Adjusting the focus
Disclaimer: I do not own My Hero Academia.
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Chapter 12
He smiles nervously at the quirk-counsellor.
''And you haven't felt weird, or different?'' Izuku had, like the constant feeling of disarray which left his thought messy and jumbled and his muscles twitching and anxious suddenly was gone. He didn't think he had felt this clear since... Well, since he was five and he had broken the door. Since he had rediscovered his quirk.
Izuku shakes his head.
''No incident in two months?''
''N-nothing.''
''And you've been able to control the output of your quirk with all the exercises?''
He nods.
''Well, seems like all those exercises have their uses after all!'' The woman laughs boisterously. It makes Izuku twitch. He wasn't used yet to this new counsellor. She made him nervous.
He shrugs his shoulders in answer. Izuku distantly wonders if it's noticeable with how high his shoulders were already drawn.
''Okay then! How about some levelling up then in difficulty?! You will see, in no time at all we can clear you as completely in control of your quirk!''
The smile he gives as response feels forced and painful.
When they open the door, it's almost like flashback back in time.
Yagi-san is as tall as Izuku remembered, even with his shoulders hunched even more than normally. Hollow cheeks and eyes. Sickly thin. Too big clothes. He's gotten worse since the last time they saw each other, which is even more apparent in real life than it was on the computer screen. For Izuku it makes the man look more like his previous mentor All Might, than the Yagi-san from this life.
''Eh. Hi.'' At least he's as awkward as ever.
Izuku's mom almost jumps on him in her haste to hug him. The hug looks a bit comical, with Yagi-san's tall height and his mom's smaller one but it's also sweet, and it warms Izuku's heart to see their small, well, whatever they were together again. Yagi-san looks very surprised and flushed but also happy. Izuku isn't quite ready to rush in for a hug with this man who is suddenly had much more in common with his past, but he walks to them slowly, grabs one of Yagi-san's arms and slings it around his shoulders in a sort of half-hug. He then also slings one arms around the waist of Yagi-san to make the hug a bit more hug and less of a half-hug.
It isn't much but Yagi-san doesn't say anything. Only tightens his grip on Izuku's shoulder and squishes him closer to them.
They stand like that together for what must have been almost five full minutes. Just enjoying each other's presence. Yagi-san smells clean, of soap and something that is typically Yagi-san, but Izuku has never really been able to place it before. But the smell is familiar and it will always surprise Izuku how it's always able to calm him.
Then it begins to rain.
They hastily untangle themselves from each other and push one and another inside frenziedly.
Not much later they're repeating their routine that Izuku had thought he had forgotten. His mom is cooking dinner, and Izuku is setting the table and they're both fretfully trying to stop Yagi-san from doing anything. Yagi-san is, of course, trying to the exact opposite.
It's… comforting.
That evening they all seem to ignore the elephant in the room. The previous worries and feelings disappearing and making place for a comforting warmth that engulfs them all.
Izuku laughs at Yagi-san who actually squeals when he sees the cake specially made for his return. He laughs at his mom who worries about the small things. And he smiles at them interacting, still careful but obviously affectionate.
They had never had this bond in his previous life. At most a hesitatingly agreement. Knowing that they were both important to Izuku, but his mom had never quite gotten over Izuku getting hurt so much, and All Might had never been confident enough to reach out and ask for forgiveness. It was nice to see them like this.
He blushes when Yagi-san comments on the muscles he felt during their sort of hug. Mom laughs at him and he feels himself smile even though his mortification. It was nice to have Yagi-san home again.
.
Yagi stares at Inko-san as she sets another cup of tea for him. Izuku had left for bed, not unlike the old times. Yagi thought Inko-san had the right idea with sending him to bed this early still. His bags were still as present as ever.
The house was familiar around him helping him relax with its smell and appearance. It was an amazing feeling to come here after all those years travel and stress. Yagi thinks this is how he should imagine as the feeling they describe for coming home in those cheesy films.
The best thing by far though is seeing Inko-san and Izuku-kun again.
Yagi had honestly been afraid to meet them again. Time went so fast, and work had drug him in like a swirling, wild river, the current too strong to resist, and suddenly his promise to visit once in a while had fallen in the water, even after Sensei. Sure, they had kept contact via telephone and skype, even letters once in a while but that was still different. And Yagi knew he had changed over these last years.
He wasn't the only one though. Yagi would like to say the Midoriyas hadn't changed, that it had been like time stopped for them while they're were waiting for him to come back, but that isn't true. Izuku-kun has grown taller, hidden muscles beneath his clothes but Yagi has not yet been able to see if he had gotten better or worse with his mental health over the years. Inko san had gained stress lines around her eyes, seemed almost like she had shrunken and had grown a bit chubbier. Their mannerisms were mostly the same though, and that made Yagi relieved. It was familiar mixed with the unfamiliar.
He closes his eyes tiredly. He wonders if he will ever be able to tell them about All Might. He should have told them earlier. He can vaguely remember Naomasa telling him he shouldn't when he had planned doing it before leaving to hunt after Sensei. But he had the chance after he had defeated him. He had missed his chance. Would they forgive him, for keeping this secret so long?
He's snapped out of his thoughts as the chair opposite of him scrapes over the ground and Inko-san sits down. She pushes his cup to him, and cups her own hands over hers, grounding herself.
''So… How are things?''
Yagi shuffled. ''They're good enough. And with you two?''
A horrible insecure expression flits along her face. ''They've been… okay. I- Izuku has been recruited by Yuuei. He's going to the exams soon, together with Katsuki-chan.''
Yagi feels his eyes widen in surprise. ''What?''
She nods, a small proud smile curling her lips. ''Yeah, it's pretty great. If-if he doesn't end there though, he is also recruited by Himiko-high. He's such a great boy. It's, it's nice to see it recognized. Though, I'm not really sure about the whole hero thing.''
Yagi nods, feeling slightly blown away. Izuku-kun was possibly going to Yuuei. If that was the case, there would be the possibility he would get in contact more often with the boy as All Might. And Izuku-kun was smart. He would be able to figure it out. Oh god, Yagi was doomed.
.
They stand up after almost an hour of catching up and small talk. Inko-san gives him a concerned glance, and hastens herself to grab his coat.
It's when he grabs the front door to leave that she stops him, a hand grabbing his elbow. Surprised, he turns to face her.
''I'm sorry, Yagi-san. But, I need to ask. Not in front of Izuku though, but… your stomach. It-It felt weird when we hugged. Are-Is it alright?''
And Yagi felt himself freeze up. His injury. Fuck.
He had never truly shown them the scars that the injury had left. Never really told them what it all caused.
''Eh- yes, of course it is, oh-!'' Yagi felt himself jump when Inko-san who was suddenly reached out to trace over his shirt.
Wet eyes bright with determination stared up to him. ''Yagi-san. It doesn't feel alright. Please, be honest with me. C-Could you perhaps show me?''
Yagi felt himself go red to match Inko-san face. He hesitated and it was long enough. Inko-san had obviously been overwhelmed with concern enough to take the reins herself though, as she rarely did but when she did she had to do it for Izuku with all the trouble he got into.
Her hand reached out and tugged up his shirt.
As a statue Yagi stoot, staring at Inko as she gasped, her hand moving to cover her mouth in shock, and her eyes tracing the lines of his injury.
''Yagi?''
He doesn't answer.
''Oh no.'' She said like it would be her last breath. Breathless and sorrowful. Tears appearing in her eyes and not able to leave the injury.
''You didn't say it was so- Oh god. Yagi, no. You can't- You can't go on like this. This-This isn't right. You don't deserve this.'' She blubbered. ''Please don't do this anymore. Please. I can't- Oh god.'' Her eyes flicked up to his hoping to see agreement in them, but like always Yagi knew the only thing she would see there was a resigned pain. She stepped away from him in horror.
''N-No, you can't! Yagi-san, look what it's done to you! S-Surely your work doesn't actually need you to die for them! Because that's what's going to happen if it just goes on like this! You're always overworked and you never rest. It's so bad that when you took off that one time, you actually got sick! I-I can't let you do this to yourself anymore!''
Yagi held up his arms. ''I-I know, Inko-san. I-I've been working on it, honestly. I've come here searching for a successor. I-I will be able to cut back work in a-a couple of years, I think.'' And with an amazing timing like always a sudden itch started in his throat, causing him to cough and blood spilled over his lips.
He flicked his eyes fearfully at her, afraid of what he would see there. Inko-san stared back at him, wide, baffled eyes. ''A-a couple of years?
''You don't have a couple of years, you- you-!'' And then the dam broke. The small woman began to shake from the harsh sobs tearing from her throat, one arm hugging herself and the other trying to muffle her sobs as she turned away from him.
Yagi fluttered, stepping closer. ''No-No, Inko-san, I'm sorry. I-I just can't- Please, don't cry, I'm sorry.''
One weak hand reached out to his shirt, clamping down and for the second time that day he felt himself be tugged into a hug.
''I-I just don't want to lose you.'' She sobbed muffled by his shirt. ''Izuku would be devastated. I-I don't think he would ever get over it.''
Yagi patted the back of her head, hiding his face in her hair. ''I-I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.''
He hated this. Making Inko-san cry was one of the worst feelings ever. He couldn't stop though.
The symbol of peace had to exist.
It was long past midnight when Izuku walked back to home. His mother would get concerned if she would once again wake up to an empty house.
In the distance, he could hear the waves roll and almost automatically he began to chance his direction. He felt attracted like the sea was a magnet.
The view was sudden and unexpectedly familiar. The sand covered by a giant a trash heap, causing the waves to be hidden from his sight.
'Huh. Almost forgot about that.'
It was somewhat ironic really. Midoriya finding this place, just after meeting All Might again.
''Midoriya-kun…''
Izuku gave absent hum, while putting his training clothes in his bg. ''Yes, Fujita-sensei?
''I have been thinking, and what would you think about becoming an assistant teacher for the younger years of the dojo?''
Again, Izuku hums, until the words penetrate his thoughts. ''Wait, wha-?''
Sensei interrupt him. ''You've enough experience by far now, and it would do you good. Yes.'' He rubs his chin while thinking. ''Midoriya-kun, you can assist the classes on Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday.''
''Wait!? Sensei, I haven't even agreed to it yet!''
Sensei gives him a condensing nod and walks out of the while chuckling about younglings.
Sometimes that old man was more trouble than he worth.
''Come one, Todoroki-san. It will be alright. She would love it to see you.'' She's more stable now, he doesn't say.
''I don't know Midoriya. It's been so long. And- '' Todoroki-san cuts himself off before he finishes the sentence, but Izuku had a pretty good idea of how it would.
'You're not your dad. She knows. She won't blame you for his faults.' He wants to say. But he doesn't, because at this point of time Todoroki-san had not yet opened up yet, and Midoriya Izuku should not have yet been able to read the other this well yet. At this point of time those words would only sound as a cruel joke.
So, he says the only think he can think of. ''But you should try. Your mother would love it.''
Todoroki-san just nods.
Izuku is going to die. It wasn't going to be because of a foolishly heroic deed like so many had told him before. It also wasn't going to be because of Kacchan which was what he himself had believed for a long time. It wasn't even going to be because his body finally gave up on him after he had misused his quirk too much. No, death was going to finally reap him as result of the winter crawling in his body and mind and the heating system short circuiting of the whole street.
''Goddammit, nerd, stop exaggerating. It isn't that cold. And give me my blanket back.'' Kacchan's red eyes glow from where he's shivering within his own cocoon of blankets, staring at him angrily.
''No, you still have three more than me now. I deserve this blanket.''
''Nerd, I'm freezing. Give my goddamn blanket.''
''Swearing is bad manners you know.'' Kacchan clenched his jaw at his bad attempt at avoidance.
''If you don't give me my fucking blanket right now, I swear to god I will- ''
''You will do what, Kacchan? It's so cold, you will barely be able to use your quirk right now.''
Izuku barely had time to yelp before Kacchan jumped upon him.
Shouto looks in disbelieve at the article of the obscure news site, which honestly held more gossip then anything. He wasn't even sure how he had ended up here.
There are two blurry pictures added. One shows Endeavor standing in all of his impressive despicable glory, with Shouto on the side and towering over Midoriya and Inko-san and the other is a picture takes five minutes later which shows Shouto and Midoriya who's comforting his crying mother.
The impressive black bold title is ''Endeavor makes woman cry?!''
Oh. His father was going to hate this.
''Well, a least I got my career choices already figured out. Seems like it would be really stressful to deal with all of the schoolwork and the choices at the same time.''
Midoriya looks at him hesitantly ''You want to become a hero.''
Shouto isn't really sure if it's a question, but he nods anyway.
''A-are you sure? Y-You're not being forced into this, are you?'' Midoriya stutter acts up, but Shouto frowns at the words being said instead. The 'by your dad' is pretty much implied.
''No. This is my own choice. I've always wanted to become one. My shitty dad had no say in this. I'll rise to the top, without ever using his power, and then I'll have denied him everything. Like he deserves.''
Midoriya is quiet beside him in answer and Shouto quickly asses his last words. He winces. He's pretty sure it isn't normal to suddenly go of like that. Not to mention Midoriya doesn't really know the whole story. Only that his mom is in a mental hospital, his dad is a bastard and Shouto hates his fire-side.
Now that he thinks about it though, knowing Izuku, he probably already figured out a great deal, possibly already connected all the dots. Shouto thinks he would make a great detective actually, or possibly a psychologist. He seems very good in reading people.
It makes him wonder what he's actually planning on doing in the future. He opens his mouth to ask but Midoriya interrupts him before he can.
''You're not going to use your fire-side?''
Shouto frowns and shakes his head. ''Don't worry about that. I will never accept Endeavor's legacy.''
Midoriya blinks at him with surprised eyes. He falters but says ''N-No, that wasn't what I meant.''
The almost acid green colour of Izuku's eyes was distracting with this angle and light. They almost looked artificial with their brightness. And though Shouto wouldn't admit it, it unnerved him a little bit. Especially with the ever-dark circles under Izuku's eyes, even though those were so familiar by now that they were almost comforting.
Midoriya cleared his throat, looking embarrassed, making Shouto snap his attention back to their conversation. ''I, uh, I actually don't like both sides of your quirk.'' Shouto snapped his eyes to his face, a hollow feeling spreading through his stomach.
''T-They're both really amazing, of course!'' Midoriya hastily tries to reassure him, his hands waving in front of him like he could ward off the meaning of the words that he just said that way. ''You can do a lot with them, and you probably will be the most amazing hero!''
There's a pause and Shouto resists the urge to snap at him to continue or to stop stuttering. He isn't sure what he finds more annoying right now.
''B-But they make me uncomfortable. O-Only sometimes! And t-that's because of me, not because of you. I-I've got some bad experiences with eh… temperatures and, uh well, I-I can't d-deal with extreme temperatures very well.'' His shoulders draw up high, and they huddle like he can hide from the world that way. It looks painful.
He is distantly aware he should probably try to say something to try and make him relax. Shouto additionally isn't sure why he suddenly so focused on every micro movement Midoriya makes. He feels strangely disconnected from the words that were just said to him though.
Midoriya fiddles, staring at his hands, before looking Shouto in the eyes.
Is it weird, Shouto asks himself, that the first thing that he thinks of after turning to words round in his head and repeating them several times to himself, that he wasn't sure if he wanted to know what those bad experiences were? And if it were weird, would it be in a negative way, or a positive?
Then he wonders why Izuku only tells him this now. It was also suddenly easy to remember Izuku becoming increasingly pale every time Shouto had used his quirk in his presence.
Izuku laughs self-deprecatingly, his smile like the one of a brittle doll and scratches the back of his head. There's an edginess there that Shouto finds doesn't like. ''It's bit like the quirk of my friend Kacchan really. His quirk is incredible, but well, I can't always seem to stop myself from flinching away when he uses it up close.
''B-But that isn't the point.'' Midoriya says before Shouto even thinks of asking. ''The point is that I like talking with you, being with you. I-I like being your friend. And because of that I don't care about your quirk, both of the sides. Because they are both from you. They have both the ability to hurt and make me uncomfortable, sure, but the fire side is not your father's, it's yours. And the ice side, it isn't your mother's, it's also yours. And so, I don't trust your mother nor your father to not hurt me. I trust you to not hurt me.''
There is a pause, and Shouto mind is rolling and he doesn't know how to react, so he blurts out the first thing that's on his mind.
''But my father- ''
''No, Todoroki. It's yours.'' Midoriya pokes him in the chest with his finger, and Shouto absently notices the lack of suffixes as he stares blankly at it. ''I know you think that your father is an absolute mad fucking bastard that should be locked up, but you need to remember that he's not all mighty. Don't put him on a pedestal, even one made from hate. He isn't worth that. He isn't worth giving up half of yourself up. He just human. He does not have the power to control your quirk. Only you have the power to do that. Thus, it is only your quirk. It was never his. Only yours.'' He repeats 'your quirk' again and again, as if it will magically convince Shouto of the same thing.
Shouto doesn't know how to react to that either. So, he doesn't.
They both end up staring to the other people in the park for the rest of that hour. There's a group of children playing football, and Shouto notices one girl screaming at one of the boys. It seems like the boy hadn't wanted for any girls to participate.
He wonders if he should interfere, but the mothers of both appear before he can even move. The mother of the girl apologizes to the mother of the boy and tell her daughter to do the same to the boy and mother. The girl begins crying, obviously finding this unfair but her mother doesn't falter. The girl apologizes. The boy triumphantly smiles at her tears as the mothers turn to talk to each other with false smiles.
Shouto hates adults.
(''It's okay, Shouto. You aren't a slave to your blood. You can become the man you want to be.'')
It's only when it becomes dark that Midoriya finally stands up from their bench, grabbing his back.
''I-I need to go. Mom will get worried. You know the routine.'' He gives an awkward smile.
Shouto nods at him, and Midoriya begins walking away. Shouto stares at his back, wondering if he'll ever truly understand him.
He startles a bit when Midoriya suddenly turns around. He bursts out. ''Todoroki-san. I'm really sorry, but I've got to say this! And I don't mean to undervalue the thing you experienced in anyway, or say I can completely understand your situation
''Because I can't. I can't even begin to. Your father seems like a real fucking jackass… B-But if you want to become a hero and only use half of your repertoire to save the victims needing help, even if it's because it's an important reason for you as a person, then I-I don't think you should become a hero. That's not what being a hero is.''
Ouch. That hurt.
Midoriya's eyes were burning, reflected in the streetlights and his presence burns like his words.
Shouto abruptly stands up. ''T-Todoroki-san?''
''It was nice seeing you, Midoriya, I'm going home.''
.
He kind off shuts himself off after the talk. He ignores Midoriya's calls and focuses only on his training, righteous anger burning through him. Because even if Midoriya had told him that he trusted Shouto even if Shouto had a quirk that apparently made him uncomfortable, Shouto had wanted for him to have his back. He had wanted for Midoriya to understand and support him as a friend. He knew now that had been a foolish hope. The last thing he had expected though was for Midoriya to say in a round-about way that he was being selfish. For him to tell Shouto to give up his dream. What kind of friend- no, what kind of person could so easily throw someone's experiences and feelings aside?
Fuyumi interferes after two weeks of nonstop training. Two weeks of almost no eating and all over self-destruction he will deny.
Shouto had been sitting on the veranda when she had approached him.
''How are you, Shouto?''
''I'm fine.''
She hesitated. ''You seem a bit stressed lately, honestly. How is Midoriya-kun?''
Shouto grits his teeth. ''I don't know. I don't care.''
She asks him what happened.
Todoroki tells her they had a disagreement.
She's quiet for a while.
She asks him if he's alright.
Indignant, he tells her ''Of course I am.''
In answer she stares at him, minutes seem to pass as her eyes bore into him.
''I-You won't tell me what the argument is about, so I won't ask. But I know you… care for Midoriya.'' She holds up her hand before he can interrupt. ''And he cares for you. Better than anyone else has probably done until now.'' She says. Afterwards she chuckles bitterly and bites on her lip.
''You're friends. And sometimes friends have fights. It feels like the absolute worst and like you'll never be able to forgive each other, but fighting is a part of being friends.
''What's also a part of being friends is that you won't simply suddenly will stop caring about the other. I think personally that that's the worst of it.'' She looks off in the distance, a small frown on her face. ''Longing to be with someone or talk with them but then suddenly remembering you can't because you're mad them or they are at you, or both.''
There's a pause.
''It's for that reason you should try to make up. It may seem impossible now, but believe me when I say that no matter how bad the process will be, the results are always worth it. You know Midoriya. He won't say or do something without reason, right?''
Hesitantly, Shouto nods.
''And, he also seems like the sort to easily forgive. And- I'm not commanding you to make up, but try- try to see his side, please? People are sometimes so caught up in their own feelings that they forget those of others.''
She stands up from where she was sitting to him and nods to him. ''I need to go to work, but- ''
She shakes her head, smiles weakly at him and walks away.
Shouto stares at her back until she disappears from sight.
.
And after the talk and a night staring up at his ceiling, Shouto can see where Midoriya was coming from. Midoriya is a surprisingly intense person. Giving his all in the things he cared about. And in that way Shouto can understand how he insulted the boy with his ambition.
And there was truth in his words. Shouto had been putting his father on some pedestal. He had cared only about ruining his father's plans for him, not thinking about the consequences that would be the results of that ambition.
He's however too… embarrassed to actually contact Midoriya again. Or confused, or still too angry. He isn't sure. Th point is though that every time Shouto grabs his phone to call Midoriya his fingers float above the button and he ended up not calling after all.
The calls and messages from Midoriya himself over the previous two weeks had dwindled, becoming less and less. Probably Midoriya being as considerate as he was. Or Midoriya hated him now. Or he had already given up on the thought of Shouto ever forgiving him. He could be surprisingly pessimistic in contrast to his surprisingly optimistic views.
And two weeks of no contact turned into a month. A month turned into three.
It's kind of pathetic he hadn't been able to follow Fuyumi's advice of making up. He hadn't even been able to call. Couldn't even bring himself to pick up.
Shouto thinks he maybe isn't the right sort for friends.
Shouto meets Yaorashi Inasa at his practical exams of the recommended exams.
He's loud and makes the exam a competition, screaming ''Awesome, I won! Yes!'' when ending first at the exam. Then he addresses Shouto.
''But who knows who'll the next one?! 'Cuz you were amazing!''
Shouto isn't quite sure how to react. The exam isn't a competition and honestly, he just wanted to get in Yuuei. But he was pretty sure not answering at all would be rude, and he could just hear Midoriya ''Todoroki-san, staring at someone blankly is rude. Don't be rude. You should always do your best to make good first impression, especially if you want to become a hero! For heroes, first impressions are fatal, not only with your fans, but also with other heroes. You're going to be colleagues after all.''
Midoriya…
Shouto gives him a blank glance and murmurs ''You were good too.''
The other seems to puff up in excitement at his actions and words.
''You're Endeavors son, or some such, right?! That's something else!''
And Shouto freezes, his eyes turning cold. He should have known. He wonders if he'll ever have a first conversation with someone but Midoriya where someone doesn't bring his father up.
Despite that, the words of Midoriya still echo through his head, so he doesn't snap, instead he nods before cutting of the conversation.
The eyes of the other burn into his back as he walks away.
When Katsuki had first heard about the bastard it had been in passing. The nerd mentioned him and Katsuki hadn't noticed anything particular about it. Deku knew a few kids from their school he could talk casually to, if a bit strained. Not really friends, but something like acquaintances. People he wouldn't nervously avoid like the prissy he was. So, some no-name bastard was not important to Katsuki at all.
This changed however when Katsuki actually began to hear the name more often. So often in fact that Katsuki had actually remembered it.
He could just hear the stupid nerd's voice 'Blah blah blah Todoroki-san blah blah blah.' Fucked up, that's what it was.
Now, of course, this was something he could deal with. Katsuki also had some kind of 'friends' besides Midoriya. That wasn't the problem. The problem however was that firstly, he had never seen nor met this bastard, nor had Midoriya introduced him to Katsuki. Which was suspicious if anything.
And secondly, the bastard came up in their conversations more and more. And it was annoying to hear Midoriya complement him as if he was actually worth something. Katsuki had more than enough experience with the second-grade people on this world and Midoriya talking about someone like that so positively was obviously undeserved.
But Katsuki had let it rest. For months, he had let it rest. Trusting Midoriya to introduce them sooner or later. Which he hadn't.
And now, finally, Katsuki could see the result of his inaction.
Midoriya was sulking. Had been for almost a week already. He was often found staring at his phone listlessly… Like fucking now.
''He hasn't called yet. Maybe I should call him. But what if he doesn't want to talk to me? He didn't answer before. What if he never wants to see me again? Oh, god I'm such a horrible friend. I should have worded that differently, shouldn't I have? He's only so young. I should have supported him. I shouldn't have said that. I really shouldn't have said that. -'' And on and on went the stupid muttering.
Whoever this 'Todoroki-san'-bastard was, Katsuki was going to find him and punish him for every bit of his suffering.
For now, though ''Oh my god, Deku! Shut up! Stop being such a pussy!''
When the day of the exams arrive, Katsuki is relucantly excited. Deku, of course, manages to ruin that feeling without even trying.
Katsuki watches resigned as Deku almost bumps into another person as they're walking to the exams, almost touching but quite yet. It's a pink-haired person. He rolls his eyes. Of course it's a pink-haired person. Bright, bubblegum-pink.
Her expression flickers for only a second. A poisonous angry look, a twitch in her hand. Before it's gone, a bright smile pasted on instead. So fast Katsuki isn't sure he actually saw it. Deku didn't see it though for sure. As he immediately bows forward to apologize.
The girl apologizes too and giggles sheepisly. All typically cute girly flair.
There something about her Katsuki doesn't like and he wants to tug Deku away when the nerd suddenly frowns. ''Oh? Have we met before?'' before freezing up. ''Eh, sorry, you just seem familiar.''
The girl smiles at him. White teeth sparkling and rosy cheeks, her high ponytail swishing behind her. ''Well, I don't know about actually met, but we've bummed into each other before. You don't remember?''
Deku flushes. ''Oh, eh.. N-No. Sorry?''
''Well, we did. I think we may be living in the same area.''
''Oh. Eh. I guess.'' Deku begins to look uncomfortable and suddenly it's much more attractive to stay there and watch him suffer. But Katsuki is also getting impatient and he wants to be on time for the stupid exams, even though he knows that even if they would stay here and talk for ten minutes they would still be easily on time, he wanted to get in UA and was going to give his all to fucking get in and become number one.
The girl reaches out, probably to pat him on the shoulder or something of the sort, and again something changes suddenly in her eyes, a greedy light appearing and something that Katsuki is only able to describe as an disturbing amount of love mixed in.
Before Katsuki knows it, he reaches out and tugs Deku away almost violently, while glaring at the bitch. She completely ignores him, keeps smiling at the nervous nerd who's huddling his shoulders now, sending him a surprised but thankful glance, and decides to totally ignore all the signs for her to leave them alone and get the hell out of here to introduce herself to them. ''Well, It's nice to officially meet you. I'm Ikeru Ryoko, but you can call me Riko if you want to.'' She giggles. It's annoying how soft and pleasant her voice sounds to his ears.
Deku once again freezes. ''Ryoko…'' He mumbles, his eyes glazing over.
The girl before him cocks her head. ''Yes?''
But Katsuki can already see where this is going. Something caught Deku's attention. Something negative. Deku doesn't get that look on his face otherwise.
''Oh no, look at the time. We gotta go now. What a fucking shame.''
It's aparent how out of it Deku is when he doesn't gasp at Katsuki rudeness. The girl frowns at him, and yes, there's the anger, the burning hate in her eyes again. Katsuki knows he's not imaging it now. He resists the urge to stick his tongue out to her and turns around whilst dragging the nerd away.
And if he's tense untill they finally reach the thresshold of Yuuei, well, that's no one's bussiness but his own.
Arriving at Yuuei again is less straining than the previous time. Contrary to his last life Izuku is this time accompanied by an angrily muttering Kacchan and he himself is kind off out of it, thinking about the girl they met earlier.
They're approached by anyone because, well, Kacchan.
(Izuku himself is just as big a problem though. His mutterings are unnerving like always.)
He doesn't trip, and also doesn't meet Uraraka. He wasn't sure if he was relieved about that or not.
Well, at least he was sure he wouldn't get in the same group as Kacchan. It would make failing the test a lot easier.
.
The boy had turned up. That was already more than he could've hoped for but that didn't take away he had also had hoped and kind of expected really that he actually. You know. Would do his best. Maybe actively participate in the exam. Sure, the boy had aced the theoretical exam, but the moment they were sent outside to fight the bots, he seemed to begin to lack. Even worse, he seemed to begin to lack on purpose. All might, who was standing next to him, was looking bothered too. Nedzu wondered if he had noticed the boy and his lacking.
It's a shame; the boy had talent, he had the right outlook and attitude save for the fact the boy was reluctant to actually become a hero. But Nedzu was sure there was more to that story. More to the mental health problems and more than the mangy quirk control.
(But maybe if the boy really didn't manage to pass the exams Nedzu would be willing to arrange something. He had enough recommendations after all, even if some were not entirely aware while they recommended him that they were actually doing it, a lot of them of acquaintances, but some of them of very closely trusted colleagues. It would only take some extra work.)
For now, though, he could only look and hope, hope for fate to turn the situation around. Even though the chances were pretty bleak. There was only a minute left after all.
.
Izuku couldn't actually believe his luck.
After separating with Kacchan he had completely locked up his jaw to avoid muttering and alerting Iida. His shakiness that he couldn't seem to shake off though had given him away him anyway; he had seen Iida sending him annoyed glances, – Iida looked so young asleep. His face relaxing, his ever-present guilt lines gone. The scars he had gained over the years were almost the same shade as his skin. But his glasses were in pieces and Izuku just had to make in on time, just had to make it on time. Being class president had destroyed him. He had taken responsibility for every classmate that died, that got injured and his guilt only grew and grew. Midoriya had done this to him. No, he just had to make it on time. –
But without Izuku muttering or making a movement to confront Uraraka-san, Iida didn't have a reason to confront him and left him alone.
Afterwards when every one of his group had finally left to hunt the robots, he had been trying to avoid the streets with anyone or anything in it. Not only the robots but also his former classmates and the people he barely recognized or not at all – they're all so young, so young. Some of them getting in different classes, and some of them not passing the exams. He had also tried to avoid the street where he knew he had saved Uraraka-san last time. Only he had gotten lost. Only he had ended up in exactly the street he didn't want to end up. Only the exact same thing as last time happened.
Uraraka-san laid in between and under the rubble, stuck and uncharacteristically helpless, the stupid giant robot was approaching, other people were running and it was more instinct than clear thinking that made him run exactly the other way.
He jumped on the rubble still flying in the air using moves he should have already forgotten. Hopping higher until the last where he felt his leg muscles clench and strain, firing himself up. His arms pulled back, he feels the quirk - Not his quirk, but his anyway – awaken. He feels adrenaline surge through his blood. Lightning crackles along his arm. He feels the wind blowing and a smile that shouldn't be there tugging on his lips.
(''After that boy got his first taste of a fight, he was addicted. He'll not quit now.'' The woman told his mentor.)
His fist smashes into the robot. A familiar blast of wind as aftermath and the metal bending and his hand blowing through it. The whole robot begins to fall back and then Izuku is also falling down, down, down.
Uraraka-san beneath him reaches out with her hand. Izuku reaches back and the bare of their fingertips touch.
Gravity falls away. For a second he's floating then Uraraka-san does her skill release and Izuku lands in a crouch. He's with Uraraka-san in a second. Checking her over, even though he knew she should be alright.
His sleeve has holes from burnt away material. His fingers still crackle from his quirk, and he clenches his hands.
(Bones were surprisingly fragile, humans were surprisingly fragile, Izuku found, as she took his hand and his only needed to twitch in response to make her scream.)
He doesn't offer to help her from the robot appendage.
Though when she stands before him, he gives her a strained smile.
(''You alright? Sorry for going crazy with my quirk there. I just think it'd have been a bad omen if you tripped there, you know? I'm so nervous, bet you are too! Well, Good luck! Later!'')
He wonders if the tears blurring his sight are visible.
He turns away. His legs feel strained and bruised, but he's pretty sure nothing is broken. His arm definitely feels worse though and Midoriya should probably check himself for fractures. He should. He doesn't.
It isn't hard to notice the crowd and their stares, their muttering. He had known already that they would be there.
(''How come a guy which such an insane quirk was such a timid ball of nerves the whole time?!'' Guess Izuku wasn't as inconspicuous if he would have liked.)
He nods to recovery girl when she arrives. Feels his face shift in a bright smile when she nods back, but the world has become more like a TV-screen, the mutters turning into white noise. It's like he's watching everything from afar. Like he has entered a haze. He avoids her and the other medics and keeps his arm in the most natural position he can. When someone finally asks if he's okay, he just gives a bland nod and an equally bland smile.
The moment he's free to go, he bolts.
(It's with a pained heart that he ignores first Uraraka-san calling after him, then Kacchan and at last even Yagi-san - who shouldn't be here, but Yagi-san is ridiculously bad in keeping secrets when someone he cares about comes into play.)
Izuku wonders if he can actually do things differently in this life.
- Hehastohehastohehasto, he has to, he has to -
His mom is talking to him when he comes home. She sounds concerned. He can't understand her over the haze. He tries to nod in the right places. When she falls silent he smiles at her. She flinches. ''It went okay.'' His voice croaks ''I'm just going to turn in early today?''
He's already walking before he gets an answer. His mom calls something after him but he just can't seem to understand it over the static. He feels a pang of guilty regret but it falls away fast.
Numb he arrives in his room. His window is open. He likes having his window open. He closes the window. It's already getting dark outside, the sky dyed in a beautiful dark blue. He stares at it for a few seconds. He closes his drapes too.
Changing in his pyjama's in done in the dark and on autopilot. He decides to just not shower or brush his teeth. It doesn't seem important.
In the corner of his bed sits the huge teddy-bear he remembered getting from his mom and Yagi-san years back, when they had all gone to the amusement park. Normally the memory would summon a smile on his face, even though sometimes it would be bittersweet. Today he just stares at it numbly for a while, afterwards he carries the teddy-bear to the furthest corner from the room away from his bed and sets it down there, to be swallowed by the shadows and dust.
When he is finally lays sprawled out on his bed, looking with empty eyes into the dark he hears his phone buzz. The buzz gets swallowed up into the haze and the sound of a car passing their house. It buzzes again. Izuku closes his eyes and ignores it.
He had locks himself in his room; not yet ready to face the world. He tries to think, but everything has been taken over by the haze and all he can make out is screaming and blood, and horrified faces as they look at the after-math of his punch. He doesn't go out for hours, the whole rest of the day, and the whole weekend. Through the door, he says he isn't feeling well, and he might as well; he feels sick in the stomach the whole time he's awake, his arm definitely has a fracture and sleeping isn't better. Nightmares are visiting him again. He cancels Kacchan and he cancels Yagi-san and Sansa-san and Machida. He hurts his mom by turning her away as she stands in front of his door.
And school is done in a haze too. Sometimes he notices Kacchan somewhere in the corner of his eyesight. But besides that, there's only looking to the board and teacher for hours, without actually hearing something. One day he actually gets held back by one of his teachers who asks him if everything is alright. Izuku answers her in a haze too. It doesn't seem to reassure her.
He doesn't really care
It takes time and after a whole week of barely eating, sleeping and no awareness he allows his mom in his room. She is hovering, feeding him soup which is just making him feel even more nauseous. She opens his curtains and window, and forces him to sit up. Then she looks at him for a long time.
Izuku bursts out in tears after only five minutes. He's blubbering, about his fears of hurting others, about his fears of disappointing others. About there being too much images, too much blood. And about the quirk not being right, it being wrong and off. It's not his. He doesn't have a quirk. He can't become a hero. He shouldn't.
He knows his mom doesn't know exactly what happened to him, only small parts. The nightmares have always been a mystery. The quirk she assumes it's from the time with Hideki, like everyone. She knows she doesn't actually know, is actually against this whole trying to become a hero thing, but his mom supports him anyway. She holds him. Sooths him.
And Izuku really hasn't ever done anything to deserve someone as amazing as his mother.
Her eyes shine as she tells him that it will be alright. She trusts him to not hurt others, after all he's amazing. That it will be alright and even if you don't trust yourself to not hurt others, trust Katsuki-kun and Yagi-san to protect the others.
Izuku leaves his chamber half an hour after that. His smile is still shaky and he and his mother huddle up together in front of the television. Both under the same familiar big old blanket.
Izuku wakes up the next morning on the couch embraced by his mother, feeling safe and secure.
He's ready to face the world again.
.
Of course, it's only an hour later that his mother notices his arm's weird angle. She screams at him, cries, and forces him to go to the hospital.
Izuku wonders why he can't seem to be the son his mom deserves, no matter how hard he tries.
Izuku stares at All Might telling him he was accepted into Yuuei. It was different this time. Not personal. Not even interactable. It was just a pre-recording, though this time there was also an unopened white letter which resembles the one he had gotten once from the principal.
His mom was standing next to him staring at the protection with wide eyes together with Yagi-san who was looking increasingly uncomfortable with every word the protection said. Izuku vindictively thought it was karma for still not telling him or his mom about his secret.
Later when they were sitting in the kitchen, the Bakugous having joined them, with newly prepared tea and a huge celebration chocolate cake in front of them, his mom frowns. ''I never noticed this before, but, Izuku, don't you think All Might look kind off familiar?''
Yagi-san chokes on his tea.
Mitsuki-san bursts out into laughing ''That's just because you've seen too much of his documentaries with Izuku-chan, Inko-chan!''
''No, but I could swear-!'' His mom began as she patted Yagi-san on the back.
Well, it could be worse, Izuku supposed.
.
The letter from the principal begins with a congratulation which also subtly says 'I told you so.'.
After those formalities, it becomes interesting though. It seems that he has an appointment with Recovery girl and Aizawa-sensei before meeting his class.
Kacchan is going to kill him when he tells how early they're going to have to wake up on their first day.
Oh my god, have you ever lost anything you had written, and then you to write it all over again? It's. so. Frustrating. I hate this so much, because I know had written something, and just because of an honestly stupid mistake I don't have it anymore. I want to punch something. But what's worse is that it makes me nervous, because I just know this second-time writing is so much worse, and even if it isn't, Iwill never know. Guhh.
Yes, my hello rant. Sorry, not sorry. I'm frustrated. But well, done with this chappie, that's a relief at least.
Ha, bet you thought this chapter wasn't going to take so long. But, you know, the usual, super busy. Just had exam week, kind off, don't know how to describe to foreigners but it was hell. But done now, so that's nice. 'nd summer vacation coming up soon, which is even nicer. Anyway, my own commentary on the chapter:
- Guys, you better be proud of me, I'm finally up to date with the manga! Did it!
- Ah, Japan's school stuff messed me over, man. I thought like you have exams around early spring, and then before summer vacation you hear if you've been accepted in your schools and then after the summer vacation you start with your new school but apparently not?
At least Izuku, apparently, first goes to UA in the spring? Which means his exam days were around January? I'm so confused. It also messed up me writing because I had like things planned for Izuku in the summer vacay, and there's no summer vacay. You see my problem? Japan is weird. (no offence of course)
- So, Midoriya reacting so harshly to Todoroki's confession I because he already knew. So, while it sucks, I won't shock Midoriy as much and thus he can spit the words out easier. It just makes him seem a bit- eh cold?
And to answer questions/remarks:
- I think I made several of you stress with my introduction of Himiko-high. Hehehe. But nah. He isn't going to go there. Himiko-high was more for giving Izuku the realisation: oh wait. I can in fact go somewhere else. This live doesn't have to be a replica of my first one.
But well Nedzu won't let our cute-pie walk away.
- I don't have any manga spoilers from what I know of actually, until this chapter. Where the spoiler would be the part with Yoarashi Inasa. Though, I don't think that part is too obvious or a big spoiler really. I actually was planning on maybe adding Yoarashi to class 1A but then decided not too because I know a lot of people only follow the anime and spoiler, and also don't really know if he's going to play some important role in the future, so better be save, ya know?
- I confused people again with the quirk thing (I feel like this is going to be a thorn in my side. So, I'm just going to say this.
On principle, his quirk time-traveled? back with him. It did. Izuku however didn't recognise this, because he didn't expect to have on at that point of time. Mental issue. (Those things can be real serious, I find people tend to underestimate them though.) so he doesn't use it at all.
Until he accidently uses it when he's five and continuous to as he grows older. (I'll go further into the reason for that in a later chapter.)
Hideki/Labcoat pumped some chemicals into him which enhance the quirk so to say. So, Izuku has not gained a new extra quirk. It's basically just his quirk but on steroids, which well, honestly, his quirk doesn't really need.
The reason he's concerned about the power is because he can't actively always control it. And so, he can accidently hurt someone by activating his quirk when he doesn't mean to.
The new chemicals cause the quirk to be more active though causing things to happen more often.
I think that should clear it up? Tell me if you've got question though.
- No, Izuku didn't get recommendations of Yagi, nor of the police department (They're actually still trying to recruit Izuku as an agent or detective. It's a very competitive thing for them.)
- Also, there's some Uraraka in this chappie, so hope you're happy with that. And more will of course come. Don't worry about it, though she will not necessarily appear as a love interest. Just friends.
So, I think that was everything. I thank you all for commenting! It was super nice, and then I wish you all a super nice day, thanks for reading and please review!