Author's Note:
This story occurs three months prior to the events in "Who Writes This?!" I had wanted to tell this story originally, but needed to kind of gauge how easy or difficult it was to write these characters, this world, and fanfiction in general. I enjoyed the experience, so I will be writing this after all. Please Enjoy.
I do not own, nor do I work for Disney. I ate an ice cream that was supposed to resemble mickey mouse once, but I don't think it gave me any special Disney powers. Byron Howard and Rich Moore apparently got the special radioactive ones.
Guardian Blue - Thanks for the Fox
Chapter 1: Regrets and a Cape Buffalo
"It's coming from over this way." Judy called back, the light pat-pat-patting of her small feet speeding up. The small, grey-furred bunny hooked around a corner and into an alley. She was adorned as usual, while on duty, in her custom made, form-fitting uniform. Nick was in a uniform more resembling that of everyone else in the precinct as he was quite a bit taller than Judy. The fox ran behind his partner and kept close.
The fox panted out, "I hear it now too! It sounds like it's inside or under something though..." He stopped suddenly, nearly crashing into the back of his own suddenly halted best friend. They held still, even held their breath, and waited for the sound again. A small sniffle broke the silence, and then the crying resumed. Judy was sure now that they were following the sound of a crying child. The rabbit's sensitive ears had picked it up from the cruiser as they patrolled in the Meadowlands District. They went further into the alley, following the sound. It certainly sounded like a child, but with the huge variation in sizes and types of mammals that the pair could encounter from minute to minute, one could not always assume that.
Judy called out in a strained whisper, "Nick!" She was trying to be quiet enough not to startle someone, and loud enough for her partner to come over to where she was. She pointed to a dark blue dumpster with a closed lid. The sound inside had gone suddenly quiet, but Judy was sure that it was from there. She nodded to Nick as her backup arrived, and she carefully opened the lid. There was a shuffle inside and Judy shook her head and held up a paw to her badge, which was emblazoned bright and shiny over her heart. Little ears ducked down under crushed boxes.
She called out in little more than a whisper again, "Woah, woah, woah! I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm here to help!" She used an almost motherly tone. Inside the dumpster was a fairly small mammal, as she had suspected, but buried in all the trash it was hard to tell what type exactly. A little head peeked out again, and Judy recognized it finally. A little kangaroo joey was hiding in the garbage.
"What are you doing in there, kiddo?" asked Nick curiously, trying to use his softer, more compassionate tone, something he used when trying to win someone's confidence. Judy mockingly called it Nick's Lovey-Dovey Voice. Oddly, the fox seemed to be better with kids than she was, despite her being smaller and having grown up with younger siblings. This always puzzled her, but it was useful this time.
The kid looked over to the russet vulpine and spoke up between sniffles. "No one else's in the alley, are they?" asked the joey.
Nick responded, "Just us. It was clear outside the alley too. Did someone hurt you?" Hearing her partner ask that, Judy's heart sank. For all the challenges that came with being a cop, dealing with the natural maternal agony that sometimes went along with children in trouble was just about the worst for the bunny. The little guy poked his head out, glanced around, and then let Nick help him out of the trash. Fortunately it seemed to be mostly office garbage like boxes and paper. There were not many of the less pleasant smelling items a restaurant or home might provide. He hopped down from Nick's arms and shook himself off a little, wearing overalls and a striped shirt. He looked like he was probably about ten years old.
"I'm okay now, I don't need the police." the joey said meekly.
"Two boars, a perpetually sleepy rhino and a nutria rat." Nick stated flatly. He caught the joey as he literally jumped for the bin again to land himself right back into the trash.
"Where!?" the boy cried.
"No, I was guessing who chased you into the rubbish." Nick offered. Judy groaned in realization of who it was. Even though they had been on the beat together only three months, they already knew a few of the usual trouble-makers by heart. Judy took out her cell phone.
"I'll call the case worker, and we will get a statement." The bunny sighed. The two boars in particular were a thorn in the side of quite a few folks in the community. They had a case worker from the city assigned to them to help the parents of the troubled youths get things under control. Dealing with underage offenders was a delicate matter.
Nick looked at the younger mammal and smiled, saying softly, "We'll give you a ride home, young fella."
The joey groaned. "Aw man, I don't want my parents in on this, my mom's gonna freak out if she knows I've been fighting again." He flailed a bit, exasperated.
Nick knelt down beside him, his calm, warm smile-of-convincing plastered on his muzzle. "Well, see, the way this works is we can't ask you any questions about what happened without a parent or a guardian present, and we can't help with the problem if you don't make a statement."
The joey looked at the ground and kicked his feet a bit. "Won't they know it was me that ratted 'em out? I gotta go this way to get to my dad's work." He seemed very worried.
Nick shook his head slowly. "Do you really think you're the only person they've hassled recently?" Nick asked. "Even if you think you don't need help, how about the next guy who isn't able to jump 25 feet in a single hop to get away?" The joey looked away, appearing to ponder that. Nick continued, "Son, these are kids that took their new sloth 'buddy' and placed him in the middle of the road just to see if he'd make it. When you stand up for yourself, you stand up for him too." Nick crossed his arms expectantly. The kid cringed and looked up at the taller mammal. There was a bit of a silence before finally the lad looked back down at his large feet.
"Did he?" asked the young kangaroo.
Nick answered softly, "Yeah. He made it."
The joey looked back up, obviously relieved. "Okay, I live on Alfalfa Avenue, first house on the corner there - with the trampoline." He explained. Judy watched the exchange, then made a quick call to the city services department and explained that they would be receiving a report concerning the troubled teen boars. She was impressed with the fox's convincing argument. Nick took the joey's self-shame away from him and then convinced him to help others instead. Judy had learned early in her life to help others, but she found most were not so quick on the uptake concerning more altruistic behaviors. She followed behind her partner, heading back to the cruiser. It was less than a mile to the address the youngster provided, so it would be a short drive.
Nick spoke as they walked together. "Hey, I gotta ask... what kind of hang time to you guys get on a trampoline? I played on one when I was a kit, and those things are amazing!" The fox sounded so genuinely excited that Judy had to stifle her laugh. It was hard, around kits and cubs, to tell her partner's age sometimes. The conversation forced Judy to ponder Nick excitedly bouncing on a trampoline and for some reason that image tickled the heck out of her.
The joey quickly answered, "I get crazy high on it, but mom always tells me to cool it, she thinks I'm gonna go right through the thing on the down-bounce, y'know?" the joey seemed just as excited as Nick was about it. "My name's Cliff. You wanna bounce when we get back? It's pretty big. If we time it just right, I bet we get so high our ears pop!" Nick looked at Judy, his muzzle wide in a silent grinning gasp.
The bunny sighed. "No, Nick," Judy shattered his hopes, as he likely expected. She was his 'out' when it came to doing dangerous, unnecessary things on duty for the entertainment of others. They piled into the cruiser which was also custom-built for their size category. There had not been anyone their specific size in the precinct before. It was made and provided while Nick was in the academy on the assumption that more would follow.
Cliff and Nick talked excitedly about a new Pig Hero 6 movie that was being made during the short duration of their trip. The fox officer seemed naturally inclined to figure out what people wanted to talk about and he would delight them by seeming super interested in it. The bunny knew why, but didn't mind the reason. It was very effective for his new job and she was learning to rely on it. How he used it in his older endeavors didn't really matter anymore.
The clustered busy buildings along First Street in the meadowlands quickly gave way to the rolling grassy plains that this section of Zootopia was named for, and they came to the sparsely populated area where the kangaroo lived. They pulled up to his house and Nick helped Cliff out of the car. They walked together up to the door. Judy radioed in their location and made some updates to their car's computer report log as Nick accompanied Cliff to the front door. A female mammal's shouting from the porch snapped Judy's attention away from the report in a heartbeat.
"Cliff! Get in this house now! What are you doing?! Get inside! Did he put his claws in you?! You better not have hurt him, I'm a taxpayer, you walking roach motel! Off off off!" Judy watched in paralyzed horror as the older lady kangaroo picked up a broom and began pushing Nick off of the porch. "If I find out you bit him, I swear to the heavens above, I'll-" The younger kangaroo said something, but Judy could not make it out over his mother's desperate yelling. The bunny recovered from being stunned by that display and bolted from the car as Nick calmly stepped down from the porch. He shrugged at his partner, walking back to the cruiser without a word in his own defense. The bunny hurried past him but tried to read his expression. The only thing she got from him was relaxed resignation. He knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with that mammal.
Nick said softly, "This one's all yours." Judy felt physically sick by what she had just seen, but made a note to just talk to Nick about it later as the fox climbed into the passenger seat of the patrol car. Judy strode purposefully over to the porch, the lady kangaroo scowling with her broom as she regarded the bunny police officer.
"Having a little trouble getting applicants at the academy these days are they?" she asked of Judy. The bunny desperately wanted to find out which of them could kick harder in a cage match after how she saw her partner treated, but she inhaled deeply and dropped it for the moment. It would not help them perform their duties to take this personally.
Judy paused a moment to clear her head, and then spoke. "Ma'am, we found your son Cliff being chased by some boys on First Street. We have had some dealings with those particular ones in the past. The city of Zootopia does not allow us to interview a child witness without their guardian present. I wanted to know if you would allow me to speak with Cliff about what happened today so that we can try to make sure other kids don't have to worry about these guys again."
Cliff's mother softened a bit and seemed to dismiss Nick outright, since he was just waiting in the car. She had the joey come down from wherever he ran during the near-altercation between Nick and his mom. He relayed the story to Judy about how he was collecting interesting rocks along the railroad tracks when the boys approached him. They told him they were going to play a game where he would try to take a puzzle box from a shop nearby. If he managed to get it, he'd be in the club.
He said no, and they told him the other game they would play was if he didn't cry when they took turns kicking him, he'd still get to be in the club. Not a fan of pain, he ran and hid. That was when he met Judy and Nick. Judy's hardened mood was softened a little when he seemed to make it a point to his mom to explain that Nick never once acted threatening or mean. He made it clear that there had been absolutely nothing negative about the fox. She didn't really comment on it, but Judy felt immensely better knowing that at least Cliff didn't hate her partner by proxy of his parent. The prejudice did not, at least here, extend to the younger generation. Cliff would not have it.
After taking his statement, Judy headed out to join Nick. As she did, she was met by Cliff outside. He'd slipped out the side door when his mother wasn't looking, perhaps. He had a card in his little claws. It was a collectible card of one of the female characters from Pig Hero 6. It was autographed by one of the voice actors.
Judy took the card, a little confused. She said dismissingly, "You don't have to do this, we do this every single day... it's what the ZPD is here for. We're not really allowed to-" Judy started.
"It's for Nick." Cliff said, cutting her off. He frowned, looking away. "Mom doesn't like foxes. Anything with sharp teeth, really. I don't know why. She was wrong to be mean to him though. I want him to know I don't feel like that. I love her, but she's wrong this time. I know she is. Nick's one of the good guys. I'm gonna be a fireman when I grow up, and I know you guys'll have my back." He fist-bumped Judy. "Nick's cool. Tell him I said so." He chimed, and bolted before Judy could give him back his card. The bunny sighed. Officers were not allowed to accept any kind of gifts, but she was not about to try to go through that kid's mother to give it back. She plodded back to the cruiser and hopped in, looking over to her partner in the passenger seat. He was looking away from her, out the window. She could tell he had his sunglasses on as well due to his reflection in the window. That was likely to ensure she could not possibly read his expression. That was not a great sign.
Judy growled a little. "That... I just..." She gritted her teeth. She didn't even know where to start with that.
Nick spoke up casually. "Let's head back to the precinct for lunch. I have that fruit salad you made for us that I forgot to take home yesterday. I've been thinking about it all morning." He turned and smiled to Judy. It was that calm, collected, convincingly fake smile that Judy first experienced from him in Jumbeaux's Ice Cream Parlor so long ago.
"Nick, that wasn't okay. We don't have to pretend it was fine." Judy stated bluntly.
"It happened to me, Carrots. Not you. If I say we can go get fruit salad and forget about it, that's how we handle it." Nick sighed a bit. The tension was not completely hidden in Nick's voice. It was rare that Judy could actually hear it. He hated that. Judy started the car and began to drive.
After some silence she finally huffed, "You were the one getting yelled at Nick, but it still made me ill seeing that. How could anyone-" she began, but stopped as Nick took his sunglasses off, frowning.
Eyes half closed, he cut into her tirade. "A day in the life of a fox, Carrots. That's not new. At least I wasn't wearing bodily fluids at the end of it." Nick sighed softly, "Look, I'm sorry you had to see that, but as my partner you are gonna hear some terrible things said to me. You are going to see the worst the world has to throw at me, especially because we are cops. But, you are going to see me take it like a professional, because that is what we both are." He let silence overtake the conversation a moment before finally speaking again. "Being... shooed away from a kid was a new one, I will admit. It doesn't feel great, Fluff, I won't lie. But, if I defend myself and blow up at his mom... then what? Right now, he knows what I am. She can't take that away. However, if he sees me angry and pointy and mean to someone he cares about, then I'm exactly what his mother wants him to be afraid of, and she didn't have to do a thing." Judy coasted to a stop at a stop light and looked back to Nick, who was looking out at the road.
She said softly, "I'm not saying we have to do anything about it Nick, I know the long game here. I know how we are supposed to handle it, but it doesn't mean I don't hurt right along with you when it happens. Just..." She frowned, closing her eyes. "I just don't want you thinking I don't care about it. I do. I don't like seeing that. And if you didn't need to talk about it, maybe I did." She sucked in a deep breath, wondering if she really was the only one who felt like there was real injustice in what she'd seen. Left with no recourse to correct it, she felt so powerless. How could Nick not feel even worse? She reached down and took the card Cliff had given to her and passed it to Nick. The fox took it and tilted his head curiously in a fashion that secretly delighted Judy every time she saw it. She liked Nick's 'what's this?' expression and was never really sure why.
On cue, he asked, "What's this?" His eyes then widened. "Is that signed?! Where did you-" he blinked. "Cliff." His head jerked up and he shook it at his partner. "Carrots, we can't take this from him, we have to..."
"Go back?" Judy laughed, "Sure, I will let you get through his mom to give that back to him." Judy grumbled. "I tried to refuse it Nick, but it was something he had to do. Keep it for now, I get the feeling we will see that kid around again." Judy stated calmly. "You can give it back to him when he's a little further from the pouch." Nick sighed at that and carefully placed the card inside the vinyl wallet in his back pocket and leaned back as they moved onto the highway that would bring them back to city central.
After some time, Judy finally spoke again. "I'm sorry if I seem a little overprotective, Nick. You already kinda seem like you're in a funk today, and I was hoping to see you in better spirits. I know you won't tell me what's eating you, but I'm still gonna try to make you laugh and tease me and be yourself. You know that, right?" she asked. Nick widened his eyes at his partner, and then gave a little more genuine grin.
"I'm not in a funk, Carrots." He stated, "I am having a pretty good day, you've been there for all of it. I just thought you wanted me to ease up on the silliness a bit. Isn't that what you said?" he flattened his ears at her.
Judy remembered the conversation from a few days ago. It had been her intention to get him to stop teasing Bogo, not stop teasing altogether. She sighed. "I know, and you're fine, really Nick, just... I don't know. You've seemed off since yesterday. Maybe we can go hassle Finnick in Sahara Square, that always makes you laugh."
Nick smiled genuinely at his partner again. "I'm fine, Judy. It's just the time of year is all it is. I'll get over it. I don't need counseling. It doesn't interfere, and it's perfectly normal." Judy widened her eyes at that. While he was playing it off cool, she was actually surprised that he was not merely dismissing it outright. He had used her actual name too. Something really was bothering him, and he was just working through it. She pulled off the access road and turned toward the station. She would give him space with whatever it was, as he might not have intended to make it clear there really was a problem. She did not want to smother him.
As the pair entered the station, Nick was acting a little less quiet and a little closer to what she expected of him with the short time that they had been working together. The first few days of his time with the ZPD had been busy, stressful, and a little overwhelming for Nick. After that, he began to joke around with his fellow officers and found an immediate sense of belonging that he was quick to tell Judy all about. Things felt a little closer to that kind of normal as they headed for the break area. As they passed the front desk however, Clawhauser flagged them down and told the pair that the chief wanted to see them in his office about an assignment. Nick sighed and nodded to the overly large feline. They reported to the second floor and down the hall to the very end. No fruit salad for the sad fox.
Bogo, as they arrived, was trying to smooth over some sort of issue with a public official. It was not clear what the issue was exactly, but he was using his lighter, quieter voice that he never used unless he was trying to save face for the department or make his life easier in some way with a higher-up. When he finally hung up the phone, he looked less happy, no longer needing to fake it.
Nick stated with a blank expression, "I didn't bite that kid I swear." Judy flinched.
"What?" Bogo asked.
Judy cut in, "Nick's being a goof. You needed to see us?" she asked. Bogo snorted at Nick who just grinned smugly.
The buffalo then looked back to the rabbit and then smiled. "Yes. I have a very light, easy, harmless assignment that there is absolutely no way you two can royally mess up." The chief smiled broadly. Nick flattened his ears at that.
Nick put his paws behind his back casually. "Let me guess. Does it have something to do with generating city revenue from carelessly parked motorists?" Judy cringed at the thought. Had they gotten in trouble? Was that why they were getting parking duty?
The chief snorted. "Suddenly tempting, but no." He spoke bluntly, "I need for you both to go on stage and give out some awards for the Mother's Day Special Recognition event. The acting mayor is still serious about the Mammal Inclusion Initiative and thinks this would be an ideal event to put on display the changing face of our city's service members." Judy widened her eyes at that and immediately looked uncomfortable.
"That's this weekend, Chief. Do we need to do a speech?" the bunny asked.
The chief responded quickly, "Don't have a coronary, Hopps, it's a non-speaking role. You two will just be passing out the awards and giving heart-felt congratulations and smiles to some of the mothers who are being publicly recognized." Bogo grinned a bit at the flustered bunny. She did not like being in the spotlight after the arrest of former mayor Lionheart. He knew that.
Judy sighed and smiled. "Oh. Well, that does sound easy enough, I would be honored." She nodded at that and looked at her partner. His expression was utterly flat. It was as if the chair beside her were practically vacant.
There was a bit of a silence before Bogo finally spoke. "I... can count on your assistance as well then, Wilde?" the chief asked, his tone making it clear he was puzzled by Wilde's odd expression as well.
"No." Nick said bluntly. The bunny clutched her chest, almost physically choking on Nick's response.
Bogo narrowed his eyes. "I beg your pardon, Wilde?" the chief glowered, standing up and leaning over Nick in a manner that eclipsed the light in his office.
Nick's green eyes finally moved from the blank nothing that he seemed to have been staring at and focused on the chief. He answered stiffly, "I said no, I will pass. Count me out. No can do. I decline. Gone fishin'." He counted the responses out on his claws. Nick clarifying it did not slow Judy's heart down. Bogo remained standing.
The chief growled, "Hopps, I will give you an opportunity to explain to your partner why there is not a chapter in the officer handbook titled 'How to refuse an assignment without a damned good reason'." Judy's heart went into her throat. She was not Nick's superior, why was he making her do that?
Nick spared Judy a response by speaking again. "I have a 'damned good reason', but I do not wish to share that right here." The fox's tone was cold, his expression again fixed on that eerie neutral space somewhere between him and the back wall of the office. It was an expression that Judy wasn't sure she'd ever seen on him before. Nor on anyone else she knew.
"Nick, what are you doing?!" Judy hissed, long black-tipped ear practically glued to her back.
He snapped his gaze back up to the buffalo. "May I speak with you about this alone?" Nick asked.
Bogo slammed his hands flat on the desk loudly, making Judy jump, "Wilde! The next words out of your mouth had better be that 'damned good reason', or Hopps will be on parking duty during the two weeks that you are suspended. Out with it. Now." Nick looked fearful suddenly, another expression she had not seen him use around Bogo... ever. He looked at her, pained, and then back to the chief. She stood up on her oversized chair.
"Chief I... I'm okay waiting in the hall... if it's private-" She could tell Nick did not want her to be there for this, and while she did not understand why, she didn't want to force it.
The chief cut her off however. "Hopps, sit down. Wilde, words." Judy felt sick to her stomach.
Nick crossed his arms, looking at the floor a moment before speaking. "Alright, you really want this, so here we go." The way he said it made her feel like she and the chief should be putting on helmets. The Cape buffalo glowered darkly as Nick spoke. The fox's voice seemed strained as he said, "You both know I was not always the model citizen I am today. I made mistakes, and I made bad choices." The bunny perked her ears high. The chief was aware of Nick's former life as a con artist, but Judy wasn't sure how much Bogo actually did know. Did this sudden inexplicable behavior have something to do with Nick's less ethical past?
"I am very well aware, Wilde, get on with it." Bogo growled, sitting back down.
Nick continued. "Well, in the beginning, there was a very angry fox kit." Bogo snorted loudly, as if feeling this was immediately a waste of his time, but Nick kept right on talking. "...and that fox kit thought his mother was blind and dumb for thinking that he was ever going to make anything of himself. She did her best. She taught him right from wrong. She let him know hard work and helping others was the true path. But, ohhhh, this kit knew better." Judy widened her eyes. Nick had never, ever, since the gondola ride so many months ago mentioned his mother. She suddenly wanted very much to make it so Nick didn't have to keep telling Bogo this.
The buffalo snorted again. "Well, up until about five minutes ago, I would say she could be quite proud. However, more recent events lead me to feel like maybe she should take a slipper to you." Their boss crossed his arms.
Nick visibly flinched, which worried Judy deeply. Her partner spoke again. "Well, we will revisit that in a bit, Sir. So, see, the older that little angry kit got, the more the world showed him who he thought he ought to be. It was who the world expected him to be and who he was going to have to be. He thought he had a perfectly clear picture of what was real, and that what Mom told him was a fairy tale meant to make him feel better about himself. It was useless in every way that mattered for making it in the real world. He was so sure of it!" Nick began raising his voice. Bogo actually looked a little concerned. It was not nearly as concerned as his partner was feeling.
Judy spoke a little meekly, trying to calm him. "Nick..." However, she could think of nothing more to say to help, and just felt silly for interrupting him. It did not seem to faze the fox, however. He continued to speak with his elevated voice, gesturing more, increasingly agitated.
"Well, one day, the little fox kit thought he was a big fox, and he made a lot of extra spending money doing 'big fox things' for people who said it would be okay even though he knew it probably wasn't." Judy was secretly glad Nick did not elaborate on what those things were. She really didn't think it would help to know. "...only, his mommy was not happy about it. She told him that he was better than that, and that he could still be better if he really tried. The kit was so... so... angry!" Nick actually bared his teeth at the chief, who watched wordlessly, his expression one of seriousness. Nick paced as he spoke. "Well, mommy knew what the kit didn't know. She knew he really could be better, but he wouldn't hear it. No, no! He was big, he was right. He saw the world. He knew what was real and what wasn't, and his mom was wrong! So from that moment on, he felt he had to sever himself from mommy's make-believe world so he could have whatever there was left for a fox to have." He gestured at nothing in particular. He looked at the floor and said, his tone sinking, "So... the angry, selfish kit... left."
After a short bit of silence, the chief softly spoke. "You never went back?" he asked, his tone dark as usual, but seemingly more sympathetic, certainly not angry like he had been.
Nick sighed helplessly. "Oh, I did. A few times actually, only to pull the same crap when it became clear I wasn't living up to my mother's expectations. I was still skirting the edge of what was legal and well south of ethical." He said with a thumbs-down. He resumed with another heavy sigh, "The last time was four years ago, and boy did we have a row. I was in my late 20's and there I was without so much as a single legitimate and honest work reference, no mate. My ass was in hot water with less-than-friendly mammals, and my only friends either I owed money to, or they owed it to me. She made it clear how hurt she was seeing me like that, and I let her have it... about the rightful place of foxes, oh did I educate her. Then she dropped the 'big bomb' on me. My father would be ashamed of me. My dad. I barely even remembered him! I can't even tell you where he's buried." Judy cringed at that. "...and that guy gives two strands of his dead tail for me? I just turned and walked out. I never called, I never wrote, I never went to see her again." Nick finished explaining.
Judy's heart raced. She had to tell him something. She spoke up, reaching for the fox. "You can still go back Nick," she said with a tight throat, tears at the corners of her eyes. She hated seeing him like this, but she was certain that this was the thing he'd been so moody about. It had to be. Judy tried to encourage her partner, since Bogo sure wasn't going to do it. The bunny kept talking. "She would be so happy to know... To see everything you've done!" The chief predictably added nothing. He seemed to be waiting for something else. Nick provided it.
"About two weeks before I went to the academy I went to her apartment. I was ready to apologize. I was ready to... let her know that I was wrong, and she was right, and I was ready to bear my soul to her to let her in, and share in what was to come no matter how rightfully mad she might have been." As Nick spoke, Judy knew that the ending was not going to be good, or they would not be having this tense conversation. Nick would not have refused Bogo's assignment. Something happened. She steeled her nerves, willing herself to be supportive for her partner. His mother had every right to be angry after being shut out for four years. Surely she would forgive him one day. Maybe Judy could even help. She would happily mediate, even if she wasn't sure how.
"Go on." Bogo finally said, interrupting the introspective silence.
Nick finally continued after pacing a moment, obviously deeply anxious. "No one answered the door. I knocked a few more times. I came back the next day. I knocked louder, maybe her hearing was going. Finally, her next door neighbor came out. I told her I was there to see Vivienne Wilde." Nick looked at the floor, his arms hanging like Spanish moss. "She told me that Vivienne... had passed away about three weeks earlier." Nick's voice audibly cracked at the end. Judy gasped, cupping her entire face. No, she was absolutely not steeled up enough for that! She felt suddenly cold, numb, and sick.
Bogo stammered in disbelief, "N-No... Wilde I..." He sat down in his chair with a dull thump. Judy could not keep herself from shaking. It was very quiet for a few moments.
Nick looked away from everyone and finally spoke. "So you will please have to excuse me... if I do not feel especially willing and able to stand in front of a crowd... and give out awards to other mammals' mothers after what I did to mine." The fox spoke in a near monotone. He then turned fully and walked out of Bogo's office, softly closing the door behind him. Judy looked in utter terror at her boss. Bogo looked like he felt ill too. A full and awkward minute passed in silence before Bogo brought his hand to his face, wiping all the way down.
"Hopps... I am so... so sorry for putting you both through that." Judy looked at her feet. She was speechless. What could even be said about that? The chief continued. "Find your partner. I want you both to take the rest of the day off. I messed that up in the biggest possible way. Tell Wilde he can take the day off Sunday as well. You can too, if you think you can help him out. I am really, really genuinely sorry for that. I will apologize to Nick directly when I have had time to... think of what to even say. Please give him my sympathy when you see him." Judy nodded, only more choked up by Bogo's rare offering of any kind of feelings.
She left the office and headed right for the restroom to get herself back under some semblance of emotional control. Nick might not have wanted Judy to see that, or for her to even be aware of what he was going through, but there was no way in any level of Hell she was going to let him be alone after that.
After she freshened up a bit and mashed her heart back down out of her throat, and her paws stopped feeling like refrigerated pasta, Judy set out in search of her partner. She hoped that he had not just left the precinct altogether. His expression and tone were so hard to read. She had no idea how upset he actually was. She was surprised, however, to find him sitting in the break area, munching on his fruit salad. Judy held still a moment, watching him. He messed with his phone a bit, maybe looking at whatever was trending on Chitter, checking the news or weather. His ears were back, eyes half-lidded and calm and normal. She would hardly believe he'd just finished talking about such a terrible thing only ten minutes before. She approached her partner, sucking in a deep breath.
Nick spoke first. "I'm really sorry you were there for that, Fluff. I tried to get the chief to let you leave. But no, I do not need help. I just need not to do the thing Bogo wanted me to do. I can't. I think you understand." He was speaking calmly. He seemed to have had a chance to calm down while she was calming herself in the restroom. Judy closed her eyes, bouncing back and forth in her mind between offering Nick a warm and sincere hug, or just punching him out.
She finally spoke. "Nick... right before the academy? So when you said you were laid up with the flu for two weeks before you went, it was..." Judy felt a pang of guilt. Alone. He was alone for that. He didn't talk to her for days. Maybe he didn't talk to anyone. She would have been there for him. She would have gladly helped him through that. She knew he was ashamed of what happened, but he didn't have to be alone for something that terrible.
Nick predictably deflected. "On a positive note, that... unfortunate event is part of why I tried so hard in the academy, Carrots." The fox smiled at her, obviously more for her than just being a genuine smile. "I felt more strongly than I ever had in my life that it was time to prove myself and get it right. Such an ugly thing as that... didn't have to be completely pointless and empty." Nick said. "So I got nearly tip top marks and even beat my... little issue with the course on muzzling." He shuddered. Judy perked her ears up at that. She was unaware he had issues with that exercise but suddenly understood why he might have. Curiosity blazed inside her but she then realized that it was a bait and switch. He wanted to talk about that instead. No, she wasn't taking the bait.
Judy said in a careful tone, "Bogo gave us both the rest of the day off as a way of apologizing, as well as Sunday. I think we should take it." Nick had been living with this for over a year. Judy wanted him to know she was there for him now. The fox stood up, packing his now empty container, then placed it back in his Pawaiian print lunch bag.
"I never say no to an early day when offered, and if it makes Buffalo Butt feel like less of a heel for dragging us through that, I'll take it. I wouldn't want him all gloomy during rollcall for night shift," he laughed. Judy smiled at her partner's ability to bounce back. She was not entirely convinced, however. She was not about to just drop it. She wanted to make sure Nick understood how serious she was about her understanding and support. As they walked out through the main lobby, Judy stopped in front of her partner.
She spoke confidently, "Hey, hold up... Before we go." Nick looked at the smaller bunny with wide, curious eyes. She looked into them, trying to see if she could tell anything more, but he really was making himself hard to read. She wondered briefly why she had been completely unable to look at him when his voice cracked in Bogo's office. She felt guilty about that and it made her resolute about what she was about to offer.
"What's up, Fluff?" Nick asked.
"I... I would like to go with you to... to see her. Mother's day, I mean." Judy stated. There was so little she could really do, but she would do that. She would be there for Nick. His expression fell. He closed his eyes.
Her partner spoke slowly and carefully. "Thank you, Judy..." Her real name rang in the rabbit's ears again, "... But I really don't think I can take you there. I mean... I don't even know where there is..." he stated with more than a hint of shame in his voice. Judy silently gasped.
"It's been a year, Nick. I think visiting her would help you," she insisted.
Nick actually bared his teeth a little. "Help who?" he asked. "I didn't give her ten minutes of my time the last four years she was alive. I can't imagine how insulting it would be to rub my newfound success and humility all over her memorial." She recoiled a bit, his tone sounding genuinely irritated. He closed his eyes, obviously trying to calm down, putting his paws on his ears, pulling them back. He finally spoke again, sounding like he was just tired. "I get what you're trying to do, Carrots. You feel like I deserve closure, and that this will let me get over how bad you think this messed me up... but maybe, just maybe I deserve to be messed up! I deserve to feel this weight just a little longer. Maybe four years longer."
Judy cut in, "Nick, I don't understand-"
He returned the favor of interruption, "I don't expect you to understand this, Judy. Hell I don't want you to understand this! I would never want you to know what this felt like! I just need to deal with this. This is my mess, my fault, no one else's. I could have gone to her the day I applied to the academy. I could have gone the day I was accepted! No... I waited. Pride... uncertainty, and fear... and don't feel ready for... closure." He sighed heavily, then added, "Sunday, I will be home. Bogo offered. I'll take it. It will be quiet. I will feel rotten. And I need to. I don't want you or anyone else taking that away from me. Let me have that. You, Bogo, the city of Zootopia, they get everything else. This is mine." He put his paw over his heart. "I will see you tomorrow Fluff." The fox strode past her with singular determination, and Judy did not dare to follow. Her ears back she stood there, thinking.
She could not, at that moment, feel completely sorry for Nick. He was wrong to do this to himself, but he was even more wrong to deny his mother the peace of knowing he was finally going to be okay. To Judy's sense of family and responsibility it was completely unconscionable. She crossed her arms. Vivienne Wilde deserved closure at least, if Nick really felt that she was the victim in all of this. The bunny frowned. She would help him to fix that part of it then, even alone if she had to.
Judy would find out where Nick's mother was laid to rest, and she would go there herself and tell her that her son was alright. This was not for Nick, not for Judy, but for Vivienne. Well, maybe a little for Judy, since it was her belief that this was the right thing to do... but mostly for Nick's mom. She knew Nick would say it was none of the nosy bunny's business, but this was very much Judy's business. It was the bunny's own unsettled debt. Vivienne gave Judy the thing she needed most in the whole world, and it was time someone told that vixen, in this world or the next, 'Thanks for the fox.