The Failed Wedding

Summary: During a Las Vegas visit, somebody tries to get married.

Challenge: #8519 Stop the Wedding! BtVS / Any Fandom on TtH.

Timeline: After season 3 BtVS; season 1 Stargate: SG-1

A/N: Just a little fun to distract me from the immense pain in my mouth from today's dental torture…err, visit. Take care of your teeth, people!

Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. Stargate SG-1 characters belong to Jonathan Glassner, Brad Wright, et al. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.


Luxor Hotel, Las Vegas

Of all the everyone they thought they would have to protect from a Las Vegas wedding, Giles was the last on the Scoobies' list. Well, except for when he was younger and Ripper, or when he was dosed on band candy and thought he was Ripper, or the time…okay, so maybe he should have been higher on their list of concerns for stupid behavior.

They tried having Oz and Xander talk some sense into him; hoping that a guy-to-guy talk would work. But apparently, the bride-to-be worked some kind of mojo on them and now they were fawning over her as well. Buffy winced at the look on Willow's face; Oz had some serious groveling to do later to make up for this.

Not to be cruel to her Watcher or anything, but Buffy had to wonder why the 'lady' picked Giles to be her conquest. She obviously could have any male she wanted, so why Giles?

That would have to wait until later, though. The 'high priest' (aka minister hired by the hotel) was about to perform the ceremony joining them together for all eternity. Something about 'all eternity' sounded ominous to the Slayer.

She had a plan, but the plan could possibly land her in jail for assault if she couldn't bring Giles back to reality. But she didn't have any alternative at the moment. It wasn't as if Willow was this badass witch who could take on the skank and her powers – whatever they were, exactly. Mind control was obviously one of them, but who knows what else there was.

Buffy apologized to the guys in her head, then threw a heavy rubber chakram at Oz in such a way that it after it hit his forehead, it continued to Xander, Giles and the minister…hopefully without causing any permanent damage. She got the idea from Xena – who she thought would have made a kickass Slayer if she was real – and practiced privately for months to learn how to use it correctly.

While that was happening, she grabbed the bride's hand with the funky bracelet and squeezed it so tight that most of the bones were broken. More importantly, the jewels on the bracelet were cracked, rendering the thing unusable.

"You must be a Hok'tar," the woman said through her considerable pain. "You would be an excellent host."

"Not sure what you mean by that, but I'm thinking that I'll have to say no to the whole hosting gig," Buffy snarled. Hok'tar sounded gross; made her think of hocking a loogie.

"I have to insist," the woman exclaimed. "You have damaged this body, so I need a new one…yours." As she finished, her face shot forward at Buffy like she was going to spit at her.

What came out of her mouth was the grossest loogie in the world. It was like some demented alien worm thing, and it hissed at her. She quickly let go of the woman and fought to keep the worm from going into her mouth. The ridges on its back cut into her hands, but she kept fighting.

Willow grabbed the dagger from Buffy's boot and used it to cut the creature in the space between Buffy's hands, accidentally slicing Buffy's right hand in the process.

"Sorry!" Willow cried out.

"That's okay, Willow," Buffy reassured her best friend. "I'm glad you got it before it made it inside me. A scratch on the hand is totally acceptable."

"What are we going to do about them?" Willow asked, pointing to the guys on the floor.

Before Buffy could answer, a bunch of soldiers swarmed into the room. In addition to automatic guns, one of them had a strange-looking folded rod. The way the big guy with the forehead bling was holding it, it clearly was a weapon of some kind, but Buffy couldn't figure out what it did.

"Where's Hathor?" the guy in front called out.

"Super-skank?" Buffy pointed at the floor where the body (technically bodies, including the worm thing) collapsed. Man, this could turn bad if they liked the dead chick.

The blonde woman with them moved forward to inspect while the other people with guns motioned for Buffy and Willow to back away. Since they weren't bulletproof, they complied. "Sir, the symbiote left the host!" she shouted in warning.

"If the symbiote is that wormy thing, look a couple feet to your left," Buffy quickly told them when the gun people got nervous and pointed their guns even more intently at them.

Blonde lady looked at them in shock and asked, "How did you kill it?"

Willow babbled, "Buffy held it and I cut in half. Well, not half exactly, because they aren't the same size but does that really matter? It's dead. Or is it? How do you kill those things? Are there more of them that we should worry about? Are they all mind-controlling, boyfriend-stealing tramps?"

"She didn't really steal Oz, Willow," Buffy tried to reassure her.

"Only because she was more interested in Giles," Willow retorted unhappily.

"How should we proceed, sir?" the blonde woman asked the guy in charge.

"Well, I guess we'll have to wake those four up and debrief them all," he answered.

Buffy's eyes widened and she momentarily forgot about the guns, which had lowered since they found out the symbiote was dead. "I'm gonna have to say no! We aren't taking our clothes off for you people. She might have been willing to," she said, pointing to the body of Hathor, "but we aren't, and it's a little creepy that you want to get a bunch of people naked, especially when four of us are barely legal!"

A couple of the soldiers snickered at her outburst while the leader looked both horrified and amused at what she was thinking.

"They mean that they want to find out what happened," Willow explained. "Debrief is soldier talk."

"We aren't Army," the leader corrected them absentmindedly. "We're airmen."

Both girls looked confused, but he didn't explain his comment. Instead he directed the blonde to cover Hathor's body while a couple of his other people revived the guys.

Within a couple minutes, they determined that the minister had no clue what was happening, so he was released with the explanation that his kidnapper – Hathor – was apprehended before she could cause any harm.

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief when Giles woke up with a headache, but clearly angered at his bride, "Where is that foul creature?!" he demanded.

"My name is Daniel Jackson, and you are?" he prompted the group for introductions before they could get to the details of what transpired before they arrived.

"Rupert Giles," Giles instinctively responded to the polite behavior. He pointed to his companions as he said their names, "Buffy Summers, Willow Rosenberg, Xander Harris and Oz Osbourne."

Seeing that Daniel's diplomatic approach was working, Jack let him continue the questioning for the moment. "How did you meet Hathor?"

The hardening of Giles' features told the airmen that he wasn't happy to recall that memory, but he reluctantly shared it anyway. "We came to Las Vegas so the children could celebrate their graduation; I came along to serve as chaperone so nothing bad would happen."

"Good work with that, Giles," Buffy teased with an amused giggle. "Maybe we should have been the chaperones," she added to Willow, who nodded in agreement.

Giles just glared at her, then continued, "After hearing me explain…" he ignored the coughs covering 'lecture' and went on, "to the children the many misrepresentations of the gods and goddesses of Egypt scattered throughout the hotel, that vile creature decided that I would make a good 'beloved' to help her conquer the world with her demon spawn. She took control of my mind and will power by means of some drug to get me to agree. After we were joined, she intended to find the Chappa'ai. Next thing I knew, I was walking up with you people standing over me. Who knocked me out?"

Buffy grimaced and raised her hand, "I did." Before he could say anything, she rushed to defend herself, "I couldn't let you make the mistake of marrying that thing, and the guys were under her control, too, so I knocked you out while I fought her."

"All by yourself?" the leader asked in some surprise.

"I'm tougher than I look," Buffy answered. "And Willow helped me. By the way, shouldn't we know who you are?"

Colonel O'Neill introduced himself and his people at the prodding of Daniel Jackson in hopes of getting more information. But they didn't know much more than what they already said. When asked about his comment of demon spawn, Giles backtracked and claimed it was a figure of speech; he was angry that she doped him to use for breeding purposes. Buffy said that she didn't know what the worm thing was, but assumed it was unheard of aggressive breed of leech or something.

After a quiet discussion, the Colonel's people decided that they didn't have to worry about a security risk, so they gave a half-assed explanation of 'Hathor' being an escaped prisoner with delusions of being an Egyptian goddess.

Deciding that their idea of a vacation in Sin City was taunting Murphy too much, the Sunnydale crew packed up their stuff and headed back to California. Once they were safely on the road away from prying ears, Xander asked, "Do they really think we didn't know she was a demon?"

"I'm more concerned with what the US military is doing with demons in the first place," Giles remarked.

"Maybe we should keep an eye out in case they decide to show up in Sunnydale," Buffy suggested. "After all, it's basically demon central. Do you think they're good guys or bad guys?" she wondered aloud.


A/N: I came close to the cliché of information dump between the groups, but hopefully saved myself. Couldn't really find a good place to end, but decided it had to end anyway.