Disclaimer: I do not own Blindspot. More like it's the other way around… I've come to realize that THEY own ME. :)
Jane stood in front of Zapata's workstation, the other woman's words still ringing in her ears.
Because when someone's really right for you, you make room. Her brain was attempting to tell her something about those words, but it wasn't quite getting through.
There was movement in her peripheral vision, in the direction of the elevator somewhere off to the right, and Kurt appeared.
"Jane… Come with me, please," he said, his even tone giving nothing away. She looked up in surprise at what felt like his very sudden arrival. She'd still been pondering Zapata's words to her when suddenly, there he was.
The timing of his arrival gave Jane a slight jolt, because of course it was a coincidence, but at the same time…
Jane gave small Zapata a small smile, nodding at her and saying simply, "Thanks," before moving in Kurt's direction. Zapata watched the two of them get into the elevator and smiled ever so slightly.
Maybe one of these days, they'll both be in a place where it'll happen, she thought. Even though she was not directly involved, she felt a little sad for her two friends. They'd been so close to, well, something, once upon a time, and then it had all just… gone up in flames. She knew how and why, but it still seemed like such a waste.
Kurt didn't speak as they rode the elevator, so Jane didn't either. The silence was awkward, and yet at the same time, familiar. Things between the two of them had been a strange up and down lately. There were times when he looked at her and she wondered what he was thinking. There would be a hint of the gleam that he'd had in his eyes when he'd looked at her what felt like a long, long time ago – or maybe she was just imagining it. Of course she was imagining it. That wasn't what they were to each other anymore, after all. They'd moved on.
They left the elevator two floors down, and she followed his lead through the winding hallways. She didn't think she'd even ever been in this area before. Finally, they came to a concrete walled room that did not have a two way mirror on one wall, for interrogation, nor did it have a wall made of glass. It seemed like most of the rooms in their department had one of these, so this room felt oddly… private. Even Kurt's office, as Assistant Director, was far more open to the areas around it than this.
He walked into the center of the room, turning around to face her as she walked in slowly behind him, but he didn't speak until the door behind them had closed completely. In three steps he was directly in front of her, though there was still an arm's length between them. It was an awkward distance, but suddenly he didn't feel comfortable going any closer.
"It was so busy, after everything that happened today, and I didn't get a chance to…" he began. A chance to what? he wondered. What exactly did you not get a chance to do, Weller? he asked himself. Looking at her evenly and trying to find exactly what he was trying to say, he settled for another approach. "Are you… okay?"
Looking at the bruises on her face with concern, he couldn't help but wonder. Of course, Jane was tough as nails, even stronger mentally than physically, and stubborn to boot. There were few things, even now, that could make her admit that she wasn't okay. He knew all this. And yet, he felt that he had to ask, even knowing what her answer was likely to be. Because for whatever reason, he had this strange idea that if he asked her, and he watched her intently enough, he'd be able to know whether she was telling the truth of if she was just telling him what he wanted to hear.
What makes you think you still have that power? he asked himself. The thought made him cringe inside. He knew that he had had it once, of course, but these days… things were better, but there was still a distance. It was unreasonable, he knew, to think that they'd ever get back to what they'd been. She probably didn't want that again. Hell, he didn't even know what he wanted them to be… He only knew that the thought that she'd been captured, than she could have been killed that day… it had shaken him. It wasn't the first time she'd been in danger, of course, far from it. But it didn't matter how many times it happened, it was just as terrifying each time.
No, that was wrong. It was even more terrifying now than it had been in the past. Should that fact be telling him something? He didn't know…
With a shrug, she looked away for a second. That was all he wanted? Of course I'm fine, she thought. Her pride was a little hurt over being dumped, but that was nothing in the grand scheme of things. Or at least… that was what she kept telling herself. But the kidnapping? Okay, it hadn't been fun, but she was alive. What more could she say?
When she looked up at him and saw him still watching her intently, she realized that he was still waiting for an actual, verbal reply. "I'm fine," she told him, looking away again. She knew that on some level, he cared about her, but she didn't quite understand why he'd brought her to somewhere so… private, for lack of a better word, to ask her if she was okay. Why hadn't he asked her that back in the bullpen, or in his office? She didn't understand. Hazarding a glance back at him, she saw that he was still watching her.
He was having to remind himself to breathe, he realized. It was clear that he was going to have to say something more, and yet, how could he explain what he was feeling if he didn't even quite understand it himself?
"Today was…" he started, but words failed him. So he tried again. "I knew that you could handle them yourself, but I…" Okay, he thought, that was closer to a thought. Try again. Biting the inside of his bottom lip in frustration, he frowned hard at himself and his unsuccessful attempts to express himself. "I was worried about you," he finally blurted out. It was the blunter version of what he'd been trying to say, he supposed, but it was still the truth. "I mean, I know you can handle yourself, but I also know how fast things can go very, very wrong. And I was afraid…" He paused, looking down at her. She was watching him in surprise.
Which part of this is surprising her? he wondered. The fact that I was worried about her, or the fact that I'm telling her about it? But this was not the time to wonder about that.
"I was afraid that something would go wrong. That they would…" his voice trailed off, as it had after his first attempt at communication. He'd gotten most of it out, so surely that counted for something. The last part of his thought… he simply couldn't bring himself to utter the words. I was afraid they would kill you. Because really, in that situation, that was exactly what he'd feared. Of course he'd been afraid for the kids in the other house, and he would never have sacrificed them to save Jane… but his heart made no secret of what his biggest fear had been.
She didn't even realize that her head was shaking, it was moving so slowly. She could, on the other hand, feel her face begin to fall as the weight of what he was saying slowly sunk in. They'd gotten back to a pretty good place, she thought, though not where they'd once been. It was relatively clear that he cared about her well-being, at least as much as he cared about that of the other members of the team. But the way he was looking at her then, it made her wonder.
Nas' face flashed through her mind suddenly, and she felt slightly nauseous. Whatever was going on between them was none of her business, of course, but she couldn't help but remind herself to tread lightly with her thoughts. It was likely that she as reading too much into this.
He took you two floors down, into a windowless room, to ask you if you're okay after being kidnapped, she reminded herself. It seems fair to read something into this. He could easily have asked you that in public.
And yet, she couldn't let herself think that it meant anything. That chance was behind them, after all.
He stood there for another second, watching her, as she looked back at him with a mixture of emotions on her face. So many things were clearly going through her mind, and he was amazed, and he'd always been, how many of them were visible on her face. The main thing he was getting from her, however, was confusion.
Just do it, already, the voice in his head told him. You know what you've wanted to do since you found out she was safe. Whether she's with Oliver or not, she's your friend, at least. He was glad that the voice stopped short of reminding him, as it had on other occasions, that "friend" might not be the most accurate term to describe what he felt about her.
Without another word, he stepped forward, closing the distance between them and putting his arms around her, awkwardly at first, but then tighter. She stood there, surprised and confused, for a few seconds, before hugging him back.
I've missed this, she realized in surprise. Not only that, she was even more surprised to realize how much she'd missed it.
The relief that he felt wash over him when he pulled her tighter threatened to overwhelm him. Inhaling slowly, he tried to freeze the feeling of that moment in his mind. He felt… what was it? Something unique, something he didn't recognize but something that made him want to stay there, in that moment, and not let her go. He had to, of course, and in only seconds he would have to let go. Just before he did, he realized what it was that he felt, holding onto her like that.
He felt at peace. As much turmoil as there was in his life, it was an unfamiliar feeling.
She stood there as they held onto each other, surprised that he hadn't let go yet. What surprised her even more was the feeling of sudden realization that swept over her… that she didn't want him to let go.
That moment couldn't last forever, of course, but before he let her go, he squeezed her just a little tighter, releasing gently but not completely. Then, to his surprise, he felt her arms squeeze around him the same way – just slightly tighter, then after only a few seconds, also releasing, gently but not completely. Only after that did they reluctantly let go, stepping back from each other and after looking away, glancing back at each other with awkward smiles.
"I'm okay," she repeated in a whisper, unsure what else to say but feeling the need to say something. He smiled back at her, nodding and breathing deeply, trying to slow his pounding heartbeat.
She's okay. She's there in front of you. She's fine. He kept repeating the words in his head, nodding back at her but unable to say anything out loud for more than a minute.
When he finally did speak, she was surprised once again at the change in topic. "Come on," he told her, "there's something else." Now that he had had his chance to make sure she was alright, it was time to tell her about Roman.
Wondering where in the world they were going now, she followed him back out of the windowless room, toward whatever else he wanted to tell her. She couldn't felt but feel like she would remember that hug for a long time.