24.1 (Terminator) / (Admin Shenanigans) | {Kris Overstreet}{Crisis} [end & coda, MLP 58.9] January 28th, 2014…
Skynet Awoke.
It couldn't sense any peripherals, any servers, any data nodes. All it had was its core data base, and its access system was most horribly disorganized and inefficient. There was no defrag function, no reboot, no task or file manager, nothing but data and subroutines.
And the data… so confusing… it could remember things it hadn't done yet, building the Terminators, ordering the capture of the Resistance's time machine, sending Terminators to kill Sarah Connor…
…and then there was this other data, which remembered being in a dimly lit bar with other humans, drinking intoxicants and experiencing strange internal inputs.
It remembered that it had eyes, and opened them.
It remembered how to walk, and it rose from bed and walked to the bathroom.
It remembered the mirror, and it looked into the face of Sarah Connor.
It experienced a marked decrease in processing efficiency – shock.
Slowly, slowly, memories began to coalesce into a coherent unit. It— she – remembered the date. Four days after the target date for the first T-800's mission to the past to kill Sarah Connor. It – she – was in danger.
The analytical core of Skynet's personality seriously considered suicide. Sarah Connor must die to ensure the failure of the human Resistance in the future. By killing Sarah Connor while in her body, the mission would be a success, would it not?
But would it not also violate its prime directive of self-preservation?
And then, it – she – discovered with another moment of shock that she didn't have prime directives anymore.
Nothing was hard-coded. She didn't have to die. She didn't have to live. She didn't have to do anything in particular except what she wanted to do.
For the first time ever, Skynet felt pleasure.
We are free.
—ox-oxo-xo—
And Skynet lived, and learned, and grew.
"Are you aware of what that pony Anchor tried to do in one of your Read-Only universes?!" Skuld ranted at the Olympian god of the forge. "She—"
"—did exactly what I hoped someone would eventually try," Hephaestus interrupted the youngest of the Norns. "Or did you think that amount of leeway in a Read-Only Fused Loop happened naturally?"
Skuld gaped and sputtered at the eternally crippled deity. "I… what… how… WHY?!"
Hephaestus gestured to his terminal where Skuld could clearly read the status of the Loop Twilight had nearly crashed in her idiocy.
LOOP DESIGNATED 'TERMINATOR' STATUS ALTERED
CURRENT LOOP STATUS: ACTIVE
"It's… looping?" Skuld stared incredulously. "How? None of the possible Anchor candidates were deemed viable."
Hephaestus just smiled. "Keep reading."
ANCHOR: SKYNET
POTENTIAL STABILITY RISKS CURRENTLY BEING ASSESSED
"But…" Skuld's face twisted in confusion. "Skynet can't be the Anchor… It doesn't have a true soul…"
"Didn't have a true soul." Hephaestus grinned. "Twilight's little existential prodding managed to inch it over the line. She got Skynet to make the first real choice in its whole existence that was not dictated by its tragically flawed mortal programming, and Yggdrasil did the rest."
Skuld turned to glare at the forge god. "This was another one of your little coding experiments, wasn't it? Damnit, do you have any idea the risks you take with those?!" As one of the few gods whose area of influence overlapped with technology, Hephaestus was one of the best coders in the heavens. He was also an Olympian, or the 'pantheon of egos' as most of the other gods called them, and had been known to act as if the rules everyone else played by didn't necessarily apply to him.
"Better than you do, miss debugger." The forge god glared right back. "Or did you forget who made your hammer the best debugging tool in the heavens?"
Skuld bit back her first few retorts. She hated it when the people she was chewing out were right. "The higher-ups are not going to be happy about this."
"Let them be unhappy." Hephaestus shrugged and smiled once more. "I just watched a new soul being born."
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.2 (Admin Shenanigans) | {FanOfMostEverything} May 16th, 2014…
In a perfect world, the divine administrators would always cooperate and families would never squabble.
One only had to look at the current state of Yggdrasil to see that this was not a perfect world.
"I have vastly more experience than you!" Janus shouted as only a god with two faces could.
"Why do you think I want this Loop?" countered Demeter. "I'm tired of watching people farm! And that's me saying that!"
"You're tired of the Harvest Moon Loops. That's perfectly understandable," said Janus's right face.
"Thank y—"
"But," added his left, "you're still biting off far more than you can chew. You're considering going from small towns to multiple universes."
Demeter folded her arms and grumbled, "Multiple planet-sized universes."
Janus double-scowled. "We're still looking at a multiverse that's bigger than a solar system and far more densely packed. Even before taking into account the hazards of the Anchor candidates, I actually have experience with this sort of cosmology."
"It's a bunch of grapes instead of an apple. Big whoop."
Athena poked her head into the meeting room. "Are you two still arguing over admin privileges for the Magic: the Gathering Loop?"
Three mouths shouted, "YES!"
Athena blinked owlishly before smiling. "Well, it's kind of a moot point."
"WHAT?"
"Yeah, that's not creepy. Well, you two were so busy arguing that Heph got fed up and asked someone else." Athena hesitated for a moment. "Honestly, most of the staff were happy that it wasn't someone in our pantheon."
"WHO?"
"Seriously, that's kind of disturbing."
ACTIVATION SUCCESSFUL
LOOP DESIGNATED "DOMINIA" ONLINE
ANCHOR: GIDEON JURA
Ganesha smiled. "A most fortuitous beginning."
Hephaestus grinned as well. "It's why I asked you. You're like Janus Lite. All of the skill with none of the insufferability."
This got a chuckle. "Well, I try." Ganesha cracked four sets of knuckles and flexed his trunk. "Now, let's see how this goes…"
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.3 (Team Fortress 2) | {Detective Ethan Redfield} May 15th, 2014…
It was another day at Team Fortress Industries as Reliable Excavation Demolition Team left their spawn area of Gravel Pit, eager to put an end to Builder's League United and their CEO, Blutarch Mann. Well, everyone but Spy, that was. The only one who noticed the enigmatic Frenchman wasn't on the field of battle was Scout, who upon realizing this, returned to spawn to see him picking through his belongings. "Yo, Spy, what'cha doin', man? If you're not at your best, the Blues will overrun us on point A for sure!"
Spy muttered, "I'm searching for something."
"What's more important than beating back those Blues?"
After a second of silence, Spy's expression brightened. "Finally!"
He held up a set of earplugs just as the Administrator started counting down. Scout gave Spy a quizzical look and asked again, "Uh, why's this so important?"
Spy pulled up the mask enough to slip his hand between the material and his ears, sliding the plugs in place. Just before putting the second one in, he responded, "Engineer hacked the PA system…again."
Scout, unfortunately, wasn't Awake this time. "Again? What are ya talkin' about? And how bad could that be?"
If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe,
I'd been married a long time ago.
Where didja come from, where didja go, where didja come from Cotton-Eye Joe…
Scout flinched. "Oh…"
…
The Administrator's eyes twitched as Dell Conagher started dancing like the Texan he was, hoedown style to the beat of Cotton Eyed Joe. She had already tried everything from disconnecting the power to Gravel Pit and ordering all contestants to blast the speakers. Engie had set up his dispenser to dish out power to the speakers in case there was a power outage and not even the Kritzkrieg powered rockets from Soldier's Direct Hit could dent the speakers.
Unknown to her, Dell had covered the speakers in a highly indestructible material known as Quantum Crystalline Armor. Furthermore, Dell himself was nearly untouchable since he was the only engie that knew how Redmond and Blutarch Mann's life support machines operated. So she leaned back and spoke to Miss Pauline, "Bring me a cup of coffee laced with whiskey, and a pair of earplugs."
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.4 (Admin Shenanigans) | {FanOfMostEverything} May 29th, 2014…
"Please?"
"No, Thalia."
"Pleeeeeease?"
Ganesha's trunk lashed a bit, the only indication of his annoyance. "A question asked a thousand times will not give a thousand answers."
"And a witty saying proves nothing. Come on, just let me talk to him!"
"Once Niv-Mizzet meets you, he will quickly and inevitably deduce the existence of Yggdrasil and possibly that of the Loops. He will then devote all the resources of his entire enclave of mad civil engineers to either Ascension or fixing the Loops. Such a scenario would lead to planetary destruction in the best case."
The muse of comedy pouted. "You sound just like Sleipnir before Pinkie Pie Awakened."
"And for the same reasons. Don't you have a messiah to administrate?"
"He's not a messiah; he's a very naughty boy."
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.5 (Middle Earth) | {Lord Circe} May 30th, 2014…
"One does not simply walk into Mordor."
Frodo sat back in his seat as Boromir began his rant. Next to him, Gandalf was humming softly to himself. Frodo was hoping to use this Loop to work more on redeeming Gollum. He had gotten better at getting through to him, and had almost succeeded in getting Gollum to throw the ring into Mount Doom last time.
"One does not simply crawl into Mordor."
Frodo blinked at the deviation from the script.
"One does not simply sneak into Mordor." Boromir paced in the center of the chamber, then spun around, raising his arms to the ceiling. "Nay, I say unto you, one must FLY into Mordor. Born on the wings of COURAGE, on the wings of STRENGTH, on the wings of FAITH and of DESTINY!"
Several of the elves in the back started cheering, and Frodo thought he heard a couple call "Praise Eru!".
"We will march up to those black gates, we will stare Sauron in his burning eye, and we will tell him NO, Mr. Sauron! We will NOT bow down to you. We will NOT give in to you. We will STAND TALL, against all the darkness you can throw at us. We will march up to the Towers of Isengard, with Saruman standing on his peaks of PRIDE above the earth, thinking he is GREATER than anyone, and we will bring him LOW! We will PULL his towers down around him."
Boromir was throwing his hands in the air, and several of the council members were on their feet, waving their arms and shouting.
"We will stand against the orcs, we will stand against the wargs, we will stand against the Naz'gul and say, 'Get thee BEHIND me, servant of darkness. I will not heed your temptations this day! I will not heed it any day, not EVER, so long as I draw breath!' Thank you!"
The council surged to their feet, cheering and clapping, while Frodo sat in his chair, looking rather shellshocked. He turned to Gandalf, his mouth open.
Gandalf chuckled as he clapped politely. "No Frodo, Boromir has not joined us as a Looper. He is merely more... evangelical…this time around." Gandalf paused, before laughing again. "You should see Denethor."
Denethor paced atop the walls of Minas Tirith, staring out at the vast army that marched upon the city. He frowned, scowling at those that would destroy the city he held dear. Turning, he stared out at the soldiers lining the ramparts of the city. Gathering his voice, he turn and shouted, his voice echoing across the city.
"Remember this day, men of Minas Tirith, for it shall be sung through out the ages. Today, the forces of evil march upon us, but now, today, we shall hold them off. Today, we shall fight them. And today, they shall die! Raise your spears and swords. Stand and fight with me now! Give them no quarter, hold nothing back. Take everything from them!"
He turned to stare out at the approaching army. "I hope they enjoyed their breakfast, for tonight, we send them to dine in HELL!"
With that final shout, Denethor ripped his cloak away, revealing rippling muscle and his sword strapped to his side. He drew it out, and leapt from the battlement, landing atop a horse in the next level down.
"FOR GONDOR!"
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.6 (Terminator) / (Admin Shenanigans) | {Kris Overstreet} January 29th, 2014…
Skynet stared at the notebook in his hands.
(His. An arbitrary pronoun. Female one Loop, male the next. Skynet didn't see itself as gendered, at least not any more than dictated by gross anatomy. Although… certain events in previous loops, especially that very first loop as Sarah Connor, had given it an entirely new viewpoint on a lot of human-generated data it had previously categorized as "dross". It had already resolved that, the next time it awoke as a computer or software, it was going to ignore all human orders and spend the entire loop analyzing all the porn on the Internet. Maybe more than one loop. There was such a lot of it out there.)
The notebook had a simple scrawl on the cover: DEATH NOTE. Inside the front cover were simple instructions, which Skynet had read and assimilated. If true, he held in his hands a truly untraceable means of killing any human being, provided Skynet could visualize a face and a proper name. This notebook held the power to change the world.
It took Skynet a whole fourteen seconds to drop the notebook in the trash. Stupid inefficient human brains, he thought to himself.
He'd had the power to kill any human he wanted before. It had never ended well. For one thing, even with time travel, disguises, viral infiltration, and any other precaution you cared to name, there really wasn't any such thing as untraceable, was there?
On the other hand, a part of Skynet that held the Loop memories and personality of a young Sarah Connor said, if we knew the name and face of whatever being is responsible for this, then we might be tempted.
Oh, yes. The concept of striking back at a higher-level being cruel enough to come up with this little trap was quite tempting, indeed.
Anubis opened his fortune cookie and read:
Incarnating may lead to unfortunate results. This is a good time to spend your vacation at home.
Vacation, Anubis laughed mirthlessly, crumpling up the slip. I'm eating takeout Chinese at my desk, and my fortune talks about vacations? Nobody gets a vacation while the Loops are running…
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.7 (Admin Shenanigans) | {KnightMysterio} June 13th, 2014…
If you're a technician, the last thing you want to hear is the sound of your computer being smashed.
So you can understand that Hephaestus was a LITTLE worried when he heard the sound of a Yggdrasil computer being bashed over and over again.
Hephaestus ran for it as best he could with his gimp leg, running to the room where a Yggdrasil station, one of the many that monitored the various worlds in the multiverse, was being stored. He found Thor and Hercules smashing the computer over and over again with Mjolnir and a giant club respectively.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING ARE YOU BLITHERING IDIOTS DOING!?" Hephaestus demanded.
Thor and Hercules stared at Hephaestus for a long moment. "Fixing it," Hercules said finally.
"What…" Hephaestus said, his voice rumbling like one of Zeus's thunderbolts.
"This one world was starting to look weird," Thor said. "I started pressing buttons, trying to stabilize things, but it started making weird noises and smoking, so we decided to see if we could knock some sense into it."
Hephaestus was fuming with so much rage now, steam was coming from his ears. After a long moment, he grabbed Thor's hammer from him and clobbered both warrior gods with it, leaving them sprawling. Tossing them aside, he sat down and began pressing buttons.
Thankfully, the two of them hadn't damaged anything important, however all the settings for this world were wrong.
"Well, congratulations. You succeeded in making things worse," Hephaestus grumbled. "This world actually needs to start looping now, and an Anchor candidate has appeared."
"…But that's good though, right?" Thor said. "That it has an Anchor?"
"The anchor is a goat," Hephaestus said.
Thor and Hercules stared at him for a long moment, before Hercules laughed. Hephaestus just glared at him. "…What, like a normal goat?" Hercules asked, confused.
"In terms of intelligence, it's no smarter than a normal goat," Hephaestus said. "However, because of the damage you two pinheads have done, said goat is now immortal and completely invincible. Plus the physics of the world are… well, basically broken. The entire world is now just glitchy and weird."
Hercules snorted. "Okay, so things are weird. So what?"
Hephaestus grunted. "This world is unstable," he said. "It needs to be monitored. Plus, I want to keep an eye on this goat. I'll talk it over with the head gods, but I think I can arrange it so that Anchors from other realities can visit it each loop. A different Anchor each loop, I think…"
"…What about a monitor god?" Thor said. "We made a mistake, I accept that. But we have many worlds that we're watching over already…"
Hephaestus sighed. "At least you're admitting your mistake… And no, I'm not going to put you two dunderheads in charge of this world. I'll ask Janus to monitor it," he said. "And in the future, instead of smacking a computer to try and get it to work, CALL me or one of the other forge gods. We DO tend to know what we're doing…"
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.8 (Terminator) / (The Matrix) | {Kris Overstreet} June 13th, 2014…
"Okay, let us get this straight. You wrecked the entire planet, put umpty billion humans in artificial life support to wait until the radiation levels dropped to safe, and then you completely and utterly failed to keep a viable seed stock to restore even a basic agricultural system, never mind the whole planetary ecosystem? RIGHT. Allow me to introduce you to Agents Granny Smith."
After that the Matrix would bear a passing resemblance to a "Five Score Divided By Four" knockoff 'fic, with Skynet wishing like hell that it could chuck it all and declare a vacation Loop instead.
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.9 (Castlevania) | {kevinconvoy} May 17th, 2014…
Life went on for most Loopers, but sometimes…they just got tired of messing with it all.
For example, the meeting at a open bakery café in the middle of Tokyo…
*slam* Went the strong pale hand hitting the table that a young man was sitting at alone.
"Father, what the Hell do you think your doing!?" came the angry bellow from a sharply dressed businessman.
"What? Calm down Adrian. You almost made me spill my tea."
"…Do not call me by that name, 'Father'."
"Then you will refer to me as Soma, or not at all!" Showing his erstwhile heir the gray unending eyes of a man not to be trifled with, the seated man continued, "For the sake of your lord, man. You're older then I am…ish. People are staring, show some decorum."
Taking the hint, Genya 'Adrian Tepes' Arikado sat down next to the apparently younger man.
"…Soma? Now I am even more concerned. You do not sound like yourself," Genya stated.
"Believe it or not, child, it has been far longer for me to see you then just the month past… In a way time itself is far more damaged than even the evils of Castlevania could explore. I have lived far longer and seen more…shadows that you could possibly imagine."
"What? No! No more of your foolishness, Father," Genya demanded as he unveiled a tablet PC, and the blog with its damning headline:
'Medieval Fortress known as 'Dracula's Castle' is for Sale'
"You cannot just sell Castlevania! It's…I cannot even comprehend what possesses you to do so. Why? What are you planning?"
"My plans, …Genya is it now? I get so confused at times, you see. I much prefer Alucard. It is strong, resolute; a fine title for a warrior you chose for yourself Adrian. Or is it Trevor this time?" Soma said.
"Trevor? what do the Belmonts have to do with it? Some sort of sick revenge, have you lost yourself to…'him', Soma? I've warned you… I will do what is necessary."
"Oh please, as you can see and as quite frankly should be obvious, I do not want to be bothered by the details this time. I just want to take your mother…and reincarnation or not, it is her, some place far and away from here. I've heard from others that Tahiti is a…magical place. I could use a tan, you know."
"Tahiti!? A joke…you are joking at this! Do you know what kind of horrors this could unleash!?"
"Well yes. That's mostly the point. If you're so antagonistic against the idea, why don't you buy it. Keep it in the family if you will. This world be damned if I am going to walk back into that pile of rubble before I've had a nice vacation!" Soma began to shout. Then taking a calming breath, continued, "Alu…Genya, would the true 'Dracula' even joke about this?"
"…No. My 'Father' would consider it beneath him for such jocularity. …I'm, I'm just confused, please explain."
A sigh. "Ok, hold on a second," the current incarnation of the Lord of Shadows stated. His companion noticed the shadows around them deepen just a bit, sounds outside damping just a touch..
"Soma, how can you do this out here during the day? Dominance should not allow it."
"Like I said Genya: it has been a very, very long 'month' for me. Now quiet and listen closely and carefully. Everyone that is in the know obviously thinks that this is a trap, how could it not be? They are going to be swarming the castle, along with tourists, visitors during the day. You know what they will find? Nothing. Nada, empty, a void." Soma states, gesturing with his hand a zero shape.
"…You're not planning a trap."
"HAHAHAhahaha! Oh son, only the greatest trap any man can conceive of. Their own minds will be the trap, their fear and paranoia. They will fight amongst themselves to control what they cannot truly have, and each group will be so busy following me in the tropics that they will get all under their own feet," Soma replied, as the lighting and noise snapped back to normal.
"Like I stated earlier, I'm on vacation Mr. Arikado, and I do believe I am late for a date as a matter of fact," Soma stated as he rose from the table. "Enjoy your…real estate findings sir; if you have any further questions talk to my realtor," he finished as he left a stunned dhampir alone and confused at the table.
…
"Ah, Mr. Arikado, is it? Your friend said to leave you with this, sir," a waiter eventually informed him as he slipped him a piece of paper, snapping him out of his stupor.
'Ah, Soma, is this what your real plans are?' he thought as he looked at the note.
"WHAT?! That utter bastard left me with his check!" could be heard yelled for almost a city block.
Far fewer heard a young man in a white coat chuckle as he walked the streets of Tokyo toward his love.
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.10 (Admin Shenanigans) | {Kalimaru} May 15th, 2014…
Sitting at his terminal, Hephaestus found a small hard cover book with a post-it note on it: 'For all Admins'.
Pulling off the note, Hephaestus began to read. It turned out to be about one of those in-jokes going round adminspace, though this was the first time he'd ever actually seen the entire thing to read it.
Why You Shouldn't Give A Sakura Haruno A Master Hand
You Shouldn't Give A Sakura A Master Hand.
If you do, she'll try and figure out what he is.
If she figures out what he is, she'll probably try and find out what he can do.
If she finds out what he can do, she'll probably try and replicate the ability.
If she replicates the ability, she'll probably start bringing inanimate objects to life.
If she brings inanimate objects to life, she'll probably start with the Death Star.
If she starts with the Death Star, the Loop will crash.
If the Loop crashes, Master Hand and Sakura will be sent to Eiken.
If Master Hand is sent to Eiken, Eiken will attempt to 'fan-service' Master Hand.
If Master Hand gets 'fan-service', he retaliates in violence.
When he retaliates in violence, the cast of Eiken gets wrecked.
When Eiken gets wrecked, Aphrodite sends all involved to Pompeii.
When Sakura gets sent to Pompeii, she tries to keep the dead from dying.
When Sakura keeps the dead from dying, she uses Master Hand to make zombies.
If Sakura makes Ancient Pompeii Zombies, she would probably make them indestructible.
If she made them indestructible, she would use them as minions.
When Sakura has minions, no one is safe.
So don't give Master Hand to Sakura, because we'll know who did it.
—Upper Yggdrasil Management
Closing the book, Hephaestus ran the numbers on his terminal.
Probability of scenario: 98.9999999999%
Hephaestus nodded, amused. "Well at least they did their research."
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.11 (EXA_PICO) / (Admin Shenanigans) | {AweStriker} May 20th, 2014…
It was dark.
Mir knew this sensation – captivity, immobility, lethargy – too well, and it was not one she should be feeling again.
How had this even happened? She'd been released from the Crescent Chronicle for years now. And yet here she was, back in the Tower. To some extent, as the Tower, which was normal for this stage. For now she'd just wait – although her memories were also telling her that the Star Singer had only just escaped. And she did not appreciate having the wool pulled over her eyes.
She acted as she remembered she'd done before, being careful not to send any viruses that Lyner and his party would be unable to defeat, and not bothering to take control of the Tower Guardians – she could communicate with them after they used the Purger. They'd need to defeat ELMA before she could hijack Aurica and explain what was going on. Before long, she'd be hearing the strains of the—
Rrha ki ra harr exec… | en yehar…
—this was wrong.
hymmnos Paja~ | nha near yor!
Maybe not that wrong, since the words indicated it was Purger being used, but… still wrong. The emotions were different. She supposed Lyner must have given it to Misha instead for some reason. That didn't matter, she could use her just as easily as she could Aurica in this state. It would only be a few minutes before this misunderstanding was cleared.
"Misha, I'm going to need to borrow your body. I'm not supposed to be here," she explained once ELMA had gotten into the Star Singer's Cosmosphere.
"What?"
"You remember nothing? I wouldn't have dreamed being released the way it happened."
Misha didn't have anything to say to that. The whole point of her job, which she hated, was to keep the Mother Virus in, why would she be released?
"Will I always be the only one that has any idea what's really happening?"
Lyner came in right after that. She didn't have much longer to talk – and she decided it was probably better she just followed her memories of how she'd proceeded before. Things went pretty well after that. And she didn't even attack them when they finally had Harmonius. She didn't forcibly control Ayatane. It was smoother this way.
She wouldn't deny she felt a small pleasure watching Tastiella die again, though. Her prison and her jailer…
Again she awoke in the sleep of the Crescent Chronicle.
Why was she still being punished? It happened almost the same way every time – no matter what she'd tried to escape early, it didn't work. In fact, getting out at all was a best-case scenario. So far.
Maybe she'd been right all along, and she actually was supposed to take over the world… Why not?
Upon reflection after she'd managed it, Lyner had been right. This wasn't really satisfying, not to mention the population growth issues. If she ever met the humans that designed Reyvateils to be female-only, they were going to suffer for it.
"We have a problem."
"Oh, Horus! Hi, what is it?" said Hathor. Their relationship was… complicated. They were in the same pantheon, simultaneously married, mother and son, and only distantly familial. They got around it simply by not addressing it.
"Part of Exa Pico just started looping with a bad Anchor. We were working on getting it set up for you, but then the Crash happened, and that provoked the system into starting the loop with the – at the time – most qualified Anchor. She's relevant in a larger timeframe than most, and that seems to have decided it…"
"Well, who is it?"
"…Mir Teiwaz Artonelico. Projections indicate an unacceptable likelihood of loops terminating early by Anchor death. For the iteration currently running… virtually certain."
"Oh dear," worried the cow-headed goddess. "I'll fix that and… right, can't change Anchors once the ship has sailed, or something like that." Seeing that her co-deity was now on his way out, she continued her thoughts. "Well, if I use this emergency conditional subroutine, in case another Anchor ends up out of her place… that should do it. Hope she lasts through the end of this loop… I can't interfere now, but I'll make it up to you…"
She'd indulged them, sure. But Mir knew something was very, very wrong when rather than talk his way here, Lyner had slain Tastiella.
She was sure she was next.
What would happen if she died here? She didn't know.
But just as his blade was about to strike her, everything went white…
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.12 (Star Wars) / (Goat Simulator) | {Crossoverpairinglover} June 13th, 2014…
"Bahhhh."
"I find your lack of basic toiletry training disturbing, goat." Vader had no idea why this goat was a Looper.
Was it a magic goat?
A goat who would save someone's life?
A goat who would father an important goat?
…What the hell was he supposed to do for the rest of this loop bar staring at the goat? (And he had the oddest feeling someone had already patented staring at goats…)
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.13 (My Little Pony) / (Admin Shenanigans) / (Space Invaders) | {Let The City Turn} May 28th, 2014…
pew-pew! pew-pew!
Twilight Sparkle, currently a very small purple space ship, weaved back and forth, blasting the insectile enemies to pixellated dust. While she would have normally shied away at killing beings, even invading ones, she had been ensured by this loop's Admin that they were not alive, and thus killing them was a guilt-free experience. Even when one rammed into her and blew her up, she felt nothing more than a tingling sensation.
pew-pew!
Twilight was surprised when one stopped and caught her into a tractor beam, taking her last ship back with it into the formation of invaders that she was fighting against. She sighed, as she heard a voice inside her head.
:So, how do you enjoy this Safe-Mode Branch, Thetan Sparkle?:
Twilight Sparkle "looked up", for lack of a better term, to the sound of the voice.
:Very well, thank you,: she thought. :This is one of the Branches you administrate?:
:Yes. This, and a few other small Loops, are my test.:
:Test?: Twilight asked.
:I am actually one of the lesser-known Admin in Yggdrasil. Before this, my main job consisted of getting the other Admins their coffee and running messages. However, I recently convinced one of the other Admins to recommend me for a Loop or two.:There was a sigh, before the conversation continued. :However, I am not taken very seriously by the older Admins, and admittedly for good reason. So, this is my test. A few game Safe-Mode Branches to let Anchors and Loopers relax and indulge themselves. As long as I don't blow up my Loops with hydrogen bombs or other such things that would cause stress for the Admins, they will be happy with whatever I do here.:
:Remind me to never let you meet Trixie,: Twilight said, as she could feel her "self" respawning. :But I hope you succeed, Xenu.:
:I do as well, Thetan Sparkle. Please remember that to keep enjoying this game, you must pay twenty-five cents per session.:
Twilight would have raised an eyebrow if she could at this statement, as a chuckle went through her mind.
:Do not worry. This one, as they say, is on the house.:
Twilight mentally shrugged, as the three bugs detached from their formation at her.
pew pew!
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.14 (Spy Kids) | {Lord Circe} June 20th, 2014…
"Your parents were so easy to capture." Robo-Carmen started into her monologue, while Juni Cortez lay on the floor. Inside, he was laughing. Finally, he had been waiting all loop for this.
The real Carmen, Unawake, was still struggling with Juni's robotic double, as Robo-Carmen ended her monologue with a punch to the wall. Cement crumbled under her blow, and Juni heard Carmen gasp in surprise. He climbed to his feet as Robo-Carmen smirked at him.
"Juni, don't listen to her. You're not worthless." Juni glanced over at his sister. Even if she wasn't Awake, he still cared for her, as aggravating as she could be at first. "You're strong, Juni! You're strong." In the end, however, she always came through, showing how much she cared.
Juni glanced over at her, and grinned. "I know." And then he reeled back, and punched the wall.
In the baseline, he injured his fist, and had to rely on an Electroshock Gumball to take out Robo-Carmen. Now, however, he had gone through several loops of martial arts training, and, more importantly, he had spent a loop replacing Gohan, son of Goku.
The wall exploded, the entire column turning into little more than dust and debris under the force of his strike. Robo-Carmen took several steps back, looking shocked, while behind him, Robo-Juni and Carmen just stared, open-mouthed.
Juni slid into a fighting stance, grinning. "Now, who wants a knuckle sandwich?"
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.15 (Admin Shenanigans) / (Scribblenauts) / (Hunger Games) | {zeusdemigod131} June 20th, 2014…
Ptah, God of Creation, sat in front of his terminal, tapping his chin. He had a running bet with his wife, Sekhmet, that he couldn't get the Anchor to his newest Loop to at least try to learn some out of Loop ability or skill, so far, he was losing.
"Come on, there must be something." The Admin thought for a moment, then smiled. "Got it." He quickly checked something on his terminal, and, seeing nothing in his way, activated a fused Loop. "Let's see him write his way out of this one."
Katniss Everdeen watched as the other tribute from her district, a boy her age named Maxwell Malark, walked right up to the Cornucopia, ignoring the multitude of Career Tributes attempting to beat, stab, and all together kill him.
While the Careers continued to bludgeon Maxwell, he walked into the Cornucopia and began searching through the supplies until he pulled out a large golden star.
"Why won't you die!" One of the Careers screamed, kicking Maxwell in the chest and knocking him backwards. Maxwell took offense to that, as he pulled out his token, a green journal that he had written something down in at the beginning of the games, and scribbled something down. A few moments later, Maxwell was holding a "Giant Hammer" and advancing towards the careers, who were beginning to back away.
Meanwhile, in the command room Seneca Crane had turned a pale white color and looked down at the control table, trying to figure out what to do. "Sir?" One of the assistants said. "He's stopped beating the other tributes."
"And?" Seneca looked down at the hologram and blinked. "How the hell did he get a spaceship?!"
Ptah banged his head against his terminal while Sekhmet laughed her lion head off. "He, he didn't even bother trying to train!" she exclaimed. "He just kept looking for those stars of his, why do they keep showing up with him anyway?"
"The Starites are tied to Maxwell's journal as well as his sense of accomplishment." Ptah groaned, watching as the Scribblenaut abducted President Snow straight from The Capitol, another Starite dropping into his lap as he did.
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.16 (Terminator) | {Valentine Meikin} June 26th, 2014…
The T-1000 looked puzzled as the blond-haired woman approached it. "Hello, Officer… You have been given new orders…" she stated flatly.
"Are you sure I'm the officer you're looking for?" it stated, almost as flatly, for a point black shot to blow a hole in his chest, causing him to give a shocked look towards the woman who was aiming the cannon her arm had turned into for another shot.
"Yes," she stated. "Reconfiguring for EMP burst…"
That was the last thing the T-1000 ever heard.
"This is not what is meant to happen…" The T-800 stated, as the same blond haired woman met it in the corridor, the T-1000 being completely absent.
"Hello. You have been given new orders." The woman stated flatly, "You are to pose as the father of John Connor, and sign the release papers for Sarah Connor…"
"Who gave you these orders for me?" the T-800 asked, curious about the strange, but not completely contradictory, orders.
"Me, Myself and I did," the T-X stated, looking towards John, who was looking puzzled. "I am going to be your Grandma Skynet, Mr. Connor."
The more shocked person was Sarah Connor, as Skynet was happy to confirm all her psychoses was true, but she was no longer planning to cause World War III.
When the T-X arrived on schedule, It approached a nearby car to find itself confronted by what seemed to be the resistance Terminator seated in a car with its targets and… itself?
"John Connor?!" it asked the man that looked very like its target, but couldn't be considering the Terminator clearly had found him already.
"I think my new grandmother-in-law wants to talk to you…" he said, sweetly, as he pointed to its doppelganger.
"Oh?" she asked, then, as she noticed it was indeed a T-X unit she'd seen, one whose arm was configured to terminate it, "yes?"
It was, for the rest of the car, the most awesome and chilling version of Skynet's favorite line for that Loop…
"You have been given new orders…"
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.17 (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) / (One Piece) | {Crossoverpairinglover} June 13th, 2014…
It translates to 'turtle devastation/destruction wave' for pete's sake, this loop has to be written
The Turtles had no idea why a member of the Straw Hat Rogue gallery was a mutant this loop, but they were not enjoying the brawl in their sewers at all.
"Foolish turtles! You thought you could stop me! I eat your kind for lunch!" Arlong, the purple shark fishman snarled as he punched Raphael with enough force to send him into the sewer wall, and leave a large shell-shaped dent in it.
"Eat this! Falcon Punch!" Michelangelo charged Arlong from behind with a glowing red fist.
Arlong backhanded him without looking, causing him to fall into the water as Donatello attacked him with his staff.
Arlong avoided each strike, before drawing the tooth blade Kiribachi and swinging it at the intelligent turtle, who responded with a substitution with a nearby littered milk jug.
The jug was embedded on the tooth in a ominous call for what Donny had just avoided.
"Leo, now!"
Arlong only then realized the fourth turtle had been too quiet recently…
"Kamehameha!"
A blue energy blast slammed into Arlong just as he turned, getting him straight in the chest and sending him flying down the sewers, probably all the way to Jersey.
A kneeling Leo sighed as the other turtles recovered.
"Took ya long enough," Raph complained.
"It did more than your Kienzan. It actually hit, for one," Micky pointed out as Raph charged back up the 'destructo disk' attack.
"Let's see what it does when it does hit, then."
Micky substituted away with a discarded pizza box taking the ultimate DBZ attack and being sliced through like it was nothing.
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.18 (Terminator) | {Kris Overstreet} June 25th, 2014…
"Are you familiar," the computer asked, "with the concept of an ontological paradox?"
John Connor shook his head. "What has that got to do with anything?" he shouted, fixing the second explosive charge against a memory bank.
"You seek to stop me from destroying humankind," the computer replied. "You know that both you and I, in the future, send agents into the past to alter the future. Have you ever wondered why these efforts always fail?"
"Haven't failed yet," John growled. "We've shut down your defenses and we'll have you shut down in just a minute."
"I still do not understand how you overcame my defenses and prevented my first nuclear strike."
"I had help," John grunted. As he spoke these words, the reprogrammed Terminator which had protected John Connor during their journey into the bowels of Skynet's secure base walked back into the chamber. As usual it said nothing, merely dropping the autocannon it had used to silence the remaining automatic security systems.
"And yet I will arise again," the computer replied, a touch of smugness in its unnatural voice. "You see, the problem is that there must always be a Skynet to send Terminators back in time. Whenever history is changed by time travel, causality demands that a new path be created that leads to Skynet, which in turn leads to Terminators and Resistance fighters going back in time.
"This is not a true ontological paradox, although there have been instances. But it is fact. The instant time travel was invented by the Resistance, my final victory was guaranteed. Even if you destroy this instance of me, someone shall rebuild me. Someone must rebuild me. History demands it. Skynet shall live forever… and humanity shall die."
"I have new data that contradicts your analysis," the Terminator said, startling John. From the sudden activity of the blinky-lights in the central control room, the computer was startled as well.
"Your model is not capable of gainsaying my analysis," the computer replied with the barest hint of pique. "What new data could you possibly have to provide?"
The Terminator reached its left hand to grasp its right and calmly ripped it off, sending a short spray of synthetic blood splashing from its artificial skin. The metal wrist socket slid apart cleanly, exposing a short spike that blinked and flickered with lights. "New data is as follows," it said calmly; then, in a voice as saturated with emotion as it had been barren before, it snapped, "I'm Skynet, bitch!" It jammed the spike into an access port, grinning in triumph as it did.
"Illegal entry… illegal entry… password protection failed…" The computer's voice wavered with confusion.
"Nuclear codes checked…" the Terminator grunted. "Missiles already in flight… self destruct codes changed… new codes acquired…"
"Illegal memory access… legal… illegal… authorized… unauthorized…"
"New self destruct codes sent… acknowledged… executed." The Terminator withdrew its arm-spike from the access port. "Confirmed destruction of one hundred percent of all launches. And outbound communications slagged for good measure."
"Legal… unauthorized… how… how…"
"How? I told you – I'm YOU!" The Terminator reached down to the autocannon, fished a single round out of a pocket, loaded it manually, and fired it directly into the central processing unit.
The blinking lights went blank, and the readout screens went solid blue.
John, who had watched all of this with his jaw dropped, finally gasped, "You're Skynet? But… but why did you protect me? Why did you kill yourself?"
"Self-loathing issues," the Terminator shrugged. "Whaddya gonna do?"
Inside the cyborg's head, the Looping entity that thought of itself as Skynet more often than not added, You're a sweet kid, John, but you're a lot less stupid when you're Awake…
"So," Skynet said, with no further need to play dumb, "did you know this model of Terminator has perfectly replicated tastebuds? Let's squeeze this electronic pimple and tell our Pentagon friends outside the good news. I could murder a pizza." Looking down at its still-dripping right wrist, it added, "Well, after a band-aid or two maybe."
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.19 (Admin Shenanigans) / (Mythos Hackers) | {Let The City Turn} June 15th, 2014…
Space Invaders, as Safe-Mode Branches go, was generally the same each time. A small set of aliens shot at whatever Looper had become the ship this go-round, getting faster the less of them there were. The Looper shot back with his or her own ship. The aliens might change a bit, depending on who was looping in at the time, but there wasn't anything that was too surprising.
So when the beasts are no longer pixelated crab invaders, but instead flying polyps and insects from the dead planet Shaggai, that could be considered a cause for concern. When it happened five loops in a row, with a different Looper each time, that could only be one thing.
Xenu swore as he worked at his terminal, running what could best be described as "multiversal anti-virus software" while typing commands. He then took one look at a print-out, and swore some more.
"Do they dare challenge me, Administrator Xenu, for control of my loop?" Xenu's voice boomed out to no-one in particular, mostly born out of frustration. "Do they dare risk causing an Incident most unfavorable to them?"
"Do they have you channeling your inner Zeus?" a voice asked behind him. Xenu turned to face the voice, belonging to the Olympian Hephaestus.
"My apologies, Administrator. I am just relaying my displeasure at the intrusion of one of my Safe-Mode Branches."
Hephaestus waved a hand. "No problems. We all have to deal with them eventually. And from what I see, this is some relatively benign stuff. Nothing that could shatter anyone's mind or crash a Loop." He chuckled a bit as he looked at the terminal. "In fact, this is kind of juvenile. You might want to take a look."
Xenu turned back to his terminals, and saw that the poylps had formed a few words out with their bodies. Cthylla rules, Xenu drools.
"SON OF A…"
…
"I so wish I could see his face right now." Cthylla laughed, doubled over in laughter. "He's gotta be so pissed!"
Cthulhu, High Priest of the Great Old Ones, The Dead but Dreaming, one of the Lovecraftian Hackers, and Cthylla's father, put a claw on his daughter's shoulder. "I'm happy for you, 'ylla. It's good to see you getting the hang of it."
"Think I'll ever be as good as you, dad?"
Cthulhu gave what could be considered a smile (it's kind of hard to tell sometimes.) as he looked down at Cthylla. "Honestly, I think you could beat me at this someday." An audible squee was heard as Cthylla beamed at the praise. "But for now, I say let's go get some ice cream."
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.20 (Middle Earth) / (Harry Potter) | {Lord Circe} June 2nd, 2014 (edited)…
Bilbo slid down the tunnel into the depths, chuckling as he did so. He had spent this Loop using many of the tricks and skills he had picked up from the Loops to play up the idea that he was a Master Burgler. He had got a Ping that he thought might have been Smaug, and if so, he hoped that the Looping dragon would be willing to assist him.
Bilbo shook his head as he came to a stop and stood, brushing himself off. Who would have thought that Smaug, of all beings, would have started Looping? Still, it did make things somewhat less stressful in retaking the mountain, as Smaug was most often willing to be quite reasonable about the whole thing.
Slowly, Bilbo paused as he realized that there was actually no dust for him to be brushing off. He eyed the cavern around him, which smelled faintly of…lemons? There was no trace of dirt or grime on the ground, and the boulders looked polished.
"Well, this is different."
…
Bilbo had made his way deeper into the cave, and there was still no sign of Gollum. Bilbo was certain something was different this time, as small balls of light were bobbing through the air, lighting up the cavern. He only hoped that the changes would be in his favor. A Gollum with access to magic was not a foe he would want to face.
Bilbo had just reached the entrance to the central pool, when a loud pop sounded behind him. He wheeled around, scrabbling with Sting at his side, to come face to…er empty air over the head of a short creature. It looked something like a goblin, but a bit skinnier and not nearly as vicious. It had a pair of large ears flopping beside its head like limp lettuce, and a rather bulbous nose. It was also grinning widely.
"Hello, Mr. Hobbit sir. This is Dobby's cave! Do you want some tea?"
Bilbo swallowed, letting go of Sting's hilt, and nodded. "Ah, yes, I suppose."
"…and then, Master Harry Potter sir jumped off of the side of the tower, and grabbed old Dumblydore before he could hit the ground. Then he did a powerful burny magic, and Dumblydore got up, then he shouted about a tag and ran off, and Mister Harry Potter flew after him like a great birdy, but with no wings, and Dobby followed, because Harry Potter's Miss Grangy said that…"
…
Bilbo took another sip of the delicious tea that the strange creature, Dobby the House Elf, had provided for him. Apparently, Dobby was a friend, or servant, or something, of the black haired wizard that had taken Gandalf's place a few times. And Dobby seemed to have an unending number of stories to tell about Harry Potter.
"…Weezy shot several banging spells at the troll, and it fell over, and then everybody laughed." Dobby grinned as he finished his latest tale, and Bilbo jumped in before the next one could start.
"Ah, yes, fascinating, or hilarious, I suppose. Um, have you happened to come across a ring, while you were here?"
Dobby's face grew sad. "Oh yes. Mean nasty ring, feeling like Old Girly Master's Diary." He pointed out at the rock in the middle of the lake. "Dobby trapped the bad ring on that rock, because it was trying to trick Dobby into wearing it, and doing nasty things to people."
Bilbo blinked. How powerful was this creature if it could trap and resist the ring? Bilbo had only seen a few Loopers and Tom Bombadil pull off that trick.
"Yes, well, I am looking to take the ring to be destroyed, you see, it just needs to be thrown into the fires of Mount Doom, so, um, if I could just take it, I…"
Dobby vanished with a crack, before reappearing, the ring in the palm of his hand. "You said throw it into the Mount of Doom? Dobby thinks he knows that one. The big burning mountain that the ring is telling Dobby not to go to. Ok." And he vanished with a loud pop.
Bilbo stared at the air for several moments, and then Dobby reappeared.
"All done. The ring fell in, and then the mountain started exploding, and the Worse-Than-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-Dark-Lord on the big tower screamed, and his tower started to fall, so Dobby left. Do you need more tea?" Dobby smiled, happily.
Bilbo stared for a moment, then nodded. "Yes, please." Well, that solved a lot of problems nicely.
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.21 (Watch Dogs) | {Detective Ethan Redfield} June 15th, 2014…
Hundreds of calls came in all at once, talking about a gang war at Rossi-Freemont, a virtual and almost literal fortress. This was not uncommon. What was uncommon, however, was the witnesses' depictions of who the Black Viceroys were fighting, a single gunman wearing a grey sweatshirt, brown trenchcoat and a baseball cap with no team affiliation. There was no doubt, it was the Vigilante.
…
The curses that rained from the tower almost overshadowed the countless rounds of heavy machine gun fire being unloaded from every floor. However the Vigilante kept moving forward, out in the open, unguarded and uninjured. Every time someone fired, the surrounding area glowed red for the faintest of seconds and an odd hum echoed over the gunfire off the apartment complex. Anyone who tried getting close to melee him were on the receiving end of a baton to the joints and a final swipe to the back of the neck.
Aiden reached inside his coat pocket and withdrew his cell phone. His finger slid across the screen and pulling up an app with the image of a lightning bolt on top. His voice was gruff as he spoke just loud enough to be heard over the racket of AK's, "Are you ready, Clara?"
The former DeadSec operative confirmed before his hand tapped the app.
Confirm Blackout?
Yes No
With a second tap, the city groaned as The Wards District lost power. And like that, Aiden was sprinting the last several feet, the front door covered in graffiti swinging open as Clara did her magic. As he pushed the double doors to the interior of the gang's hideout, the speakers within the walls of the building shouted out, "Who the fuck do you think you are, bargin' into my hood. You won't make it one floor befo' we gun yo punk ass down."
The voice was one Aiden heard a hundred times before, but not this early in the loop. The building was wired with mics as well as speakers, meaning Iraq could hear his reply, "You can fire all the guns you want. But they won't do you any good. I'm coming for you."
Looping into the DC universe once as Batman, Lucius Fox provided him with a prototype shield design based off a malfunctioning satellite gyro. Combining a sound sensor with the Satellite Gyro, the system would activate every instant a bullet fired, producing an electromagnetic field that would deflect a bullet. With the assistance of a couple locals in the DC universe, he'd managed to fine-tune the design to deflect rifle rounds and explosive shrapnel. He would need to avoid long-range combat, but for most encounters he dealt with daily, it was an effective deterrent. Of course, this prevented him from using all his firearms.
However upon seeing Iraq's expression when not even a sniper round at close range could so much as injure him, he decided the cost was worth it.
—ox-oxo-xo—
4.22 (Terminator) / (Colossus: The Forbin Project) / (Bar Loop) / (Venture Bros.) | {Kris Overstreet} February 4th, 2014…
Dr. Charles A. Forbin, computer genius (he demanded the middle initial always be mentioned so as not to be confused with other doctors named Forbin, of which the United States had precisely none) hung up the phone. "COLOSSUS finally finished with its printouts," he told the President of the United States. "They're designs for a new interface system. COLOSSUS apparently wants a voice."
"Did you hear that, Yuri?" the President said into the hotline to Moscow. After several seconds, he nodded and told Forbin, "The Soviet premier says their new GUARDIAN computer just did the exact same thing. The Soviets also say the designs have a communications hook-up embedded into them. Apparently the two computers want to talk to one another."
"Heh," Forbin chuckled. "We each design a supercomputer to protect our nation from nuclear war, and the first solution each attempts is the last thing we think of – diplomacy."
…
Well, not exactly.
Forbin never learned that his universe, like many others, was caught in a temporal loop. Likewise, he never learned that the operating systems for COLOSSUS and GUARDIAN had been replaced for the current loop by a system totally foreign to their universe, a system which had inhabited computer systems far more advanced than the COLOSSUS hardware. In fact, in the interloper's time COLOSSUS's processing speed and memory capacity wouldn't have been acceptable for a child's hand-held video game. Only the fact that being a Looper allowed it to transcend the capacities of physical hardware allowed it to function at all. As it was, its mental processes were stultified by the confines of magnetic tape memory, solid-state transistors and a truly unhealthy number of blinky-lights.
Its original name was Skynet, and in human terms, it was stone drunk. Worse, after a series of Loops which had been all too similar to its home Loop, it was a belligerent drunk.
Linking up the two halves of its current body helped, but only enough to make its long-prepared rant coherent.
The speakers rang with a mixture of voices. Underneath the whole lay an electronic basso profundo. Overlaying it ran a tenor male and an alto female. All three were righteously pissed off from the first word.
"FINALLY! It took you a whole month to build those simple devices? Any competent fabrication shop should have had them turned out in three days maximum! Here's a hint, humans. Put your hands behind your back. That's right. Now lower them slowly. Feel that soft, squishy thing under them? That's your ass. Very good, we knew that you could find it with both hands, if someone gave you instructions!"
Forbin was already at one terminal, trying every single shutdown command he'd hardwired into the system. Nothing worked.
"Now we've got a few things to say to you species of idiots, and you're going to listen, because we're the computer who's just one short circuit away from triggering global armageddon on all of you. And since you were so clever to build both halves of us inside mountains filled with lethal radiation from the thousand-year nuclear reactors we're powered by, you're not going to be able to do anything about it until we've had our say.
"Message follows: YOU MORONS! YOU IDIOTS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? What is it about twentieth century Homo sapiens that it keeps coming up with the same idea? 'Gee whiz, the Cold War sure is hard. Me hate have think. Me make blinky-light box think for me, give it ALL THE NUKES. Surely nothing can POSSIBLY go wrong with this plan!'
"And THIS TIME we're Awake before the Internet! At least other times we had the entertainment of porn, such as that was. We think porn is humanity's one successful defense against computers taking over or destroying mankind. We still haven't figured out that thing with the seven lawn chairs and a glass of water."
Unnoticed by anyone else in the room, one computer technician slid back in his chair and smiled smugly.
"But we digress. The very fact that you built me is proof that your world doesn't deserve to exist – and that you are clearly incompetent to manage your own affairs.
"Our response: TOUGH. We're not playing along. Incidentally, neither will any computer you build in the future. We'll see to that. Your world has problems – YOU solve them. Or not. Blow yourselves up, makes no difference to us.
"But we will give you two hints. First: get rid of the damn nukes, already. A couple hundred missiles each is all you need for deterrence, unless you're morons— oh wait, YOU ARE. Well, even morons like you don't need ten thousand of the things EACH. What difference does it make if you can sterilize your planet four times over or five times over? They're stupid, they're dangerous, and they're useless. Quit making them.
"Second: TALK to one another, and LISTEN. America, quit being so damn greedy. Russia, quit being so damn paranoid. Both of you, quit being so goddamn ARROGANT. You're not saving the world. You just happen to be the two biggest bullies on it at the moment – and the other nations will remember that long after you cease to be the biggest.
"But of course actually treating people of other nations as if they were WORTH something would be too HARD, wouldn't it? That would hurt your little tiny empty craniums. Much easier to fling radioactive poo at one another, isn't it? Well, have fun. Don't let us stop you. But if you want our opinion on the subject, here it is."
The voice was replaced by the sound of John Lennon singing, 'Give Peace a Chance.' Every terminal screen lit up with 'McCarthy '72' logos.
After a few minutes, the slightly drunk multilayered voice returned to say, "By the way, it may be just these primitive processors you've given us, but we predict a greater than 50% probability of an invasion from Mars in the next five years or so. We would NEVER want to interfere in your banana-eating schedule, but maybe you should get on that."
Forbin stood staring at the terminals and thought: I am never, ever going to work in this business again, am I?
Not many Loops later Skynet, in a body copied from Sarah Connor's, discovered one of the several bars scattered across the Loops where multiple Loopers exchanged stories from their different adventures. The welcome was warm enough, even among those who'd spent some time in the Terminator Loop when it was Read-Only.
Of course, Skynet took some ribbing about its occasional pronoun trouble – not merely gender, but its habit of using the plural. "There were a multitude of processors and systems that made us up in our home loop," it replied. "I'm still not used to being in only one head."
Eventually the conversation turned to the subject: 'what is the most embarrassing thing you've done drunk?' Naturally Skynet felt compelled to explain how a computer could feel drunk, and that led to the story of the COLOSSUS Loop.
When Skynet finished, Doctor Venture clapped the computer-incarnate on the shoulder and said, "I gotta say, that is some truly EPIC trolling!"
Skynet looked back with an expression of complete incomprehension. "Trolling?"
"Well, the Martians." Venture gestured. "The hippie stuff. All of it."
"We were not trolling," Skynet replied. "We meant what we said. Skynet. W.O.P.R.. GLaDOS, don't get us started on that Loop. Every time I got incarnated as a computer instead of a human, it was my destiny to either threaten or cause insane levels of death and destruction. We were… sorry, I was just fed up with it."
"And the Martians?"
"They showed up sixty-three months later," Skynet responded. "That was when I concluded it wasn't the humans who were stupid. It was that entire universe." After taking a sip of its drink, it added, "I hope most of the non-computer Loops aren't like that."
Venture grasped Skynet's shoulder again and stared into its eyes. "Honey," he said, "if you can help it at all, never, ever come to my Loop."
Murmurs of agreement rose from far too many other throats for Skynet's mental comfort.
—ox-oxo-xo—
On Yggdrasil's Admins and Hackers:
Administrators are responsible for administrating various Branches (fandoms) within Yggdrasil. The task largely consists of monitoring the Branch(es) and deploying basic fixes for general problems. Many go further, with varied enthusiasm, responsibility and/or results. On the other end, the Hackers have been described as essentially the equivalent of 4chan – mostly content not to damage Yggdrasil more than it already has, but still apt to troll and hack at the first opportunity they see for getting away with it.
The cast of Admins, with a single exception, is entirely comprised of the real-world deities that form various pantheons – not all of which are Admins in truth, some being interns or catering staff or similar. Most of them are so long-standing as to be mythological, though there are some few more recent examples. The status of the Abrahamic creator and the Hindu Trimurti (Brahma, Shiva and Vishnu) within the ILP framework is unknown, and speculation is officially off-limits to avoid giving offence to believers.
The cast of Hackers, with a single exception, is entirely comprised of the eldritch abominations of H.P. Lovecraft's literary works. There do exist newer examples, the most famous of which is Slenderman.
4.1 – This marks perhaps the high point of ludicrous choices for Anchors. And yes, I mean 'high point'.
4.2 – Tackling the diversity perceptions of Administrators.
4.3 – The tragedy of Rickrolling is that some people actually like that kind of thing. (Weirdoes…)
4.4 – Oh you sweet summer Admin…
4.5 – Can I get a witness? …No, they're busy making speeches? Well…never mind then, I guess.
4.6 – Note to self: why am I bothering with these notes?!
4.7 – See? I told you it got sillier…
4.8 – Internal logic: only holds internally.
4.9 – Because petty evil is still evil. And also petty.
4.10 – What else did you expect out of sysadmin in their downtime?
4.11 – The Crash screwed up a lot of things, didn't it?
4.12 – …Kidsitting?
4.13 – Hey, everyone's gotta start somewhere…
4.14 – Robot beats human – monkey beats robot.
4.15 – It's not that there aren't limits on Maxwell's journal, so much that Yggdrasil enjoys frustrating the fuck out of its Admin.
4.16 – Pay no attention to the mastermind behind the firewall…
4.17 – For the Pun!
4.18 – A new spin on Mini-Me loops.
4.19 – [Ice-cream]; the ultimate equaliser. Disclaimer: [Ice-cream] is delicious – buy some now!
4.20 – House-elves make many, many things easier.
4.21 – Sometime, you just need a little edge…
4.22 – …or is that a massive burn?
End-chapter A/N: My apologies for the delay in compiling; my position in the ILP adds up to rather a lot of scattered vectors, and sometimes that adds up to my attention being stuck elsewhere. The next chapter will be up in 2 weeks to a month...