63As Ruby Rose wandered into the dormitory's shared kitchenette, her silver eyes spotted something up way on the highest shelf in the room: a jar of cookies, placed there by her devilish sister to keep them out of her hands by taking advantage of Ruby's shortness. A mischievous grin spread across her little face as she unholstered Crescent Rose and skipped her way on over to the high shelves and, with the scythe end of her weapon, attempted to push the jar of cookies on over. Despite the extra reach from Crescent Rose, the tip of her scythe barely reached the jar and Ruby stretched and contorted herself in an attempt to get the delicious baked sweets that sat just outside of her reach.
One particularly hard knock of her scythe sent the jar of cookies tumbling forward, where it promptly bounced off the handle of Crescent Rose before hitting the floor. The jar of cookies just bounced harmlessly off the floor and rolled over to another part of the room.
Crescent Rose shattered into dozens of pieces.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY?! OH GOD WHY!? MY LUST FOR COOKIES HAS GONE TOO FAR! CRESCENT ROSE, PLEASE, SAY SOMETHING, ANYTHING!" Ruby desperately clawed the bits and pieces of her weapon together and cradled them into her arms, as she lifted the sniper rifle-scythe up to her ear.
When silence was all Ruby was met with, the silver-eyed huntress burst into tears as she wailed over the fate of her beloved weapon. Soon after, Josuke wandered into the kitchen, looking for one of the snack cakes he had put into the fridge, and was surprised by the sight of Ruby on the floor cradling the broken Crescent Rose.
Almost immediately upon seeing him enter, Ruby was on top of Josuke, her arms practically shoving the broken bits and pieces of Crescent Rose into the pompadoured teen's chest as tears streamed down the side of her face.
"JOSUKE, PLEASE, FIX HER FIX HER FIX HER FIX HER FIX HER FIX HER FIX HER FIX HER-" Putting a stop to this, Josuke placed his hands firmly on Ruby's shoulders and pushed her back a bit.
"Easy there Ruby, I got this." Josuke dust himself off a bit after saying this, before he coughed dramatically into his fist. "Now then… [CRAZY DIAMOND]!" One overly dramatic pose later, Josuke's Stand was summoned forth from within the boy, the Pink and Silver Stand hovering just between the two as Josuke pointed melodramatically to the broken bits of Crescent Rose. "FIX IT!"
Crazy Diamond nodded and reared its fist back mightily, a fierce look of determination in its eyes.
"... Dora." All culminated in a light tap as Crescent Rose snapped back together, as if it had never been broken in the first place. Nonetheless, Ruby's eyes lit up like fireworks as she hugged Crescent Rose to her chest and hopped up and down in place, the young teenaged girl beaming at Josuke.
"Oh Josuke, thank you so much! I don't know how I could possibly ever repay you!" Josuke just smiled as he shrugged and Crazy Diamond dissipated back into nothingness.
"It's no problem Ruby, I'm always happy to help. 'Sides, its not like it's a problem for me to use Crazy Diamond to help my friends." Josuke readjusted his uniform a bit as he said this, a casual grin on his face.
"The Gang Abuses Crazy Diamond"
Lunch time rolled around and teams RWBY, JNPR and JOJO sat at their usual spot and just talked over a few random tidbits here and there. Everything was going just fine for everyone. Or it was, up until Nora, in a particularly exciting moment of the story she was retelling, swung her arms far off to the side, knocked her drink into the air and caused the cola to spill all over Blake's book.
"My Pumpkin Pete's Cola!"
"MY BOOK!"
Blake looked about ready to go into a nervous breakdown as she quickly grabbed as many napkins as she could and got to desperately trying to save her book. Before either she or Nora could act much more, however, Josuke reached over and, with a tap of his finger, fixed Blake's book good as new and caused Nora's soda and glass to fly back over to its position on the table beside the girl.
"Wow, thanks Josuke!"
"JOSUKE, THANK YOU SO MUCH, YOU SAVED MY BOOK!"
Once again, the pompadoured teen just shrugged his shoulders as he went back to eating. "No problem, it was a simple enough fix." As Josuke tore back into his lunch, a thoughtful expression crossed Blake's face.
"Say… Josuke, listen, I got a few other books that in need of some… fixing. Maybe if you wouldn't mind, you could…" Blake did her best to not say it directly, but Josuke just shrugged and grinned.
"Sure, I don't see why not, I'll stop by sometime after class and fix them up for you." At this, Blake grinned and had to practically hold herself from clapping her hands in glee. Her smut, er, adult reading material had gotten... worn out over the years of her reading it and getting it fixed would be just the pick-me-up she needed… after she got new covers for them to keep Josuke from finding out what they were, of course.
Meanwhile, the rest of the table just looked at Josuke and keen interest bubbled up in their eyes.
"JOSUKE, JOSUKE, COME QUICK, IT'S AN EMERGENCY!"
Almost as if summoned, Josuke burst through the door to Team RWBY's dorm room, where he had heard Weiss call out for him with great urgency.
"What's wrong Weiss? Ruby almost hang herself by her cape, Yang accidentally break someone's back in a hug, Blake…" Josuke stopped when he saw that nothing was amiss in the room at all and that it was Weiss just by herself. Sure, the room looked a little dirty, but-
"Fix this mess, Josuke."
"... Pardon me?"
"The other three have left this room an absolute sty and I can barely stand to live in it. I need you to fix it back to a clean state." Weiss harrumphed as she said this, the pompadoured teen perplexed as he stared at her.
"Weiss… if it's so much of a problem for you, why not clean it yourself?" Weiss gasped, as if scandalized by the suggestion.
"What do I look like, the maid?"
"... Do I?" Josuke answered back with a slightly irritated tone to his voice as Weiss just scoffed.
"Come now Josuke. You keep going on and on about how Crazy Diamond can fix anything physical back to a previous state, right?"
"... Right, but Weiss, I really don't think I should be-"
"Then what's the hold up?! Get to fixing!" At this, Josuke just sighed with an aggravated expression on his face as he snapped his fingers and summoned Crazy Diamond forth.
"Fine…. Crazy Diamond, fix it back to a previous state."
"DORARARARARARARARARA- DORAAAA!"
In a flurry of punches, Team RWBY's dorm room quickly flew back into being a nearly immaculate state, all garbage flew off to be disposed of or reformed into fresh good and the misplaced books, clothes and Dust cartridges put themselves back into their places. Weiss looked around the room and gave an approving nod.
"See Josuke, now was that all that…" Weiss blinked curiously as she cast her gaze about, a confused look on her face. "Josuke, where are my things?" Indeed, Weiss' possessions seemed to have utterly vanished from the room.
"Back to a previous state." Josuke said with a bit of a sigh as he quickly exited the room, leaving Weiss confused.
"Josuke, wait, what do you mean by that?" A ring on her scroll caught Weiss' attention as she pulled it out, a small smile rose to her face as she saw the contact name. "Oh hello Klein, I wasn't expecting a call from you today, what-" Weiss' eyes suddenly went wide as dinner plates. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALL MY THINGS ARE BACK AT THE MANSION!?"
"OoooOOOooooOOooooh…."
Josuke was drawn towards distressed sounds coming from the kitchenette as, upon his arrival, he saw Nora. The orange-haired girl was doubled over a nearby table as she held her arms around her stomach, a pained look on her face as her face turned a shade of green.
"Hey Nora… you feeling alright?" Josuke tilted his head to the side, as Nora shook her head.
"No… I don't feel so good…" Nora muttered, as Josuke just arched an eyebrow.
"How bad we talking?" Nora turned her head away from Josuke's line of sight for a moment, her hand going up to her mouth as, suddenly, the turquoise-eyed girl vomited all over the table. "OKAY! THAT BAD! Hold on Nora, I'll go ahead and fix you right up!" Josuke's hand glowed yellow as he ran over and prepared to pat Nora on the shoulder.
All of a sudden, the girl moved with great haste as she grabbed Josuke's hand and dunked it into the puddle of vomit on the table.
"NORA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Josuke immediately whipped his hand back and away from the girl, a clearly disgusted look on his face. Suddenly, the vomit on his hand and on the table slowly reformed into a truly gigantic stack of pancakes, as Nora's eyes sparkled with glee as she pulled out a fork, knife and bottle of syrup from her skirt pockets.
"Yay! Thanks Josuke!" Immediately, Nora dug into her fixed pile of pancakes, as Josuke just stared on in disgust.
"... Yeah… no problem. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go ahead, take one hundred showers and cry over the death of my innocence…" Josuke shook his head as he wandered off, Nora ignoring the disgusted young man as he did. Crazy Diamond would never be able to fix how unclean Josuke felt at that very moment.
"PLEASE JOSUKE?! PLEEEEEEEAASSE?! I KEEP DROPPING ALL THESE HINTS BUT HE JUST DOESN'T GET IT! JOSUKE, I'M BEGGING YOU, I NEED YOUR HELP!"
"For the last damned time Pyrrha, I can't fix how dense Jaune is!"
Tears welled up in Pyrrha's green eyes as she threw herself down onto her knees in front of the teen. "Please Josuke! I'm begging you, just try, just once, for me?!"
"Pyrrha, for fuck's sake, I told you Crazy Diamond doesn't work like that! You just need to get your act together and tell Jaune how you feel!"
"I caaaaaan't!" Pyrrha wailed as she continued to beg Josuke, as the pompadoured teen's eye just twitched.
"Pyrrha, I'm telling you, it's not going to happen! IT! IS! NEVER! GOING! TO! HAPPEN! Just get out of here!" After a moment, Pyrrha finally sighed in defeat as she wandered off, pitiful sniffs accompanying her as Josuke rubbed his temples. "I swear… if one more person walks up to me and asks me to fix something stupid, I'm going to put my fucking head through a wall…"
At that very moment, Jaune walked up.
"Hey Josuke, listen, I've been trying to ask Weiss out for a while now but she just won't give me a chance. I was wondering if you could fix how cold she-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Josuke, promptly, slammed his head through a nearby wall, the force being enough to send even his shoulders through the hole as Jaune's eyes went wide.
"-NEVERMIND WE'LL TALK LATER!" At that, the blond-haired knight ran off, leaving Josuke screaming into his little hole in the wall.
Josuke sat at one of the dining hall tables, his fingers rhythmically pounding against the surface. Lunch was out and class was in session, which meant that he was technically playing hooky, but at this point he didn't care. Everyone was trying to get him to use his Stand to fix some stupid thing or another and it was driving him crazy. He just needed some time to himself, some manner of peace, or else he was going to-
"Hey JoJo-"
"WHAT, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO FIX THIS TIME!?"
Josuke immediately turned and snapped at Yang who had casually approached the young man. Her lilac eyes went wide as she doubled back, a surprised look on her face.
"Woah! Easy there tiger, I'm just here because Peach is wondering why you aren't in class! What's eating you?" Josuke carefully looked Yang over, trying to see if he could find any sign of deceit or an oncoming favor, before he finally sighed and leaned back into his chair.
"I've had a Hell of a day Yang. Everyone's been trying to get me to use Crazy Diamond to fix some stupid thing or another. It's been nonstop. I just… I'm just at the end of my rope here."
"Woof, sounds rough buddy. Why don't you tell good old Doctor Xiao Long what's up?" Josuke gazed at the blonde girl for a moment before he sighed.
"Dammit… it started with Blake and her books, then Weiss had me clean up your guys' room, then Nora dunked my fucking hand into her vomit to get more pancakes and Pyrrha and Jaune tried to get me to fix their stupid love… disconnected triangle, I guess?" Josuke just rubbed his temples.
"Huh, you didn't mention Ren in all that."
Josuke shuddered as he looked over to Yang. "I am never talking about what Ren had me fix Yang. He is a sick, sick man…" Josuke looked positively horrified as Yang just nodded, a smile on her face.
"Well JoJo, I'm sorry to hear all that. Guess all I can offer is that, for what it's worth, I appreciate what you do around here." The blonde shot one of her winning smiles a Josuke, the pompadoured teen's gaze momentarily softened, before Yang spoke back up. "Which is why… I was wondering if I could ask a favor."
Josuke's expression immediately dropped back into one of annoyance as he sighed and shook his head. "Okay, whatever, what do you want me to fix?"
Yang stood perfectly still for a moment, a thoughtful expression on her face.
The next second, she stuck her arm out, drew a meat cleaver with her other hand, and chopped her arm off.
The pair immediately screamed, one from pain and the other from horror.
"OH MY GOD, YANG, WHAT THE FUCK?!"
"I DUNNO, I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN, I DIDN'T THINK IT'D HURT SO BAD! JOSUKE, QUICK I'M LOSING BLOOD!"
"FUCKING BROTHERS YANG, [CRAZY DIAMOND], FIX IT!"
Immediately Crazy Diamond reached forward and fixed Yang's arm, her limb popped back into place and her blood seeped back into her wound as it sealed up. Immediately Yang stopped screaming and just smiled as she waved at Josuke.
"Thanks JoJo, I'll talk to you later." The blonde wandered off, leaving a thoroughly disturbed Josuke in her wake.
"... WHAT THE FUCK?!"
"JOSUKE, COME QUICK, WE NEED YOUR HELP!"
"Okay, that's it." Josuke kicked the door open to Team RBWY's dorm room, an angry expression on his face. "What the Hell have you all done this time. What menial little thing or psychotic episode do you all… expect me… to…" Josuke's anger died as he took in the scene before, in a slow motion, he brought his hand up to his face and cupped it gingerly.
Honestly, he wasn't even mad at this point. Well, actually, he was; blindingly furious in fact, but he was the kind of blindingly furious that circled back to being calm again. Now, he was just curious.
"Why and how?" Were all the words that Josuke could utter as he looked on at this scene.
For what laid before him was the gathered team members of Teams RWBY and JNPR, their arms and legs all detached from their bodies and scattered across the room. Bloodless but otherwise removed.
"Yeah even we don't know at this point Josuke. All that matters is that you need to get to fixing us." Blake called out as the rest of the teens nodded, while Josuke took a deep, long breath as he looked at his gathered friends.
"Okay, guys? Real talk here? I seriously feel like you guys are just taking advantage of me because of Crazy Diamond's powers and you all really don't care about my time or needs. I really don't feel like I'm being respected here." Josuke laid it all out, as Ruby just gasped.
"Josuke! How could you say such a thing! Of course we respect and appreciate you! It's because we do that we let you see us in such a vulnerable position. Josuke, there's so many people in this school and city who'd take advantage of this situation to do serious harm to us or otherwise bully us. We know you, and we know how good you are, and we know you'd never do that kind of stuff to us. Because you're our friend and we trust you, completely and totally."
As Ruby's speech went on, Josuke's aggravated demeanor slowly melted away and was replaced by a warm smile, as the young man brought a hand up to his heart. This moment between him and his friends… well, it was touching.
"So get to healing us monkey boy!"
And the moment was dead, as Josuke's expression fell into a frown.
"Hey, I resent that remark!" The gathered teens all looked over Josuke's shoulder to see Sun Wukong, the monkey faunus seemed deeply offended as he passed by the room and overheard what they had said.
"Shut up Sun nobody cares about you anymore!" Weiss called out as the rest of the Four Kingdom Hunters and Huntresses nodded.
"Yeah! No one in the reviews for the canon story noticed that you weren't brought up at the end of the Josuke vs Bruno fight! They all just assumed that you and Neptune were okay! You could be dead for all they know! I mean, you aren't, but the point still stands! That's kinda screwed up!" Nora remarked as, again, everyone nodded.
"So get out of here Sun, everybody's got new favorite transfer students!"
Sun Wukong's lip quivered for a brief moment before the blond-haired faunus burst out into tears and ran off, his crying echoed down the hall as he did so.
"Okay, now that he's gone, we can get Josuke to fix us up." The others turned back to Josuke, who just glared at them.
"No. You know what. You all can just stay like that until you learn to APPRECIATE ME AND MY FEELINGS!" Josuke screamed the end of the sentence as he too ran off, leaving the group of teens effectively stranded, arm and legless, on the floor of Team RWBY's dorm room.
"... Well, that backfired." Ren remarked dryly as Jaune's face suddenly scrunched up.
"Oh jeez, I got an itch on my nose." The group stayed silent for a moment before Ruby whimpered.
"... I have to go to the bathroom." Everyone just groaned in unison as they shook their heads.
"Well,at least today couldn't get any worse." Pyrrha remarked, attempting to be helpful and raise everyone's spirits. It was silent for a moment after Pyrrha had spoken up, before everyone noticed something.
"Hey… do you guys hear that whistling sound? It sounds like-"
In an instant, Team RWBY's dorm room wall blew open in an explosion of fire as an object of stone and ice plowed its way into the side of the building. A meteor hard fallen from the sky and struck right into Beacon Academy, landing in Team RWBY's dorm room.
The group of teens watched on as slowly the meteorite melted and broke apart, and a strange, nearly naked figure rose from it.
AY-AY-AY-AAAAAAYYYY-YEEEEEEEEE
Bird-like wings were torn from the ice and stone of the meteor, as a being with the most fabulous hair anyone in that room had ever seen turned multi-colored eyes onto those gathered, a demented look to him as he slowly exhaled, one word on his lips as he spoke for what was probably the first time in over a decade.
"JoooooJooooo…."
The eight teens looked on as Kars slowly stretched his form, the hunters all horrified as they watched the Ancient Remnant God of Fitness as he broke free from his prison.
"... Guys?"
"Yeah Rubes?"
"... I don't have to go to the bathroom anymore."
"I think we're right there with you Ruby."
So remember kids, treasure your friends and what unique talents make them special, but always be sure to let them know that you appreciate them for more than simply what they can do for you.
Or else the Perfect Being will come and kill you no matter what.
…
What you think you got a better moral for the story?.
Fin
Alrighty, there we go, got myself a nice little break while I churned this short out. Ready and raring to go back to the main story. Expect to see more of these as time goes on, of course, though I'll try to make them an infrequent treat, as I would like to publish more of the main story than of this to help keep it paced well and to just get you guys more solid content.
So I'll see you all on the 15th with Lock and Key (Act 1)! Hope you guys enjoyed this and I hope you all have an absolutely wonderful weekend.