly found himself dangling from his collar. He wiggled his arms until he pivoted slowly to face the larger man.

"What are they feeding you?"

"Peace time is training time," Kingsley stated.

"I guess so. I must just be lazy."

"I hope you don't mind me coming along." Poppy glanced up to see that Amos Diggory had made his appearance.

"Uh, of course not Amos," Amelia replied.

"Good, because denying counsel is illegal in this country," Amos stated with a hearty clap of his hands.

"You haven't practiced law in years," Amelia stated.

"I know! This will be so much fun," Amos replied. "Though you are right, I'm probably out of practice. That's why I grabbed a few friends!"

"Friends?" Amelia asked blankly.

"Oh, yes!" Amos said happily. "I'm sure you know Davies, Babu and Doolittle. They were all here to watch the competition."

"Babu is the Chief Prosecutor for the Ministry!" Amelia protested.

"And a fellow Hufflepuff!" Amos cheered. "I've already arranged a conference room with Albus. They're all waiting for us inside. Come along Amelia. Don't dawdle."

"I like him," Harry stated.

"Everyone likes solicitors when they're working for them," Poppy replied.

(:ii:)

"Have all of your questions been answered, Amelia?" Amos asked.

"No!" Amelia growled. "My questions have not been answered."

"Oh, but they have," Amos stated. "Every question you've asked has been answered and quite concisely at that. Don't blame my clients if you don't like the answers."

"I thought your dad was a paper pusher for SPIE," Harry hissed to Cedric.

"Pushing paper is technically what solicitors do," Cedric hissed back. "Pushing paper and arguing with people."

"Huh," Harry grunted. This had been a rather eye-opening experience for him. Apparently, it had also been a rather traumatizing experience for Amelia. She had developed a rather spectacular twitch as the champions whispered with their new solicitors after every question and the older men answered for them. Albus had remained sitting in the corner, seemingly pleased to watch over the students and play no further part. "Solicitors are awesome."

"Considering my dad is one, yeah," Cedric agreed.

"Can I make him my permanent solicitor?" Harry asked,

"I'll speak with him about it," Cedric stated.

"Thanks." Harry winced slightly and rubbed his ears. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Cedric asked. The almost subliminal sounds continued to increase in volume. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked back to see Albus looking at him in concern.

"Harry, did you notice that you're glowing?"

"Huh?" Harry glanced down and stared at the glow emanating from his sleeve. He pulled the fabric up and stared at the woad blue runes etched into his arm. In an instant the sound snapped into focus. It was a woman crying out in horror as if from far away.

"Potter?" Amelia asked. Harry ignored her and shot to his feet. He pushed the door to the room open and stepped out into a gaggle of dementors. A hand snatched him back by his collar and Sal stepped forward wand already raised and glowing, only to be shoved aside by Amelia.

"Ah, Amelia!" Harry peered at the Minister of Magic around the tall woman's side. "Good to see you." The man glanced at Harry. "And young Mister Potter! I'd like to have a word with you about certain rumors that have started since the end of the tournament. We'll take care of that after you've had some time to rest of course." With that, the man and his retinue of nightmares turned and strolled off.

"What the hell?" Amelia hissed. Harry took her by the shoulder and turned her to face him.

"Where's Peter?"

"Two rooms down." The woman didn't really get to finish as Harry shoved past her and sprinted to the door. He tore it open and dashed into the room, only to find his prisoner slumped in a chair with an auror on either side of him. His hesitation allowed Amelia to catch up with him. "What the hell happened?"

"The Minister arrived and ordered us to step outside so he could question Pettigrew," one of the shaky looking aurors replied. "They were in here for about twenty minutes and when we came back, he was like that." Harry ignored them and seized Peter by the head. He brought the man's vacant stare up to meet his eyes and found himself gazing into a void while the void gazed back.

"He's gone."

"The Minister ordered him kissed?" Amelia demanded. "This man is a witness. You didn't stop it?"

"They did it while we were out," the other auror reported. "We had no idea he would do that. We would have come for you if we knew what he was planning."

"Well, isn't this just a charmingly gross violation of the rights of a magical citizen of the United Kingdom?" Amos stated as he pushed by Amelia. "I seem to recall you being quite angry about this kind of situation when you were younger."

"Oh, I am enraged beyond your understanding," Amelia stated. Harry turned on her sharply.

"Everyone heard what he said," he stated. "Everyone knows that Sirius Black in innocent."

"Potter, I just had the Minister of Magic himself order an extra-judicial kiss," Amelia stated. "I've got problems here."

"Almost as many problems as Mister Black," Amos commented. "My, how many years has that poor man been in either Azkaban or on the run?" Amelia glared at him, but he just kept smiling. "How horrible to know he was innocent all this time. The people of this country will be enraged, especially if the situation is not handled expeditiously."

"Fine. Black is the first priority. Not like we can help Pettigrew at this point."

"Sure, you can," Harry stated. They both stared at him in confusion. "Kill him. This is just obscene."

"We don't execute criminals in this country!" Amelia snapped.

"No, you do something worse," Harry stated. "Speaking as the only person here who has almost been kissed and almost died, dying is better."

"What?" Amelia demanded.

"This is Hogwarts and things tend to happen here, mostly to me," Harry said tiredly. He suddenly felt exactly as exhausted as he thought he should have. "Trust me, physical pain is nothing compared to the feeling of having everything that is you being forcibly torn away." He stepped out of the room and almost walked right in Minerva. He glanced behind her and saw his friends.

"Oh, good. Now that Amelia's done with you, I can get some answers of my own," the older woman hissed.

"Mister Diggory?" Harry asked.

"Nope," Amos stated. "And I speak for the others as well."

"The law can't protect you from me," Minerva stated with a manic smile.

"I think the Headmaster is trying to get your attention," Harry said waving at someone behind the older woman.

"He can wait," Minerva replied, her eyes never leaving him.

"Well, shit."

(:ii:)

Amelia finally managed to collect herself enough to start towards the retreating group of students. She was going to find out exactly what Potter meant when he said that he had almost been kissed if it killed him. There was only one thing in the world that could have stopped her at that point in time.

"Scandalous! Simply scandalous, darling!"

Amelia turned slowly and stared at Rita Skeeter. The woman was casually leaning against the wall beside the door to the room.

"The Minister himself orders a man kissed after questioning him," the reporter stated as she held a piece of parchment while a lime green quill danced across it. "What juicy secrets could he have learned that would lead to such a flagrant violation of the rights of a man who was, until now, a national martyr in the war against darkness? The mind simply races at possibilities!"

"Skeeter," Amelia whispered.

"The one and only, darling" Rita chirped, her arms flying out dramatically, "fresh from my marvelously productive sabbatical and ready to make this world quake!"

"Where were you?" Amelia demanded.

"Tahiti darling!" Rita stated. "It's a magical place. I did tell my editor to tell everyone that I was taking a little me time to work on a little full-length number!"

"I told you not to leave the country," Amelia said.

"Well, funny how you can't tell me to do anything without a court order," Rita replied. "Do you have a court order? If you do, you should have presented it."

"But Granger. . ."

"My dear Hermione?" Rita interrupted. A ways up the hall, the student turned and waved. Rita waved back.

"I'm back dear and ready for war!" the woman called. Hermione tried to say something, but was dragged around a corner by Minerva.

"She can't hurt you," Amelia stated. "You can tell me anything." For a moment she met Rita's eyes and something passed through them. It was gone in a flash and the woman's smile was back, bright as ever and three times as devious.

"Hurt me?" Rita demanded. "My dear friend? Hermione was a marvelous inspiration for my new book! Dynamite, simply dynamite darling! The Pure Blood's Muggle Lord will be flying off the shelves! No one will ever look at Voldemort the same ever again."

"What?"

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's drunken ramblings. Guess what time it is! New month time. New chapter time. Halloween time! The finest time! The best music, the best movies, the best holiday that nobody gets time off for! Happy Halloween people! Hocus Pocus 2 is apparently coming. Time to see if modern Disney will throw around the term virgin as much as 90's Disney did.

Also, Bette Midler's I Put a Spell on You beats the classic. Sorry, Nina. You are amazing, Bette just does it better.

Also, was that a Chinese zombie in that scene? The hopping zombie type? I'm not even going to google. It starts with a J. Definitely a J word. Klaatu verata j-something. Someone please confirm what I never noticed before in twenty something years.

Getting close now. Sheesh. This has been going. It's not the longest I've worked on a story, in either time or chapter count, but it's close. I think Nothing but Trouble was running for seven years and Oh. . .My. . .God. That story ended six years ago. And I still have uncompleted stories that haven't been updated in over a decade. For fucks sake. Where is the time going?

You know, some guy messaged me to tell me how impressed he was that my account was made in 2002 and I was still updating. He mentioned this account was older than he was. I was like, must be a kid. Then I realized that he could almost be in his twenties. He could have fought in the fucking war that I signed up for over a decade and a half ago.

The war we finally got out of after we started sending kids who weren't even born when it started.

Was the execution bad? Yep. Was it ever going to be clean? Nope.

So, what? You're the president. Do you just keep sending American kids to the grinder and leave it to the next guy? Do you do what a disturbing amount of generals seemed to want and just keep the war a'truckin because they totally have a new plan and this will be the one after two decades? Or do you reach down, find your testicles and nope the fuck outta there?

Being president seems fun and all, until you have to make a call like that. Until you have to actually display leadership and take responsibility for going through a shit situation and coming out the other side knowing that you will smell like shit. Hard decisions don't have good options. If they did, they wouldn't be hard.

And there is my War of Terror, never deployed, USMC veteran opinion on that shit show.

So, how about next time, we have an actual goal for the future war? You know, something we can actually achieve via military action instead of some vague notion? Let's be honest, spreading democracy and the respect for basic human rights is something you do with diplomats and those damned political games. It's not something a nineteen-year-old Marine Lance Corporal is going to do with his M4. Or hers. This is the modern Marine Corps, not my Marine Corps. We've all been forced to acknowledge that woman can run their trigger finger as fast as a man. Probably a lot faster if we're being honest with ourselves. Men still win at the pump action game though. Practice makes perfect.

I know enough to not say that there won't be another war, but maybe this will remind everyone that war sucks. This ain't ancient Greece. This ain't ancient Rome. This ain't the Crusades. War hasn't been glorious since at least the American Civil War where automatic weapons and artillery turned teenagers, who were all from the same country, into mulch. Since then, it's just been future generations being sacrificed by the old for the old generations' glory. Maybe a little paranoid, but possibly also so that older generations could maintain their hold on power.

Maybe the Charge of the Light Brigade was the first "what the fuck just happened?" battle. Maybe they did it better, or stupider than the Americans.

Shit, the War of Terror should never have been a war. It should have been a SOCOM and SAD hunting bonanza!

Fuck. Is it weird to hear a Marine say this shit sucks?

So, on to the other killer of people, just found out some rather interesting information. I found out that some people, my dipshit little brother namely, have somehow never heard of a carrier in the infectious disease world. He told me that he had only gotten the vaccine to make my mom happy. Fair enough. I don't care why you get it. Then he told me that he had shared a bed with his girlfriend for days before they found out that she caught the rona. So, because he didn't feel sick, he decided to stay with my geriatric parents.

Have you ever seen someone desperately trying to stop talking, but failing? Yeah. That was him as he caught sight of my face while he was telling this story.

If either of my parents had caught the shit from him, I would fucking strangle him.

I already kind of barely consider him family, but that would do it. That would flat out be the end, potentially of him.

Then my uncle decides that he doesn't feel good and instead of going to his house by himself, he goes to my parents' house because he wants help reading the picture instructions on a home covid test.

Has the last fucking two years been a fever dream of mine? How are people still like this? Even if you don't believe in this shit, how does feeling sick or being around sick people mean that you should be around as many people as possible?

So, to be perfectly clear, you can be sick and infectious without showing signs or feeling ill. You can feel fine and give other people a potentially fatal case of the shit. That's why masks, vaccines and testing are so important. This is not some new conspiracy with covid, look up Typhoid Mary you fucking plague rats. The vaccine is not one hundred percent effective; no vaccine is. You can make vaccinated people sick. Clear? I don't think this could possibly be misunderstood. Unless you don't believe in corona in which case, whatever. Ain't no fixing dumb on that level. You just gotta let it weed itself out of the gene pool and hope it doesn't take too much of the good crop with it.

Also, we have a new guy at work and he's leery of vaccines. My state is one where we have a mandate for state employees. Get vaccinated, or get tested weekly. Fair deal as far as I care.

Jimbo is not fucking helping even though he's leaving within a month. I had to have a sit down with the new guy and pretty much tell him that everything Jimbo says is fucking wrong. Every. . .single. . .thing. . .he. . .says. Just. . .fucking. . .wrong. Yes, corona is real. Six thousand people did not die in the first human trial. The government is not covering up the deaths of millions of people worldwide from vaccines by blaming them on corona. The vast majority of the people in the hospital are unvaccinated. No, the vaccine does not cause prion diseases. It doesn't even have prions in it nor can it fold proteins, not that Jimbo actually knows anything about prions. The vaccine is not being put in salad dressing and let's be honest, if the government wanted to play that game, they would put it in beef or cheap beer.

The vaccines do not harm your sperm count.

Why is it always sperm count with these people? Why do they care so much about sperm?

Were they traumatized by Ripper in Doctor Strangelove? Is that all they took away from a movie where a whack job declared World War 3 on his own and turned the world into a glow in the dark night light because he couldn't satisfy his wife?

Foreplay motherfuckers! Learn that shit! Enjoy that shit. Your partner will. Thus, your partnership will flourish.

Also, I may punch the next person who tells me about GPS chips while they're staring at the smart phone that they can't put down.

And why the fuck are people popping dewormers? Seriously? People are taking an anti-parasite drug to combat a virus. Those are not the same thing. Viruses, bacteria and parasites can all fuck you up, but they are very different.

Even if it did work, have none of these people heard about an ounce of prevention versus a pound of cure? If you don't get sick in the first place, you don't have to worry about getting cured. Weird, huh?

And then some fuck knuckle judge ordered a hospital to give this shit.

How the fuck is the hospital supposed to do that? There is no dose of this drug for combatting the rona. So what? Do you give them the dose for getting rid of parasites? Do you pump them full until they get better or die? Do you micro-dose them with a useless dose just to make the judge happy even though there is no clinical benefit and it's kind of absolutely unethical?

Drugs are not toys. They are tools. You use them to fix very specific situations. Even with miracle drugs like ketamine that can be used for multiple things, there are still specific dosages for each specific use. The dosage for pain relief is not the dose for restraint and neither is the dose for whacking a motherfucker down so you can tube them or the dose for excited delirium.

This is a legal, ethical and moral shitshow. You don't give patients drugs just because they want them. They are patients. They are not care providers.

The judge changed his mind after a bunch of smarter people had a sit down with him, but how fucking stupid was he? Basically, according to his original decision, patients can ask for whatever drug they want and get it.

Boy is his world a great place for drug seekers.

Probably not a great place for providers since you'd always be out of drugs for people that need them.

Sorry chief, I know fentanyl for pain relief and to decrease stress on the heart is procedure, but I just dumped all eight mikes we were carrying in some tweaker who probably couldn't even feel such a small dose. You just gonna havta deal.

God damn. This is why judges need competency checks every once in a while. Doctors too. Not going to lie, it's weird that so many people who have to memorize so much information to get accredited are never checked on again.

Also, doctors who opine in fields their doctorate has nothing to do with should be stripped of their titles.

I'm a cardiologist. You can trust me! Now let me tell you all about virology! I had one class in it in med school.

Not to name names Florida. It's not like anybody expects better from you.

Love you. Fuck you. Take care of yourselves and each other.

-Uncle Jack

P.S. I don't actually have a P.S., it's just weird to not have one of these. Oh! Wait! I just dug the Brendan Fraser George of the Jungle out of my DVD drawer and watched it for some reason. It is still fucking hilarious and you need to watch it.

Also, holy fuck did I forget how ripped Fraser was in that thing. I mean, I'm as straight as a USMC company gay chicken silver medalist can be and even I'm sitting there like Ghat daym!

Also, I think my company's gay chicken gold medalist was actually gay, which is totally cheating in gay chicken.

It's like steroid use in other sports.

And we have officially gone to some weird places now.

Also, also if the cops want to talk with you, do it with a lawyer. Keep your mouth and all containers shut, especially if you're innocent.