4,215Chapter Eighty-Two: Crush
(May 31st, 2018, Thursday Afternoon)
"What do you think of Karen?"
At the mention of her name, Lucy's chest tightened. She knew what she wanted to say, but that would hurt her friend's feelings. She couldn't understand why Hibiki kept going back to that woman, gravitating towards her like she was the center of his world.
Karen didn't care about him. Not like she claimed she did.
Lucy drew in a slow breath, selecting the words that would drive her point home without sounding too harsh. The task was impossible, Lucy's stomach twisting when she opened her mouth to respond.
"I don't really know her well enough to make a judgment call, but from what you've said on how she treats you, and for that reason alone, I... I don't..." Lucy didn't want to say she didn't like her, even if it was the truth. "She's not someone I would rely on."
They shared eye contact for a moment before she shrugged, hoping to soften the blow if there was any. "I think she could do better."
In a whisper, Lucy added, "But, I guess we could all do better."
Before her thoughts could drift towards the things she wanted to improve within herself, Hibiki nodded. She watched his facial expressions change as he thought over what she said, Lucy resting her cheek in her palm as she leaned against her desk.
Hibiki sat opposite of her, a game of chess between them. The game was ignored in favor of the new subject. While it came out of nowhere to her, Lucy suspected he had been sitting on it for a while. The way he asked suggested it was bothering him. While she wished she could reassure him that he was interested in a good, kind person, she couldn't.
Karen had proven to be a selfish individual, and she doubted that would ever change.
"What do you think of Natsu?" he asked, startling Lucy enough that her hand slipped. She caught herself before she could kiss the desk. Despite the lack of contact, Lucy's face flushed. She did her best to fight it, but she knew it was no use.
Instead of focusing on her blush, she laughed it off, doing her best to steer the conversation away from dangerous territory. "Why? Are you interested in him?"
Lucy thought her tone was playful, but Hibiki didn't laugh. His gaze remained on her, voice eerily calm as he asked, "Are you?"
She choked on her spit trying to deny his question, resulting in a coughing fit that lasted too long. She pounded a fist to her chest before catching her breath, eyes watering as she looked at Hibiki. "N-no," she managed, her voice raspy as it scratched at her throat. Another word danced on her tongue, but she kept her mouth closed.
Despite her curiosity, she feared asking 'why', knowing it would lead to problems. None of it mattered anyway. Natsu didn't see her like that, so mentioning her one-sided feelings would do her no good. "I—"
Lucy didn't get a chance to change the subject, Hibiki cutting her off by asking, "Are you sure?"
She bit her inner cheek to keep from responding, not trusting herself in that moment. The safe thing to do was deny. Even if she wanted to confide in Hibiki, it wouldn't matter. Nothing was going to happen between Natsu and her, so talking about it wouldn't help.
"It's a simple question," Hibiki said, filling the silence.
Lucy's throat tightened, refusing to reveal her true feelings. Hibiki probably didn't care about her answer. It was obvious he wanted Lucy to say something positive about Karen, and when he didn't get the reaction he wanted, he chose someone else to focus their attention on.
It just so happened the person he picked meant a lot more to Lucy than she cared to admit, but if she played it cool, the subject would soon be dropped.
She swallowed, eyes veering to the side before she realized that might give her feelings away. She couldn't risk anyone else finding out.
'But... It's not like there's anything wrong with liking Natsu.'
While that was true, she didn't want to share how she felt about her best friend. There would undoubtedly be more questions, wondering why she hadn't asked him out or what she liked about him. She didn't want to get into it, so her best course of action was to shut it down.
Even if her heart pinched as she looked back at Hibiki and said, "We're just friends."
He didn't look convinced, but he didn't push the topic. In fact, he didn't bring up anything dealing with Karen or Natsu for the rest of their talk. It took several minutes before Lucy was able to relax, settling into their new conversation about their past lives at college while their game resumed.
Lucy smiled when Hibiki placed his queen in her knight's range, giving her the upper hand to win the game. The victory was slightly tainted by the soft disappointment that had found a home inside her stomach. It would take a while before she could shake her feelings for Natsu, but she knew it was in her best interest.
It was easier said than done, Lucy's heart squeezing later that night when they all gathered for dinner. She wasn't sure if it was her imagination, but Natsu seemed more lost than he had been when they were off base. She didn't get a chance to ask him about it, Natsu excusing himself before everyone else was done.
Lucy took the subtle hint that he didn't want to be around people, so she spent the evening with Levy and Cana. She could see it in Levy's eyes, the urge to ask about what had happened days ago when Natsu and her were off base alone. They hadn't gotten a chance to talk about the bath yet, and Lucy was thankful Cana was there to keep the subject from being broached.
She wasn't ready to talk about it, and that hadn't changed the next morning. Unfortunately for her, Levy wasn't going to let her avoid it any longer.
.
.
.
(June 1st, 2018 Friday Morning)
Levy turned up outside of her door before it was time to get breakfast, wanting the details about Tuesday.
It felt like weeks had passed since she was in that house, looking up at Natsu with his hands on her, the two transfixed until she leaned in. The chance of a future with him was shattered in that moment, Lucy taking the hint that he wasn't interested when he jerked away.
She accepted it, but talking about it still stung.
"So..." Levy raised a brow as Lucy exited her room.
As she locked up, she wondered if feigning ignorance was an option. It wasn't likely, the knowing look in Levy's eyes telling her she couldn't avoid the topic forever.
She straightened her shoulders, but it didn't make her feel confident as she admitted, "He doesn't like me like that."
Levy's eyes widened before her brows knitted together. "You asked him?"
"I didn't need to." Lucy pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, cringing at the events that happened when they were in that house. 'The house he wants me to live in with him.' She shook her head, stomach twisting as she said, "I... I tried to make a move."
Even if she hadn't seen it through her peripherals, she would have known Levy's mouth flew open from the popping sound her lips made. "Oh god... What happened?"
Lucy bit her inner cheek, but it did nothing to chase her blush away. Natsu was going to be her demise if she couldn't get control of her emotions. Just thinking about him had her heart racing.
"I tried to kiss him, and he pulled away."
"Did he know that's what you were trying to do?" Levy asked, her tone suggesting Lucy misread the situation.
"It was pretty obvious. No way he confused it with something else. I... I could see it in his eyes. It freaked him out."
"Maybe he was nervous? To my knowledge that would've been his first kiss? I remember being awkward my first time."
"I considered that, but I don't think that's it. He just sees me as a friend," Lucy said, nodding so they could head down the hall. Her stomach rumbled at the thought of food. Dinner was always better than breakfast.
In the mornings they had dry cereal and anything else resembling breakfast food. However, during dinner, Mira and the others cooked real meals. There was a chance her opinion was distorted from the lack of options, but she swore the dinner kept getting better and better.
She wasn't sure what lunch would be like on base. Her next day off was tomorrow, so she wouldn't be wondering for long.
"I'm not convinced," Levy said, shaking her head. "I didn't see it before, but now I'm thinking he likes you back. I mean, the way he broke down after you moved out. That's not normal for Natsu."
Before Lucy could get a word out, Levy added, "And he did that crazy romantic gesture of making you a bath—"
"That wasn't romantic," Lucy said, but Levy wasn't having it.
"I didn't think so at first, because it's Natsu, but why else would he go through all that trouble. He told me he was exhausted every day he hauled water from the creek. I thought he was just being a really good friend after the whole runner incident, but no, that's definitely a romantic gesture. No doubt about it."
"He doesn't like me," Lucy insisted, the hairs on the back of her neck rising when she heard a man behind her ask, "Who doesn't like you?"
Lucy's throat locked up as she turned, internally sighing when she realized it was Hibiki. She hadn't recognized the voice before her heart skittered out of control, scared Natsu had overheard her conversation with Levy.
She couldn't imagine how embarrassing that would have been.
With a smile, Lucy realized there was no way the conversation could continue with Hibiki there, Lucy's relief seeping into her bones as she said, "Hey. How'd you sleep?"
Hibiki gave Lucy a quizzical look before glancing at Levy. "Who's the mystery man?"
Lucy knew Levy wouldn't tell, so she didn't bother giving her a warning. However, she wasn't off the hook, Levy's voice bordering on singing as she said, "Just someone who lives at a school~"
Lucy resisted rolling her eyes. "Well that narrows it down," she laughed, hoping it sounded casual. "Anyways," she started, opening the door to the school so they could exit. "Your sleep?"
Lucy wasn't sure why Hibiki seemed to light up from the simple question, but she didn't investigate, even when he stumbled over a few words as he spoke. She was happy he didn't push about the 'mystery man'. Natsu was anything but mysterious. He was an open book. 'What you see is what you get.'
She wasn't sure if Natsu would act differently if he liked someone, but she didn't have to think about that today.
She didn't have to think about it ever, Lucy sighing as they entered the arena. The yearning she felt for her best friend hadn't faded in the slightest, but she knew it would take time.
She was reminded of that little fact when she saw him at the table after she received her breakfast. While he didn't look like he got good sleep, seeing him kept the smile on her face.
She chose to sit between Natsu and Levy as they ate their meal, Lucy shifting her focus to prepare for her venture today. The runners were going off base again, and she needed to be ready for any challenge that came her way.
Fortunately for Lucy, she didn't encounter any danger that day. Dobengal took down a sprinter, but other than that the runners had a quiet morning. Everything seemed normal, even when Hibiki popped into her house and told her to swing by his when she got a chance.
She waited until fifteen minutes before lunch to head that way, knocking twice on the door before entering. The house Hibiki was clearing was cleaner than hers, her eyes raking over the fancy picture frames and nice rug leading down the hall.
Part of her was tempted to roll it up and take it with her. It would help on those mornings when the tile was cold, but that hadn't been as much of a problem the closer they got to summer. They were less than a month away, which meant it wouldn't be long before it was her bir—
"Hey!" Hibiki called when she entered the bedroom he was in, the man smiling as he gestured for her to move back into the hall. "It's this way."
"What is?" Lucy asked, following him into another room that resembled a study. At first she thought he was going to show her the bookcases since they shared an interest in books, but he surprised her by walking to the desk.
She didn't get a chance to ask, Hibiki pulling a throw blanket up to reveal a typewriter underneath. Her eyes widened, mouth forming a 'o' as she looked it over. The keys were worn, some of the letters fading from use, but other than that it appeared in good condition.
"It works," Hibiki said, Lucy's eyes moving to his hands when he tapped at a few keys. If it wasn't for her focusing on his movements, she would have missed the way his hands shook. It was subtle, but enough to draw her concern.
"Are you okay?"
"Great," he rushed out, the corner of his lip twitching. "I um, was wondering if you wanted this."
Lucy blinked when he waved his hand over the typewriter, her head wrapping around the idea of lugging that thing back to Fairy Tail. She ran through the pros and cons, head tipping side to side before deciding she could live without it. "Thanks, but I think I'm good."
"Are you sure?" he asked, Lucy swearing she saw him swallow harder than normal. "It might make writing easier?"
"True, but I'd also have to find ribbons when the ink runs out." Her lips pressed together as she looked at the desk. "I guess I can see if there's any here."
"What would it look like?" he asked, pulling out the drawer closest to him.
Lucy explained as they searched, surprised he didn't know at first until remembering their love of books didn't overlap completely. While he loved reading and collecting them, Lucy loved reading and writing. Hibiki had no use knowing how a typewriter worked. From the many conversations they had on the subject, she knew Hibiki was a pro on the laptop. He missed modern technology.
They all did. It would make their lives easier, but Laxus couldn't figure out why the solar panels didn't work despite them being hooked up.
"I don't see any," Hibiki said, frowning as he looked at her. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," she said, offering a small smile. "It's the thought that counts, right?"
"Um, right" Hibiki started, causing Lucy to realize he had been doing that a lot lately. If he wasn't pausing more than usual, he was rushing through his sentences, often stumbling over a word or two. She was about to ask him if he was doing alright, but he cleared his throat before reaching into his pocket.
"Speaking of the uh... the thought that counts." He pulled out his hand, hiding what he held with his fingers before turning his wrist so his palm was facing upwards. His fingers uncurled, revealing something that caught the light from the window.
Lucy leaned in a bit, nodding when she recognized what he held. "That's beautiful."
"You think so?" Hibiki asked, grasping the diamond ring with his other hand to lift it between them. "Found it in the bathroom, next to some jewelry cleaner."
"That's unfortunate for her," Lucy said before realizing it didn't matter if a wife died with or without her wedding ring. Death was death, and what someone wore when they died made no difference.
'Actually, I take that back,' Lucy thought, recalling the state of dress Everlue was in when they found him rotting in his sex swing. 'Sometimes it matters.'
"Well, you know what they say..."
Lucy was sure she didn't imagine it when Hibiki gulped, watching as his Adam's apple bobbed.
"One person's loss is another person's gain."
Lucy started nodding before her body froze, watching as Hibiki tucked the ring back into his pocket. She questioned why he was putting it there instead of turning it in with the other stuff from the house, but it appeared he wanted to keep it.
She knew Freed wouldn't care about something so small and trivial. Jewelry didn't hold the same value it had before the outbreak. Hibiki was free to keep it, but why would he want it?
'Unless...'
Dread swarmed Lucy's body when she realized what he might want, her stomach sinking as he walked around the desk, leaving her there. He said something about lunch starting soon, but she was still working out the newest conflict in her mind.
'He wouldn't...'
Lucy's shoulders fell, hoping she was wrong. There was no way, right? Surely he didn't think that was a good idea.
"You coming?" Hibiki asked, breaking Lucy out of her trance. She wasn't sure how long she stood there. It could have been seconds or minutes, her head cloudy with thoughts as she followed him towards the front door.
"Did you get anything good in your house for lunch?" he asked, his words smoother than they had been the last few days. Or maybe she wasn't hearing correctly, Lucy swearing a bug was flying around her ear. She heard a faint buzzing, but she fought against it.
Despite the knots forming in her stomach, Lucy put on a smile, feigning nonchalant as she told him about the cheese-filled pretzel bites she was going to try. They were expired, but hopefully they kept some flavor.
Stepping outside helped her breathe, but Lucy couldn't shake her fears. She didn't know when or how, but she knew Hibiki was going to make a grave mistake soon.
It wouldn't bring him physical harm, but she knew emotional damage could cut just as sharp. She tried to think of something to say to sway his mind, to make him see reason, but her words failed her.
She sat next to Natsu for lunch, but she might as well have been a doll. She was stuck in her head, weighing the risk vs. reward of confronting Hibiki about his plans. He hadn't said anything, but she knew. It was obvious.
Painfully obvious.
The rest of the day was a blur, Lucy forcing herself to stay vigilant while outside of the house she emptied. It was a struggle, but it paid off when she arrived at Fairy Tail safely with the others.
She broke away from the group after getting processed, going to her room so she could sort through her thoughts without distractions.
The time alone didn't help, the fear stronger after thinking about the future her friend wanted.
It wasn't a life she would choose for herself, if the roles were reversed.
Despite the negative thoughts plaguing her mind, Lucy found herself able to relax when she joined her friends for dinner. It took a moment for her to warm up, but after hearing Erza and Jellal were going to become runners, Natsu started telling them all about the job.
Lucy chimed in occasionally, relaxed when she saw Natsu had cheered up. She didn't know what caused the change, but she was happy for him. His mood must have been contagious, Lucy feeling better the longer she sat at the table and talked.
She brought up wanting to use her bow soon, glad when Natsu showed a healthy amount of concern. He offered to be her back up, and Lucy agreed. She loved the changes he made to himself over the past month and a half. Either Levy was a great teacher or Natsu was an excellent student.
Lucy smiled, knowing it had to be a combination of the two.
'To be a fly on the wall in their 'class'.' Lucy often wondered what Natsu's 'lessons' were like, knowing their friendship likely wouldn't have survived if he hadn't sought help.
They were stronger now, both individually and together. She doubted anything could stand between their friendship, Lucy feeling a confidence boost as she said, "I'm sure it won't take me long to get back into the swing of things."
Natsu looked pleased, his green eyes bright. "It'll be co—"
He was cut off when Makarov reminded everyone about the play. Lucy tried to focus, but her attention was stolen when someone tapped her shoulder. She thought it was Levy, glancing over before looking up, seeing Hibiki standing there.
She didn't get a chance to say anything, Hibiki holding out a folded piece of paper for her to take.
As soon as it exchanged hands, he was off. Her eyes fell to the paper just as Levy asked a question. Lucy would be lying if she said she heard it, deciding, "I don't know," would have to be a decent answer.
She tried to find Hibiki, but he was walking away too fast. She looked at the paper again, opening it in hopes of finding answers.
The words on the page weren't written, the letters all uniformed and perfect. 'He used the typewriter for this?'
Meet me in my room before the play. I have something I want to talk to you about. -Hibiki
Lucy folded the paper as soon as she read his words, stomach twisting as reality sank in. He was going to do it, and she wasn't sure if she could stop him.
She did her best to answer the questions that came her way, her mind busy coming up with anything she could say to change his mind.
She rehearsed the words in her head again and again, her heart sinking at the thought of ruining her friendship with Hibiki over his feelings.
She didn't want to lose him, but she couldn't keep her mouth shut and let him ask that dreaded question.
Lucy walked down the hall while others went into the auditorium. The play was far from her mind, her priorities shifted from her fear. She would rather face a walker than deal with Hibiki's feelings. She didn't understand him, but that didn't mean she couldn't talk some sense into him.
Lucy reached his door, hand shaking before she knocked twice. He opened seconds later, his eyes lively while his smile was soft. It caused Lucy to grimace on the inside, realizing she was going to wipe that smile off his face.
Friends were meant to support each other, but that didn't mean she had to agree with every decision he made.
"Hey," he said, widening the door as he gestured her in. "Thanks for coming."
"Yeah," she whispered, forcing a smile as she entered. She made it to the center of the room, trying to remain still despite the urge to bounce from nerves. The anticipation spiked when she heard the door shut, Lucy slowly turning to see Hibiki pulling a chair from his desk.
"Sit, please."
Lucy gave a tight nod as she complied, dreading what was coming. She didn't want to hurt her friend's feelings or offend him, but she also couldn't pretend what he wanted wasn't crazy.
It was a mistake, and he needed to hear the truth.
"So," he started, grabbing another chair to place near hers. He took a seat, his eyes and hair looking darker in the faint candlelight. She couldn't remember the last time they were alone at night. It had to be before Natsu came back from Hargeon.
The hairs on her arms stood as she waited, spotting what looked to be confliction on Hibiki's face. The corner of his mouth kept twitching as his brows tensed and relaxed. Lucy saw a chance to change his mind, hoping she was reading him correctly.
If he was doubting his decision, it was possible to sway it.
"I've thought about the different ways I can do this," Hibiki said, leaning forward in his chair and resting his forearms on his legs. Lucy noted him wringing his hands. "But I decided the best way is to come right out and say it. It's the only way to get this off my chest. I—"
"Don't marry her!"
"— like you. Wait, what?"
"What?" Lucy gaped, both of them jolting in their seats. "You..." She couldn't get the rest out, refusing to believe what she heard. 'There's no way he said that. I must have heard him wrong when I shouted.'
To be fair, she hadn't meant to raise her voice, but the thought of him marrying that woman... It had her stomach churning.
"Wh-What do you mean don't marry her?" Hibiki asked, his voice strained as he shook his head. "Don't marry who?"
Lucy blinked, dumbfounded because she thought the answer was obvious. "Karen."
Hibiki squinted his eyes as part of his lip curled up. "Why would you think I'm marrying Karen?"
"You—" Lucy glanced at his pants before her eyes lifted to his face. "You showed me that ring earlier?"
"That wasn't for her. I'm not with Karen anymore. You know this?"
"Yeah," Lucy started, feeling her defenses rising as her brain tried focusing on what he said before. She refused to acknowledge it, happy to keep the conversation on his dysfunctional relationship with Karen, even if it wasn't in either of their best interests. "But how many times have you said that?"
Hibiki carded his fingers through his hair, propping an elbow on his thigh as he looked up at her. "True, but I swear. This time I mean it. We're done."
Lucy held his stare for a moment, a fight raging in her mind as silence surrounded them. She didn't want to ask, but unfortunately for her, it didn't matter what she did. Hibiki brought it up, his words wrapping around her throat like a vice, threatening to suffocate her.
"Did you hear what I said? About..."
Lucy tried swallowing, but it did nothing to relieve the pressure against her neck. "I did," she croaked out, wondering how she had missed something like that. Sure, he flirted with her on occasion, but that was how he operated. There were others he teased, leading Lucy to believe that was a personality trait and nothing more.
How had she been blind to his feelings?
"I like you," Hibiki repeated, in case she hadn't understood what he implied. "I have for a while now, and, I wanted to know if you'd be interested in seeing how things would go with us."
'Us.'
Such a simple word with a complicated meaning. Her teeth clenched as a sympathetic look took over her face. Her heart fell as she whispered, hoping her words didn't sting to hear. They certainly hurt saying.
"We're... just friends."
"I was hoping we could change that?" he tried, but Lucy shook her head.
"I'm sorry, Hibiki. I... I don't feel that way about you."
He drew in a long breath through his nose before hanging his head. Lucy's shoulders fell, hoping she let him down gently. She tried thinking back to any signs she might have given him to suggest she was interested in a romantic relationship, but she kept drawing a blank. "Did— If you don't mind me asking," she said, noting he lifted his head enough to make eye contact. "Did I do something to make you think..."
"Not particularly. Just, we get along well, and I enjoy our talks. Really just being around you makes me happy. I thought you," he shook his head, "I was mistaken."
"I'm sorry," she said, unsure what else to say. "It's not that you're not a great guy, because you are. It's just..."
She thought silence would follow, but Hibiki didn't hesitate.
"You're in love with Natsu."
Brown eyes widened as she jerked back. "What? No I'm not!" she rushed out, her pulse racing when she pictured said man in her head.
Hibiki sat up, but he didn't hold his usual aura of confidence. He appeared tired, but overall he took the news well. 'Now he just needs to lay off this crazy Natsu business and we'll be golden'
Of course, it wasn't a ridiculous assumption, but she didn't want him to know that.
"Well, maybe not love," Hibiki said, pulling Lucy from her scattered thoughts about her best friend. "But you're definitely infatuated with the guy." There was a hint of disdain in his voice, but considering his feelings were hurt, she didn't comment on his tone."
"There's nothing going on between us," she said, hoping she was imagining the denial in her voice. With any luck, Hibiki wouldn't pick up on it.
"Come on, I'm not blind. I see the way you look at him." Hibiki sighed. "Not to mention the way you talk about him."
"What do you mean? I don't talk about him much," she said, causing him to raise a brow.
"Really? I know the guy's favorite color, food, taste in music. Even the types of movies he likes." Hibiki huffed. "It feels like the more I try to get to know you, the more I find out about him. I don't know if you mean to or not, but you mention him a lot."
"I mention my other friends," Lucy tried, but Hibiki shook his head.
"Not like you do when it comes to Natsu. I even know he prefers cinnamon-flavored toothpaste! I shouldn't know stuff like that," Hibiki said, holding Lucy's stare for a few seconds before deflating. "Sorry. I'm probably sounding like a jerk."
Lucy didn't respond, eyes falling to her lap as she debated the truth in what he said. Did she talk about Natsu that often? She didn't think so, but if Hibiki saw Natsu as competition, it would make sense that he noticed it more than she did.
"I'm sorry I talked about him that much," was all she could come up with, but that earned a sigh from Hibiki.
"You don't have to apologize. Just, I was trying to make a point. You clearly like him." Before she could deny it again, he added, "And it's not just you. You two seem to... you have this energy. I can't explain it, but it's there. I was hoping you and I could have that too with enough time, but..."
Hibiki placed his hands on his knees before standing, circling his chair as he stared off at the wall. "I knew this was a possibility," he murmured, Lucy unsure if he meant for her to hear.
He had hoped things were different. Hope seemed to be the main driving point that kept everyone moving forward. Without it, they would have fallen a long time ago. It was good to have hope, but it could only get a person so far. Lucy couldn't change the way she felt, seeing Hibiki as a close friend and nothing more.
'What if there is nothing more after this?' she thought, eyes widening as she looked up at him. "Can we still be friends?" she asked, knowing things could get too awkward between them after a confession.
Hibiki glanced at her over his shoulder before his face softened. "Of course. I'd hate to lose you as a friend."
Lucy breathed a sigh of relief, thankful she wouldn't lose him either. She cared about all her friends, even if some she felt a deeper connection to.
"And for the record, there's nothing going on between me and Natsu," she said, furrowing her brows because she couldn't figure out why she mentioned it again. Wouldn't it be better to put it to rest?
Hibiki turned towards her, shaking his head. "You know he likes you, right?"
Lucy felt a surge through her sternum, but she kept her face neutral. It wasn't wise to get her hopes up. "No he doesn't."
"I asked him, and he..."
Lucy's lips parted, hoping he would prove her wrong. However, her rush was soon crushed when Hibiki said, "He denied it, just like you're doing." He nodded towards her as he gripped the back of his chair. "And your expression says it all. You wanted me to tell you he liked you, didn't you?"
There was no accusation in his tone, no bitterness. He was stating a fact, but Lucy tried refuting his claim. That caused him to blow out a breath. "I have to be honest, you two don't have the best poker faces."
"You don't know what you're talking about," Lucy said, gritting her teeth. She knew he was trying to make a point, but it didn't sit well with her heart. The thing was damaged after all her loss. She was working towards healing herself, but getting jerked around by her friend didn't help.
Hibiki started rolling his eyes before he stopped. "You can't see it because you're on the inside, but from out here, it's obvious there's something between you two." He shrugged, casually mentioning, "He likes you... a lot. He didn't want me asking you out."
Any frustration Lucy felt vanished as that soaked in. 'He... didn't want me dating Hibiki?' She narrowed her eyes as she processed what that could mean. "You talked to him about this?"
Hibiki nodded. "Yeah, I told him I was going to ask you out. He said I shouldn't, but unless he told me he liked you, I was going to at least try. He didn't stop me, but the look on his face told me all I needed to know."
'If that's true, then why ask me out?' Lucy thought, deciding not to mention it. Maybe Hibiki thought they had a better connection than she did with Natsu? Maybe he cared more about getting it off his chest? Maybe he wanted to agitate Natsu for the fun of it?
Lucy dismissed that last theory. She knew Natsu and Hibiki weren't destined to be best buds, but neither of them were malicious.
"He cares about you, way more than a normal friend does. I don't know if he has issues that are keeping him from telling you how he feels, but it's obvious he likes you, but the dum—" Hibiki cut himself off when Lucy's eyes narrowed. "He's holding himself back, but I don't know why.
When Lucy said nothing, Hibiki added, "You might have to initiate things. He seems kind of hopeless."
"Why do you care if I try to be with him?" Lucy asked, failing to make sense of it. If Hibiki liked her, wouldn't he want her interested in him? 'Unless he thinks Natsu's his only competition. If I asked Natsu out and got rejected, maybe Hibiki thinks I'd be more likely to reciprocate his feelings?'
That didn't feel right either. Sure, Hibiki was flirty and could be persuasive when he wanted, but he wasn't a manipulator. Lucy had seen many throughout her years, and Hibiki didn't seem the type.
"I don't, really," Hibiki started, tilting his head side to side before he shrugged. "I just thought, if I can't be with you, maybe it'd be good to give you a push to be with the guy you want."
"Well, I'd appreciate it if we dropped the subject," Lucy said, her heart feeling more mangled than before. She was left wondering if Hibiki was right about Natsu's feelings while the logical side of her remembered how he pulled away from their almost-kiss.
"Consider it done," Hibiki said, nodding as he grabbed his chair. He moved it to the side, Lucy following his lead.
She sensed they were finishing up, Hibiki confirming when he said, "Thanks for letting me down easy." His smile was genuine, but she saw the hurt in his eyes. She wasn't sure she could handle a rejection that well, but she hadn't been placed in that situation. The closest was when she caught Loke cheating, but she doubted it felt the same.
Lucy didn't respond, so Hibiki added, "I respect your decision and I'll do my best to not make things awkward between us."
"Good. I'd rather not lose a friend."
He perked up a bit, face soft as he said, "Likewise."
Lucy waited a few seconds, unsure how to end the conversation naturally. "So, should we head to the auditorium?"
"Nah, I'll skip it tonight," Hibiki said, waving a hand.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I'll see the play another time, but you should go be with your friends. Be with..."
Lucy held her breath, waiting to see if Hibiki brought up the subject of Natsu again after she asked him to stop. He didn't continue, reaching for the door. Her eyes landed on his hand, specifically his fingers as a thought occurred to her.
"Why'd you take the wedding ring?" Lucy asked, causing Hibiki to pause.
He didn't look at her, eyes off to the side as he shrugged. "I... Let's just say I was too hopeful."
Lucy swore her heart cracked, but not for herself. She never wanted to see her friends in pain, especially if she caused it. She knew she was making the right decision. She couldn't be with him out of pity. She didn't feel any romantic attraction towards Hibiki, so it would be wrong to date him.
"Well, I hope there's someone here for you." Lucy took a step closer to the door. "Or who knows? Maybe she's out there fighting zombies as we speak."
Hibiki's shoulders moved as he let out a soft chuckle. "Maybe. Guess we'll see." He pulled the door open, giving her one last look. "You should get going. Don't want to miss the show."
Lucy hesitated before nodding, knowing it wouldn't help if she stuck around. She feared their friendship would be strained after tonight, but she hoped it survived.
"Good night," she whispered as she passed, hearing the door creak as he closed it behind her. She took her time walking down the hall, her mind soon occupied with what was said.
'Is there a chance Natsu... No, I can't go down that road again. He pulled away when I was about to kiss him, but, maybe Levy's right? Maybe he was worried since it would've been his first kiss? Maybe it was too much and he needs to move slowly if we were to date?'
Lucy frowned, uncertain if she should listen to Hibiki's advice.
'Do I need to initiate it? I definitely can't do what I did last time, even if it looked like he was leaning in too... Maybe I should do what Hibiki did and straight up confess how I feel?'
Lucy paused, eyes unfocused as she stood in the middle of a hall. 'How... do I feel?'
Hibiki thought she was in love, but Lucy wasn't sure. She knew she liked Natsu, more than she had liked anyone else in her life.
'Even more than Loke... who I thought I loved.'
Was that real love? She wasn't sure what she had with Loke. It felt like a lifetime ago. 'Actually, it feels like it happened in a different life.' She wasn't the same person she was before the outbreak. Did that mean she experienced things different now?
"This is confusing," she groaned, lifting her foot to continue her journey to the auditorium.
If she didn't know better, she would say there wasn't a play happening. The hallway was quiet until Lucy pulled one of the doors open, hearing the faint voice of an actor on stage.
She slipped in, needing a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. The stage was lit with candles and flashlights, but there was no guide to the seats.
Finding her friends took longer than she hoped, Lucy's heart jumping when she caught a flash of pink hair. A mix of excitement and fear rushed through her system, but part of it vanished when she approached, realizing the hair belonged to Meredy.
Lucy took a deep breath, eyes returning to the audience to find her friends. While she did that, she glanced at the stage a few times. Hisui was finishing up a musical number. For a second Lucy didn't know who it was, the blonde wig throwing her off. It didn't seem to be a good fit, Lucy preferring Hisui's natural hair color instead.
'Where are they— Oh, is that?'
Lucy squinted her eyes, spotting two heads of blue hair within the same row. There was a redhead as well, and—
Lucy's breath hitched when she saw his pink hair. She bit her inner cheek, reminding herself there was no reason to panic. Hibiki was mistaken. He had to be. There was no way Natsu liked her.
'Get a grip,' she thought as she made her way through the aisle, apologizing as she passed other survivors.
Lucy's plan was to sit on the outside of the group next to Levy, but she realized that spot wasn't empty when she got closer. A kid was sitting there, leaving the only available seat between Levy and Natsu. 'Play it cool. As far as they're concerned, nothing's up.'
Lucy took the vacant seat, giving Natsu a quick smile before turning her attention to Levy. "Did I miss much?"
"Yes," Levy whispered, cupping a hand over her mouth.
Lucy leaned in, feeling's Levy's breath against her ear as the woman spoke. 'Whisper' would be a generous description for what Levy did. Despite being inches away, Lucy strained to hear what Levy said, but she soon realized why her volume was so low.
"Natsu was sulking because you weren't here."
"What?" At first Lucy worried Natsu heard it given his sharp ears, but when she glanced at him, she found his eyes unfocused but directed at the play. He gave no indication that he heard Levy, Lucy waiting a few seconds before relaxing in her seat.
She turned to Levy, pressure settling on her chest as she whispered, "Really?"
Levy nodded, revealing a smile in the dim light. She didn't say anything else, facing the stage to watch the play.
Despite the easy distraction ahead, Lucy's mind wouldn't give her a break. 'Was Natsu sulking? If he was, that doesn't mean it's because I was gone... But, if he knew Hibiki wanted to ask me out, and he knew I was going to see Hibiki...'
Lucy did her best to breathe easy, fighting with her erratic heartbeat. 'Does Natsu think I was getting asked out? Does he... like me? He has been acting off lately, but that could be the mission's fault.'
It was a gruesome trip off base. She wouldn't blame him if it bothered him, but something deep down told her that wasn't the cause. She didn't want to be too hopeful, but... maybe...
Maybe it was okay to hold out hope?
"What are you thinking about?"
Natsu was startled from the question, but he recovered quickly. "Growing old."
He didn't elaborate, and Lucy didn't push for more. She hummed at the thought. Despite liking her youth, Lucy knew if she survived, she would grow old.
She tried picturing Natsu older, but that led to her wondering what the future would look like around them instead.
Would they still be at Fairy Tail? Would Natsu and her move into that house he wanted to call their own? Would they still be just friends, or...
Would they be more?
Lucy swallowed, her palms growing damp as she rehearsed the words in her head. 'Natsu, I like you. I like you, Natsu. Hey, so... This might sound weird, but I kind of like you...'
The debate surpassed the play, Lucy wondering if confessing her feelings was a good idea. They were alone in his room, a game of Yahtzee between them. There were a few moments when Lucy lost herself in the moment, enjoying Natsu's company as if nothing was hanging over her head.
But most of the night, she was confused, trying to make sense of it all.
'I should just tell him. Get it over with so we can move forward, together or separately.'
The 'separately' had her almost shaking, terrified of losing her best friend. Could they remain friends if she confessed and he didn't feel the same way? Well, there was only one way to find out. Being upfront with her feelings was nerve-wracking, but at least she wouldn't have to wonder anymore.
She looked over Natsu's face, seeing the distance in his eyes. He never seemed to mind when she interrupted his thoughts before. Lucy breathed in, holding it for five seconds before slowly exhaling.
'This is it.'
"So," she started, having every intent on telling him how she felt, but something else spilled from her parted lips. "Hibiki asked me out today."
Both Natsu and Lucy's eyes widened. She wasn't sure what was going on in his head, but all she could think was, 'Why did I say that?'
She wanted to go a different route, but maybe part of her wanted him to know. Was she gauging his reaction? If that was her goal, she was doing a poor job.
Natsu stared at her with a look of surprise, but she couldn't tell if that was good or bad. Did he feel anything else beneath the surface? Disgust? Anger? Nothing? His voice didn't reveal anything either, Natsu simply saying, "Oh?" as if he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say.
"Yeah," she said, failing to keep her heartbeat even. "I guess he likes me."
Lucy swore she saw Natsu's cheek twitch, but it was ignored in favor of looking at his eyes, trying to figure out what he was thinking.
"What'd you say?" Natsu asked, Lucy wondering if his voice sounded tense. It was possible her imagination was playing tricks on her, wanting to raise her hopes.
When Lucy didn't immediately respond, Natsu started drawing his brows inward as the skin around his eyes crinkled. Every second without an answer caused his expression to shift. It was slow, but enough for her to notice.
"Lucy?"
She blinked, realizing she needed to answer. "I said no."
Natsu's eyes widened as his lips parted, the man holding that for a few seconds before his body relaxed. His smile was subtle but unmistakable.
He was relieved!
'That has to mean something.'
Before Lucy could get carried away, she reminded herself Natsu didn't care for Hibiki to begin with. He could be worried about her as a friend, but there was a chance there was a deeper meaning behind his happiness.
"I told him I wasn't interested," Lucy added, unsure how to fill the silence. It was weird talking about her conversation with Hibiki, but she knew if there was anyone at Fairy Tail she could trust, it was Natsu.
'Wait...'
Her eyes rounded from the realization. 'But... I was worried he couldn't be trusted after he told Makarov my secret...' Her gaze dropped, wondering when she started trusting him again. It was supposed to be risky confiding in him, but there was something about Natsu that made her feel safe.
Made her feel home.
He had shown through his actions that he respected her decision to be a runner. It was obvious he didn't love her being off base as much as she did, but he hadn't tried to sway her decision since they spoke the day she moved out.
He had done the opposite, given her tips and tricks to help her stay alert and cunning while off base. Natsu showed her support, Lucy thankful she didn't give up on their friendship.
"How did he take it?" Natsu asked, Lucy sensing caution in his voice.
"Good, I guess." She sighed, hoping he found someone to share his life with. 'As long as it's not Karen.' Lucy shivered at the thought of her dating Hibiki. Even if she was interested in him, she wasn't sure dealing with Karen's jealousy was worth it. The woman threw her death glares every time their eyes met. She wasn't sure what Karen would do if she saw Hibiki with someone else.
'At least I don't have to worry about that.'
"What's up?" Natsu asked, waving a hand in front of her face.
She jolted, realizing she had zoned out. "Oh, nothing. Just, thinking about Karen."
"Karen?"
"Hibiki's ex."
Natsu blew air through his nose, his smile growing. "I know that. I'm just wonderin' why you're thinking of her?"
Lucy tipped her head back in understanding. "I guess, thinking about the limited options at Fairy Tail. For Hibiki, that is." She leaned against his bed, eyes falling to Happy as the cat walked over their scattered dice. "Whoever he ends up with, they're going to have to deal with Karen."
She sighed, thankful that wasn't her problem. "It does make me wonder... if Hibiki was just looking for a way to break his cycle with her."
Lucy closed her eyes, her mind wanting to slip back to her debate on whether she should tell Natsu how she felt. She tried to keep one ear open for his response, but after a moment of silence, Lucy glanced at him.
Long gone was that smile on his face, replaced by a sullen expression. She didn't get a chance to ask if he was alright, Natsu parting his lips to ask, "Is... that why you said no?"
The look in his eyes rendered Lucy speechless. There was an intensity in those emerald depths. He was a man possessed, Lucy's pulse jumping as he waited for an answer.
She swore he had stopped breathing, the air around her thin as she summoned her voice. "That..."
She had an out. She could easily steer the conversation away from Hibiki by saying she didn't feel anything for him, but part of her wanted to be trapped. If she said what she was thinking, there would be almost no way for her to backtrack.
She would have to give a direct answer, and that both enthralled and terrified her.
"Among other reasons."
Lucy stared into his eyes, daring Natsu to ask. It took less than five seconds for him to take the bait, the man asking, "Like what?"
Lucy swallowed as she felt the walls closing in. She wanted to be trapped, forced to confess her feelings, but there were still doubts.
She could be misreading every sign Natsu gave her, seeing what she wanted with no regards to reality.
Was it all in her head? Was she delusional?
'I guess I'm about to find out.'
Lucy's heart pounded so hard she swore she could feel it in her throat.
"There's... actually someone else... that I do... like."
Every word took more effort than it should to come out. It was silent between them, but the blood roaring through her ears threatened to deafen her.
'Am I really going to do this? Was Hibiki this scared when he told me how he felt?' She almost shook her head. She couldn't imagine anyone feeling that type of fear. It was unlike anything she felt before, and that included fighting zombies and being captured. It was a different type of fear, Lucy knowing too much was at risk.
'I wasn't this scared when I was with Loke, but with Natsu...' She had never liked someone like she liked Natsu. It was intense, wild and oftentimes out of control. She thought of him when she woke up, went to sleep, and every so often in between. She wanted to spend more time with him, to share in laughs and smiles, but also in hardships and pain. She wanted to be his rock, and she knew he would be hers.
What they had felt deeper than simple chemistry.
But, maybe the reason her feelings felt like a raging fire was because she didn't know what it felt like to have a friend like Natsu. All her life she was surrounded by superficial people. Her friendships hadn't run deep, but Natsu was the first person she felt a true connection with.
Was... she confusing her feelings with friendship?
'No, because I don't feel this way about Levy... Or any of my other friends.'
She didn't know why she was trying to talk herself out of her feelings. There was no turning back at that point anyway, Lucy watching Natsu's expression change as her words set in.
If she didn't know better she would say minutes of silence passed. Natsu's head dipped, his eyes unfocused as he stared at his lap. Lucy wanted to say something, but she was at a loss for words. Ironic, seeing as she could write her characters out of any tricky situation, but she couldn't manage to break the newfound tension.
There was no telling what he was thinking, Natsu not looking up as he asked, "Who?"
She didn't recognize his tone. It was a mix between monotone and something unknown. Lucy wasn't ready to answer, but even if she was, she wouldn't have been able to utter a word when Natsu looked at her again. It was like he was staring into her soul.
Did he know? If Hibiki told her he thought Natsu liked her, then was it possible he told Natsu about her feelings? She hoped Hibiki wouldn't do that, but at the same time, the look in Natsu's eyes made her feel a sliver of confidence.
If he knew and didn't like her back, he wouldn't ask her who she liked, right?
That would only complicate things on his end.
'Feels like a stretch,' Lucy thought, biting her bottom lip.
Natsu's gaze dipped to her mouth for a few seconds before returning to her eyes, something burning deep within them. Did he want to kiss her? She swore electricity sparked in her chest. That was the final push she needed, Lucy almost cracking a smile at her assumption. Why else would he look at her with what she could only describe as hunger?
"Do I really need to say it?" Lucy asked, tilting her head as she offered him a soft smile. "Apparently to everyone else, it's obvious."
She wasn't sure if Natsu was tongue-tied or at a loss for words, but he didn't respond. She didn't fear him zoning out, the sharpness in his eyes letting her know he was in the present. Summoning every ounce of courage in her body, Lucy reached out to set her hand on his.
The fact that he didn't pull away meant everything, Lucy grounding herself with the warmth of his skin. 'I can do this,' she told herself, a mix of nerves and excitement swirling in her stomach. She was taking the first step towards them being together, and although it was nerve-wracking, it was oddly exhilarating. She wanted to be with him, and there was nothing left stopping them.
"The reason I said no to Hibiki," she started, hearing her voice shake despite her best efforts to keep calm. "The reason I can't fathom being with anyone else, is because..." She hesitated when she saw Natsu's eyes rounding. It wasn't drastic, but it was enough to rattle her. 'He knows, right? There's no way he's this dense. He has to know.'
Lucy filled her lungs with air, counting to three before giving Natsu's hand a squeeze. "I like you."
A few seconds passed, followed by a minute of silence so uncomfortable Lucy swore she was going to throw up. 'Why isn't he saying anything? Why does he have that blank look on his face? Did he hear me? Does he understand what I mean? Is he in shock? He knew... right?'
"Lucy," Natsu breathed, sending instant relief through her body. However, it was ripped away when his eyes fell to the side, his hand slipping out from under hers. "I'm sorry."
Lucy's mouth parted, her eyes falling where her lonely hand rested. She couldn't swallow, her throat locked up. To make matters worse, her vision blurred, but she blinked before the tears could form.
Coming to terms with what happened felt like a vice around her heart, squeezing until it was barely functional before someone gave it a swift twist. She wanted to know how Natsu felt about her, and she got her answer.
"It's... okay," Lucy whispered, more to herself than Natsu. "We don't— Forget I said anything." Her face and hands went numb as she replayed what happened in her head. There was no mistaking it. Natsu rejected her, and when she glanced up and met his gaze, she realized it wasn't an easy thing to do on his part.
Even in the dim light Lucy could tell Natsu's face had paled. He looked sick, his hands shaking in his lap until he coiled them into fists. "Trust me," he said, his voice strangled. Confusion mixed with the pain Lucy felt.
She was the one with the broken heart, so why did Natsu sound like it hurt him too?
"It's not you, it's—"
Lucy let out a pathetic laugh before shaking her head. "It's fine, really." She closed her eyes for a moment, gathering what was left of her self-esteem to get her through the next few minutes.
She would make sure Natsu knew they were going to be fine, then she was going to get the hell out of there so she could have a good cry and lick her wounds. Anything to help get the ill emotions out of her system.
"You don't have to make excuses. I thought—" She sighed. "Doesn't matter. I was clearly wrong."
'Hibiki was wrong too. So was Levy.'
"I let other people get in my head, and they— It's silly. I should've listened to my gut."
It would have been less painful, but at the same time, there was a certain freedom that came with knowing. Natsu wasn't interested, and that fact would help her in mending her broken heart. It wasn't much of a comfort now, but she wouldn't have to worry about misreading signals again.
Natsu had shown her nothing but friendship, even if it seemed like they crossed the line a time or two.
'I don't know any other friends who shared a bed, or who would draw a hot bath for the other in the middle of an apocalypse. But, Natsu's not like 'normal' people.' He was special, unique, and unfortunately for her...
'I'll never get to call him mine, but... I have to be okay with that.'
Lucy felt another wave of nausea hit her, reminding her it was time to leave. She pushed her hands against the ground as she started standing. "I should get go—"
Her words cut out when Natsu snatched her wrist, preventing her from escaping. He released her instantly, Lucy unsure if she felt disappointed or relieved.
"Don't go," he said, his voice thick and eyes dark. "I'm sorry, but I—" She watched him clench his teeth before letting out a shaky breath. "Just, please. Don't."
Lucy's face softened despite the sharp pain in her heart. 'It's obvious he cares about me, just not in the way I do for him.' It was clear he didn't want to hurt her, but it was inevitable when one's feelings went unrequited.
"There's no reason to be sorry, Natsu," she said, her shoulders falling. "Honestly, this... it happens."
"I don't want to hurt you," he said. From the way his mouth moved after, he wanted to say more, but he couldn't get it out.
Part of her took pity on him, wishing she could ease everything with the snap of her fingers. She never thought Natsu would react in that manner, but he was protective of her.
He threatened anyone who brought her harm. It made sense he was beating himself over it, even if it wasn't justified.
"I believe you," Lucy said, wishing she could reach out and touch his hand, but that was a new line she wouldn't cross. There would be a lot of lines popping up now that she knew how he felt, but that was a consequence of the risk she took. She could have stayed quiet about her feelings, but she knew in the end, it was better she got it off her chest.
"It's not a big deal," Lucy started, wanting to relieve his discomfort, even if saying it felt like a jab to her chest. "It was just a silly crush anyways."
She could hear the lie in her voice. If Natsu detected it, he didn't say anything.
Lucy straightened her back, trying to appear in control of her emotions. It was a facade, but she wore her mask well.
Lucy thought that would put an end to Natsu's pain, but it didn't disappear. The look in his eyes had her vision blurring, but she wouldn't cry. Her eyes stung as she blinked them away, knowing if they could get through tonight, they could begin putting it behind them.
"I'm—" Her voice cracked, Lucy swallowing to regain control. "I'm getting kind of tired," she said, but Natsu saw through that flimsy excuse.
"Lucy—"
She shook her head. "I'm fine, really. I'll... be alright." He didn't look convinced, so she added, "We're good, I swear. I just... misinterpreted our friendship, but I won't do that again. You don't need to worry."
Lucy didn't think it was possible, but Natsu's frown deepened. That look didn't suit his face. She preferred his smile, but who wouldn't? He had a nice one, his signature grin toothy without cocky.
She took a deep breath, but it was interrupted when Natsu once again said, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be." She couldn't understand why he kept apologizing. It wasn't his fault he didn't like her. He wasn't being cruel about her feelings either, so there was no need. "You did nothing wrong."
"I'm..." Natsu fists shook on his lap until he pressed his palms against his thighs. He let out a choppy breath, head hung before he managed to look her in the eyes. She couldn't describe what emotions flooded his green depths, but it was clear whatever was going on in his mind, it was tearing him apart. "I'm... scared."
He took a sharp breath, as if confessing that physically hurt. Nothing about Natsu's reactions made sense. Sure, she understood he didn't want to cause her pain, but maybe there was something deeper going on in his head? Maybe there was a chance he really did lik—
'No, you can't think that anymore.' Lucy's stomach jerked when she realized she needed to take everything Natsu did and said at face value. There was no reading between the lines with him, no assuming. He wasn't sending her mixed signals then, and he wasn't doing that now.
'There has to be a logical reason he's scared,' she told herself, staring into Natsu's eyes, searching for the truth. Her eyes widened when it dawned on her, a few seconds passing before her face softened.
"We're going to stay friends, right?"
Natsu's lips parted, the stunned look on his face suggesting she was right. He was worried their friendship was at risk, but she assured him that wasn't an issue.
"I want to stay friends."
"Me too," he rushed out, voice rough and full of something she couldn't describe. He was taking the whole thing about as hard as she was, possibly worse. 'He did say relationships were messy. Maybe the entire subject makes him uncomfortable.'
Though, she felt there was a big difference between uncomfortable and whatever Natsu was experiencing.
"Good," she said despite feeling anything but good. Holding her reactions in was taking a toll on her body, her eyes burning and stomach feeling like it was turning itself inside out. She needed to leave before she broke down. "I promise, this'll blow over."
Lucy stood on shaky legs, sucking in a deep breath. She held out her hand with her palm facing down before wiggling it. "I'd say a week, two tops of awkwardness, then things will be back on track."
"Lucy..." He offered nothing else, just a look of anguish that had her facade cracking.
'I need to get out of here before—' She was too late, the first tear falling before more followed. She tried turning her face so he wouldn't see, but Natsu noticed.
"Please don't cry."
"I just need to get this out of my system. I promise, I'll be alright."
Silence followed, Lucy staring at the white board as she tried ebbing the tears away. It was fruitless. They weren't going to stop until her eyes ran dry.
"We'll be alright, right?" Natsu asked, forcing Lucy to look his way.
Despite tears streaming down her face and her body racking with pain, Lucy managed a small smile. It was broken, beaten, but it was genuine. She was wrong about a romantic connection between them, but she wasn't imagining their strong friendship.
Their bond.
As long as they were willing to fight for it, it would never be broken.
"Of course."
Lucy brushed the bangs from her face, finding it hard to keep Natsu's eye contact. She knew her face looked like a mess, red and wet and marred with pain. The only thing keeping her from running away with her tail between her legs was the genuine hurt in Natsu's eyes.
She couldn't ask for a better friend, Lucy thankful he found his way into her life.
"I'll see you tomorrow," she started, doing her best to keep her tone even despite her voice wanting to crack. "I— Things will be okay between us."
"I hope so," he mumbled.
She wanted to tell him she wouldn't misread their friendship again, but she felt it was understood. "Have a good night, Natsu."
Before she could turn, Natsu said, "Wait! Do you want Happy for the night?"
"What?" Lucy's brows furrowed as she glanced around the room, finding the cat grooming himself on the desk.
"I just..." Natsu's voice called her attention back to him. "I don't want you to be alone."
Why did kind words make her heart hurt? She pushed past that, taking comfort in Natsu's willingness to help, even when she was the one who made him uncomfortable.
"Thank you," she whispered, causing Natsu to nod his head. "I appreciate that."
Without another word, Lucy crossed the room to collect Happy, the feline meowing before accepting her embrace. She had a bowl in her room, so she didn't worry about taking Happy's water bowl tonight.
She turned to give Natsu one last look through her blurry gaze, offering a small smile as she held Happy tighter. "Good night."
Natsu sounded parched as he said, "You too."
Lucy tucked Happy against her with one arm, using her free hand to pull out her keys. She didn't look back, slipping out of Natsu's room before locking his door. She stared at the spare key afterwards, wondering if she should give it back, but she didn't dwell on it.
Her body begged her to release the pain, and she wanted to be in the privacy of her room before she broke down.
Lucy took her first step towards her room, her feet heavy and breath shaky. She tried keeping herself under control, but a few sobs surfaced. She held them in the best she could, picking up her pace despite her balance feeling off.
Happy kept her sane as she passed classrooms, Lucy feeling an urge to knock on Levy's door and seek comfort from a third party, but she knew it was too late. She would have to talk to her in the morning about what happened, not wanting Levy to think more could happen between her and Natsu.
Lucy was coming to terms with Natsu's rejection. It hurt, but she would survive. She had to, otherwise all the progress she made, all the hardships everyone went through to help her be the person she was today, it would all be for nothing.
She would allow herself to mourn what could have been, but she wouldn't let it keep her down. She had to be strong, even if it felt like she had been crushed.
Lucy wished she had someone to blame, but there wasn't. It wasn't Natsu's fault for not liking her, and it wasn't her fault for falling for him.
It was unavoidable, but now that Lucy knew with absolute certainty, she could start moving on.
.
.
.
So, in the author's notes of the last chapter I mentioned trying dating again. I was in the 'talking' stage for about a week before deciding it wasn't for me. The risk of getting hurt again is too great, and I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than deal with the downsides of a relationship. The thought of being vulnerable and trusting another person makes my skin crawl. I plan on staying single for the foreseeable future.
With that being said, I'm more confident in my decision to portray Natsu this way. It's definitely scary putting yourself out there, even if Natsu's fear is secondhand. While I'm not likely to change my stance on dating (I keep joking that I'll be ready when I'm 37), Natsu will when he realizes it's going to hurt if Lucy dies regardless if they're together or not, and it's better for him to spend what little time they have left of their lives being happy, even if the chances of one of them dying a gruesome death are high.
Speaking of dying by zombies, has anyone else started playing Dying Light 2? I'm only a few hours into it, but I'm sure I'll play more when they fix the bugs.
Also, I started college! I ended up dropping it to just 1 class since it's been over a decade since I've been in school, plus I've had a lack of motivation lately. (I posted it on tumblr, but) The main reason I haven't been updating is every time I tried to write, I just couldn't do it, and everything I did manage to write felt forced and mechanical. I promise I will finish these stories, just sometimes the updates might be further apart depending on how often I'm able to write. Also, sometimes a chapter might be shorter than others. It's just how it goes sometimes.
Thank you so much for your patience and continued support! It truly means a lot to me and I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read my writing. Please share your thoughts on this chapter or the story in general!
Shout out to those awesome people who left feedback last time: BeachBumBabe, sakshishetty3003, galactiaconstella(x2), NeverEndingNightmares, ToastBat, SwordBlaze221, valerioux, Lodemai04, ElementalMiko12(x2), Guest, Wadeparker, shootingstarssel, enchantressXofsouls, guest, dareaderreads, Copperreign12(x2), Mandapandaa, Skibblez, stranger1999(x3), Guest, FyreFalcon, Guest, SunsetRika, theunicorn22, Lovetoreadff, Wolfcry77(x2), XxSymphony, Guest, Guest, CathJorda, Guest, SistershoOk, guest, kyla. steele, Guest, Sabrina-Sue, CrazyZaika(x2), lcydragneel, ottermadness(x3), Guest, Mhilano, and Patpat(x2)!
Up next, Chapter Eighty-Three: Questions
Loketoreadff: I definitely get images in my head that I try to capture in writing, but I usually don't listen to music while writing. I actually can't write unless it's extremely quiet. The only exception is when I'm writing a scene that specifically has music playing. I just get too distracted easily and can't focus on writing if there's noise going on. I like the song 'Knights of Cydonia' and can see them fighting to that song, so thanks for pointing that out to me!
PS: I love all reviews, whether they're short, long, about the chapter/story or the author's notes or a personal story you had that relates to something mentioned. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, experiences, and feelings!
Please let me know what you thought of this chapter. We had three people crushed today. Hibiki, Lucy, and Natsu. For those who couldn't guess, Natsu was fighting with himself because he wants to be with Lucy, but he's too scared of getting hurt. He doesn't think he's strong enough, but he'll get there.
Thank you again! I hope you have a great day/night! :D