Disclaimer of Bleach: Tite Kubo

Anime: Bleach

Rated: T

Genre: Romance and Hurt/Comfort

Onesided Pair: Ulquiorra Schiffer x Ichigo Kurosaki

Warnings: AR, canon, Boy x Boy, bad grammar, un-betaed, Ulquiorra POV, typo(s), if you don't like please just click 'back' button and leave no trace.

Summary: Feeling of emptiness is always part of this espada number 4. Living so long in Hueco Mundo has become so boring that he want to end. Will he die by the human he just interested? Or will he find another meaning?

Author by: Kazugami Saichi Hakuraichi


Life and Death

I have lived so long in this emptiness of the world. There's nothing to do in this world than to become strong by killing each other. Kill or get killed. That's the nature in this world. And I already grow tired of doing that. I felt my chest become void the more I killed another hollow that come in front of me. What is it? Is there something in my chest? I know there's a hollow's hole. But the void doesn't come from that! So what is that?

I searched and searched for someone or something to tell me about this. But of course it ended in failure. No one―or in my world I mention as 'it'―know the answer. Is there no one who know about this? What do I have to do to get the answer?

After searching for a long time, I grow tired of it and decided to let it go. Even though that void is still there. Never leaving my chest.

And then, this human come to me and asked me to join his army to create a new world―or so he said but I don't give a damn about it. I just become bored with this and decided to have something different. Maybe by being with this man, I can find my answer. And so, I take his hand to join his army.

Now, I was known as Cuatro Espada, Ulquiorra Schiffer. An emotionless puppet. From other's perspective. But I don't really care about that. We don't have to maintain a team work. Every hollow never work in a team.

And I didn't forget my purpose of joining this army of that shinigami. I found many interesting thing by being in his army. New knowledge as well as new kind of enemy. I hope this time it will be worth of my time. Well, it's not like I am going to die anytime soon if I don't meet someone strong enough, or someone who I decided worthy to kill me.

But, I am wrong. I am going to die in this near time. Why can I say this? Because I found a human. Yep, a human, who is so surprisingly stronger than any of the human around him. But not that he was strong enough to beat me, though. But, there's something in the back of my mind that this human will kill me someday.

That's good...

Because I am so bored with this live. I want to feel what it's like to die. Where will my soul go when I am dead?

And so, the time has come when you decided to save the human I took by order from Aizen-sama. Even though it might kill you and your other friends, you still come in here. But you aren't offering yourself to death easily. I can see it in your eyes. I can see there's a fire in your eyes, but I don't know what that fire mean, yet.

There are a lot of question, though. You know I am stronger than you, but you didn't afraid of the death one bit. You are more afraid if you can't do anything to protect your dear friend. That's strange. You are a strange one, Kurosaki Ichigo. You really piqued my interest. I never found such creature in this long life I have been living. What are you really? A hollow? A human? Or a shinigami? Or something other than that?

I keep making you suffer in order to see your reaction when you are so close to death, but no. I didn't see you are afraid of that. Instead, I think that you can read through me with the clash of our sword. You want to understand me? For what purpose? You should just kill all your enemy without giving it a second thought. So, what are you trying to accomplished by reading me?

As the fight goes on, I was surprised when you decided to stop and lowering your sword.

"Are you mocking me, Kurosaki Ichigo?" I ask.

You sighed and then answered, "No, Ulquiorra. I know now. You want me to kill you, right?"


He really can see through me. What an amazing creature you are Kurosaki Ichigo. I praise you for that one.

I didn't answer it though. There's no point in denying nor agreeing it.

"Why?" You asked when you know I am not going to reply your rhetorical question.

"..." I stayed silent and just continue staring at your hazel eyes full of pride and concern. Huh? Concern? He concerned about what? About my well-being? Illogical. Why would he be concerned over his own enemy that can kill him in any minute? But well, if we talk about Kurosaki Ichigo, the story might be different, I guess. He is someone who will do that for his enemy. Such a stupid creature he is. Stupid but at the same time he is the one who makes me like this. Make me do something that so unlike me.

"You're not going to answer that question, Ulquiorra?" he asked me again still looking straight at me. Such an honest eyes. That eyes is full of life. Yeah, that fire represent life.

"Is it really that hard to answer? What's wrong? I'm not going to continue this fight until you tell me your reason. I'm not going to kill an enemy who has no intention of winning right from the start!" he still do the talking for the both of us..

"Kurosaki Ichigo, you really are a strange creature!" Of course this isn't the answer to his question earlier. But I can't hold back to praise him a little. Well, it was meant as a compliment. But from the reaction he give, I guess that come out wrong. I'm bad at using words, so don't blame me.

"That's not an answer, Ulquiorra. And beside, I'm not just some 'creature', I am a human!" he said a bit irritated.

"Yeah, human. An interesting human, then."

And the silence took over both of us. I'm a man with a few words. I don't know what am I supposed to say in this situation. I don't know how to answer his question. But I guess I really have to say something to him. From the look of it, he is waiting for me to answer.

"I guess, I just want to end this emptiness," I finally said. I hope with just this one sentence, he could understand me, I really have no idea how to explain this.

"Emptiness, huh?" he repeated that word. "Why do you say that?"

Again I answered his question with a silence. I really don't know what to answer. I can't just blurt out my thoughts to other people. It's not that easy. No, it was very hard.

"As I said earlier, Ulquiorra, I'm not going to continue this fight until you give me some answer," he pushed me to answer.

"I don't know?" I tried to answer but more like I question myself.

He sighed deeply when hearing those three words. Maybe he's tired of wanting to hear more of it. Well, can't help it.

He then look straight at me. He's staring me down with so much intense. I think he's trying to read my mind? But I can feel that I was being exposed under his intense gaze. Such a beautiful eyes. So pure but at the same time so strong.

"Do you need a reason to kill someone?" I ask as to not prolong this awkward silence. For me it is.

"I'm not a merciless killing machine. I don't go around killing innocent people or people that doesn't pose a threat to me and my friends. And that what I see in you right now. You are not a threat to my friends. So, I don't think I want to kill you right now. But, why do you want to throw your life away? Can you not explain it? Or, you can't explain it right now?" He explained to me and ask me at the same time. I listened to every words he say. His voice right now isn't one filled with hatred like when we started this battle.

"Hmm, maybe the latter one."

Hearing my answer, he smiled. Yep, he actually smile. His smile is so bright. I don't know he can smile like that. I wish I can see that smile more. Because he never showed that smile when we meet. Well, that's to be expected of course. We are enemy to one another after all. I think he will smile like that when he is with his friends. So, why do he showed it on me right now?

"You are quite the shy guy, huh, Ulquiorra? I think I might want to know you a little better. But this moment it's not the right one. So what do you think? Do you want to know what the answer why are you feeling that emptiness?"

"You know the answer?"

"Of course not! I don't hear the story from your point of view. But maybe I can guess a little. You're a hollow and you already live in this hellI know the name is Las Noches but for me this is hellfor so long so maybe you don't know the meaning of living? And if you want to know what is life, you will need to come to the human realm. Not in this hell full of death everywhere," he said while dissipating his bankai mode and his hollow mask.

"Human realm you say? You want me to betray Aizen-sama and follow you to the human realm? Do you think I will easily do that? Are you a fool, Kurosaki Ichigo?"

"No. I don't think so. But, what reason to you still stay in this realm? You want to be killed? I don't want to kill you right now. So if you don't interested in my suggestion, you can try searching for other people who is willing to kill you."

He has a point. I want to be killed. But I just want to be killed by him. Because he is the only person that spark my interest. I don't want anybody else, especially one with the same species as me. And I don't think there is someone out there who have the capabilities to kill me. Because I am not going to be killed without fighting. My pride won't allow me to do just that.

Deep in my own thoughts, Kurosaki Ichigo is still waiting for me.

"You really are a strange creature Kurosaki Ichigo," I uttered the same statement.

"And I already said earlier. I am a human."

"Yeah, you are a human."

He grinned. "I will leave first. I still have someone I need to defeat. After this is over, I will wait for you in the human realm. Just come and find me. I'll show you, what life is."

After he said that, he flash stepped to who-knows-where. But I guess to Aizen-sama. Well, his idea is not that bad. But for now, I will wait for the right time to come. See you again Kurosaki Ichigo.


A/N (Author's Note): Well this is my second update after a very long hiatus and my second fanfic in english. Please spare me from grammatical errors because english isn't my mother language and I didn't beta read this fanfic. If you want to beta read this fanfic, feel free to do that. Just PM me and I will gladly accept your help. Anyway, sorry if the feel doesn't come out right. This fanfic has been sitting on my PC for so long. So maybe what I have imagined at the time I started the fanfic and at the finishing line maybe a bit different. Okay, that's all I want to say, please do review! Thank you!

See ya in another story!