It was a beautiful morning to behold. The sun shone upon Verona, illuminating the tall buildings and flirting between the trees. Slowly, the city filled with life, as the people ran outside to enjoy the day. It was perfect, it was wonderful, it was…
"JULIET! GO GET ME ANOTHER BEER!"
A day that was probably meant to enjoy outside.
A fat balding man sat in a chair, surrounded by a dissonance of bottles of all sizes. He belched loudly and shifted his weight, causing the wood underneath to creak, then stared impatiently at the ceiling.
"JULIET!" he yelled drunkenly, "WHERE IS MY BEER?"
Almost immediately, a petite young woman ran into the room, her eyes wild and her hair messy. The once-fair Juliet shoved a dirty beer bottle into her husband's grubby hands.
"AND WHAT ABOUT MY BEER ROMEO? She screeched, "DRUNK ALL AND LEFT NO FRIENDLY DROP!"
"BE QUIET WOMAN!" snapped her husband, tired of her nagging.
Juliet raised the bottle high above her head, her eyes filled with a crazy light.
"WELL, YOU CAN GET YOUR STUPID BEER YOURSELF YOU PIG!"
And with that, she smashed the bottle against Romeo's head and stormed out of the room.
Romeo pulled out glass shards out of his remaining hair and sighed deeply. Honestly, Juliet was a nightmare, what was he thinking when he married her ten years ago? He must have addled his mind with too much drink. His mind was distracted by a sudden knocking at the front door. Was it the beer he had ordered? Or was it the beer company coming to complain that he hadn't paid them for all the beers? Either way, someone needed to answer the door.
"JULIET! GO ANSWER THE DOOR!"
Juliet groaned in disgust. That idiot Romeo! Did he think that she was his servant? What was she thinking when she married that pig ten years ago? She must have been traumatized by the thought of marrying Count Paris. Casting the dishes she was washing in the sink, she hurried to the front door, anxious for any excuse not to see that disgusting Romeo. She flung it open, expecting a case of beer… and saw the tax collector in its place. She groaned. Was it that time of the month again? Only one thing to do then.
"ROMEO, THERE'S A THIEF AT THE DOOR!"
Almost instantly, Romeo was at her side, protectively clutching a beer case to his chest.
"WHERE? He roared, "WHO DARES STEAL MY BEER?"
Then he saw the tax collector staring at him apprehensively.
"Oh, it's just you," he grunted, "You want money? Well, we don't have any."
The tax collector cleared his throat, "Well, that's the problem, sir," he squeaked, "you NEED to pay money to the government to live here. Haven't you ever heard of taxes?"
Romeo snarled, "Why would I need to pay money to the likes of you? I am the handsome heir of Montague, and my ugly wife here is the heir of Capulet. Surely you have heard our names in the slums where you live."
"But sir," stammered the tax collector, "you haven't paid your taxes in ten years!"
At this point, Romeo was so mad, his ears were literally steaming. Juliet, sensing the warning signs, dove out of the way as Romeo exploded in pure fury. He held the case of beer up high and smashed it down on the poor tax collector.
"GET OUT! He shrieked, "AND DO NOT DIRTY THE PORCH OF MY DOOR EVER AGAIN!"
The tax collector shrunk back to the shadows, clutching the bloody watermelon-size lump atop his head. Juliet poked her head out from behind a couch.
"Great going jerk," she grumbled, "now we'll go back to prison again!"
"SHUT IT, WOMAN!" Romeo roared. "DOEST THOU WANTETH ME TO BLOODY THY MOUTH?"
"LIKE YOU WOULD!" Juliet shrieked, "WHAT WAS I THINKING WHEN I MARRIED YOU? AND WHY ARE YOU STILL SPEAKING IN THAT STUPID DIALECT? THAT PHRASE DIED AGES AGO WITH OUR MARRIAGE!"
Romeo turned tomato red. He started to feel his rage bubbling up inside him. It was like molten magma under the surface of the earth, thousands of times hotter than the sun. He was sick of this woman! He'd never felt so angry in his life! No one insulted his speech and got away with it! Without thinking things through, he chucked the beer bottle he was holding directly at Juliet.
Unfortunately, Romeo had underestimated Juliet's dodging skills. After ten years of being married to him and dealing with his temper tantrums, Juliet had honed the skills of a ninja warrior. At the last second, she jumped out of the way of the spinning bottle, watching as it pulverized the air where her face had once been. At the same time, Romeo lunged at her, a crazy expression on his once-handsome face. In a split-second, Juliet grabbed the rotating bottle out of midair and smashed into her husband's head. But it was all for naught. Romeo wrapped his filthy hands around her arms and grinned terribly. However, his trajectory carried the pair of them right into an open closet. As the door slammed behind them, Juliet came to her senses to find herself entangled with her husband in a dark enclosure.
"Great job Romeo!" She shrieked, "We're stuck with each other in a closet. This couldn't possibly get any worse!"
On that note, the storage boxes on top of the closet came crashing down, completely obstructing the doorway and leaving the couple with no escape.
"Nice going Juliet," Romeo grumbled, "You just had to say that."