A/N: Let's just pretend this is being released as part of the DC Fandome event.
Psst… hey, DC: hire me

And hello readers who found this fic through tiktok! :) Also my Marvel Villain Wrangler fic has been updated, go check it out!


"Selina?"

"Yeah?"

"Does Batman… have a sense of humor?"

She looked up over her opened menu and tipped her sunglasses down so she could stare at him incredulously. "You have met the man. You tell me."

Danny gave a thin-lipped smile and nodded in understanding. "Right. Good point."

"Why'd you ask?" She'd set the menu down and interlaced her fingers primly on the tabletop in front of her. He had her full interest now.

"Uh, about the latest wish request that's been approved for me." Danny looked back down at his phone again to make sure he was reading it correctly. "It's for Martian Manhunter?"

"What?"

"Clearly, we're in agreement." Danny frowned, scrolling through the emailed files. "Everything else seems to be in order, except, y'know– last I understood, Manhunter was one of the founding members of the Justice League."

Selina shrugged. "I'm sure Bruce had a reason for sending it to you. Although, he doesn't necessarily share those reasons with anyone." She rolled her eyes.

"Any chance you can ask him?" Danny pleaded, smiling as innocently as possible.

His housemate wasn't impressed. "Don't you have his number?" She shot back.

"Just because a number was programmed in under the name 'Batdad' doesn't mean it's actually his," he grumbled.

"Did you even try calling it, Daniel?"

Danny narrowed his eyes at Selina and pointed an accusing finger her way. "I won't forget that."

"Mhm. Just call the man before the waiter takes our order." She waved him away from the table, raising her middle finger casually in response to him sticking his tongue out at her in protest. He headed outside, not wanting to be overheard by the other patrons, and stopped to hit send and dial the number once he was far enough away.

He got an answer on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Hey, this is Danny Johnson. Uh… this number was under the name 'Batdad,' so am I correct in presuming this is Batman?" Sure, he knew Batman was Bruce (or Bruce was Batman, whichever way it went), but just in case it wasn't the right number, Danny didn't want to be hunted down by the Dark Knight of Gotham.

There was a deep sigh on the other end of the phone. "Yes. What do you need, Johnson?"

Danny got straight to the point. "Why was I sent a request for Martian Manhunter?"

"Because you've been able to convince some difficult people that what you're doing is for a good cause."

He rolled his eyes. "You say that like you heroes can't be just as difficult as villains."

"I meant the media," Batman deadpanned.

"Oh."

"Manhunter might be part of the JL, but unfortunately a lot of people are put off just because of his appearance," the other man explained. "If you've managed to create good PR for Bane of all people, you can do it for Manhunter."

"Oh," Danny repeated blankly. "Um… thank you."

"It is what I pay you for," Batman responded dryly.

"As far as I'm concerned, Bruce Wayne signs my paychecks."

Danny would swear until his dying day that he heard Batman chuckle. "Have a good day, Johnson." The phone clicked as he hung up.

When he went back inside, it was to his chagrin to find the waiter walking away from his and Selina's table. She smiled serenely up at him as he narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"Don't worry: I ordered us the same thing."

Danny sat down with a huff. "Fine, but you're paying."


It was just his luck that Damian Wayne opened the door to Wayne Manor when he stopped by that afternoon.

"Oh. It's you." The littlest Robin stared at him blankly for a moment longer before attempting to shut the door in his face. Danny had been expecting that kind of reception though, and he was able to stop it with his hand before it fully closed.

"I'm not here for you. I'm here for Restaurant Robin," Danny said, knowing the reminder of the nickname would hopefully cause Damian to lighten up a bit.

Damian observed him carefully before reluctantly opening the door a bit wider. "Come in and wait here."

"No problem." Danny closed the door behind himself and watched as Damian walked up the grand staircase in the foyer. He had to admit, it was interesting to see this side of the Batfamily. Even with the capes and cowls, they were just like any other siblings… although some of them were maybe a bit more sadistic than the others.

Damian returned a few minutes later, and Danny didn't even bother to hold in his laughter when he saw Steph and Jason trailing behind him, with Jason holding Tim's struggling body over his shoulder.

"He tried to protest, so I enlisted help," Damian explained with a sniff. "You're welcome, Johnson."

"Huh." Danny patted Damian's head and ignored his offended shout of hey! "You sound like your father."

"Well that's terrifying," Jason muttered. "Anyways, you asked for restaurant boy?" He unceremoniously dropped Tim to the floor.

"I would've been more willing to come down if he didn't keep calling me that!" Tim groaned as he sat up, glaring up at Jason. Jason merely shrugged.

"I wouldn't keep calling you that if you'd just apologized for kidnapping me, but here we are," Danny said. "Although… if you do me a favor, I promise not to ever mention 'Red Robin the restaurant' again."

"Done," Tim readily agreed, reaching up to shake his outstretched hand.

"I need you to get me into the Justice League Watchtower."

"Fuck!" Tim swore.

Jason cackled. "Oh, I've got to see this."


Recognized: B13, Red Hood; B20, Red Robin; Z10, Black Bat; A20, Villain Wrangler.

Danny closed his eyes and counted to three after hearing the robotic voice announce the title for all to hear. "Alright, who do I need to fight over that?"

"Barbara," all three Batbrats chorused.

"...damn, there's no way in hell I'd win against her," he grumbled. "I'm guessing everyone heard that?"

"Everyone in the Watchtower," Tim agreed.

"No element of surprise then." Danny took a moment to look around the room they'd appeared in through the zeta tube, seeing as he'd been unconscious the last time he'd been transported to the Watchtower. It looked like something out of Star Trek: a circular landing pad, computers lining the room, and his favorite part: floor to ceiling windows showing them the expanse of space… and the little blue marble they'd just teleported up from.

It was breathtaking.

He would've stood and gazed at the sight all day if it weren't for the sound of an expectant ahem from the other side of the room. Danny turned towards the sound and was surprised to see Hawkgirl descending from the control floor above.

"This is an unexpected surprise," she said coolly as she observed the quartet. "Nice to see you healed up well, Danny Johnson. Or should I say 'Villain Wrangler?'"

"Please say Danny Johnson," he groaned, ignoring the others' snickering.

Hawkgirl cracked a smile. "Sure thing. I assume you're looking for someone?"

"He's sightseeing," Cass said.

"Hush you," Danny nudged her shoulder playfully. "Yeah, I'm looking for Martian Manhunter. Is he here?"

"Normally he'd be here in the control center actually, but right now he should be in the cafeteria. The mini-bats can lead the way there."

"Thank you," Danny nodded as he followed the others out of the room.

"Oh, can you bring me a brownie on your way back?" Hawkgirl called after them.

"Gotcha!"