A/N:Hi,guys!Haru here!I hope you enjoy this short piece of mine^^
Disclaimer:I do not own Merlin
I cried again then,
the pain so overwhelming.
Darkness crawled towards me,
I push it away,
In fear that I will lose myself.
I can't take it guilt of killing are becoming toomuch!I can't do this!
But you have to!A voice nagged at the back of his mind.
NO!I can't do this anymore!NO more!He retorts back.
Still,you have to,for King,your Friends,your Kins,your Destiny…He knows that he need to be strong,not only for himself but for others as well…He knows that,but it's just too hard!
Then don't! Another voice spoke up,willing him to give the thought of finally letting go and be at peace was just so tempting but then his mother's face flash trough his Gwen,and Morgana,the Knights and then…Arthur.
He snapped his eyes open and gasp.Oh my god!What was I about to do?!This is bad,VERY BAD!If he were to succumb to the darkness,he didn't even want to think about what his magic would do.Go berserk?He shivered at the thought of his magic hurting anyone because he was too weak to not succumb to the darkness inside of him.
I shut off the pain.
Cut off my guilt,
I detach myself,
from being weak,
from being vulnerable,
from being human.
He put on a as he usually do,clumsy and always that he was the guilt and pain wasn't eating him from the greets everyone he meet along the way to Arthur's room as he always .He open the door of Arthur's chamber and waltz right in as usual.
Arthur is still curled up in his could feel my resolve pushed the feeling aside and put on his mask of cheerfullness pulled back the window curtains.
"Rise and shine!"
Arthur just groan and turn over to continue his sleep.
"Arthur,wake up!"He shake his shoulder trying to wake him and pull on his blanket but only succeeding on making Arthur curl more into the blanket and the comfort of his bed.
"Shut up,Merlin."He says trying to go back to his peaceful slumber.
Merlin can't resist the fond smile gracing his face seeing how child-like Arthur's acting right now,very unlike the kingly farce he put on in front of other people.
Thanks to you.The voice resounds at the back of his head again.
Him looking so peaceful is thanks to you,thwarting all the threat trying to get close to him,the people he cares about and his kingdom,Camelot.
Ah…I see,then I guess it's worth it, reason Arthur-my friend-can be so relax right now is because of my hardwork.Knowing this did lessen the pain and guilt inside his heart,still,the guilt didn't go away,neither did the pain.
He was shook out of his reverie by a bird's chirping.Crap,I should wake Arthur soon.I doesn't feel like dodging anyprojectiles such as goblets aim at me today.He set to wake Arthur and pull at his blanket with more strength."Wake up,sire!You wouldn't want to be late for this morning's council meeting!" He said,making Arthur shot up from bed.
"Why didn't you say that sooner?!"Arthur said,shooting an annoyed look which he just reply with a shrug and help him get ready for the day.
Before he went out the door,he suddenly turns around and looks pointedly at him.
"What?"Merlin asked,trying to hide his nervousness under Arthur's stare.
"Did something happen?"He asked,with a raised could feel himself breaking into cold sweat.
" do you ask?"At his answer,Arthur narrows his eyes,scanning him.
"Are you sure?"Arthur ask him again with a frown.
"Yup,absolutely sure"Arthur kept staring at him for a minute more and then turn back around to make his way to his meeting with a scowl on his face.
Merlin sigh in relief the moment he shuts the door and starts to calm his mask back in place he started his daily routine,hoping that whatever compelled the king to be so concern earlier will not happen again but it turns out the god was against him as he was faced with similar situations many times then,it happened.
Then you saw through it.
The faked smile,
the forced laugh,
the deceiving façade.
You saw through it all,
And then you shout at me.
Hurt filling your eyes.
It was a regular all seems that happens.
Merlin was just making Arthur's bed when he feel his stare on ignored it and just keep on doing his job when he hear a sigh from Arthur.
"Merlin"Arthur said with a flat voice.
"Yes?Is there something wrong?"Merlin turn around to look at Arthur and was frozen when their eyes 's stare was intense,and he looks upset,very upset.
"Will you drop the façade and tell me what's wrong,already?"Merlin felt his heart froze at Arthur's words.
"Wha-What are you talking about?"Merlin stammered,trying and failing to hide his saw Arthur's jaw tighten at my words.
"Damn it,Merlin!You've been on edge for a few days now!And did you think that I didn't notice-didn't sense the tension around you?!I admit,you're doing a very good job at hiding it but I've known you for almost a decade,now,of course I would notice!"He was stunned by Arthur's words but still managing to keep his mask up.
"I really don't know what you're talking about,sire"He said,still trying to cover himself with a lie.
Then Arthur abruptly stood up from his chair,fury radiating from him.
"Just why the hell,won't you tell me,what's bothering you Merlin?!"He can see the rage burning in Artur's eyes but there was hurt amidst them which sends a stabbing pain to his heart.I hurt him.
"I can't-"He was about to apologize but he was cut off by Arthur.
"YOU CAN'T?!SERIOUSLY,MERLIN?!"Arthur shouted,growing angrier than before.
"Merlin,I'm your friend!Don't you trust me?Huh?Don't you?!"The betrayed look Arthur gave him was one he would never forget.
"I-You won't understand,Arthur!"Merlin said,sounding exasperated.
"Hah!That's the best excuse you can give me?!I won't understand?!Why don't you say that after telling me what's the problem is?!This is enough prove that you don't trust me,Merlin!"
I was stunned,
Frozen on the spot.
Then I felt all my feeling surfacing,
and then I snapped.
"Oh yeah?!You never act like you cared before?!Why now?!How can I trust you when your action so far just prove me distrusting you with my secrets to be the right thing?!"He look offended.I know I didn't mean what I just may not obviously show he cares but he still show it in his own way.
Yet we continued to shout at each other.
We kept on shouting at each other,
You left me.
You left me alone.
And that's when I truly broke down.
Feeling so lost,
He turn around and made his way outside but not before stating his last piece of mind.
"Fine,then so be it,from this day on,you don't have to bother with me beyond what's a servant's job is and I won't bother you as long as you get your job done"He said,with voice so cold and unfeeling and shut off the door behind him with a loud thud.
It takes a moment for his words to truly dawn on then I felt a tear rolls down my then another and another.I felt so hollow,like there was a huge gap in my heart and fell on my knees.
I screamed in agony,
Feeling the darkness crept over me.
I screamed.I cried and curl into myself falling into the darkness.
Then I felt it.
You came back.
You came back to me.
Your warmth slowly engulf me,
And the darkness slowly retreat.
I felt arms wrapping around me into an warmth was guiding me back,lighting my way out the I heard your voice-You came back-Soothing me and comforting me with so much gentleness as if I'm a fragile glass that can break easily with even a slightly wrong to be honest,at the moment,I that doen't me,what truly matter was that you came back…I could feel the darkness slowly retreating from me.
And then I cried harder,
I let you in.
I told you everything.
All the pain,
and the sorrows.
"I'm sorry,Arthur…I'm sorry,I'm really sorry…"I said repeatedly between sobs and hiccups.
"Shh…It's okay, 's okay…"Arthur continued saying,calming circles on my back trying to sooth me.
"I-I'll tell you…"I said,my voice quivering.
" it's don't have to.I'm sorry for driving you into a corner"Arthur said,guilt coating his words and that was enough for me to strengthen my resolve to tell him the truth.
"No,you have the right to know…"I bit on my lower lip before continuing."I-I have magic"I could feel Arthur then he inhaled deeply as an attempt to calm himself.
"You're a sorcerer?"Arthur asked,sounding collected but I knew better than that.
"No,I'm a warlock"I can practically feel Arthur frowning,confused.I sigh and proceed to explain.
"Warlocks are born with magic,whereas sorcerers are those who must train to be able to use magic,but for us warlocks,using magic is a second nature"I said,explaining the difference between warlocks and sorcerers.I could feel Arthur hold tightening around me
"Can't you…I don't know…Stop using magic?"Arthur asked me unsurely.
"Asking me that is nothing less than executing me"I said,feeling Arthur tensing again and continued. "Because,like I said,to us warlocks,magic is like a second nature to ,if I were to stop using magic,I'll die"I said,in a solemn was a pause.
"Tell me reason you came to you have really been doing behind the thing bothering you the past few .I want to know them all.
"Okay"I said,and then I began my tale.I told him of how the villagers treat me when I was a kid.I told him about the bullies.I told him about the I I've been some point,Arthur told me to take off my jacket to see the scars and so I reaction was to gasp in horror,eyes wide,looking at the scars all over my body and thus proceed to make me tell him in detail how I got each and every one of them.
We talked late into the night to early I finally finished,I was very anxious and looking everywhere but I felt Arthur pulling me into another apologize and assuring me that I will never have to feel so alone then he vowed to me that he will definitely lifts the ban on me that me and my kind won't have to be afraid that he will forever be my kept on reassuring me,promising me,comforting me and holding onto me like I was gonna disappear if he did let go.
You stayed by my side,
I don't feel so lost,
nor as lonely anymore.
For you are here,
by my side.
I felt happiness and relief wash over me so light and content.I wrapped my arms around Arthur,burying my face on his of happiness escaping my day,in the future,we would probably look back to this memory,laughing,and jokes about how much of a girl they were acting how out of character Arthur with the what a crybaby Merlin was for crying so much and how much of a drama it all for now,I just wish to indulge in the delight of acceptance and warmth of friendship that is given to him more more lies.I'm free.
There will be lots of trouble up ahead but it's alright now,because I won't be facing it alone anymore. Not anymore,and that's enough.
Third Person's P.O.V
He open his eyes with a sharp pain and a terrible the pain around his abdomen.What the hell happened?He thought,blearily and starts to scan around his look the moves his right hand to feel around the pained part of his wound feels very painful and he could feel that the wound hasn't even closed properly.'Must be a fresh wound then'.
'Now how did I got them-'His thoughts was cut off by the rushing of memories inside his brain.
His . .Need to save life for the realization dawn on protect Arthur,he had jump in front of him thus receiving the blow from Mordred in Arthur's that,he could make out faint memories of hearing Arthur shout then everything went black. He received a blow from a sword that was forged from a dragon's only that,he had defied destiny by saving Arthur's life,so how,in the Triple Goddess Name,is he still alive and fine(well,as fine as one could be after being stabbed by a sword that was forged from a dragon's breath)?
Then his flow of thoughts was disturbed by the door of his chamber opening,revealing a moment,Arthur was frozen,his eyes glazed over.
"Arthur,are you okay?"He asked,concerned with Arthur's lack of response which snaps him out and thousands of emotions flash through his face.
"You clotpole!What were you thinking,diving in front of me and took the blow in my stead?!"He shouted more than asked him.
"Well,I didn't want you to die,Mordred's sword,like Excalibur,was forged from a dragon's breath,so if you were hit,it would have meant death for you"He said, his words seems to only add fuel to the fire as multiple emotions are now replaced with full-blown rage and a fair amount of desperation, sadness and hurt.
"And it's OKAY if YOU DIE?!"Arthur said with barely contained rage and him.
"Well…ummm…"He was speechless.
Athur take a deep breath before continuing in a softer voice."Tell me Merlin,how would you feel had I die for your sake?"The very mention of such a thing occurring sends him into a stupor.
"I would be EXTREMELY MAD AT YOU for doing something so STUPID!And don't even MENTION something like that,because I'll NEVER let something like that happen!"He said,in one breath with eyes that says I'll-make-you-regret-it-if-you-try-something-like-that.
Arthur didn't say anything but stare back at him with raised eyebrows and then it came upon him.
"Oh…Oh."He said not knowing what else to say.
"That's right,Oh,Merlin,Oh…"Arthur said,eyes narrowed,and a scowl on his face."That…is how you've been making me feel everytime you did something dangerous and risk your life for me…which is every once a week…"Arthur said,voice drawled causing him to gulp in fear.
"I'm…sorry?"He said,unsure,giving Arthur his puppy managed to keep up his angry façade for a whole minute before giving up completely and stride over to his Court Warlock and Royal Advisor and sit on the bed.
"Don't you ever do that again!Do you know how-how worried I was?!"Arthur said,stammering over revealing how he felt his heart clench in pain as he watch his friend's pleading eyes.
"It-it pains me to see how less you think of yourself,Merlin…You're not just my friend,you're like a brother to me,my advisor,my voice of as important as I am to you,you're just as important to me too and not only to me,Gwen,the knights,your mother,and all care about you,so please,take better care of yourself."He was stunned and extremely shocked because Arthur don't easily talk about his feelings nor can he easily share his feelings with someone here he was,pouring his heart out in the name of friendship and must have really scared Arthur for Arthur to go to this length and felt guilt wrenching his heart but he doesn't regret what he had saved Arthur after all.
"I'm sorry for worrying you,thank I can't promise that I won't do similar things in the future-At his words,Arthur glares at him-but I'll try not to endanger myself too much to protect you or anyone else for that matter"He said. Arthur huffed,annoyed that Merlin is still willing to wager his life for someone else but decides to let it go for now.
We stand together,
Side by side.
Like two side of the same coin,
One cannot live without the other.
It's been three days since he had fully recovered.A banquet are to be held both in celebration for their victory in Camlann and Merlin's now,Arthur,Gwen,Merlin and the knights are in Leon's house. Having an advance,more private party in celebration for Merlin's recovery and their talked well into the and messing around happily.
The next day,the banquet was held,and at the beginning of the banquet,Arthur had toast for their victory in Camlann and for Merlin,listing off his achievements making him flushed red and at some point, Arthur and Merlin had both stand up resulting in the roaring sound of clapping,cheers and whistles,signalling the beginning of the feast.
Today,they stand proudly side by sides of the same ,The Once and Future King and Emrys, the greatest warlock to ever walk the ,Brothers,Comrades,forever bound by destiny.
A/N:God,that was angsty...But hey,it's all well in the end,right?Anyway,thanks for reading until the you enjoyed it^^