Batman and Robin were having a rare day off from crime fighting and decided to go and enjoy the great outdoors together. Batman drove the batmobile at breakneck speed out of the state until the two arrived in back-country Maine - it had been hard to drive the batmobile as he was not used to driving with a bike rack on the top of it. Several times he had kicked Robin out of the car by his balls and ordered him to go buy some more bikes because the old ones had come off the car and had caused a car wreck behind them on the road. After fleeing the scene of the accident, Batman was pissed and resorted to physically abusing Robin in order to make himself feel better about losing the retarded bikes.
After arriving in Maine and covering the batmobile in bat-camouflage-netting so nobody would notice it, Batman and Robin jumped on to their two seater tandem bat-bicycle. Batman made Robin sit at the back so he wouldn't get covered in shit if Robin released the horrors of his bowels with the dreadful exertion of cycling. They had a bat-sack full of packed lunches that Alfred had made earlier that morning, but Batman was angry because his had dill pickle in it and he was badly allergic to it; last time he ate one he had really awful diarrhea and he'd coated it in laxatives...that's how he found out they made his head swell up like a blimp.
They cycled a long way into the wilderness and only stopped to take photos or when Robin threw up his own liver with the exertion. Batman threw Robin into a lake to teach him a lesson and the boy-wonder cried and moaned as he was pulled out by the emergency bat-buoy that had inflated around his ankle upon impact with the stagnating dysentry water. Just then Batman heard a noise, that wasn't Robin pooping himself in a bush. It sounded like a creaky gate that needed oiling but Batman knew in his heart that he and Robin were being hunted by a creature of the wilds!
"Shut up Robin!" Yelled Batman as he used his bat-ear-trumpet to listen around, "Stop puking and get back on the bat-bicycle!" So they started to cycle away quickly with Batman getting coated in a long slimy stream of diarrhea as, in his haste, he had forgotten to make Robin sit behind him on the tandem. Then a HUGE bird appeared that was ridiculously fat and a variety of rusty red colors. Batman screamed and cussed as the giant bird collided with his head and almost suffocated him with its fluffy feathers and he fell off the bike into a ditch. Robin also came off the bike but that was because he suffered from a rare medical condition that caused him to have epic diarrhea whenever he was afraid or given sudden shocks. He jet-diarrhead himself up into the air and his pants ripped off in the confusion and with the force of the poop hose.
The giant evil pheasant pecked at Batman's eyes and clawed at him mercilessly until the bat-commando was yodeling in pain and punching the bird in the chest. Terrified, both the bird and Batman released their bowels and the shit had a chemical reaction between mammal and bird crap and solidified into stinky concrete immediately. They were both prisoners of their own anal sphincters! Batman needed help but the boy-wonder was still having fire-hose diarrhea all over the state of Maine. Using all of his strength, Batman headbutted the pheasant and it croaked like a gate that was suffering from overuse and pain. It was then that Robin plummeted back to Earth and landed on the bird's head, killing it outright and knocking Batman out with a well targetted nasal diarrhea-shot.
Batman awoke to a jovial construction crew chiselling him out of the bird shit concrete. Robin stood nearby, covered in bodily fluids and eating Batman's dill pickle sandwiches. After twelve days of tireless chiselling Batman finally got free and pushed the now rotting remains of the pheasant away from him sending bird corpse juice everywhere. The lead construction guy took Batman aside and sadly explained that Batman could never have sex or have children after the bird incident.
"The bird concrete shit went into your dong and solidified there and on your nutsack. Even if your junk wasn't entombed in a bird concrete chastity belt you'd probably be infertile now anyway because of the shock of being attacked by a giant fluffy bird with malicious intent." Explained the very wise builder. Batman got all sad and stuff and Robin had to drag him by his concrete nutsack all the way back to the batmobile and then the young boy had to break the law and drive back to Gotham, shitting himself all the way.
When Alfred found out about the mess they'd made in the batmobile and the credit card bill that they'd run up constantly buying new bat-bicycle, he locked himself in the basement with all the wine and never came out again. He was found six months later by Batman. Alfred was naked, had a wine bottle lodged in his anal passage and was wearing a Napoleon hat. Batman sat down on his concrete dong and cried.