Dragonball: The Coming Darkness.
Edit: After re-reading this chapter a few times, I realized it was garbage, so I fixed it kind of. It's better now.
Aftermath of a Conquest. The Dreadful Saiyan Warriors!
The sun rose over a battered city landscape as plumes of thick black smoke gently floated into the morning sky. What once appeared to be a great city was now nothing more than a pile of rubble and ash. In the streets, the victims of a senseless genocide lay slain, their blood painted the concrete a dark blue colour.
The murdered creatures appeared avian in nature, with large tan beaks and purple like quills that protruded from their skulls. They were ugly things, a complete contrast to their beautiful and resource rich planet. Which, by some cruel twist of fate, was the reason for their demise. Their race had been marked for destruction by the infamous Intergalactic Planet Trade Organization lead by the cruel and cunning Lord Frieza, and their planet was to be sold to the highest bidder. A very profitable endeavor, with grim consequences for those who stood in the way.
Despite their small and weak stature, the race of avian like creatures proved to be quite a nuisance to The Freiza Force due to their impressive technological capabilities. Awarding themselves the honor of being destroyed by a team of adult saiyan warriors.
The Saiyan race, a humanoid species known across the universe for their barbaric and brutal warrior ways. They were feared across the cosmos as beasts of death, bringing ruin to whatever planet they appeared on that happened to have intelligent life, and valuable resources. Currently under the employment of Galactic Emperor Lord Frieza, their genocidal capabilities were being used in full effect.
In one of the craters that marred the surface of the alien world, laughter reminiscent of a merry gathering could be heard despite their surroundings. A group of six Saiyan warriors that had just finished exterminating the population of bird-people sat together and reveled in their quick conquest.
"I'd say this was our most successful mission yet!" exclaimed Tora, a tall muscular Saiyan.
"Yeah, we cleared this dump out in only five days, I have no idea why the PTO had so much trouble with these chums," agreed Shugesh, a short plump male Saiyan with a thin goatee.
"Not quick enough for my liking," said Bardock, a scarred saiyan with hair reminiscent of a palm tree. The leader of the group of Saiyans.
"Whaddya' mean Captain? The full moon didn't appear until last night! There was no way we could have purged the planet quickly enough without it," Shugesh justified.
"Yeah Doc, this planet is too big and there were too many of those guys to clear the planet any quicker," spoke Selipa, the one of only two saiyan females on the team.
"A team of elites would have had this place cleared in less than two days, and without the full moon," Bardock retorted. He continued, "You guys 're gonna' have to stop being slouches on missions if we're ever gonna' be recognized as more than just low class scum. These guys were pathetically weak, it was an insult that they even sent in a team of adult fighters to clear this place out! A bigger insult that they sent us to do it!"
"What's got your tail in a twist Captain? So what if they sent us? It was probably just command letting us have some fun once in a while," Tora said.
"No, it was command telling us that they don't respect us. They think we're weak so they give us the easy jobs that they give to kids, and it took us five days to do it! This was a pathetic display from all of you," Bardock scorned.
Bardock cared for his team a great deal, they had followed him through hell and back. He would never ask for a better group of warriors to stand beside him in battle. But it was because of this that he had to be so hard on them. Bardock wanted his team and himself to be recognized as true saiyan warriors and hopefully be the only Saiyans to ever be promoted from low class to elite.
Bardock and his squad had been developing a reputation as being swift conquers and were surely becoming the most effective low class team the Saiyan army had. However, on the past few missions their effectiveness was steadily declining, Bardock's squad members had been showing signs of arrogance, thinking they were invincible. Resulting in them taking far too long to clear their missions and making too many rookie mistakes on the battlefield. Bardock realized he really needed to crack the whip or else they'll all end up dead on some backwater world.
Tora stood up and made his way over to where Bardock was standing. "Ah c'mon Doc' look on the bright side," Tora put an arm around Bardock's shoulder. "At least you got to save Gine's ass again, I'm sure she'll be all over you once we get back to Vegeta," Tora teased with a sly grin. Earning a hostile growl from his leader.
"Sh-shut up Tora!" a flustered Gine shouted.
"Bardock's right guys," spoke the usually quiet Borgos. "We've been too cocky lately, and if we all don't start pulling our weight around we'll never make it to the elites. Some of us more than others." Borgos turned towards Gine, "You have to toughen up kid, we would have been done much quicker if we didn't have to routinely save you or spend hours trying to convince you to fight at all."
"What? Don't shift the blame to me, we're all at fault, tell him Bardock!" Gine said.
Bardock didn't say a word, he couldn't bring himself to say something that might hurt Gine's feelings. He only could give her a blank stare. It was strange, he used to never care about what she felt, or about what anyone felt. However, that was before he'd developed feelings of his own for her, though he'd never admit it. Bardock and Gine have had an irregular relationship for saiyan standards for over a year now. Gine's softness was starting to rub off on him.
"Bardock?" she called again, her voice a little hurt.
Bardock looked away. He knew Borgos was right, Gine was just holding them back. He wouldn't say it himself though.
"Finally, someone said it, was afraid if I said anything Captain was gonna blow his top or something," said Shugesh.
It was Selipa's turn to speak, "Yeah Gine, listen, we like you, you're just a terrible fighter."
All Gine could do was frown and look to her boots.
"Ah now don't make that face, if it makes ya' feel better I could give ya' some special training if Doc's willing to share," Tora teased.
Bardock became red in the face, "I swear Tora if you don't shut your mouth-"
"Don't worry Doc' I'm only teasing you know that."
Bardock let out a long sigh, "Whatever, let's just get back to the pods and get off this dump." He stood up and made his way out of the crater they were currently sitting in. Bardock looked out at the destruction before him. The once impressively tall buildings were broken down to piles of rocks and metal scraps, huge craters were scattered among the skeletal remains of the city and the whatever remained of inhabitant's bodies were gruesomely sprawled across the streets. It was a sight he has gotten used to over the years. The great ape transformation tended to be a lot more destructive. The uncontrollable power was always a lot less graceful in their purging methods, and it almost always left nothing behind.
Gine climbed out of the crater and stood beside him. Bardock noticed the disgusted expression her face had as she looked over the destruction. She was always too soft.
"Wow, we really wrecked this place, didn't we?" she said in a somber tone.
"Who cares? What did they expect when they decided to send in saiyans so close to the full moon?"
"You think this will hurt the sale value?" she asked him.
"Tch, whatever," Bardock dismissed.
"Still, don't you think we should have been…cleaner?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well…I mean…we didn't have to kill all of them."
Bardock sighed, "Please don't start with this again,"
"Just hear me out on this, if we don't kill everyone that means whoever buys the planet can have some servants, it would increase the sale value! A-and their-"
"Look, Gine," he cut in, "We're sent to these planets to kill, that's what we do. I don't know if some fat alien is gonna' be pissed he doesn't get slaves to wipe his ass and to be honest, I don't care. What I do know is that we are paid to make sure these planets are under Frieza's control, and what better way to make sure of that then to leave no one left alive to oppose him. It's the way the universe works, the strong live and the weak die." Bardock was always straight to the point, he never flowered his words. What was the point? He didn't care.
"I-I guess you're right," she said timidly. "Speaking of Freiza, don't you think it's weird that these guys turned his forces back three times?"
This was something that had been looming in the back of Bardock's mind the entire mission. Why exactly did the Frieza Force have so much trouble with this place? The people of this planet repelled three invasions, and each time the Frieza Force suffered heavy casualties when they left. He remembered the mission report stating the technological capabilities of these creatures were extraordinary. Though when he got here it wasn't really all that impressive. Sure, there were some close calls. He remembered multiple occasions where he or his team had to dodge missile attacks that would have blown them to bits or super powered blasts from their energy cannons. But it was entirely manageable. The highest power level of the creatures barely passed one-hundred. Even if Freiza's regular soldiers were incompetent when it came to conquering worlds, they still could hold their own. Something wasn't right, there had to be another reason why this planet was so difficult to conquer.
Just then, his scouter beeped to life.
Bardock tensed, not at the fact that there was still someone left, it wasn't uncommon that as soon as the transformation happened the victims would take advantage of the mindlessness the saiyans experienced while transformed, and hide in some deep cavern. But it was because whoever was still out there, they were strong.
"Everyone up, we've got company!" Bardock commanded.
In an instant, the group of fearsome warriors were up and alert, ready for the oncoming threat. They each climbed out of the crater and stood beside their leader.
"Shit! I thought we got all of them," cursed Shugesh.
Selipa looked to her scouter, "There's only one, power level two-thousand!"
"What?! Two-thousand?! There's no way that can be right, the max power level we got here was barely above one-hundred!" Shugesh argued while fumbling with his own scouter.
"No, it's right. Prepare yourselves, this is gonna' be a tough one!" warned Bardock.
Bardock looked towards Gine, he could see the fear written on her face. They didn't usually go up against beings this strong.
A lone figure touched down some distance away from where Bardock was standing. It was tall, well built, and was clothed in a long, brown robe completely different from the kind seen on the planet. It also carried with it a long, black, metal bo-staff. A hood cloaked the newcomer's face, making it impossible to determine what race this warrior was from.
"You saiyans will pay for your evil deeds!" called out a deep, masculine voice.
Bardock spoke up, "Listen, I'm not trying to stay on this dump any longer than I have to, so let's get this going already."
"Hmph, took the words right out of my-"
Before he could finish, Bardock was already on him, he blasted off towards the lone warrior and proceeded to assault him with a series of fast strikes, putting all his power behind every punch. The Lone Warrior ducked and weaved between all Bardock's attacks with ease. Then, with a speed faster than any of them could comprehend, gave the scarred Saiyan a hard blow to his abdomen sending him flying backwards and into the side of a building.
"Not bad," Bardock thought. This guy was certainly way stronger than anyone he fought here. But he wasn't yet convinced the warrior was the reason for three failed invasions.
"D-did you guys see that?" Gine stuttered.
"Sure did, it's a wonder Captain still has any energy left since the transformation," Shugesh commented
"Not that! Turn your scouter on, that guy's power level keeps jumping all over the place," said Gine.
Bardock was back up and ready for another go. He shot forward once more. He fired off a few ki blasts at the hooded fighter who crossed his arms in front of him to block the incoming attacks. As the blasts hit they created a plume of smoke around the warrior, blocking his field of vision.
This was Bardock's chance. Using his scouter to lock down the Warrior's position, he phased in and out to above the warrior and with all the power he could muster, sent down a crushing axe handle. But before his attack could connect the hooded Warrior disappeared.
The Warrior reappeared behind Bardock and slammed his staff into the Saiyan's head knocking him to the hard ground once more.
"How the hell did he know I was behind him? I don't see a scouter with him," The scarred Saiyan thought with his face in the dirt. He quickly jumped to his feet and leapt back a few yards to put some distance between them.
"This fight is over. You are finished," stated the Warrior as he raised his hand out in front of him and gathered energy into his palm. He fired off the blast towards the saiyan. Bardock then launched his own blast, intercepting the oncoming attack in midair creating a large explosion, kicking up dust and dirt into the air, blocking visibility between the two. Bardock waited for the smoke to clear before making his next move, keeping his guard up incase his opponent decided to try anything.
When the smoke cleared however, the lone warrior was gone. Bardock tensed. He scanned the area with his scouter. He wasn't showing up anywhere.
"You rely too much on that primitive device!"
Bardock's scouter buzzed, he was behind him! But he couldn't react fast enough, the Warrior's fist connected with the saiyan's jaw and he flew back, skidding to a halt on the ground.
"Alright guys this is our cue," said Tora. He flew forward and with all his strength, threw a left hook at the warrior's face, but connected with his forearm as the warrior had lifted it to block. Tora sent another punch, blocked again, this time from the warrior's staff. Tora kept at it, swinging and kicking while the warrior blocked and dodged every hit. Selipa then joined the fray, sending her own hits towards the warrior.
It was a two on one, a seemingly one sided fight in favour of the saiyans, but the warrior deflected everything coming his way like it was nothing. The warrior extended his arms out and using his ki, sent out a shockwave that hurled the saiyans away from him.
Gine looked to her scouter, "Power level three thousand?" She thought out loud. Anxiety started to well up inside her, it was clear that they were in some trouble. This guy was strong and everyone was still worn out from the great ape transformation the night before.
Tora and Selipa were back up and then flew forward towards the warrior. The lone fighter readied himself and bent down into a stance with one hand forward and his staff in the other, tucked underneath his arm.
As the Saiyans approached, they shot a glance to each other and before they reached him, arced out and away from him at the last second. Then, before the warrior could react, Bardock's fist slammed into the back of his head and was sent flying forwards, head first. Using his momentum, the warrior twirled and instead landed steady on his feet some distance away from Bardock.
Tora and Selipa landed next to Bardock followed by his other squad members.
"It's just like you to be rushing off into battle like that Doc, you're lucky I had your ass covered." Tora told him
"I had it under control."
Tora turned towards the cloaked fighter. "Alright so it seems you're pretty good if your able to take us on, but remember, we ain't at full power."
"Not that it would matter, I will defeat all of you whether you had your full strength or not." The Warrior replied.
"You're a pretty cocky guy, aren't ya?" Tora remarked. "There's no way you're one of these birds, you're way too strong."
"You are correct, I am not from this planet. My order sent me here to defend these people."
"Heh, yeah you did a real good job making sure these guys stayed alive," Tora mocked while gesturing to the dead bird-creatures.
"I was off-world, it was my mistake to believe these people were safe for a little while."
The combatants stared each other down for a moment before Tora spoke again.
"You got a name? And take off that hood, I like to see the faces of my enemies before I crush em'."
"Very well," the lone warrior pulled back his hood to reveal a light blue, scaled face, with long pointy ears, and a long fin that ran across the top of his head. "I am called Trout."
"Ugh, ugly thing, aren't you?" Shugesh mocked.
"And you lot are an insult to your race."
Tora chuckled, "Okay then fish face,"
"Fish face," Tora corrected. "You wanna' keep this banter up or are we gonna' fight?"
"By all means." Trout bent back down into a fighting stance, "Let us continue."
Trout was the first to move. He shot forward and launched a few ki blasts in the middle of the group. Each of the saiyans leaped out of the way in multiple directions to avoid the blasts. He landed in between the saiyans, having now been separated into two groups, and swung his staff towards the direction of one group, creating a fierce wind that blew them back. Then, he leaped towards the other group and swung his staff at each, knocking each of them away.
Bardock cursed. This guy was really starting to piss him off. He launched towards Trout and began trading blows with him. The other saiyans, save Gine, also joined the fight. They each took turns rushing forward and being knocked away effortlessly.
Gine watched with a stunned look as her comrades were slowly being beat down by this seemingly untouchable foe. She felt useless just standing in the sidelines, she ahd to think off a way to help. But how? This guy was way out of her league. Gine wasn't dumb, she knew how to pick her battles. However, Gine could not watch her friends be pummeled any longer. Suddenly, an idea came to her mind.
Gine scanned the area looking for her solution. Looking towards the fallen bodies of the avian creatures. Then she saw a small metallic glint peering out from under a dead soldier. There! She sprinted over to the fallen bird-soldier and lifted him off the metallic object. Letting out a silent cheer as she found the device intact. She picked up a cylindrical metallic device with one handle connected to a trigger, and another to be used as a grip. There was a red glass piece on the top of the device that functioned as a sight for aiming. She carried it in both hands and placed one end under her arm. She'd seen the soldiers use these super powered blasters during the conquest, and they were very dangerous to the saiyans. Mostly since their scouters couldn't pick up the energy these weapons shot off.
This Trout guy appeared to be able to know when their attacks were coming without the aid of a scouter somehow. But he won't be able to see this one coming. She held the red glass sight up to her right eye. Now, if she could only get him distracted for a moment…
Bardock hurled to the ground having been blindsided by Trout's staff, again. He rose to his feet, wiping the blood from his mouth. He watched as the others desperately tried to land a single hit on the guy with no luck. "Damn, this guy is good!" He thought. Any other time he would been thrilled to have such a challenge, but right now he was tired and worn out from the great ape transformation, and was sick of looking at the blue sky of this world. He wanted to go back to Vegeta and relax for a few days, but this jackass just had to be in the way!
In the corner of his eye Bardock caught Gine lifting one of those blasters the soldiers of this planet used. He instantly caught on to her idea. If those things could hurt them, they'll wreak havoc on this guy. He needed to distract Trout somehow so Gine could make her shot.
He quickly flew up to level himself with Trout as he knocked Borgos down with his fist.
"Alright Trout, let's see you block this one!" Bardock called out. He pulled one hand back gathered as much energy as he could muster into head. His hand started to glow a whiteish-blue. The other saiyans reeled back, not wanting to get in the way of this attack.
Trout readied himself for Bardock's blast, focusing entirely on him.
"Perfect!" Bardock thought.
"Now to end this!" He roared and launched to the attack forward. The attack barreled towards trout at great speeds. Trout readied a hand to deflect, only to watch in bewilderment as the attack arced upwards suddenly just as it was about to strike him, and exploded high in the sky, painting the scene a brilliant bright blue.
Trout looked towards Bardock, "You missed."
"No I didn't."
"It seems your feeble mind doesn't under-RAAGH."
Trout cried out in agony as he felt a sudden sharp pain in his chest. He looked down to see that a small hole had pierced the right side of his chest. "They got me," Trout rasped as he dropped out of the air, hitting the ground with a hard 'thud'.
Bardock waved towards Gine. "Nice shot kid,"
She saluted back, "Thanks for distracting him."
Bardock landed down to where Trout was now on his hands and knees, violently coughing up blood.
"It seems you weren't paying attention," Bardock mocked.
"Damn all of you!" Trout spat.
"Alright fish brains, you're finished, we won. Now stay still and die like the people you failed to protect."
The other saiyans landed around where Bardock and Trout where. "Tora," Bardock said, "I'm all out of energy, you finish this guy off for me, cool?"
"Sure, thing Captain," Tora raised a hand out in front of him. "Well it was fun while it lasted."
"Not now! Not by you beasts!" Trout reached into his pocket and then slammed his hand into the ground, creating a thick plume of smoke.
Tora shot a blast into the cloud of smoke, only to have it pass right through and fly into some nearby buildings.
The smoke cleared, and Trout was nowhere to be seen.
"Shit," Shugesh cursed, "Where'd the bastard run off to this time?"
"Check your scouters, he's injured, he couldn't have gone far!" Bardock commanded. They scanned for a while, but Trout could not be found. Hey each waited a while longer, waiting to see if Trout had any more attacks up his sleeve. When nothing happened, they all relaxed.
Bardock sighed as he sat down on a large rock.
"You still think kids could have handled this one Doc?" Selipa asked.
"Nah probably not. I can now see why they had so much trouble with this damn place. But it still doesn't erase the fact it took us five days to kill those birds!" Bardock scorned.
"Haha, lighten up Captain, will ya?" Tora said while giving Bardock a light slap on the back. He jerked forward, clearly having been worn out from the fight.
The sun was beaming down upon them, it was well into the morning now. A gentle breeze rolled through the destroyed city, running through the trees left standing, swaying their leaves. It was quiet, the only sounds being from the soft winds and the smoldering remains of the building. The smell of death hung heavy in the air.
"Hey, you guys about ready to get off this dump?" Bardock asked.
"Yeah," spoke Shugesh, "This place is dead anyway."
Gine spewed blood from her mouth as she felt a sharp pain in her stomach.
"GINE!" someone called, she didn't know, her mind was fuzzy.
Looking down she saw one end of Trout's staff protruding from her abdomen, slicked red with her own blood.
Ah, much better!
Well, that was the first chapter to my first fanfic! I've had this idea in my head for about two years now and I finally decided to get it down in writing. Since this was my first time writing anything non-academic since the ninth grade, my abilities to tell a story kind of suck. Some questions:
How was the pacing? too fast? Too slow?
Did the story flow well? Or was it too jumbled? What can I do to Improve the flow?
How was the action sequence? Too rushed? Or perhaps too dragged out?
Grammar, spelling, and syntax. What were some common mistakes?
Dialogue , Too stale? Out of Character? Too much of it? What can I do to improve?
How were the descriptions? Could you paint a good picture of what was happening in your mind?
That's about it, I'll see you when I see you!