DO NOT READ UNTIL AFTER MY STORY CALLED BATMAN LACTATES!

Batman had made a decision: he never wanted kids. Looking after a giant moth larvae had brought home just how much he hated being responsible for things that couldn't feed themselves. And that kept pooping everywhere. Breastfeeding was not going well. It was a full time job. It stopped him saving people. And his nipples where killing him. Mothra was incredibly thirsty and hungry and would feed for hours. Batman tried to bottle the liquid for Mothra so that Alfred could babysit but he always ended up running out of bottles or there not being enough milk stored up to feed the thing while he was out. So he had to make a sling to carry Mothra around in while the giant caterpillar suckled. This caused many problems.

1. Mothra was heavy and Batman's back was always aching

2. Mothra was big and every time Batman turned around he knocked over a member of the public

3. People seemed to object to him breastfeeding a giant maggot and threw things at him

4. The bar owner of his local club barred him from coming back until he stopped breastfeeding in front of all the customers

5. Driving was impossible because Batman drove stick and Mothra stopped him changing the gears (Mothra was so big that it blocked the back window and screamed every time he was put in the trunk.

6. His man nipples nearly came off every time Mithras mandibles clamped down on him in fear that its food source would be taken away

could not have sex any more as the male lactation put off the ladies

8. Milk constantly formed a wet patch on his shirt

9. His Batsuit now had a hold on each side of the chest

10. The Joker thought he was even more pathetic.

How much longer until this thing grew up? Several months of this and soon Mothra who was now twice the size was feeding less and less. Batman looked like he had fire hydrants poking from his t-shirt but he was just glad of the relief. Mothra now liked to spend its days sloping around the Batcave trying to talk to the bats who kept nosediving for its amusement and Mothra cried out happily as each one brushed past it. Batman was just coming into the cave one night when he noticed something. "Alfred where is the Batmobile?" Alfred looked up from the hula dancing he had been casually practicing and said "inside the web ball sir. I think the little love is pupating." Batman looked at the mass of web strings that were ruining the corner of the batcave that the Batmobile normally took up . He could just make out a shadow inside. "Its not in the Batmobile is it?" "I believe so sir. " Mothra pupated until one day there was a cracking noise but everyone ignored it.

The day that Mothra ate her way out of the webs and took flight was the day that Batman realized what had happened to the Batmobile. Mothra had grown so big inside it that the car had cracked down the middle and the windshield was cracked and the roof was split. Oil had leaked everywhere. There was also a pile of poop inside it because Mothra had had to expel all that milk so diarrhea coated every surface. "Shall I phone the car showroom sir and find a replacement?" Batman nearly cried at the loss of his friend in fighting crime and nodded. Mothra flew happily around the batcave bouncing off the walls until she finally blasted a hole in the roof and flew out into the night. This made the bats screech in fright and dump a steaming hot jet of guano all over the men below. "I'll get a broom sir." And Alfred scuttled away.

The end