Thunderous applause as Randy's motorcycle busts into the audience killing many Toads in his path. He comes to a stop on the stage where the whole cast is assembled on the little tiered benches, the finalists are off to one side. As Randy brandishes the urn above his head to more cheers Rouge is seen jovially clapping wearing a banging red dress, nails did and heavy eyeshadow, as Tails smiles next to her wearing a classy green turtleneck.

"You've all waited since the filming of this season in 2017… it's time to read the votes," Randy's eyes glimmering mischievously as the audience roars. Daisy is seen shittily waving at the audience in the back of the shot. "Remember you want to see your name tonight, it takes six votes to win."

"First vote…" [Tails] whistling heard from the audience as Tails reaches for Rouge's hand, who looks a little stank but takes it anyway.

"Next vote…" [Tails] Close-up of Luigi beaming as he claps in the front row of the benches, "That's two for Tails."

Randy reaches in for the next vote after the crowd quiets down, [Tails]. "Three for Tails," Tails is seen mouthing something incomprehensible at Rouge and shaking his head.

"Fourth vote…" Randy casting an eye at musical director Veronica Crabtree to have the dramatic drum beat come in, [Rouge] "That's three votes Tails, one vote Rouge."

Randy slowly flips the next vote, [Rouge] "Two for Rouge," shot of DK's lips curling into a smile.

After lingering awkwardly on a shot of Rouge's black parents in the audience for a second too long, jarring cut to Randy holding the next vote, [Rouge] "We're tied, three votes Rouge, three votes Tails." Some ethnic screaming picks up in the audience from the minority Toads.

Randy smiling looking at the next vote before revealing it, [Tails] with Rouge crossed out next to it. "That's four for Tails, remember it takes six to win," close-up of Noki receding into her shell.

"Eighth vote…" Randy flips it around quickly shocking everyone, [Rouge] "Tied again, four votes all," as a close-up of Sonic glaring around at the other jurors is shown.

Smiling as the crowd continues rumbling in uncertainty, Randy flips over the next vote, [Tails] "That's five for Tails, four for Rouge, two votes left."

As the camera closes in on Tails crying into his hands, "The winner of Survivor: Mystic Ruins… TAILS!" Crabtree sounds the weird horn sound effect as the intro music starts playing, Tails throws himself onto the floor in hysterics as Tikal is the first to reach his side and embrace him.

As everyone stands up and Rouge is seen hugging DK behind him, Randy screaming over the audience as he points at the camera "What an upset! We'll talk to the cast after this," fading into a shot of Crabtree sitting at her station on a raised platform.

After another Fiji water commercial Tails's winner package footage is playing, starting with him getting molested by Sonic on the couch. Tails shown being like "It's getting creepy around here!" in confessional. Cut to him crying into Birdo's trans lap, then cut to him running over to the Rings mat at the mutiny followed by him winning the math challenge. After some jarring footage of his rape by Bowser and DK followed by his double penetration by Sonic and Luigi some uplifting music plays over footage of his birth, followed by an immediate cut to Sonic devouring Sonic Jr., then Foxxy Kong burning at the stake, then Baby Luigi falling into the fire, lingering on Tails slapping Chaos 4 in the lake.

The footage awkwardly ends there and cuts back to the stage with everyone back in their seats. Randy waving at the audience to settle down, "Alright, Tails, a seven to four victory! Are you surprised?"

"Shocked Randy!" Tails's eyes glowing, "I've been on food stamps since I got home to support the children, I never thought I would win!"

"Are things still going strong with you and Luigi?" Randy wiggling his eyebrows as the audience erupts into cheers.

Tails smiling crookedly, "We're still close."

"How about you and Sonic?" As the crowd cheers even louder.

Tails nodding starting to blush, "We're still close."

Randy giving him a thumbs up, "That Final Tribal seemed to be a bit up in the air, some people did NOT want Tails to win, can I get a show of hands of who voted for Rouge?" DK, Knuckles, Toadette, and Daisy all raise their hands. "Daisy, for instance, you said Tails made one big mistake, what were you referring to?" as slow-motion footage of Daisy holding up her jury vote for Rouge is shown.

Daisy pursing her lips angrily, "Voting me out obviously."

Bowser's eyebrows fly up next to her, "She was just salty we all got some of Tails except for her." Intrigued reactions from the audience as Daisy shakes her head vehemently.

Randy moving on, "Rouge so close to victory, any regrets over your game?"

Rouge carefully folding her manicured hands, "I'm at peace with my decisions, if I lost the game the moment I aborted then I'm glad for it," some feminist claps from the audience cut her off.

"Really? Not even voting out your best judy Luigi? Can I get a show of hands of who would have voted for Rouge on the jury over Luigi?"

DK and Knuckles immediately shoot their black hands up, followed by Toadette, and Noki after an awkward pause.

"Hmm, guess you were fucked either way," Randy backpedaling, "Luigi have you forgiven her?"

Luigi waving a hand twisting his face, "It's cool."

After some footage plays of Noki crossing out Rouge's name on her parchment, "Noki you seemed the most indecisive!"

Noki clucking from the first row, bumped up due to the Doctor's death "It was hard because Rouge really became shell sister to me as well, but in the end was lying toad. Also Tails birthed savior."

Tikal placing a hand on Noki's shoulder supportingly from the next row up, "Tails was truly chosen by Nights as a vessel for xer holy seed, the right person won the thousand dollars."

"Speaking of seed, Knuckles, how do you feel about fathering a religious icon?"

Knuckles looking like ghetto royalty shows off some rings before answering, "Your boy's been busy. Always up in the studio making new music. Not to mention got a wedding coming in a few years, and that shit should be popping now namsaying," he points to the cheering audience, cut to a shot of Tanya Ann clapping rocking some box braids in the audience.

Randy smiles for a second at the happy family moment, "Speaking of black people, I wanna talk to DK, would you have voted for Tails after watching back and finding out that it was in fact you that gave him HIV, after getting it from Maria on the Rainbow Cruise? Think you were a little harsh?"

DK making a face, "Nah, how was I posed to know?"

Randy shrugging. "Noki you mentioned Rouge's betrayal of the blacks, you didn't even conceive the black alliance and yet you seemed to become its biggest proponent. Disappointed it didn't pan out?"

DK shaking his head making his fancy striped tie wave to and fro, "I thought we had it together for a second but of course soon as I thought that my torch was smuffed. Guess we ain't ready for a black winner yet."

Randy's eyes darting around nervous at the race discussion being brought up, "And speaking of betrayal, we can't forget about Toadette, any second thoughts about dumping your Mushroom girls?"

Toadette wearing a frumpy off-white dress, "I had to cut my losses after I lost Daisy and my unborn child. The game was evolving and my voting bloc with Rouge was more important."

Peach shown looking sour in the second row, "To be honest Randy I knew I was going home that night but T really added insult to injury, she was never winning the jury vote."

Noki shaking her head in agreement, "I always thought that colander Amy Rose would be the death of my game, I never suspected Toadette."

"That brings me to my next question," Randy pointing right at Amy, "Amy how did you feel watching the season back? Any surprises?"

Amy making an incredulous face, "The show did NOT portray me how I am in person, I know my girls out there didn't think of me like that."

Daisy in stank solidarity next to her, "What do the editors have against vegan pizza?"

"Hey, hey, settle down," Randy changing the subject again, "Another huge player, Sonic," another round of applause as Sonic is shown looking douchey, "Feel you went too soon?"

"My elimination was bullshit Randy," Sonic with a finger on a nipple. "Immunity Idols ruin the game completely, I would have won no question. I mean Tails won anyway so one of us wins we all win," he aggressively snatches Tails up from his seat and thrusts an arm up his turtleneck sweater, causing Birdo to honk in disgust and DK to holler approvingly, the chaos on the benches is promptly cut to commercial.

Randy shuffles his cards after another commercial break, everyone is suspiciously back in their seats except Sonic who is inexplicably gone. "Let me to talk to the pre-merge hussies real quick, Wario you were one of the first people to find out about the Doctor's and Maria's affair, do you feel vindicated?"

"I'm glad they died." Wario laughs with his hair greased back.

"Birdo, you were willing to speak up against the sexual abuse this season, disappointed about the AIDS outbreak?"

Birdo giving the audience a big smile, "I can't judge, I've been diagnosed since age 12."

"Yoshi, only Asian on the season, disappointed you went first?"

"My family has disowned me, my life is in shambles," Yoshi sighing.

"Big, how much time til you get out?"

Camera shows Big in handcuffs with a police officer standing next to him by the bench, "I'm a free man at heart, I'm innocent," as the crowd erupts into chants of 'Free him!'

"Any life updates Froggy?"

Froggy throwing her hands up "Catch me in the 2020 Olympics, synchronized swimming babes!"

"And what's up with you Rosalina?"

Rosalina in a hot halter top that shows off her toned upper arms, "I've opened up a yoga studio in LA, follow me on instagram!"

"How about you Cream?"

Cream gives Randy a warm smile in her cute blue blouse, "I got my period."

Randy nodding proudly, "And that's all the time we have," as Shadow is seen scowling in the back row, "After a short moment of silence for the Robotniks, time to show everyone a taste of what we got coming next year…" Randy tilting his head in remembrance as he points over to a black screen by Ms. Crabtree.

The screen fades from black to a long shot of an opulent castle, slowly zooming in. "Next season on Survivor, we're going back to SCHOOL," Randy heard in a voiceover.

An unattractive ginger girl is seen trying on a black witch's hat nervously as the voice-over continues, "They'll be divided into four houses based on personality…"

A douchey brunette boy with glasses is shown with 'Harry - Gryffindor' displayed on the screen, "I definitely deserve to win because my parents fucking died."

A cat is shown transforming into a dowdy older woman captioned 'Minerva - Ravenclaw'. "Yeah, I've got it like that."

The same chunky ginger girl is shown in a confessional with 'Ginny - Hufflepuff' displayed on the screen, "I may not be the prettiest girl out here…" she trails off.

A black girl is shown glaring at the camera labeled 'Lavender - Slytherin' "The fuck did he mean black of heart?"

Randy's voice-over continues "And they'll be forced to work together to survive in the mysterious Room of Requirement," dramatic zooming-in shot of an inconspicuous door in a hallway of the castle, "Which is probably gonna just look like a beach most of the time."

Dramatic music plays over a montage of a blonde girl vomiting into the well, an old man with white beard rubbing his hands together mischievously, an Indian girl running up some moving stairs in a challenge shot, a hot blond teenager lounging on the beach, and a buck-toothed girl pointing at a tree dictatorially.

An older woman with frizzy hair is shown in confessional with eyes bugging out, labeled 'Sybill - Hufflepuff' "She is in great danger!"

Randy standing on top of the Astronomy Tower dramatically as a helicopter shot swirls around him, "So join us this summer for SURVIVOR: ROOM OF REQUIREMENT, I guess seventeen days again, twenty people, and only one Survivor!" Randy bungee jumps off the tower as some ethnic screaming finishes off the preview, fade to black.

As we cut back to the reunion, Randy is handing Tails his giant check and shaking his gloved hand, "And one last time congratulations to our winner Tails! Good night!" Noki is seen giving the camera a final wave before it fades again to Crabtree playing off the episode with a ska remix of the theme music.