Curiosity Killed The Cook
by Kaline Reine

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece or any of the characters/settings. This is just a fanfiction story.

WARNINGS: I put basically the same warning on every story I write, so you can consider it sort of a warning of how my mind sometimes works. Haha... This story contains (or may contain) graphic adult content and language, explicit sex scenes, yaoi, possible non-con or dubcon, violence, gore, cursing, adult themes, etc. I do not censor my writing, but I do my best to warn people about the subject matter and potential subject matter. So if you don't like that kind of thing or can't handle it, then I suggest not reading this story. You have been warned. Also, I know this doesn't follow canon but it doesn't have to, that's why it's a fanfic. xD

Chapter 1:

Footsteps echoed across the main deck. Shiny black shoes tapped, each one a mere second after the other. The cook adjusted his tie, making sure he looked his best. After all, how else was he going to impress the lovely ladies that were stuck on this ship with him?

The redhead seemed to perk up a bit when he approached, but the darker haired one didn't seem phased. Nami and Robin were notoriously difficult to please. The only way he would make the infamous cat burglar happy would be if he served her a tray full of money, and he was fairly sure the only way he could ever be good enough for Robin was if he were a character in one of the novels she was always reading. They both seemed to have impossibly high standards. And then there was the fact that he was constantly making a total fool of himself in front of them, but he was unable to escape his own nature.

They had just been sunbathing, and were still in bikinis, he realized... Robin sported a dark purple flowery two-piece bathing suit, while Nami wore her usual brightly-colored rainbow bikini, neither of which left very much to the imagination. Somehow it had failed to get as much of a rise out of him as usual though. He knew better. It wasn't that he was jaded, per se, but he wasn't too thrilled about always being teased and unable to do anything about it. He wasn't an idiot and he knew their patterns well enough by now.

"Here we go," He handed them a tray full of food, trying to avert his eyes as much as possible. Not out of modesty or politeness, mind you, but for the sake of his own damned sanity. It was really starting to wear on his already-frazzled nerves. "Dinner is served, my lovelies."

They both frowned a little when they saw that it was shrimp again, but the crew hadn't had much luck catching anything else lately. That was mostly Luffy and Usopp's job, so it wasn't really his fault. He was simply doing the best he could with what he had. At least he did have the ability to dazzle everyone by making the same food in so many different ways that it was difficult to even notice it was the same thing... At first.

"Thank you, Sanji-kun." Nami smiled pleasantly at him. "Ne Robin-chan, do you think you could help me with this sunblock? I need to put more on my back but... I can't reach it." She giggled, trying to make it sound lighthearted and bubbly. It had come out evil instead.

As always, he took the bait anyway. "I'll gladly do it for you, Nami-swan!" If his pupils could have changed shape and become hearts right then, they definitely would have.

He just couldn't resist. The situation was all too tempting. He silently cursed himself for being so easy.

"No, I asked her to do it." The redhead proceeded to stick her tongue out at him.

"I'm on it." Robin smirked at him then, the closest to a true smile he would probably ever be able to get out of her. "Oh and thank you for the meal, kind chef. We'll eat it when we're done."

His eyes took in the feast that consisted of Robin's hands gliding in small circles across the redheaded beauty's flawless porcelain skin. When she went across Nami's back and shoulder-blades, it made certain things jiggle in a very enticing way. Both girls kept glancing at him with sly looks on their pretty faces. He hadn't failed to note their disinterest in the lunch he had prepared, however.


Sparking up a cigarette, he hurried back into the kitchen to cool off. Too bad it was warm in there too. Sanji rolled up his sleeves, taking a deep drag off of his stick of tobacco. He sometimes wished that he could kick the habit, but cooking was a stressful enough endeavor in itself, even without all of the sexual tension that exuberated from his crew mates at times.

'Those teases... It's sickening the way they treat me sometimes... That was just plain cruel! A calculated move for sure.'

He was only able to be alone with his thoughts for a few seconds, because a wild Luffy chose that very moment to burst into the kitchen with a wily look in his eyes.

"Meeeeeaaaattt!" He screamed, flailing his arms in a crazy fashion.

Sanji only rolled his eyes, and with a heavy sigh, he deadpanned. "Can I help you, Captain?"

"Umm... Where's the meat?" The dark haired young man looked around like he was scouting for enemies or something. "I saw Nami and Robin with food, so I thought-"

"Here!" The blonde shoved the plate at him hastily, but the dingbat didn't even seem to notice his mood. "It's shrimp. Hope that's alright."

"Awww, I'm sick of shrimp!" He pouted. "I wanted-"

"Well if you'd catch something else for a damn change, we wouldn't be eating the same thing day in and day out." Another voice boomed from the doorway.

The mossy-headed swordsman had apparently also chosen this time to barge in unannounced. His heavy boots clicked across the floor as he made his way over to the fridge.

"Eh? Zoro?" Luffy wandered over to him, while scarfing down a whole plate full of the little shrimp in the process. "Did you get hungry too?"

He was speaking through a partially open mouth with food hanging out of it... An act that made Sanji want to vomit, even though he had yet to even eat any of the food he'd worked so hard to make. Of course he'd sampled it to check for quality, but he was starving today... In more ways than one.

'Especially now.'

"Nah, I'm just here for the booze."

The green haired man proceeded to nonchalantly open the refrigerator. The other two could hear glass bottles clinking around, as he looked for what he wanted. At least he'd been honest and up front about his intentions... This time.

"Oi! Marimo bastard!" Sanji walked up behind him and kicked the door closed with one foot, his eyes glaring at the swordsman. "Now's not the time for that! You can get drunk later, but you're supposed to be on ship watch tonight."

If he could, he would have grown fangs right then. The idiot was always drinking, even when other more important things needed to be taken care of. Sanji knew he was just being a prick because of the girls teasing him and getting him all riled up like that a few minutes ago. He hadn't even had a proper chance to calm down yet. His blood was boiling. And frankly, his rival made for too tempting of a target.

"And who are you, my mommy?" Zoro snapped, drawing one of his swords. He'd narrowly avoided having his hand smashed in the door. He knew that the cook's kicks were no joke. "Try that again, and I'll cut your useless fucking leg off."

Watching him with a wary eye, he proceeded to take out not one, but two bottles of wine. Clearly an act meant just to spite him.

"Yeah, well... This 'useless leg' has saved your sorry ass countless times, asshole! And I need that wine to pair with dinner. We're running low right now. So watch it."

The blonde shot him several death glares while puffing on his cigarette, all of which were purposefully ignored. Zoro walked out without even taking his plate with him. All he cared about was drinking, and ruffling Sanji's feathers as much as he possibly could. It was so irritating!

'Why do I have to say anything to him anyway?' Sanji inwardly lamented his fate. 'Shouldn't that be the Captain's job? Yet, he doesn't seem to care...'


"What?!" The cook snapped, without meaning to. "Sorry Luffy... What is it?"

"Your eyebrow... It's twitching..." He began to sway to and fro, getting dizzy. "Amazing! It's like a whirlpool!"

"GO!" He snarled, pointing toward the door, his eyes now betraying the fact that he was seething with anger. "Get the hell out of my kitchen!"

"Well it's my ship..." Luffy pouted once again, having already snapped out of his prior bout of dizziness, it seemed.

"You may own the rest of the ship, but the kitchen is mine. Here's some extra food, you can have that useless swordsman's plate since he didn't want it. Now scram!"

He didn't have to tell him twice. Luffy was already dashing out the door, several plates in hand, and giggling like a madman. Sanji sank into a chair and let out a defeated sigh.

'This is job is way too stressful sometimes...' He lit another cigarette. When he took a drag, it felt like heaven. 'No wonder I smoke so much.'


With a frustrated sigh, Sanji resigned himself to his fate. Some things would never change. He was headed up to the crow's nest for a little bit of alone time. The cook had been needing a certain kind of attention lately, and his needs continued to go tragically unmet. He had volunteered to take the next watch, but his shift was almost at an end. He'd had to wait until everyone else retired for the night and thankfully the others were finally asleep.

When he sat down, he found his thoughts drifting to some quite unusual places. Even his most vivid fantasies hadn't really been able to do much for him lately. They had been at sea for a long time, and it was very different from the life he had known before as a peaceful cook at the Baratie. They had always had plenty of customers come in, many of them female, and some more than willing to spend a little quality time with a cute blonde cook after his shift...

Once he turned on the charm, few people could resist. But that didn't help him very much at the present time, now did it? If anything, it only made him long to go back to those times. There were reasons he'd never wanted to become a Pirate and this was one of many. Even with his nakama, it could be very lonely at times... In fact, the only time he didn't feel as lonely was when he was bickering with a certain green-haired idiot.

He winced at the state of his own arousal. He'd gotten hard plenty of times, but he hadn't cum for quite a while now.

'The state I'm in...' He panted, his hand sliding immediately to his pants. 'It hasn't been this bad in a long time. I need to... do something...'

Sanji began to stroke himself. He felt how hard he was and the thought of it alone only made him that much harder. He wanted to fully undress, but decided against it. Things were too risky right now with the others around. He sat with his back against one wall of the crow's nest, facing the door that led deeper into the ship, so he would instantly know if someone walked outside. He always wondered what he would do if that happened, but so far everyone on the Thousand Sunny had managed to avoid walking in on each other. At least as far as he knew. There had been a few close calls, so he didn't want to take any risks. With the cramped quarters and ever-growing size of their crew, it was still very hard to get any privacy on board the ship.

And that wasn't the only thing that was very hard... He stroked his length lazily, taking his time to make sure he got the utmost pleasure out of it. He'd gone without any release for far too long. He felt some precum leaking out but he was nowhere near close to finishing. Not yet... He tried to think of Nami or Robin, but they didn't seem to be doing it for him at this particular time. Not even the earlier scenario with the sunblock was helping.

'I really wish I had someone who could help me with this... There is just no substitute for real skin-on-skin contact.'

Sanji panted, his breath beginning to speed up. His strokes had increased too and he was going a little faster. His cock was throbbing now from pent up frustration but he still couldn't get himself to fully climax. It was beyond frustrating. It was like there was something there, teasing the corners of his mind, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Somehow, it managed to elude his grasp at every turn. It wasn't enough.

A flash of brilliant green threatened to surface from the edges of his psyche. He quickly shoved it away, fighting down his blush. His sudden and forbidden fantasy willfully ignored him though. There was a glimmer of gold, hanging in threes from someone's ear; shining... He wanted to reach out and... Abruptly, it stopped.

'No, I can't think about him... Not like this! No way!'

"Mmmm..." The cook let out a soft moan in spite of himself. "Hahh, aahhh..." His breath was coming in ragged puffs, as he gave it everything he had. He moaned probably a little too loudly.

...It still wasn't enough.

He had failed to notice that someone else was lurking nearby. A familiar green head, short hair spiked and impassive face tinged with beads of sweat, soon appeared past the edge of the thin door that had formerly separated him from the man he now recognized as Roronoa Zoro. Had he been on deck working out this entire time? The two looked at one another, their eyes met, and the swordsman's gaze briefly flickered down, before he noticed...

"Oh," He said, trying to maintain his cold facade, no matter what he had just witnessed. The swordsman rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "You, ahh... You come here for that too. I'll..." There was a pause when he hesitated for a moment. "Umm, I'll just go..."

It wasn't a question, simply a statement. He tried to play it off like it was no big deal, as if he hadn't just walked in on his nakama masturbating. Before Sanji could even properly put himself back into his pants, the other man had vanished just as mysteriously as he'd appeared. Had his face been red? Sanji knew that his was too, he could feel it. He was beyond mortified! Zoro had just seen him naked, moaning, and... pleasuring himself.

'Damn him for interrupting me! And why he was so smug about it? Playing it off all casually... That shitty swordsman's gonna pay!' The blonde thought, already making his way down from the crow's nest. 'He saw me... naked! What did he think of it, I wonder? Why am I like this? It's so dumb... Who even cares what a bastard like him thinks anyway?!'

A million thoughts were surging through his mind all at once. He could do nothing to stop them, no matter how much he tried. Now that this had happened, he knew his face might never go back to it's normal color again. He was clearly doing that right out in the open, where anyone could see. There was nothing that he could have said in his defense. Not that Zoro had given him a chance to say anything at all...

'Really, truthfully... It doesn't matter. It was going to be just like usual and I probably couldn't finish anyway. And if he hadn't interrupted me, someone else would have.' He sighed, exhaling a deep breath. 'Maybe I'm reading too much into it... He sure did vanish in a hurry. Where did he go?'

Once he'd climbed down to the main deck, there was still no sign of the swordsman, and he hadn't seen him go back into the bunk room. That meant that he could only be in one place... His usual spot outside the kitchen. Sanji walked toward it unhurriedly. He didn't want to seem overly eager to find him. Especially after what had just happened...

But somehow, he still felt that it warranted some type of explanation. The need to clear the air after such a mishap was all too persistent. He didn't need his rival blabbing to the whole damn crew about what he'd seen, or worse, teasing him about it later. That last thought didn't help his blush any. He would have to fight it down before he ran into the swordsman again.

'I'm tired... I need to sleep soon, ugh...' But first he would have to make sure the person who had next watch was alert enough to handle things. They couldn't afford to be irresponsible just because- 'And what the hell did he mean 'you come here for that too'? Does Zoro... Does he do that too?'

Never in his entire existence had he ever seen Roronoa Zoro look at anyone wrongly or even act like he had any urges like that. It was a difficult thing to picture... And now he was picturing it. Great.

Everything was already tense enough between the two and he had to make sure it wouldn't be too awkward in the morning. His arch rival had just found out he was an even worse pervert than he pretended to be, and there was no telling who else he might tell about tonight's incident. No, he couldn't afford to make any mistakes here or let this go. Absolutely not.

He wasn't sure which reason was driving him the most, but there were more than enough to justify him tracking down the swordsman. He finally found him sleeping, with his back against the wall, in his usual spot. His legs were crossed under him and his arms were folded. His eyes were closed, but his face was flushed a deep crimson still.

"Oi. Marimo." Sanji squinted, getting down on his knees in front of him. "Don't fake being asleep, idiot!" He shouted, not even caring that he was in the other man's personal space. He felt so violated himself that it didn't matter right now.

Originally, Zoro had only come here to be alone to do his own thing but now his face was flushed a deep crimson and he was far too embarrassed to face Sanji again. He kept his eyes firmly shut, while trying to appear like he was sleeping... He knew it wasn't the best tactic, but he was hoping it would prevent any unnecessary interactions between them. What had just happened had been awkward enough as it was. He definitely didn't want to deal with him.

'This guy...' He thought grumpily. 'Go away already! Don't make me talk to you, not right now...'

"Hey! I said wake up!" The cook was getting right in his face. He put a hand on Zoro's shoulder and started shaking him.

It was enough to annoy him, but nothing more. Sanji felt his muscles tense under his unwelcome touch. He was clearly trying to contain his anger, but it was akin to a tiger in a cage... There was no stopping it once it had progressed this far. And it had.

"Yo! Idiot! I can see the veins popping out on your ugly forehead. Did you know that?" Still no response. Sanji's face tightened and he tensed up. He was getting angry too. "Don't ignore me, you-"

He stopped. Something was wrong. Zoro's face wasn't normally this color. It was a bright, glaring red, which was hard enough to achieve with his complexion. Sanji stared at him for a long moment.

"Your face..." He gasped. "It's really red..."

Zoro opened his eyes with a snarl. He knew he wasn't going to win and there was no use trying anymore. He couldn't believe what he'd just seen... And the fact that Sanji had decided to follow him all the way down here made it seem even worse. Thankfully the others were still asleep so they wouldn't have to witness this...

"You know... Yours is too, stupid curly brows." He growled, tensely. "But since this apparently can't wait until later..."


Before he could do anything, the swordsman grabbed the blonde by his dangling tie and pulled him in close. He wanted to teach him a lesson so he wouldn't pester him like this anymore; to scare him away for good. That was what he told himself, anyway. It felt like it was taking an eternity to get his face close enough, but in reality it couldn't have been more than a few seconds, considering that the cook was already in his face when this whole stupid thing began.

Their lips crashed together like the raging sea beneath them. Zoro pressed his lips urgently against the cook's, making sure to bring his tongue out to taste him. He tasted good... Too good. The moment his lips parted, he knew it was over.

'I'm n-not gay!' Sanji screamed inside his head. 'I'm not!'

But he couldn't help but lean into the kiss anyway. Zoro's lips felt too good against his own. Sinfully good... It didn't help that the swordsman was still firmly grasping his tie with one hand, ensuring that he couldn't just run away, no matter how much he might want to. Then he brought his other hand up to cradle around the back of Sanji's neck, gently guiding him closer and forcibly deepening the kiss. The perverted cook couldn't help but buck his hips against Zoro's, as he struggled in his lap.

'Wait... When did I end up in his lap?!' He internally panicked, a twinge of surprise hitting him full force. He shifted himself impatiently. 'But why does this feel so good?'

One thing he'd never tried was doing anything with another guy. Sometimes he was a little curious as to what it might be like, but he'd never in a million years have imagined that when he finally did explore it, it might be with Zoro. Even if he did sometimes think of him that way, in secret... The guy acted like he hated him. Part of him had always felt like maybe all of the hatred and fighting was just a ruse though. He wondered if Zoro sensed it too? The sexual tension that loomed just beneath the surface had all too often threatened to break through at times. But they'd managed to keep it together, until now...

This was the first time that he'd even kissed anyone in many years. And he was quickly losing himself to the overwhelming sensations that followed suit. The moss-haired swordsman was desperately grinding on him, loving the way he was moving against him. Their tongues twirled together, warm and wet.

"Mmmmhh..." The swordsman broke the kiss to let out a fierce moan. "You taste so good..." It was surprising for him too, because he'd been expecting the taste of cigarettes to be awful, but somehow it wasn't. The blonde's subtle smoky flavor was more alluring than anything.

Sanji melted at his words. He felt a surge of arousal that rocked him to the core... He couldn't suppress the moan that fell from his lips the next time Zoro's brushed them. This was so wrong. And yet... It felt so overwhelmingly pleasurable, the way they moved against one another with such passion, and how their tongues brushed together to toy with each other... It went on and on.

The way he kept such a firm grip on the blonde's tie didn't help either. It was starting to cut off his air supply just a bit, choking him and making him dizzy. He tried to suppress a moan but it escaped anyway, spurring his partner on. Even hearing the other man breathe was getting to him now. He was becoming very hot and bothered, the heat between his legs spiraling out of control rapidly. He needed relief from this bittersweet euphoric torment.

Sanji knew it wasn't too late to back out. He could still pretend to be grossed out and disgusted by his actions, no matter how his body was currently betraying him. He felt safer staying in this position because he knew Zoro was the one who had initiated it. Though he didn't know why... He just couldn't bring himself to break the beautiful moment between them. It was probably inevitable. It had been building up for some time anyway.

Sanji was curious. Far too curious for his own good. And curiosity, it seems, is what would kill the cook...

A/N: I'm a little rusty at writing One Piece fics, and particularly inexperienced with writing about the Strawhats, so I'm sorry if they were out of character. That's the glory of fanfiction though, lol...

I've been reading a lot of ZoSan fics and doujinshi lately, and it's given me a hopeless case of the Yaois. x'D I hope at least some people out there will enjoy this cute little fic. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, I would love to hear from you. Feedback is always welcomed.

Note: I had actually gone back and re-written this chapter to polish it a little more. No important plot points have been altered, however. As of November 2019, Chapter 1 has now been updated.