Lance woke up feeling the usual irritable sensation in his chest. It's been like this ever since he enrolled into the Garrison, music does not help much like it use to. Now he cannot feel being enthusiastic about his favorite music playing and he would be dancing until it ended.
He moved his eyes from side to side looking around his surrounding area, he was just looking at at the dull grey walls and ceilings of his room.
You're so pathetic
A voice whispered into his ears, he turned on to his side. Trying to ignore the voices that were starting to fill up in his head.
You're friends don't need you
Lance covered his ears, pulling the blanket above him to hide. It was fruitless.
They're happy without being there
Lance shook his head, 'No, people are allowed to smile and speak with other people that doesn't involve you' He could feel tears swelling and sliding down on his cheeks, soaking his bed sheets.
Lance tried thinking happy thoughts to drown the negative thoughts out of his head.
There 9 different kinds of intelligence
You're good enough
Lance breathed in and out to calm himself, he opened his eyes.
Is this even real?
Everyone just felt fake, all their kindness, smiles, and their whole existence just seems all fake.
Friends do not actually love you
His mother's words lingered in Lance's mind, he pursed his lips. He tried to ignore it but he couldn't. Did his friends find him annoying, he know he could be but he could not blame them. He would always get uncomfortable and silent stared at him especially his family. Since they do not all share the same common interest of trivial facts. They would usually give him a simple "Okay" and move on to a different subject.
It hurt so much
Maybe his life wasn't valuable?
No No No
You don't know what the future is ahead is like
He tried to comfort himself and drive his mind away from there. He didn't need to burden the team with his problems even more when they're saving the universe from Zarkon's control.
Blood is thicker than water
Lance knew his parents used the phrase incorrectly, but he could never argue back about it. He knew he would be lectured about talking back and why doesn't he love his family enough. Why didn't he care give his family happiness and why did he care about his own happiness.
He loved them at a certain extent, because his father said to him "My way is more correct than yours, and this is the only to live a better life." Those words made him his trust of his whole family, he knew they would agree with him. His own family doesn't love him unconditionally.
The feeling in his chest swelled, it was burning. He clutched it, trying to ease it. He felt like he couldn't breath but he could at the same time.
Stay alive, you'll be happy later on
His positive self encouraged him
What's the point, you'll struggle later on
His negative side said immediately
Lance looked at the clock, it was almost time to get ready for today's training. He didn't want Allura to be yelling at him for being late again. He sighed, sluggishly getting out of his bed and get prepared for the day.
I know I'm good enough
Lance reminded himself as he walked through the halls, he already finished washing up and it was still early so everyone should be asleep. He just wanted to see the stars, they were calming to look at. Away from the troubles, nothing to worry about but blowing up in the next millions of years.
He stepped into the control room, not expecting for Allura to be there.
"Lance you're up early?" Allura sat up from her position, walking towards Lance's directions.
Lance plastered a smile on his face
Am I really though?
Enjoy my crappy writing that I projected on to
Comments and Favorites are always appreciated ˖◛⁺⑅