The Worst of Times
"There were quite a few times that I thought that it was the end." Olivia said. "We weren't exactly in the best of situations."
Fitz got up and started walking with his cane. " That is the truth. We got scared. Someone gave up ."
"And sometimes I had no choice. I had to leave. You could not leave the legacy that you did if I would have stayed. Mellie confronted me in the hallway. She knew and I had to leave. You would have never gotten to be great with me along." Olivia said sadly.
"You never stood by my side. Whenever it got rough, you bailed." Fitz bickered.
"Mellie was determined to bring us down. When it finally did come out , it broke us." Olivia turned away.
"No, you never gave us a chance. I was ready to give it all up. All I ever wanted you to do was be with you. The Presidency was my father's dream not mine. I knew Mellie was lying when she said she had a miscarriage. She was a master manipulator. It wouldn't have broken my heart if her and Cyrus would have gone down for Defiance. What killed me was you. " Fitz started to sob.
This is all past history. WE went all through this in couples counseling when I got back from rehab for the PTSD. " Olivia shook her head.
" I thought when I found out that you went back to Edison , it was the worst. But that wasn't it. I still remember when Verna called me to her hospital room. " Olivia looked into space as if she tried to remember her funeral.
"That wasn't a mistake.
That was betrayal.
We are done.
I may not be able to control my erections around you, but that does not mean I want you.
We are done"
She was heartbroken when Fitz left the church with Mellie. It broke her heart especially after almost losing him . Verna had told her that she was going to confess to David so she could die with a clean conscience. Then Cyrus told her the truth, that the man she loved had murdered Verna. The pain and torture as she had to stare into those blue , cold eyes as she had her hand only feet away from his. It should have been a happy occasion, instead it was hell. Fitz looked at her with detest in his eyes , yet it was more like sadness. If it wasn't for the manipulations , it could be him and her as parents and the baby would be theirs. She knew he had a job to do, but he left her with these hateful words.
"You left me, not once but three times." Fitz announced as he ticked off the reasons on his hand. "One, was when you resigned after my State of the Union address. Two, was when you left with that jerk, Ballard and I needed you. When you left me that last time, I thought it was the end. I had to medicate myself ."
"I remember how you did that. It involved liquor and whores." Liv said sarcastically.
"You destroyed me. You gave me all the hope in the world and then you took it all back. Why in the hell did you bother to come back if you knew you were just going to leave me again? I saw you on the balcony and all I wanted to do was run into your arms. Mellie tried to tell me it was all for the best and then you showed up and said you wanted to earn me. I said to myself she was willing to do this all for me and then you just take all my hopes and us and just flush them down the toilet. You killed a part of me that day you went to the clinic. Then I lost you. You weren't Olivia. You became this monster , this terrible monster. Power was the only thing that mattered. I drank, I didn't care who I fucked, Mellie got to you."
Olivia rose from her chair. "Do you want to know when it was the worst time of my life?"
Fitz knew that she had to say it, but he didn't know what she was going to say. There was a lot of times that he left her. One thing came to mind as he looked at her. It also brought one word to his thoughts and that word was Defiance.
"You refused to trust me. When Verna told you about the election, you left me. I can still remember how cold you were. And before that, when you left me in that restaurant. " Olivia sad softly.
Fitz rose up from his chair, "Before you say anything, I want to remind you that you asked me to let you go. I was merely giving you what you wanted. You also wasted no time when I let you go to run to heal."
"That was my own business. I didn't need someone who wanted to spy on me. " Olivia threw a wine glass at his head.
"I apologize for the way I acted. I also thought of you as mine. I didn't want to let you go. I sat on Marine One and stared out the window. I kept watching Washington as it disappeared. I tried to be the diplomatic President, but at night all I wanted to do was drink. I told the Dalai Lama how I was searching for the meaning of life. He told me while we played basketball. All I could do was think about how you would enjoyed meeting him too. We are both philosophical thinkers. " Fitz lowered his head. "I was sorry for letting you go."
" I remember your birthday. I remember going to the designer and looking through her racks. I would pull dress after dress and say to myself , this isn't the one. I would reason that I wanted to look good for Edison since he was the on the rise. But you want to know something, I wanted to find the dress. I wanted to find the dress that you wanted to see me in. I wanted to find the dress that made you look at me in that way. I secretly hoped that you and I could have had that birthday that you deserved, instead of what happened. " Olivia started to sob. "When I saw you on that table, and when your heart stopped and I thought I was never going to get to say goodbye. My world began to crumble and I threw myself into Cyrus arms. You were covered in blood and there were tubes all over your body. I am not a religious person, but on that night I folded my hands and looked toward the sky and sobbed that you didn't deserve this. Please don't take him from me. I wanted to tell Edison that I didn't love him that night. I knew who I loved. I cried a million tears that night." She literally cried her eyes out and then collapsed into his arms. "I was in the the closet and gathering clothes for Mellie. I looked over at all your suits and then I saw it. I walked over and then stroked your sweatshirt. I put it up to my face and smelled it. It still smelled of you. It was all about scotch and cigars and Fitz Grant. I remembered when you wore the sweatshirt at Camp David and then in Vermont. That's why James and Cyrus wedding was always so special to me. " her words became whispers."
"I believe you now, Livvy." Fitz said . " I know you didn't want anything to do with Defiance. You were forced into it. Do you realize if I would have lost that election , we could have gotten together and I would have left her. I wanted to be with you. We would have been parents by then. Teddy could have been ours."
"I never stopped loving you, Fitzgerald. No matter how many obstacles that were thrown in front of us. I may have given up a few times and tried to run. But I never gave you up. I just thought it was best that I step down . You deserved to be immortalized." Olivia ran her hand up his arm and then smiled at him.
"I could have never been anything without you. Olivia Carolyn Grant. My life was nothing until you entered my life."
"Ditto." Olivia took his hand. She stroked his head and rustled the silver hairs .