I never expected to die like this.
Sure, thoughts of death crossed my mind sometimes.
I often contemplated about death when my mind has nothing to occupied, which is most of the time.
Always imagining when and how I would die. If ever people would missed me by the time I'm gone as I outlived my parents and other loved ones. Frequently, asking myself the meaning and purpose of my life if it comes down to it.
But never have I expected my death to turn out like this.
So brutal and so cruel.
So ruthless and so cold.
I was full of regret for the loss of my life and at the same time I'm so bitter and angry of this world.
I can't accept the unfairness of it all.
Why me? Why did they kill me of all people they encounter and choose to steal from, why did they have to kill me?
I have done nothing to them. I'm just an engineer student who came from a poor family, full of dreams and hope believing that someday I would be able to raised my family from poverty and give them a good life.
But then my dreams for the future as well as my family were snuff out like a candle. All of my hard work were all for naught, my promises broken and my once vision of my future filled with light were turning in to darkness.
Even if some part of me acknowledges that the world we live in is so messed up and that I would be just one of the statistics on the growing list of the numbers of death because of crime.
It's still a bitter pill to swallow when you feel so insignificant and helpless in the face of atrocity.
Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll be feature in the television and be one of their headlines showing the news of an engineer student killed because of attempted robbery turn into murder throughout the whole country disregarding my own stupidity and stubbornness to this whole business.
Heh, at least I get to be famous once even if I would never be able to bask in its glory.
Perhaps the news of my death would serve as a reminder to others that they should never resist and just comply on what the criminals wanted in order to avoid being killed just like me.
But then again knowing my luck, people would just pity on me, give empty condolence and move on with their ordinary life. With the shitty government we have, there is no doubt that no justice would be served for me as well as the loved ones I left behind.
I feel really bad for my parents facing these kinds of people as well as the burden I have given to them after knowing my death. I know that they would seek justice for me but I have a feeling it won't go well, it would only lead to disappointment in the end.
In my defense, I only acted out of instinct. My fight or flight being in overdrive. That instead of fleeing and giving up my possession to saved my ass; I choose to fight believing I could handle that person.
Oh, how wrong I am.
I should never have fight. I should have just given my possession to her. I underestimated them and that mistake causes my death. I was so focused resisting her from taking my bag when her friend out of nowhere attack me with a knife.
Not only am I stabbed once, not twice but sixteen times until they are satisfied. Then they run away and hightail like a dog with tails between their leg.
For the first time I feel terror on my life. Not scared, like the scary movies I watched or even frightened, like when a flying cockroach comes in my way but rather pure terror were rushing through me and I can't do anything about it.
Am I going to survived this?
I have never expected to seriously ask this question to myself like this. Never have I consider my life as a thing to survive from. Even if I came from a poor family not once have I ever think of my situation as something so bad that I need to survive just to live.
So for me to ask this to myself I knew that I'm going to die soon. When everything feels so slow yet so fast at the same time. I now understand why in the movies they said that life flashes before your eyes. Maybe I'm just being dramatic but I swear that everything is so slow. It could possibly be the sudden loss of blood and me feeling lightheaded.
As I slowly dying, I asked help on the cars passing by hoping that a good Samaritan would help me in my ruffled dying state. Even though it's the middle of the night and there's no any sign of human life, I have to try.
At that time I witnessed the callousness and indifference human possessed.
As much as I begged to god and someone out there to help and bring me to the hospital even if it feels hopeless since my body cannot handle the pain any longer. I still stand and wave my hands for help despite my vision going dark and my knees starting to drop.
No one help.
A car pass by and an aged man look and ignored me, acting they never sees me.
And it hurts.
The way they disregards me hurts more than the man who caused this in the first place.
Why won't they help me?
Why won't they notice me?
I am not a bad person nor ever have bad intentions for you. I just needed help in bringing me to the hospital. Please just stop for a moment and help me.
Still, no one stop.
No one heard my pleas for help.
They left me all alone to suffer in this darkness.
I feel betrayed and disappointed.
No matter how much I tried, no matter how much I struggled, my prayers were never answered. I was weak, the feeling of intense pain is the thing that grounds me to earth but slowly my body are turning numb and my will to live is crumbling like dust.
Not long after that, darkness overwhelmed my whole being. My life slipped away as death embraces me.
I still want to live.