Hey guys! This is my first Flash fic so be nice. Obviously I don't own the Flash, if I did then there would be a lot more angst. Anyhoo, this is an AU where Jay never rescues Barry and Wally from the speed force in season three. (Basically one big ball of angst)Enjoy!

"I can't loose Wally, Barry."

Joe muttered the words utterly devastated, and it was then that Barry realized what he needed to do. It was not a question, really. He was consumed by guilt. Eddie, Ronnie, Cisco's brother, John's daughter, Caitlin's powers, and an endless list of things that he's messed up. When Ronnie died, he was alone. He liked it that way. He wasn't suicidal per se, but the thought of death by saving someone didn't bother him. But of course his family had come back to help him. But after the Flashpoint, he thought that he would never earn their forgiveness. When the aliens came he thought that that would be his chance- his chance to make it up to them. But then his family (albeit with different people but still his family) had stopped him. He supposed he should have been thankful, but that only made the feeling that he didn't deserve them tenfold. Now Wally was gone and he had lost Iris-maybe for forever. And the solution was simple.

When he was getting ready to enter the speed force, he was surprised and grateful that none of them had figured it out yet. He knew right away what he was walking into, but for some reason, no one else did, or no one else cared. Before if Barry died it would mean that Central City would be unprotected, but at least now there were two qualified speedsters and two other metas that could easily take his place as defender of the city. He knew that nothing he ever did would make up for Flashpoint, but at least now he would be saving Wally and not be able to screw anything else up. It was the best and only solution.

Barry looked around at his team. They all had the same sad expression, but that wasn't for him, it was for Wally. When Wally came back to Joe, he clearly had a jealousy of Barry. They were past that now, but Barry had his own jealousy he had to keep in check. No matter how long he had stayed with Joe, he was not his actual son, so therefore Wally took precedence. Barry had a feeling that Joe would be just fine with his sacrifice. He went up to Joe and gave him one last final hug.

"Find my boy." He said simply looking at Barry.

"I will do whatever it takes." Barry responded, cementing his belief that Joe would be fine as long as he had Wally. Barry was just a surrogate, and once he got Wally back, there would be no need for him.

Iris came next. She pecked his cheek and looked at him, "Thank you." She said.

Barry could only look at her. He knew this would be the last time for him. "I love you Iris." He declared, hoping that she would see through him, see how much he was hurting, and give him hope. But instead she only reluctantly stared at him and after a couple seconds responded with a sad "I love you too." But Barry could tell that her heart wasn't in it. Any hope he had dissipated, and he sealed his own fate. He nodded at Jesse, and went up with Cisco. Soon he was in the speed force, and Cisco looked at him.

"Good luck." Cisco said.

All Barry could do was sadly nod. Soon he was all alone.

"Wally. Wally?" Barry slowly walked up to Wally as he heard the monitor flat-line on his mom.

Wally slowly looked towards Barry. "Barry?" He asked confused. "I saw my mom..." He began to explain, but Barry finished for him.

"I know." He said sadly. "Look at me, Wallace, look at me now okay? It's over. You're free now. You're going home. Alright? It's okay. You're going home. Let's go."

Wally walked in front of him and Barry looked back towards the room. "Wally wait." He said. Wally looked back at Barry and saw him looking sadly at the room through the closed door.

"Barry, let's go. We need to leave." Wally said

"You're leaving." Barry said not looking at him. "I'm staying."

"What?" Wally asked incredulously. "Barry what do you mean?"

Barry finally looked at him and Wally was surprised to find tears in his eyes. "In order for a speedster to leave, one must take his place."

Wally looked at him with a shocked look on his face. "You're going to stay here. For me?"

"You and Jesse can handle Central City. I believe in you both. Be the Flash, Wally. Central City doesn't need Barry Allen anymore."

"You're wrong." Wally insisted. "Central City may not need you but we do." Wally said with his own tears forming. "Iris, Joe, Caitlin, Cisco, we all need you Barry. You can't do this. What about Iris?"

Barry smiled sadly at him. "Me and Iris are over, Wally. She's moved on. Besides, she'll have you now." Barry and Wally both started to feel the pull of Cisco on the other side.

"That's your cue." Barry said.

" What am I supposed to tell Joe?" Wally asked trying to convince Barry. Instead Barry looked at him with all the confidence he could muster.

"Tell him I got his son back."

And with that, Wally was thrown back to the real world.

Wally slammed to the floor with a thump. "Wally!" Joe screamed as he ran towards him. The team was smiling, happy that Wally was alive and well. Until they realized Barry was missing.

"I don't think I can hold it open much longer!" Cisco yelled.

Wally looked at him sadly. "Don't." He said. The team gave him a confused look. He slowly stood up and stared at the vortex. "He's not coming."

"What do you mean he's not coming?" Iris yelled.

"Just close it Cisco, it is no use." Wally put his hand on Cisco's shoulder and the portal dropped. Cisco ripped off his goggles and stared at Wally.

"What the hell happened?" He asked angrily.

"You mean you didn't know?" Wally asked sadly.

"Didn't know what, son?" Joe asked back.

"Barry..." Wally paused sadly. "Barry never planned on leaving the speed force."

His statement got a collection of gasps from the team.

"What do you mean?" Iris asked her brother with tears coming down her face.

"The only way Barry could get me out is if he stayed. That's the way the speed force works. Someone needs to be there. I guess he thought it was better him then me." Wally looked sadly at the ground.

"Why would he think that we would be okay with that? We could have found another way." Caitlin said.

"He felt guilty." Cisco said causing the rest of the team to look at him. "I should have seen this coming."

"What do you mean?" Joe said while looking up sadly at him.

"When the aliens came," Cisco began, "they wanted Barry. He was ready to give himself up. He felt guilty for Flashpoint, for lying, for everything really. We talked him down but that kind of guilt never goes away. I guess with everything that happened, he thought that this would be the best way."

"That's ridiculous." Caitlin began.

"Is it?" Iris asked angrily. "Barry was struggling. He had nightmares every single night. When he thought I wasn't looking he had this sad look in his eye, like all the world's problems were his fault. He was so blinded by his guilt that he failed to accept that we cared about him. Sounds like normal Barry."

"Iris," Joe began.

"No, dad. Barry knew that he was not planning on coming back. And do you know why? Because he thought he wouldn't be missed. We all failed him."

That last sentence caused everyone to look down and they all began to think and go over things they had said to Barry that might of caused this. Surprisingly, Julian was the one to break the silence.

"Is there any way we can get him back?"

"It's not that simple." Cisco said.

"There has to be something." Caitlin said sobbing as she held onto Julian whose face was stoic. He had not known Barry long, but he still considered him a friend.

All faces turned to Cisco, hoping that he might have an answer.

Iris was crying silent tears, eyes focused on the spot of the portal thinking about all the things she could have done.

Wally was standing beside Joe, his head down, tears falling silently.

Jesse stood beside him, hand on his shoulder, glassy eyes looking at Cisco.

H.G. looked on hopefully with a sad expression.

Joe just stood there, a look of defeat on his face, wanting nothing more than to go back in time, see his little Barry, and hug him and say that everything will turn out okay. He looked at Cisco with tears in his eyes.

Cisco looked back at them. He was supposed to know how to fix things. That was his job. He was supposed to be the clever one. He should have figured out what Barry was up to. Instead he just looked at all the faces, and put his head down.

"I don't know."

Barry was reliving the same hell over and over again. Unlike Wally's, his didn't happen in real life like it was playing out. Instead it showed his mom, dad, and Iris, in three different places, separated. Then a spotlight would occur. First on his mom, he watched as Reverse Flash killed her, and she died alone gurgling on her own blood. Then the light went down and it showed his father. Crying out for Barry to save him, only to have Zoom kill him right there. Then the lights would go down and he saw Iris being help by Savitar, cursing Barry for not being fast enough. All three of them. Over and over and over and over. Each one of them cursing him for not being fast enough. Soon the faces all began to blend into one. Nora, Henry, Iris, Eddie, Lenard Snart, Dante, Ronnie. All the people who's deaths he was responsible for. All cursing him for not being fast enough. Barry wanted it to end, wanted to just die right there, but the speed force wouldn't let him.

It restarted again.

A scream, a yellow ball of light, and a gurgle.

A curse, then a vibrating sound, then a body flopping to the floor.

A scream, then the sound of his true love falling in his arms, only to die in them.

All over again. Each one of them repeating a mantra.



Okay so that's the end. Unless I get numerous requests to continue it, I think I'm gonna leave it there. Thanks for reading!