1Sorry, it's been a while. (Nearly three months, to be more precise.) I was busy with finals and my weekends have been overwhelmingly overtaken by skiing and club soccer. And track season has already started. Yeah, I'm a busy person, and unfortunately this is one of my lower priorities. But you'll be happy to hear (I hope) that I'm starting to post a new story and I've gotten it all written out already. It's based off of this one YouTube series called Charlie the Unicorn. I saw this one mmd of the Hitachiin twins and Haruhi acting one of the scenes and was inspired to create a parody of some sorts (though some may call it a crossover). Also, this chapter is loosely based off of Episode 5.
If you haven't noticed, you can see that the color of the twins' cosplay doesn't match their hair from Episode 5. This is because I thought the blue unicorn in Charlie the Unicorn was more like Hikaru than Kaoru. There are also some objects they toss to the side that are significant parts of each chapter. And there's a little hint at the bottom, if you can read sideways hiragana. Sorry about the image being sideways; it was the only way I could get the whole thing to fit.
So, without further ado (not adieu, as I recently learned), I present to you Haruhi the (Highly Annoyed) Commoner.
Setting: Ouran High School's 4th Library PRESENT TENSE
Haruhi sits at a table with her homework and textbooks, currently studying. She is adjourned by the school's most infamous (and possibly only) pair of twins.
"Heeeeyyy, Haruhi. Hey Haruhi, what's up!" Hikaru asks, approaching her left side.
"Yeah Haruhi, how's your homework going?" Kaoru asks from her right.
"Oh God, you guys. It was fine until you two showed up. Did a guest request me?" Haruhi asks, looking up from her homework.
"No, Haruhi, we found a map to Sweets Bakery. Sweets Bakery, Haruhi!" Hikaru announces, waving a large piece of paper with small sketches draw on it in front of her face.
"Yeah, Haruhi, we're going to Sweets Bakery. Come with us, Haruhi." Kaoru urges, pulling her shoulder lightly.
"Yeah Haruhi, it'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure, Haruhi!" Hikaru informs.
"Yeah, Sweets Bakery, right. I'm just going to get back to studying now." She bows her head over her homework, about to continue when she is interrupted again.
"Nooooooooo! Haruhi! You have to come with us to Sweets Bakery!" Hikaru exclaims, tugging on her arm with a wicked grin.
"Yeah Haruhi, Sweets Bakery! It's a land of candy, and joy. And joyness." Kaoru says, jumping excitedly.
"Please just go away already." Haruhi groans in annoyance.
"Aww, but there's nothing else to do around here." Hikaru pouts halfheartedly.
"Yeah, I'm so bored right now." Kaoru complains.
"Alright, fine, I'll go with you to Sweets Bakery." Haruhi obliges, fully aware of what happens when the little devils have too much time on their hands. Hopefully this wasn't another one of their pranks.
"La la la, la la la la…" The twins sing while skipping merrily.
"Ugh, can you guys please stop with the singing?" Haruhi asks politely.
"Our first stop is over there, Haruhi." Hikaru says, pointing to a figure in a black cloak and a small cat-like hand puppet.
"Oh God, who is that?" Haruhi asks, a little alarmed by the figure's dark presence.
"It's Nekozawa, Haruhi." Hikaru states.
"He teaches black magic, Haruhi." Kaoru announces.
"He's gonna guide our way to Sweets Bakery." They say insync.
"Um, he's not gonna curse us, right?" Haruhi asks, recognizing his name from one of Tamaki's often exaggerated stories.
"Don't let the Boss's stupidity rub off on you, Haruhi." Hikaru claims, elbowing her side.
"I'd like to say the same to you, Hikaru." Kaoru prods.
"Bro, shut the heeeell up." Hikaru turns to glare at his brother.
"You shut the heeeeell up." Kaoru counters.
"No, you shut the heeeeeeell up." Hikaru repeats, crossing his arms defiantly.
"How about you both go and shut the hell up." Haruhi remarks grumpily.
"Sweets. Candy. If you have a sweet tooth, you should go to Sweets Bakery. There's voodoo dolls that if you write a person's name on them, they'll be cursed for-ev-ver." Nekozawa insists in a deep, haunting voice.
"Why are you not creeped out by this?" Haruhi asks her fellow classmates to either side of her.
"Go! Evil beam!" Hikaru yells enthusiastically while whipping out a flashlight and directing it at Nekozawa.
"Nooooo! You murdererrrrrs!" Nekozawa runs away screaming.
"Well that was lame." Kaoru says, shrugging apathetically.
"Don't you think that was kind of rude?" Haruhi asks to no reply.
"It's just across the street, Haruhi." Hikaru says, pointing to the pastel-colored building with no windows and a poorly painted sign labeled 'Sweets Bakery' nailed onto the front.
"The magical street, of hope and wonderrrr." Kaoru says, gesturing towards the car-covered street with jazz hands.
"It just looks like an ordinary road. Are you sure we should be crossing at this time of day? The traffic's really bad." Haruhi notes, unwilling to put herself in any more danger.
"Haruhiii, Commoner, Tanukii, Nor-" Hikaru calls teasingly.
"Who you calling Tanuki?!" Haruhi rebukes angrily.
"You, you cute little raccoon dog." Kaoru answers, patting her head.
"Tadaa! We're here!" Hikaru announces ecstatically.
"Sweets Bakery, Sweets Bakery, you fill me with sweet, sugary goodness!" Kaoru sings.
"Goodness? Really? I know it may taste good, but it's not really good for you." Haruhi remarks.
"Our poor little Haruhi doesn't understand the joy of eating sweets. How unfortunate." The twins sigh and shrug their shoulders.
"Hey, just because I'm slightly shorter and younger than you does not mean you get to call me little!" Haruhi rebukes angrily.
"Slightly?" Kaoru asks, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm pretty sure 8 inches taller is a lot more than slightly." Hikaru states.
"Ugh, can we just go back to school now? I've got more studying to do, and I don't even really like sweets." Haruhi groans dully.
"But she does like cute things..." They point out.
"I can't believe we came all this way just for a bakery that's probably not even real." Haruhi comments.
"Shun the non-believer." Hikaru sneers.
"Shuuuuunnn." Kaoru adds.
"Shhhhhuuuun nuh." Hikaru emphasizes.
"Sheesh. What did I even do?!" Haruhi asks, offended.
"Go inside the Sweets Bakery door, Haruhi." Hikaru insists.
"Yeah Haruhi, go inside the door! Magical wonders will behold you when you enter!" Kaoru asserts.
"Yeah, magic. I'd really like to get back to school. And studying." Haruhi counters.
"But you have to enter the Sweets Bakery, Haruhi!" They cheer.
The familiar sound of a high-powered motor fills the air as Hani dressed in a bunny suit rises from the ground before them in Renge's rotating pedestal.
"Wait a second. I thought only Renge could be in that thing. Also, what's it doing here?!" Haruhi asks, but her question is disregarded as her senpai begins to sing.
"Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up, then just head right up to the Sweets Bakery. When you get inside you'll find yourself a land of sweets. They've got lollipops and bunny drops and candy things, also manly things, that will brighten up your day. It's impossible to wear a frown in the Bakery. It's the mecca of lovely bakeries. They've got pumpkin seeds and kitty cats with lit-tle hats, it's a wonderland of sweets. By the chocolate cake near the lake, strawberries, it's a treat that you're lucky enough to eat. Cherry ribbons stream across the sky and to the ground. Turn around, astound, it's a sweet honey bee. And the bakery imagination runs so free, now Haru-chan, will you please go into the bakery!"
Hani bows then the platform returns to the ground.
"Is it me, or did that mouse sound like Hani?" Haruhi asks, suspicious.
"No, silly Haruhi. It's a bunny, not a mouse." The twins respond.
"Okay, fine. I'll go into Sweets Bakery. We better not have come all this way for nothing." Haruhi grunts, walking into the open door that lead to a surprisingly dark passageway.
"Goodbye, Haruhi." They say eerily.
"Hey! Where are you guys going? What about me?" Haruhi asks turning around as the door slams shut, leaving her in a black room that definitely wasn't a candy shop. She hears footsteps approaching, then something slams into her head.
"Oww. What happened?" Haruhi asks, rubbing her forehead. She looks up to see she's back at the library and realizes her desk is clear. "Aww, they stole my homework."
You know, if you wanted help, you could've just asked. She thought.
So, if you have any allusions or things you would like to add, please either write a review or send me a PM. You may also tell me if you find any allusions (references to other works) and what you think they are. I'll probably add it if it's something I can agree on and I'll say who it is if given permission by whoever gave me the idea. Credit will be given where credit is earned. Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter, and don't forget to Follow, Favorite, and Review.