This rather strange idea came to me some time after I've seen Episode 12 of the series, initially as an ear worm that just grew into a story whose punchline is-
Oh who am I kidding? It's a crackfic, pure and simple. Heck, I'm not even sure if anyone would even get the joke, let alone find it funny. But oh well, might as well get this idea out of my head already.
Though before we do, let's go with the disclaimer.
Disclaimer: Though the following story is based off an intellectual property, it is neither mine nor will I aim to make a monetary profit from its distribution. Please support the official release, if possible.
To Move Heaven and Earth
The dragon, Tohru, had not lived through the best of days and not in the best of moods. Largely due to the divine manifestation of godly judgement imbedded into her side. A weapon that forced her to retreat into the alternate, alien world so unlike that of her birth and only heard of in tales by elder dragons and other such supernatural creatures whom have glimpsed this other world. Though the penetration was not deep, it was enough to be but a mortal wound that would naturally bring about the foulest of moods of even the most pacifistic of creatures.
And the drunken human, whose stench assaulted her already superior senses, had not improved upon said disposition. The attempt to hug her muzzle in an alcoholic stupor did not help in the human's favor either.
"Fly! Insolent human!" Tohru commanded with a mighty roar. "Else thine shalt become devoured!" The human, in response, simply gazed at her in a drunken stupor.
"Still," Tohru pondered aloud. "My final hour approacheth, and mortality shalt be but a certainty before me this very night." The wounded, otherworldy dragon chuckled darkly. "In disbelief I hold to the fact that the final being that I hath crossed paths and shalt bear witness to my final passing be thee, human."
"Hey? Don't you get tired of talking like that?" Said human interrupted an otherwise suitable self-eulogy. "It has to wear you out."
"How dareth thee…" Tohru growled in pure annoyance.
"You need this pulled out?" The dragon had barely registered that the intoxicated human had even moved towards her backside.
"A-aye. Tis be trueth a fact, yet-" And once again, Tohru could barely register the insanity this mere human had displayed as said individual climbed up her hind legs and towards the God Sword. In alien concern, she warned the human. "Foolish ye be, human! If a mortal being ye be even layeth a hand upon God's Sword if but even the briefest of moments, if thine not slain immediately then thine mind and body be broken beyond-"
And once more, Tohru is surprised when the human not only touched the God Sword, but also grasped onto it with both hands and struggled to remove the weapon from her backside.
"I don't know about that." The human groaned in physical stress as even under the effects of liquid courage, to lift such a mass was still a challenge. "If God even exists… He should try… Extending my deadline right now!" And with such a declaration, the God Sword was removed.
Meanwhile in Asguard, the divine king Odin Allfather in the guise of his recently favorite form was in council with the Aesir and Vanir when he gave pause.
"Something troubles you, sire?" An Aesir inquired her king.
"I feel as if something is amiss. As if the laws of nature have been disturbed by some great force." Odin pondered this strange sensation, alien yet so oddly familiar. "Defiance to all we hold sacred was violated by an ill-will." Then the sensation brought back an unpleasant memory. "Not unlike someone is messing with my shit! Thor!" Odin roared throughout Valhalla as he marched through the numerous halls. "Thor Odinson! You touched the thermostat didn't you!? I told you once, I told you a thousand times to NOT touch the thermostat!"
"F-father! I swear I did no such thing!" Thor defended. "I must have been Loki!"
"Must you throw me under the bus in such a fashion, Thor?"
"Well one of you touched the thermostat!" Odin lectured in a mighty roar. "The temperature is where I like it!"
"As Aesir, father, should that not be an issue?" Loki reasoned.
"Don't think that silver tongue of yours is going to get you out of this, Loki Odinson!" Traditionally, when Odin Allfather had said the full name of either one of his sons, the gravity of his displeasure could not be understated.
Heimdallr, the Aesir guardian of the Bifröst, could only look upon his king in confusion as he alternated stares between Odin Allfather and the dragon Tohru upon Midgard whom was currently intoxicated with sake alongside a middle-aged Japanese office woman. He could not fathom of Odin had sensed wrong, or of it was all coincidental.
The Ginnungagap, in turn, simply shrugged.
Yeah, that'll be my crossover crackfic. I'm sure a few of you are wondering why I went with the whole MCU Asguard, well there are two reasons.
One, there is plenty enough suggestions that the world to which Tohru and the gang originated is largely Norse Mythology or at least inspired in cosmology.
Two, the MCU Asguard is a bit more publicly known for obvious reasons if only to sell the "joke".
Yes, I know that some of the words and spelling aren't what is seen in the films and comic books. Well, though they're not present in that continuity, they are the more accurate of Norse mythology.
Well… according to Wikipedia anyway….
And no flames or brutally honest reviews are needed. I can do that on my own with this particular crack thank you very much.