8I do not own OUAT.
I hope you enjoy- I definitely enjoyed writing this. And thank you for the favs/follows/comments! It means a lot, honestly.
The first time he learned his mom was evil, he was ten. He had overheard something, and knew then she was a liar. (before, she had been strict and 'mama'). He had traced the letters of his new storybook, and convinced himself he could never love her. When he had first started pulling away, and his mom had attempted everything from bribe ( foods like that are for birthdays, or for when he is sad) to threats (Henry Daniel Mills, you will never leave your room again if you do treat me- ) to pleading ( mijo, just tell me, I do not understand) to just tightening her grip on him until he hardly couldn't breathe,
and it was almost easy to hate her.
The second time he learns, he is older. He knows that some only know his mom by her famous monniker, 'the evil queen'. He knows she has a special voice, one he used to think was just so he could have a villain to fight against, one he was never scared off, but now knows to actually be the queen's. He knows she liked apples, long before she even knew she could be queen, and really long before anyone would ever think she was evil. He knows she has ripped out hearts, knows it so well that he can quote every word, every sentence, where she takes another one.
But somehow, it still crushes him.
Apparently, reading something in a storybook is very different from wandering the castle of who will be your mother, and finally finding something he hadn't seen yet, and excitedly stumbling into the room, and it ending up being the room.
He should've just walked away, there was nothing to be gained from actually getting closer to rows and rows of golden boxes. But part of him thinking, maybe they're not all filled, or maybe she returned them to their owners- like I asked her to, even though he knows better because she had downright laughed when he suggested returning people's hearts, making amends, being better.
The first one opens at the slightest pressure of his fingers, and he doesn't want to know whether it has any dark spots- and even if they were all dark, nothing would ever justify taking hearts. Nothing. Still, it might make it hurt less, if he could actually force himself to look at them and see they're not all innocent people
There is already a row of open boxes, when he finally dares to gently take one. It makes him all squeamish, and he is reminded of that time he was dared to grab a spider and put it on his face, but he finally does and stares at it. It is warm in his hand, and he can feel the heartbeat the way you sometimes can when you are running really hard or are really scared, and -
I could return them. I have access to them right now- she won't be back for. He is already removing several at once, careful to not drop them, treading from one golden box to the next when he realizes just how many there are, and how full his arms are and how easy it would be to drop them. He is turning around, frantically searching the room for anything like her bag, when he hears her boots-
he stumbles back, one of the boxes closing as he slams into it with a thud, and stares at her. She clicks her tongue, her eyes slowly going where he is pulling the hearts more towards his body. She takes another step - I got to stop her, I got can I? - and he has only been able to see his mother when he came here. Because maybe his mother does not smirk like that, does not lower her voice, does not march around in clothing like that-
but she smiles the same way sometimes, and she can say Henry in the same tone and even during their first meeting, she just looked like a really cranky and awful version of his mom.
Now, she doesn't. Not at all, actually, and he presses back and gulp and tries a weak glare " You are not g-getting them - ".
" They belong to me, Henry".
" No, they don't! They belong to the people".
The queen chuckles. " How noble" she mocks, and she might as well have ripped his heart from his chest, because he hates it when she treats him like he is just another idiot around her.
" it is not right, mom. Really, you can't - ".
Several boxes slam closed with a wave of her hand, and he doesn't need to glance to his right and to his left to know the hearts that were there are back in their boxes. He slowly starts to move towards the door, his eyes still on the queen-
she steps in front of him, leans towards him. " Return the hearts to me, Henry ".
" No! You will just- you will- " he swallows. " Why didn't you give them back- the only reason I can think of, is if you wanted to use them for something".
" It is merely about not praising traitors for their faith in Snow White".
" No. It is wrong, mom".
" I am not wrong" she grits out, and stalks towards him. He raises his head, facing her scowl. He feels a little like Perseus, facing down Medusa-
"I am not , either" even if he had been doubting things. Even the myth doesn't seem easy anymore, not after that lengthy discussion he had with mom ( in the purgery that was after finding out he was adopted, but before he knew mom was the queen) about whether Medusa can truly be seen as a monster, afterall it were the gods who made her like that, who hurt her and the certainity that you can't take away someone's parent, no matter how terrible they have been-
The queen leans in, and his scowl slips. He has grown, and he has a list with things that make him doubt that things are quite that easy, quite as simple as when he had first stared at his mother with rage in her eyes and a heart in her hand. Discussions with mom, and Emma, and the talks about killing his mom ( by the heroes) are all on the list. Right now, he adds the queen's smile to it.
" You should exude confidence like that more often , Henry".
" What are you doing?" it is funny, that he sounds so calm with her hand pressed against his chest. He knows he should be fighting, and he definitely has the anger for it - you can solve all this, you can just give them back their hearts so why aren't you- but he just stands there and watches her when she stares at his chest.
" You know- you could be like me, if you just- ".
" I will never - ".
There is something that makes him frantically think of a way, anything, to get him out of that door behind them. Something in her eyes, something that makes him think don't. you are my mom, you're not her, don't- and he slowly moves his hand, his heart beating too fast, that will make it even easier for her to just grab it when-
" If I had your heart, you would understand me".
" N-no ".
She sighs, and slowly retracts her hand. He slumps against the boxes, and nearly drops the hearts because he is shaking. " You would never forgive me- " there is that smile again. Mom's smile, the one of A's and special dinners, and of fingerpainting and wiping flour from her cheek. " And I have no reason for you to be anything you are not".
There is something that makes him think of slipping out of bed, and going to the kitchen and hearing his moms' voices- "I didn't know, shit Regina. I can't believe they took your choice like that" - and glimpsing enough of the queen's face that he felt his own eyes burn.
"I- ".
" I do wish you to return my hearts to me, however".
" To them. You have to- ".
And gone is that smile, and mom's eyes. " I am a queen, I do not take orders, I give them. And I am ordering you right now- ".
" I do not care! You cannot-".
" As your mother - ".
They both freeze. She has never refered to him as her son before. She has treated him as such, and she has given him clothing with her coat of armour, and the times he got to accompany her to events he was introduced as 'prince Henry' , but she hasn't actually acknowledged she believes him, that she knows it.
" Mom?".
She steps backs. " The hearts. Now ".
" I- " he looks at them, glowing faintly in his hands. Who knows who they belong to . They could belong to anyone. " Why won't you just help them?".
The way she grabs his chin is nothing like mom. "You do not help traitors, you destroy them- ".
He yanks free.
And runs
It isn't an apology, not exactly. But it is more than he expected from her.
She finds him easily. She always does. It is what family does, and what his family does best. He is just isn't whether he wants to be found right now.
He wipes at his eyes, and sturbbornly looks away from her when he hears the soft rustle of her cape. She slowly sits down next to him, and when he glances at her, she has her hands in her lap and is staring at some point in front of them.
He looks away again, clenches his jaw. She could help them. He sniffles, and wipes at his cheeks again. That makes him angry, too.
" Do I - do we ever spend any time beneath my tree together?".
"What?".
" You and I. I am your mother in this other realm, correct?".
" Yeah ".
" And you made these comments about my interest in apples- ".
"Obsession, yeah".
" and how I own an apple tree. So do we ever spend any time beneath it? " when he sort of ignores her, he almost expects her to get mad. Or to demand he talks to her. But she almost sounds hesitant when she speaks again " I used to enjoy that. Spending time beneath my tree, with my father".
He has yet to meet the other Henry, and the queen has been careful with her questions so she doesn't know what she is going to do to her dad. She doesn't know that much about what life in Storybrooke will be like at all, apart from little things. Questions she thought would not be dangerous.
" He used to ask one of the servants to make a basket of food, and then we would sit beneath it and he would teach me".
Mom never really told him much about her childhood, and he later really doubted anything she had told him was even true in the first place. From all the things he wants to know more about, what she was like growing up is one of the things he just needs to know about. " What did he teach you? ".
The queen really is mom when she smiles like this. "Everything that my mother believed to hold no value. Legends. Languages. He answered all my questions, like why the sun was so warm on some days and not so warm on others".
" Did he know everything?".
She is still smiling. " I certainly used to think so. But naturally, he did not. If he did not, he would tell me to wait a few days, and sooner or later I would receive a book that could answer the question - or talk to a person who knew something about it".
" Your dad sounds awesome".
" He is wonderful" she smiles at him. "I think he would be very glad that you carry his name ".
He smiles back at her. " I am glad, too. He sounds like a good man".
His mom doesn't say anything, and he forgets his anger and frustration and everything for a moment. She just looks - he grabs her hand, and squeezes it. She stares at his hand, and for a moment his stomach protests, and he already tenses. But instead of pulling away, she squeezes his hand, and carefully scoots closer to lean against him.
" You are a good person, Henry" she says.
" Even if I don't agree with you?".
She sighs. They had a few fights about it, but now they just avoid talking about his grandma. " Even then, yes".
He smiles at her, squeezes her hand after a short hesitation. "I am glad you say that".
She chuckles, but he knows to look at her eyes at moments like this. He doesn't know whether he just didn't want to see it when he was ten, whether he was ignoring it or too caught up in the idea of the evil queen, but he sees that flash of pain now. " Although the people certainly would not believe that means anything. They still think- ".
" I believe it means a lot ".
" You do?".
" Yeah. I mean, I used to think you knew about good and evil and you just choose evil right? But I am not so sure anymore, and I still - I still want to be a hero. And it is even more difficult to get you to call anyone good, so it actually means a lot that you say that".
Her hands hesitate on his arms, and she only pulls him into a hug after that short hesitation. "Gracias" she mutters ( he had told her about sitting in her study, and biting his lip as he tried to sound out the words. He had told her about how he rested on her hip as she made the victory dinner when he had managed to solve the puzzle she had written in Spanish)
" De nada"
" You are like him" she says suddenly, and he pulls back to look at her. She lets him go, but keeps her hand on his. He doesn't really pay it any attention when he asks " like who? Granddad?".
"Yes. He is very empathic. And loyal" there are tears in his eyes, because she sounds fond in a way he didn't think her capable of. Henry, you can't change anything. You will prevent your own birth if you redeem Regina. That's what Emma said, but he wonders if it wouldn't be worth it. It would be the heroic thing to do, surely-
" Henry- why are you crying- "she gently wipes away his tears, and he smiles.
" I am just sad about some stuff. It is nothing, really".
" Henry- " she gently turns his head her way. " I am devastated at the thought of you leaving".
" You are ?".
She nods.
"It really sucks".
" It what?".
He chuckles. " It means it is bad. Really bad".
" I quite agree".
" At least you will see me again"
She smiles. It is a very tiny one, and it quickly drops again but at least it is there. And he understand about not smiling right now- kind of difficult, when your throat and eyes feel like that. " There is that".
They switch to other topics after that. His mom tells one of the legends his granddad told her, at his insistence. She tells how she has grown the apple tree ( he already knows the story. At least his mom didn't lie about everything). When the stars appear, she points them out and tells their stories.
He focuses on the brightest one, and thinks really, really hard.
Please give my mom her happiness. I don't want her to be sad.
"TRAITOR" she screams, and there is a tree falling behind him. He crawls back, tries to get up but only falls again. She looks like the picture now, but not the first one he saw. She isn't smirking right now, isn't scowling either. She looks more like when she ripped out his granddad's-
" You" he presses back against the tree as she stalks towards him, shakes his head. "M-mom" he pleads, trying to reach for her hand. She yanks it back, and slowly kneels next to him. One year ago, he would've thought she is furious, and that she wanted to hurt him.
But then she shudders, and he realizes she is crying.
" M-mom "he repeats.
" You chose her"
" I just wanted - I just don't want anyone to get hurt".
" I will not have a traitor for a son".
He tilts his chin and stares at her stubbornly. " You're not going to do it" he says, despite the fact that her hand is on his chest, and there is this weird feeling like droplets of really cold water falling on his skin.
" Won't I?".
"No. You won't".
He gasps, and he can't ever remember being this cold. She leans in, and ignores his slight whimper as the cold spreads from his chest. " You are very wrong".
" A-am not" he gasps, shivering. It's so cold. " L-love me".
She is searching his eyes, and he tries to smile at her, and then her eyes widen and flit to where her hand is and- she yanks back and nearly falls herself. It's kind of like being under water for a while, and then taking the first breath of air when the pressure in your chest gets too bad.
He coughs. " Told ya" he croaks, and she just stares at him, then her hand, then him. He wants to ask her what she is so conflicted about- please let it be doing evil stuff- but he is still shivering too badly to ask. He presses against the tree at his back, and tries to breathe without having it hurt like this.
He watches her when she slowly stands, and strides towards him. She stops several paces before him, and he is too exhausted to run, and surely it must mean something, anything that she didn't take his heart. He stares at her when she gets even closer, and narrows her eyes at him.
He doesn't hesitate to take the hand, letting her pull him up. She keeps an arm around him, her nails slightly digging into his shoulder. She doesn't talk when she leads him towards the carriage. The guard opens the door for the both of them, and she pushes him inside. It isn't gentle, but it isn't rough either. Not really.
He closes his eyes as he leans against the window, listening to her voice ( he can't actually make out any words) . He is really tired, and he still wants to warn them. He wants to warn his grandma, and the other people but he knows he can't escape this carriage.
" You will return to your chamber. You wil stay there" she is talking before the door even fully closes, and her voice hasn't been this cold in ages. He blinks againt the tears. " Am I clear? ".
" Yeah" he mutters
" Good. And Henry- ".
He turns, and she seems to falter for a moment before her eyes harden and she continues. " If you ever attempt to betray me again- I will not show mercy".
His glare is a very good copy of hers. " So that's it? You are just going to be evil. You have me, and Emma, and they could all forgive you but you just want to be evil".
" Enough" she snaps, and he knows he is being obtuse but he can't help it. Why can't she just return the hearts, or at least stop hurting people. We were happy, the three of us, but she keeps being awful. " Doesn't it mean anything to you- the chess games and the talking and duelling with Emma and teaching me how to horseride- doesn't it mean anything? ".
"You betrayed - ".
" No , I didn't " he spits at her, and ignores the look that would usually mean 'you are grounded' but in this place probably means 'your new room is a dungeon' . He continues anyways, because she already did one of the worst things she could do, which is continuing to be like that even though things were getting to be pretty great. " I just wanted to help them- I don't want anyone to get hurt".
" They deserved it".
" No, they didn't! No one deserves that, why don't you understand that".
She leans in, scowling. " They disobeyed their queen. They chose Snow White over me".
" Because you keep hurting them!".
She leans back. " Enough, Henry".
" No. Not until you see-".
" I see plenty. Right now, I see a disobedient boy who did not deserve my mercy".
He swallows. " You really think that? That I deserve to have my heart pulled out".
" You- ".
" I just did not want anyone to get hurt" she is opening her mouth, the anger in her eyes enough to warn her she is going to say something awful, the slowly closes it when he says " I did not want you to get hurt either".
" Me?".
" Yes. You're spending time with us. Which means you are not always where the book says you are. What if that also changes the story, and you are attacked, and you get hurt? ".
The queen scoffs. " I have magic".
" And they've torches, and arrows, and swords, and and- "he stutters, and he has to swallow several times and is shivering again when he thinks of how even his grandparents had talked so casually about killing her. " even the heroes won't show mercy. They will - " he squeezes his eyes shut, and he doesn't want to think about it. Really doesn't, but his stupid subconscious doesn't care because he still sometimes wakes up crying after he has dreamt about it.
"They will do something terrible and- and you won't be able to save yourself ".
She smirks, and he glares at her. She touches his chin, but it isn't comforting like it usually is, not when she says " I could murder them all before they have even taken a step towards me". He pulls his head back, and she narrows her eyes.
" You shouldn't want to hurt them. And even if you did- even if you were that terrible, people could still shoot arrows- ".
" Catching arrows is fairly easy".
" Or they could use squid ink on you or - ".
" How have you obtained knowledge about- ".
" Or they could ask someone that you angered for help, someone with magic like yours- ".
" Henry" she allows her to touch his chin again, but only because she does not look mean. Instead, she just looks like mom after that time he had fallen and his pants were ripped and he had been so startled that he couldn't stop sobbing. " I promise you, I will not be hurt".
He swallows. "You can't hurt them, either".
She scowls. " They are traitors, Henry, and such behaviour needs to be punished".
" They just want you to stop hurting people!".
" They hurt me first" the queen looks startled, and actually reels back a little after that. He just stares at her, at how she is snarling yes but her eyes don't show that anger he expects. Behind the surprise, and the confusion, there is something he thinks is pain. He swallows, and hesitates only a heartbeat before laying his hand on hers.
" I am sorry" he whispers
He hopes she doesn't succeed in pulling herself together, because he still hates it so much when people lie to him. Even if the lie is about their emotions- even if it is pretending not be hurt or anything, he hates it. " Why do you love her?" she suddenly asks.
" Love who?".
" Her" she pushes the name out through gritted teeth " Snow White".
She is my grandma. She is nice, caring. She is a hero. He shrugs. "Who says I do?" .
The way she studies him makes him want to run a little. What if she finds out who he is related to? The thought of her ever looking at him with the expression she always has when she reminded of grandma is something so terrible there isn't a word for it. " You do. It is noticable".
He swallows. " She is a good person, a hero- " he eyes her hand when she yanks it away from him, the way she holds it, the same way she held it before she tried to rip his heart out. But she doesn't, now. Doesn't even try it.
" And I am evil "
" I don't know".
She looks at him. " Henry?".
" I mean - the book was pretty clear about it. But the book never talked about any of the other stuff, about what happened before Snow, or what happened during your marriage. And I've learned a little about that- ".
He stops talking, and gasps. "M-mom?" he asks, gently reaching out. Her eyes are downcast, and there is tears clinging to her lashes. "I am so sorry, I am sorry, what did I say" he rambles, staring at the tears. His own eyes tear up, and he grabs her hand again. " I didn't mean to hurt you, I am so sorry".
" No, it's- I dislike remembering certain things" she whispers. He doesn't miss how her voice cracks.
" Like- like Daniel?".
For a moment, she looks like one of the pictures- with a snarl, and cruel eyes and hand slightly raised. Then she deflates, and she is just her. And really sad. " Yes. Amongst other, less happy memories".
" I really hate that- that they hurt you" he says, and he means it. When he first learned about the curse, he had thought everything was a lie, and that the only reason he was her son, was so that his birthmother and grandparents would always miss a part of their family. And that had made him so angry, and he hadn't really cared (or at least had tried very hard to not care) that she might be hurt by anything he said.
He hadn't even believed she could get hurt, had been determined that evil couldn't get hurt.
But she smiles at him, and it is obvious that 'evil' can get very hurt. " You are one of the only ones"
" But- the people, they must be angry that someone hurt you, right? Because that's not fair. No one should hurt anyone- and you got hurt when you weren't doing bad stuff yet".
She chuckles, and it is the worst. " It was their king, and their perfect princess . I was no one to them- and they were everything".
" King Leopold was supposed to be kind " he frowns. In the book he seems so kind, but he has hurt mom- so what does that mean?
" It was a superficial kindness, Henry".
" Superficial?".
" On the surface, he was kind and empathic and wonderful. But to certain people- " she pauses and he sees she is remembering something. " he was just another tyrant, another spoiled royal who believed he owned everything".
" You are a royal" he says, thinking of the conversations he has had with her over the past weeks. It's odd, because he thought she didn't really care about that, but she still insists to be called 'your majesty' when they are around her guards and everything.
"Not by birthright"
" You didn't want to be a queen- did you?".
" No".
" What did you want to be?".
" I did not care much, Henry, I just- " he stares as she smiles slowly. " I just wanted to be someone's true love. Someone's happiness. That is all I wanted".
" Then why - ".
" Because " and suddenly all that gentleness is gone, and it is more difficult to see his mom in this woman. " my true love is gone".
He knows Emma keeps warning him about telling too much, and that they will have to leave as soon as they figure out how, but really, she gets all her warnings from TV shows so she doesn't know anything anyways. " But you have me. And Emma. Isn't that enough?".
" You will leave. And Emma- we are barely amicable".
" I don't want to. Like I do , because I miss home and you but at the same time I really don't want to leave you here" he wrinkles his nose. "And Emma really likes you, you two are gross sometimes".
She laughs, but she isn't looking at him. " I do not wish you to leave, either".
" We have to , don't we?"
" I am not certain, I - " she interrupts herself, and sighs. " Yes. You do need to leave, it could have serious consequences if you remain here any longer".
" You were going to lie".
" You are going to abandon me" she counters
" I didn't mean it like an accusation, just that you didn't. You could've lied but you didn't ".
" You ran away".
" I was going to return" .
She finally looks at him again, her eyes wide. " You were?".
" Yes"
" Ah. To get Emma, of co- ".
" No, for both of you. You're my moms".
" Henry- ".
He still wants to yell at her for hurting people, or ask why she can't just be good , but he also has learned more about her these past weeks, and it is making him understand. He almost doesn't feel guilty for even caring about who she is right now, rather than just care about who she will be ( most of the times, she is just mom in his head. But it's all really confusing, and sometimes he can't really see his mother in her)
" I don't want to leave you. I don't want you to be alone again- "
She smiles at him, which is usually when it is the easiest to see his mom in her and not just like mom's doppelganger or something. " I really wish you to stay, too, Henry".
" But we can't. And you can't keep doing evil stuff- ".
The smile slips. " Because you will only stay if I love Snow White like everyone else?".
" No, because you can be better- I know it mom. And you're happier when you're not like this"
" Happier- so I am happy, then?".
" I mean, I think so. It was difficult, but you've been happier"
She just stares at the air for a moment, a look he doesn't really know how to interpret on her face. " Dare I ask what happened to Snow?"
" You don't have to hurt her to be happy". She technically gave you happiness, because Emma and I only exist because she didn't die.
The queen sighs, then chuckles. " You still have to stay in your chambers".
The calm , sort of happy atmosphere vanishes. He straightens, and presses his hand against where his stomach is suddenly churning. "You can't hurt them".
" I will not be able to, after the time I lost chasing you. They are long gone"
He has a feeling she could, if she forced her guards to spend the night searching, and used a lot of magic but he doesn't say anything. He slowly relaxes, and smiles at her. She gives him a really short one, then goes back to staring at nothing at all.
He yawns, and slowly moves to lay his head on her shoulder. Moments before he falls asleep, he feels a hand on his head.
He smiles, and dreams of his family.
" I wish I could see that" the queen remarks, a wistful expression on her face. They're waiting for Emma to return from her run. She insists on running in the mornings, and doing push-ups and such which has the queen come up with really ridiculous reasons to watch sometimes ( Emma knows that the queen just likes her, because she is always grinning after these 'supervisions').
But while they waited for Emma, they had gotten to talking. His mom has shared some stories off her childhood- of the very rare trips she got to make with her father, of her first time riding a horse, things like that- and he shared some of his own.
Which is why she is smiling but also kind of looking sad, because he knows she really wishes she could have those memories. He doesn't understand everything about her life ( she gets alternatively furious and devastated when he tries to make her talk about the years as Leopold's queen) but he knows enough that he wishes, too, he could give her that-
He sits up so suddenly and gasps so loudly that the queen snaps her head towards him, and reaches out for him. "Henry, are you all- ".
" You can! " he nearly shouts in his enthusiasm, then elaborates when he catches her confused expression. " Mom, you can see my memories- we just need a dreamcatcher".
"You would do that for me?".
"Sure. Do you have one?".
" Yes, I think so. I would just need to visit my chambers".
He scrunches up his brow. "I never noticed a dreamcatcher in your chambers".
She chuckles. " That is because I store all my magical objects in a different part of my chambers".
"Is that where you teach Emma?".
Her smile widens. "Yes".
He sighs. " You are making the lessons really difficult for her, aren't you? ".
She chuckles, but doesn't say anything.
" Can I watch?".
" I do not believe that to be a good idea".
He rolls his eyes. " why not?".
" Magic is dangerous".
He shrugs. "You still use it".
She touches his chin gently. " That is different. I very much wishes you to be safe".
" What about yourself? ".
" The likelihood of my magic hurting me is small".
" Emma's could".
She scoffs. " That is light magic".
" It can still hurt you" he mumbles
"I have dark magic to protect me"
She catches the way he stiffens, and looks away. " Henry..".
He looks down when she gently turns his head towards her. " I don't like dark magic- it changes people".
" It is not some force that darkens people's heart, Henry".
" But it is! It's bad to use dark magic".
"It is addictive to use dark magic, it makes darkness more attractive but it does not immediately darken your heart".
" It does not? ".
She shakes her head. "What darkens one's heart, is commiting acts of cruelty, of - " she grits the word out. " Of evil".
" But not magic?".
" Hardly".
" Is that what happened - did using magic make you want to do bad things? ".
She slowly lets go of his chin, and leans back. "Henry".
" If that's true, then stopping magic could make it easier to redeem yourself!".
" I do not need to be redeemed" he shifts uneasily at the look in her eyes. " Snow White is the one who is wrong".
" Everything would be better if you weren't hurting anyone" he is breaking the promises he made to Emma - please Henry, do not try to keep her from casting the curse. You will never be born, and I happen to know Regina would rather go through everything a million times than lose you- but he can't help it. He doesn't want his grandma to hurt, or any other villagers to be in danger, or his mom so unhappy and violent and not her at times.
He just want everyone to be happy- what's so bad about that?
"Even if I did abandon my plans for revenge- what then, Henry? You and Emma surely cannot stay with me" he moves closer, wrapping his arms around her waist. He hates it when her eyes tear up, and she is angry. Surely there is a way we can stay with her- but also have grandma, and grandpa and Ruby and Granny and Archie and-
"Maybe there is some way".
" There isn't".
She pulls back a little, and carefully wipes at his tears. He thinks of how much she has changed already: when he cried during that first week, she had just scoffed and said he should not 'waste tears on traitors'. He manages a wobbly smile at her.
" You don't know that, maybe- ".
"Henry. There is not. I agree with Emma- timetravelling is a very risky endeavor. You would be risking both your lives if you were to attempt to stay with me".
He thinks of the book, and everything bad that happens to people he loves before the curse is cast. " I wish everyone could just be happy".
" I know you wish that, but that is just not attainable" .
He leans against her, suddenly exhausted " Fairytales are supposed to be happy "
" Not everyone gets their happy ending" .
"Everyone should".
" Perhaps. That is not how it works, however".
He wants to demand that it gets changed. That everyone gets a true love, and a happy ending. That even bad people get them when they becomes moms and dads- and better people. He hates magic for hurting his mom, for taking people and for not giving everyone what they deserve.
" Why are you crying Henry?".
" B-because I don't like that you're still bad and you've been d-doing better but you will stop that again when we're gone and all these people are going to get hurt and- "
She hugs him again. "I am very glad I got to meet you, at least"
He hugs her back. A hero wouldn't care about existing, not when his existence means people have to get hurt. " Me too".
" Do not think about it, Henry" he looks up. She is smiling, but he is more focused on her eyes ( not smiling at all). She touches his chin again. " You are worth more to Emma and me than a happy childhood, or two happy decades".
He swallows. " But all those people- ".
" They do not matter".
He wrenches free. " of course they do! They're people, and it is not fair or good that they have to be hurt because you're mad, and the curse needs to be cast and everything".
" Henry , they are- ".
" They're not traitors, or bad people- okay maybe some are but they don't deserve any of it. And a hero, a hero wouldn't let them suffer. You have to help people, even if it hurts you"
"No, you do not have to help people if it hurts you" she is standing up now, walking towards him. " That will only lead you down dark paths".
" I am not YOU, I do not become bad after I help someone, and that hurts me " he almost regrets the words when he sees how she has frozen, and is staring at him. Then he grimaces, and steps back : she looks furious now.
" Fine. You are not me, I understand how the thought must upset you".
" Mom- ".
" Leave".
" But- ".
" Leave".
He hears a loud thud behind them, but his eyes are on her. Part of him wants to step back and run, with how she is looking at him the same way she would at the bugs he would collect from the garden, and present proudly to her (but there is no easy smile a second after, no 'mi principito')
" No. You don't under- ".
No mom, don't do that. Her laugh is awful. " I understand quite well. You are revolted by who I am, and by the fact that someone like me could ever be family".
He takes a few steps towards her, his mouth dry. He knows she might even throw fireballs at him( even if she probably won't try to actually hit him with them) , reaches for that hand anyways. She slowly unclenches it. " You're my mom. You helped me get over my fears, and learned me how to walk, and helped me with homework, and pointed at things to tell me their Spanish names. You're my mom".
" I have yet to do any of these things. I am not your mother yet".
" Yes, you are. You might wear dresses that are a little gross sometimes, and have queen tacked to your name instead of 'mayor' but you're still more or less the same around me. You still went to the kitchens with me, and had discussions about books and beat me at chess sveral times.
He relaxes when she does, and returns her smile eagerly. "You'll always be my mom"
" That is what I want to be" she mutters, and pulls him into a hug. Only when they've both collect themselves, do they pull back at the same time.
And it is true. Her hair may be in this elaborate hairdo, and she may have one of the dresses that would've Emma's eyes stray a little ( gross mom) but the smile and eyes are just his mother. He recognizes the expression from his first mother day's present (she cried), and the first time he stole the book from her hands (" me read to you, mama"), and so many other occassions.
She touches his chin touch. " I will get the dreamcatcher".
He slips his hand in hers for a moment, squeezes. " I am going with you".
" Henry - ".
" Whatever you don't want me to see, I probably already know anyways".
" It really is more about it being dangerous, but all right. As long as you stay close, and obey my orders".
He curtsies, exactly like the annoying guy she sent to him to 'teach him about court protocol' wanted him to. "Yes, your majesty".
She chuckles. " So you are capable of a proper curtsey".
He grins at her as they start to walk. " Are you?".
Anyone else would think the expression means she is furious, or indignant. He knows she is not being serious. " You still do not show the proper respect to a queen" she smiles as well, then quickly drops into a curtsey. " Prince Henry".
He tries to copy the expression she always wears around court officials. "Morons" he says, and she glares at him (it's lackluster, which is why he just grins at her). " Henry, that is not appropriate".
"That is what you are always thinking around those people. you even call them that sometimes".
She chuckles. " Yes, but I am not in possession of the same undersized brains as the majority of royals are" she gently stops him, then points at the door before opening it for him. " And I sincerely hope you are not either".
" I don't".
" I don't know- you have inherited some foolishness from Emma surely" she throws him a look. " Like that willingness to sacrifice yourself for any stranger".
" I could've just as easily gotten that from you" he throws back, then steps inside the room. He looks around. Where is all the magic stuff, the tomes and the potions and everything? There is nothing there, apart from a large closet, mirror and a gargantuan-
" Why do you have those ropes or something attached to your - " he nearly stumbles when she suddenly pushes him. " We are not here to gawk at my bed, but to grab the dreamcatcher".
" Is it for prisoners? Why would you not just lock them up in the dungeons? ". He frowns. " Is it for when there are already a lot of people in the dungeons?".
"We are here for magic, not to discuss my bed".
" Why do you even keep your magic in the bedroom, is that not- " he interrupts himself, and frowns at her. " Why are you smiling like that?".
" Nothing. The magic does happen in my bedroom".
He narrows his eyes in suspicion. A terrible, disgusting suspicion. " Okay I am not going to ask, because I really, really feel like I will not like the answer".
The chuckle just confirms it.
" So the dreamcatcher is somewhere - " she pushes against a panel, and the walls pull back to reveal a large chamber with potions, what looks like a wardrobe, pots with weird things inside, and heavy tomes. She is on the other side of the room as he creeps towards a jar that he could swear he can hear voices coming from-
he jumps when a large chair moves in front of him, keeping him away from the jar.
" Hey!".
"I did not mention it because I thought it was obvious, but do not touch anything Henry".
He scoffs. " Okay".
Before he can touch something out of sheer stubbornness, she is already walking towards him. She shows him the dreamcatcher, smiles. " Are you certain? ".
He takes the dreamcatcher from her. " It is pretty. How does this work?".
" If you grant me permission, I will use my magic to guide you".
He barely hesitates. He really doesn't think she will use her magic to hurt him, not anymore. " Okay".
" Thank you"
She clears her throat several times, and her voice sounds mostly normal when she speaks again. " I am going to place my hands on top of yours now. All I require you to is keep your hold on the dreamcatcher, and remember".
" Remember what?".
She smiles again. Or maybe she just hasn't stopped. " Okay".
He slowly closes his eyes, and tries to think of something she would like to see. There is a weird feeling, kind of like drinking hot chocolate that is just a bit too hot but the magic isn't doing anything yet. He concentrates harder. I want to show her.
Just when he thinks nothing is going to happen, it suddenly does.
First day of school. She is a giant here, and he is pressed against her leg. She gently takes his hands away from her pants, then kneels down next to him. " It will be fun, you will see". " No mama. I stay with you!" she sighs, and tries to smile. " I would love to keep you with me, but you need to go to school Henry" the ground is suddenly very far away when she picks him up, and he throws his arms around her neck. They're both nearly crying when he is sitting in the classroom, and she threatens his teacher twice before finally hugging him one last time, and leaving.
Baking. " Why are apples red mama? And why do they not taste like pears, or oranges? And why do you cut them? And why- " her laugh, and he clutches her blouse when she shifts so he is on her other hip. Chewing on the apple piece as she answers. Most of the answers are faint. Some of them are interrupted when he pulls on her hair. He sits on 'his stools' and watches her pull the turnovers from the oven. " Pretty like you mama!".
Spanish. Red fingernails, her hair on his cheek. " APPLE!" he cries enthusiastically, and she grips him when he squirms enough to nearly fall off her lap. " Manzana". He points at the bright drawing. " No mama, ap-ple". When he finally repeats after her , the next pictures. " Queen. Reina". " Like you, momma?". sueño. Sleep. Kissing her cheek. "Beso. Kiss!" her laugh as she kisses the top of his head. " Si , mi cielo".
Bedtime stories. "And once upon a time, there was a dragon. A fierce, strong dragon that lived high up in the mountains, in her cave of wonders- " . " That's Aladdin mama!". " No, this was a different kind of cave, one that wasn't in the desert but high up in the mountains. The dragon had many treasures here, but she did not do much but guard them and hunt. Until one day.. she met the princess". Demanding the rest of the story every night, only for his mother to somehow stretch the story over weeks. " I want to be a dragon later mom. You can be my queen! ".
The garden. Laughing and running after a butterfly, nearly stumbling. Finally having to give up on it and deciding that worms are better anyways. Cupped hands with several worms in them, and presenting them proudly to her. " Mírame mama". Pressing the worms closer to her face when she doesn't yell happily like he expects her to. " Worms, mama ". Her laugh as she picks him up, and gives in to his wish to 'build them a home'.
Singing. On good days, like his birthday and christmas and when he gets to stay home with her, his mom sings. She always starts with humming , but that quickly turns into words and finally songs. Running into the kitchen on his birthday, and allowing her to pick him up and swing him around. Being chased after he flings flour in her face.
The door slams open. The image is trembling ( he was trembling). " I HA- "
He doesn't even know how he does it, but the image stops before the queen can know he was going to shout. Before she experiences the first 'I hate you. You are not my mom'. He is trembling almost as violently as he had been in the memory, and he has to swallow twice before he dares to look at her.
She didn't understand. He nearly sobs he is so relieved. Before he can do anything but stare at her , she is rushing towards him and pulling him into her arms. He feels nauseous, already starting to apologize ( shit, she did understand) when he realizes the sob isn't because she knows that he had told her she wasn't his mom, and he hated her.
" Gracias, muchas gracias" she whispers it over and over until he is crying himself, without really knowing why. He clutches the shoulders of the dress she is wearing today and thinks I am sorry mom. I should've known - all those moments. I should've known. I love you I love you I love you. He hopes the mother that is still in Storybrooke can hear him.
He knows it's stupid and useless and unfair - they're going back to Storybrooke, they're going to do the worst and abandon her- but he wants her to know. He is already opening his mouth when he closes it again. You're leaving. You can't tell her that, and leave. And who says she even loves you? She hasn't chosen you, here.
He hopes she hears him say it, anyways.
(he hopes she knows it after he is gone)
I also wrote a SQ moment where Emma is swordfighting with the queen's guards & the queen visits ( nearly finished it). I didn't think it fit in here, so I kept it out but it may be in the next chapter. Or I could make some sort of extra scene or anything out of it if anyone is interested ; )