What do we know about Contracts from Canon?

1: A simple Confundus Charm and piece of paper with your name on it and possibly a simple magical signature, is enough to fool an ancient magical artifact.

2: Such a contract is binding, even if it wasn't your Magical Guardian, or Headmaster acting In Loco Parentis, can force the issue for you.

Which means that by collecting magical signatures, perhaps a blood sample, the use of a confundus and the right words, I can forge contracts in whatever way I goddamn please.

According to most Fanfictions, Parents and indeed any of your Ancestors can force you into a marriage contract you can't get out of, because of THEIR magical signature. A Marriage contract is of course still a magical contract.

Now what follows isn't a very good story at all, what follows is me letting off some steam because there are so many good Daphne/Harry stories out there that are soured by a forced marriage contract.

If you have a pairing, and write a story where whatever that pairing is they grow close, become friends and fall in love anyway, why do you feel the need for a contract in the first place?

I my opinion magical Contracts are bullshit. I don't know what JK thought when she came up with that Goblet of Fire crap but clearly she didn't think things through.

If you feel like I overlooked something that explain contracts in a way they work. I'd love to hear it. Leave a review or pm me if you like.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, if I did book 4 would be slightly different. Horcruxes wouldn't be a thing and Harry Potter would not be a wimp.

The Potter Bitch Slap

Hermione Granger had expected to find Harry moping... angry... instead he was... dared she say... happy? The previous evening she'd seen him pace in front of the fat Lady. How anyone could think he put his name into the stupid Goblet was beyond her.

All Harry wanted was peace and quiet.

When Ron came down the stairs she asked him where Harry was, all he said was: "Gone." So the young bookworm searched the castle top to bottom, and finally found him in the Library being out of breath and worried sick out of her mind.

She stormed up towards him and was about to give him a piece of her mind when she saw the book pile in front of him.

When his eyes rose of the pages she was levelled not with the eyes of her best friend... but instead with the boy that had battled a Basilisk and used a Patronus to send of a hundred Dementors. A boy... that was sure she was just like the rest of school.

That wouldn't do... that wouldn't do at all. He could treat her however he liked... she would take whatever tantrums or rage induced screaming fits he went into. But she would never be treated like the Sheeple around the castle... with indifference... and borderline disdain.

Something drastic needed to happen, she'd stayed away from those kinds of things. Especially after that night third year... after coming back from saving Sirius and seeing Ron's eyes. The jealousy at them having had an adventure that was just... theirs.

'Alright then... go for it.' Hermione demanded of herself as she pulled the surprised Harry from the chair and put her lips on his. It was awkward at first... but then not so bad... before turning into everything she'd ever expected of her first kiss... not to say most of her dreams started exactly like this... Harry and her in the Library. Madame Pince made no attempt to stop her what so ever. Instead she just smiled to herself sipping an excellent cup of tea.

"If you ever look at me like that again, I'll kick your balls in." She declared savagely.

"From 0 to my balls in less than 20 seconds. I'd say that escalated quickly." After blushing a deep scarlet she swatted his chest. "Will you be my girlfriend?" Smiling broadly she gave him a nod of confirmation before leaning in to steal another kiss.

"What are you doing Harry?" She finally asked looking over the books. "Planning this countries ultimate Downfall."

"That's ominous."

"I'm still working out the how..." Cocking a brow at him she waited for an explanation.

"Magical britain... is the only place on this planet. Where men has tried to make law... match magic. Contracts are binding by a simple magical signature... Let me demonstrate." He picked a piece of parchment before writing:

"By magical contract, Hermione Jean Grangers body, is by magic, required to sneeze the next time she kisses Harry James Potter."

Harry turned to her picking up his wand before intoning: "Magicae Revelio." A small violet vapor rose from her body instantly, allowing Harry to move his wand in before placing the tip of it on the contract.

"That can't possibly work, I haven't given you my permission or anything." Hermione said smiling as Harry looked to her gravely.

"I have your magic... what do I need your permission for? Magic has accepted this now as a legally binding contract... because we are in magical Britain. It's exactly what happened to me... which is why I've set down another contract for myself that I've already signed and verified with Gringotts."

Her eyes went wide, "When?"

"Let's just say I didn't get much sleep last night. Now... observe." He leaned in and kissed her lips gently. And just as he did she sneezed lightly onto his face. A natural reaction of her body trying to protect her magic.

It was clear that she was now terrified. "I've drawn up a contract for you. But to have this override all the others, you have to add your magic and you will need your parents to sign it with a Blood Quill. Tell them to go to Gringotts and ask for Barchoke."

She then read over what he wrote:

"I, Hermione Jean Granger, of sound body, mind and magic henceforth decree, that no contract, magical or otherwise, shall have any hold over, influence or indeed impact me in any way, unless specifically specified by myself with clear intent of magic and my willingly provided blood for as long as I shall live."

"If you agree, state so clearly as you press the tip of your wand into the lower right corner." They'd learned of the importance of intent in magical spell casting. Although she would have never thought it used like this.

"I agree." She said doing exactly as told before turning back to him. "You did this... why? I saw the look you gave me, you expected me to treat you like the others." He chuckled.

"No matter what, you are my best friend Mione. I just want you protected in the future." She blushed scarlet... oh he would get his reward for that line in due time.

"Harry... I have a few friends... could I talk to them about this?" The boy nodded. "But only those you trust, what I have in mind will impact a lot of people. But I say screw them all. I heard my Quidditch team discussing how disappointed they were in me... and that I wasn't who they thought I was. I'll show them." Hermione kissed him again. "Figure it out, Iron clad... then come and talk to me about it." He smiled and gave another nod.

Meanwhile, she would go and speak to her friends Lisa Turpin and Daphne Greengrass. The other two top students of her year.

3 days later...

"Potter..." Daphne sighed reigning herself in. "Harry... please try and explain."

He shrugged his shoulder and started again. "Marriage contracts are bullshit. And every such contract has at least 1 escape clause. Usually at the very least that reads something along the lines of: "Must be engaged or married by the time of … unless superseded by previous arrangements or otherwise older contracts. To put it bluntly, if you were to exchange a vow of marriage on your magic your intent would supersede the contract placed by your parents or forefathers and the contract would move on. As soon as the time limit passes, you could then get divorced and the contract would move on to the next generation. All contracts of family heads... are, by the way. Subject to change by family heads. So as soon as you become Lady Greengrass you can get your hands on whatever contracts your family has and tear them to shreds. The standard punishment fee for voiding a centuries old contract is 100 Galleons by the way."

"Why tell me that?" She asked curiously.

"Hermione says you're a good friend and actually the one who reeled in her smart assery." The young Gryffindor gave a audible huff at that. "So I'm doing this for her... as for the rest of the school... well let's just say all those witches and wizards dicking me around the past few years and giving me lip... are about to receive a very rude awakening."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'll create a nice 'little' Harem. And have them service me whenever I damn well please."

Daphne swallowed heavily.

"That's pretty dark." She said as he shrugged once more.

"So is telling me to go die because I'm the heir of Slytherin... So is wanting to watch me die in the tournament... which most of the people have told me they want to do. Especially the Hufflepuffs. When I'm done with Bones and Abbott they'll never walk straight again." She blushed at that comment but let it go.

"All I want to do beforehand... is have my actual first time with Hermione." She brown haired witch blushed as Lisa simply looked on in amusement.

"I know for a fact that Tracey Davis will take your virginity whenever you want. Especially if you help her get out of her contract to Theodore Nott." Daphne mentioned.

"I have nothing against you talking to people you trust and offering them a way out... if I like them and they offer any sort of apology I'll void the contracts. I'm not evil and I'm not out for my own gain. But I will use this to back hand the entire magical community into submission. One massive slap to all those pureblood fucks... no offence Daphne."

The blonde witch chuckled. "None taken. This is actually quite... Slytherin of you. But the parents will want you dead... you're talking of forcing girls to have sex with you."

"Nonsense." Harry said clearly. "All contracts I create will have a simple escape clause... do not comply... loose your magic. People will just have to weigh the pro's and con's. After all... everyone seems to think I wanted in this tournament... so surely they wanted these contracts! Otherwise they wouldn't work... right?" He spit angrily and was surprised to find the blond wrapping him in warm embrace.

"No matter what... I'm sorry about how most of Slytherin treated you, you won't need a contract to get into my panties. Whenever you like. And that offer stands for both of you." Daphne said pointing towards both Hermione and Harry after letting go, making Lisa laugh.

"Now I'm jealous!" Daphne grinned at her before pecking the girl on the cheek. "I didn't take you for the type."

"I always wanted to experiment." Laughing they went their separate ways, the contracts needed to be perfect, so Harry would create a simple mask for putting in names just the way he wanted.

Nothing much happened over the next few weeks as they worked out exactly what to do for their victims to have no choice what so ever. They also wanted to give those that were just giving in to peer pressure time to have the chance to come and apologize before bringing down unholy vengeance.

It all started... as these things so often do... with a girl.

Draco was shooting off his mouth and Harry had kept his temper in check for weeks, light curses were exchanged and Hermione was hit. Her teeth were growing at an exponential rate Snapes comment of: "I see no difference." Sealed his fate as their first contractual victim.

Daphne came over and showed her allegiance for the first time that day. "You have to stand still okay?" The bushy haired one gave her a nod and so she cast her shrinking charm. They then left, Harry had no intention of attending the wand weighing ceremony and thus retreated into an empty classroom in front of which, he was stopped by Padma Patil apologizing for her behavior.

Harry gently wiped his girlfriends eyes before gathering her up in his arms. "He's going to rue the day he met me." Hermione growled against his chest.

It was easy to get their signature, this was a school after all and Malfoy had even just cursed them.

It was at dinner that Harry and Hermione rose and moved forwards to the teachers table before turning around to the school. "Attention please everyone!" Harry yelled loudly.

All heads turned to look at him and the young witch next to him.

"It has recently come to my attention that congratulations are in order." They both turned around and bowed to Professor Snape. "Congratulations Severus, Hermione has finally found you someone worthy enough."

"That's a 200 points for disrespecting a teacher Potter." Harry faked confusion.

"Don't worry Harry, he can't take those points, I won't let him. Now will you be a good boy and be quiet or do you leave a squib?" She sighed he had no words for this.

Unrolling the Parchment she began reading:

"I, Severus Tobias Snape, of sound body, mind and magic, do henceforth decree. That I shall abide every order and command, by my new Mistress Hermione Jean Granger for protection of self and the future of my family. I therefore agree to marry and take as legal husband, Draco Abraxas Malfoy as soon as my Mistress so decrees. On my magic, this I swear, so mote it be."

Harry unrolled his own parchment and started:

"I, Draco Abraxas Malfoy, of sound body, mind and magic, do henceforth decree: That I have signed a new marriage contract by use of magical signature, effective immediately. It is with great pleasure that I swear my allegiance to House Snape and shall henceforth defer all my responsibilities to my elder head of house and husband. On my magic, this I swear, so mote it be."

Some people were laughing... Harry was looking forward to seeing for how long.

In his rage Snape rose from his charge and pointed his wand at Hermione, a quick flash of magic left him groaning on the ground. "What... the bloody hell, is going on!"

"Sir you signed this contract with me after what happened this morning!" Hermione declared innocently. "Don't you remember?"

"I would never abide by anything you want!"

"Is that your last word?" Harry asked challengingly.

"Of course it is you arrogant little shitsack." The sound of breaking glass was heard as a blast of magic left Snapes body. Making Harry smile savagely.

"Does anyone else here want to doubt the validity of these contracts? Since 'Professor' Snape is now a squib?"

Everyone stared... and most of them the Headmaster himself.

"Before I forget, Headmaster?" The old mans eyes twinkled away. "I'm afraid the childhood reparation payment we agreed on is due. Please make sure to pay the 5.000 Galleons that are due each month directly to my Account Manager Barchoke of Gringotts. Otherwise I'm afraid your magic... like Snapes, is going to go the way of the Dodo."

The glint in the boys eyes was terrifying and sent an all too familiar shiver down the old mans spine.

"Now then... Mione dear, shall we?"

"After you, my lord." Hooking their arms they began walking out, only stopping by the Slytherin table.

"What do you think?" Harry asked looking them all over.

"Pansy for sure... the Carrow twins probably. Daphne and Tracey are in anyway."

"Astoria?" The girl visibly flinched and took cover behind her elder sister.

"Under the protection of her sister, and as long as she stays among the people who simply ignore you or treat you with indifference I see no reason to change her status."

Letting his eyes wander the table, Harry quickly found Malfoy who was seemingly quite relaxed. "So Draco..." Harry said making him turn.

"Not now Potter... I know you had reason... but that was... I'm just glad I don't have to... to do that. With Snape."

Hermione and Harry looked at each other before bowling over in laughter.

"Oh that's just precious!" Hermione spit venomously. "You think cause he's a squib now the contract is void? Adorable... no really. It's a marriage contract, Draco baby, due immediately. Signed by your magic... and that of dear old Daddy. This is for every single muggle born you ever belittled you arrogant little shit, every girl you ever tried to touch... or tried to talk to dirty. You are going to be bumping uglies with good old Sevie. If you break the contact... good bye magic. If Sevie breaks contact... well, he's obligated twice over. It'll kill him. That'd be too bad now wouldn't it." None of those present had ever heard Hermione Granger talk like that, she was fed up, fed up because of what they kept doing to Harry, fed up for all the bullshit she'd had to endure. Fed up with britain as a whole.

Draco had paled and was now bolting at full speed out of the Great Hall.

"Most of your parents learned to kneel before the half blood heir of Slytherin Moldy-shorts. It's time you learned the same lesson." Crabbe and Goyle jumped up the same moment Harry's wand came to rest on Goyle's right temple.

"I'd really suggest not going there... cause I will defend her. And whatever happens... the next contract I draw up won't just end you two... but your entire family lines while giving me all your considerable wealth." Harry cracked a smile as the tip of his wand flashed in a reminiscent dark green colour. "Welcome to the new world..."

"Expect a meeting!" Hermione yelled cheerfully while rehooking her arm into Harry's. "Toddles."

They undertook their preparations, made sure both had the right potions on hand. Tonight it would all begin... and tomorrow the purebloods would know what it meant to piss of Harry Potter and Hermione Granger.

Both young teens blushed as they suggested to shower 'before.'

"Oh this is dumb Harry! We've done everything else together!" He sighed at the young witch, she was right as she so often was, of course.

"Well then..." He said pulling her along into the newly created showers in the room of requirement. "I'll make sure you are clean enough." She grinned at that following after him.

Next Morning, Gryffindor Tower

"We can't get out." Ronald declared looking around confused. Until they heard a chuckling from the the couch chair.

"That's because I ordered the Houseelfes to leave it closed... there are some things that need to be done." Hermione was behind him holding on to a stack of papers.

"The following contracts have been agreed upon, the following people have offered Life debts in compensation for their shoddy behaviour over the past years: Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan, Neville Longbottom and all Weasley's currently in Gryffindor." With every name she flicked her wand and another paper shot out towards their recipient.

"The following girls have offered their services as Concubines to Harry James Potter, refusal to comply will see you stripped of your magic: Lavender Brown, Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinett, Katy Bell and Parvati Patil."

While Lavender clearly looked as though Christmas had come early Harry's quidditch team members did not.

"What kind of joke is this?" Alicia asked angrily.

"Joke? I don't see a joke, your name is on the contract... what was it again... you can't 'just' get chosen? 'That's not how magical contracts work?'" They paled even more and knew why he was doing this.

"You have until tonight to decide on what you want your futures to be like. Magical... as Harry's concubines, or as squibs." Hermione declared.

"It's time we met some Slytherins." Harry said taking the now appeared Dobbys hand.

Slytherin Dorm

"Good morning!" Most people seemed to be terrified of not being able to get out. And even more so that Harry had just appeared between them.

"Alright then, Mione if you would."

"The following Gentleman have agreed on owing Harry life debts in exchange for protection: Crabbe, Goyle, Theodore Nott, Malfoy has already gotten his due so that's no longer relevant. As for all the others, as long as you keep treating Harry with indifference no punishment will be sorted." At this Blaise Zabini let out a long but relaxing breath and smiled at them both, nodding his head. He'd always lived by live and let live.

"The following girls have offered their services as Concubines to Harry James Potter: Pansy Parkinson, Flora and Hestia Carrow. You have until tonight to decide the future of your life at which point everything will be called due. Naturally you are forbidden to speak about this to anyone." And then with a savage smile she added. "Strange how those names just appeared on those contracts isn't it?" And before any of them could become louder and yell or curse them, they were gone.

Ravenclaw tower

The Ravens were the most relaxed of the students, and really just sat their trying to talk this out. Padma and Lisa smiled as they saw him appear.

Harry looked to Cho, it was hard to see her as more than a bully now.

"Listen up." Hermione yelled. "Luna Lovegood is now under the protection of House Potter and Black. Because of their previously shoddy behaviour these are the people that owe the young girl a life debt." Reading off a list Harry wrung out of Luna the papers flew to their recipients. Luna smiled happily bouncing over towards them before hugging them both.

"Cho Chang... I call your life debt due. You shall serve Harry James Potter now, until the end of your life, as magic binds you, to be his concubine and slave." The chinese girl quickly started sobbing uncontrollably.

"And Penelope Clearwater has agreed to become my concubine... I guess Perce just didn't measure up." The girl seemed angry, Harry didn't care, she would drop 'sly' comments whenever she was with Percy. She deserved everything she got.

"You can still decide to live your life as a squib. Otherwise, Chang and Clearwater... be at the seventh Floor tonight." Hermione said without any sort of empathy.

They disappeared towards their last destination

Hufflepuff common room

"Alright fuckers." Harry declared. "Looks like some people here wisened up, I have declared life debts for running my name into the ground from Diggory and Finch Flechley. If I see anyone running around with any more pins... let's just say a life debt will be the least of your worries." Hermione cleared her throat.

"The following girls have agreed to serve Harry James Potter as Concubines: Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott and Megan Jones. Be at the seventh floor tonight or pack your bags."

It was indeed an orgy that followed that night where all girls were obligated to sleep with each other. Hermione, Daphne and Padma were the only three that insisted on being Harry's partners. That single night destroyed any worth the pureblood girls would ever have for their husbands.

It wasn't long before the entire country descended into Chaos. After Harry found a faint magical signature linked to Voldemort in his scar... the entire war was over before it ever started up again. Harry called out Tom Riddle as his champion for the tournament, he never turned up and after a massive migraine during the first task, and black goo oozing from the scar... Harry was fairly certain that was done.

Over time some witches were honest about their regrets and released from their servitude, some even left as virgins. Others decided to forsake their magic breaking down just before having sex with Harry.

After bankrupting most of the ancient families and adding their wealth to his, Harry and two thirds of the young witches in Britain disappeared.

Terrible ending I know. But like i said this was just to let off some steam. If anyone wants to try and expand on this feel free. If not... well then don't :P