Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop.

Simply losing one's self to memories in an attempt to recover lost sanity usually doesn't bring forth solace. The semblance of peace is not readily available due to the mind screaming and pleading for help. Looking for a reprieve from the throbbing and swelling of a heart thought long dead. Cold and hard towards everyone else but her. Comrades what they barely were. Maybe he and Jet were actually close enough to be considered friends. It was hardly of consequence anyway. Women with attitude, kids, and dogs weren't his forte either. His displeasure to share space with them was plenty obvious. None of them barely reached his radar. Ironically both females had known in their own way about the ghost in his life.

She was his past and present. Spike wasn't concerned about his future. A spark for something greater than what he already identified with was dull. His focal point now consisted of catching the next bounty. His today included coasting along on the Bebop in search of the elusive big catch. Their big break. Enough of the small fry. The energy put forth was not only tiresome but extraordinarily bothersome. Why waste the effort when he could be really putting his skills to use? Doing anything other than what his life lead him to. Running to and from the past simultaneously. Yes, as confusing and impossible as it sounded, it was entirely plausible.

Julia. The blonde beauty is his respite from the life he chose for himself. He made a way to get out of a situation he no longer wanted any part in. A conscious decision to depart from a dangerous organization. A life altering course to put all of his old self behind. To leave his current status in the dust but bring the woman he loved with him. Unfortunately the best laid plans don't always produce the desired outcome. They shouldn't have laid together as one. Shouldn't have believed they could survive as a couple on the run. Not when they were both in too deep. Definitely not when another man was involved. Someone dangerous and so, so ruthless. Things seldom escaped his attention, especially if his woman and friend were concerned.

A woman wholly unavailable to him but left an indelible mark. She was his heart. His aloof, carefree demeanor went away as soon as her name was mentioned. She gave him life even if he now had a bleak existence. Existing is precisely what he was doing. Moving along here and there, never staying in place. His rightful spot is with her. Only her. She had the edge that only Vicious used against him. Simply mention her name and the one with mismatched eyes would come to life. She lit a fire within his soul. He felt for her in a way he wouldn't and couldn't no other being. His reactions always rash and reckless when she was involved. Spike wanted his woman back. The individual he sacrificed his very life for. All for her. For them with the understanding it'd just be them. Freedom.

A romantic notion that two lovers would give up everything for each other. Love will cloud your judgment and make you think the bond is unbreakable. Nothing will shake what you feel or stand in the way. Love would conquer all. You'd be the two who'd be on top. Whatever you wanted was within your reach. That level of being with your intended is very much tangible. Who would stand in opposition of two meant to be? What realistically would challenge soul mates? Light in the darkness of a desolate and barren land. Blissfully ignorant to the machinations of someone prepared to break up a happy relationship. Distance was the strategy to your joy and chance if just being. Us without all those against our resolve.

Dreams of that silver cord binding us eternally. Such fantasies kept the burning alive during the time when they parted. Unforseen circumstances shattered all illusions of that reunion. She was tasked with ending you as you stood waiting so patiently for her. By the graves. Not in one. He wasn't letting anything take him do without a fight. No, he was too smart for that to actually work. Pity he wasn't cunning enough to recognize what was beneath his nose. Rather his friend beat him to the quick. Two steps ahead with a strategy to foil whatever Julia and Spike had managed to put into motion. It only left them both exposed and vulnerable. She couldn't kill him; he still loved her through or maybe despite it all. No matter how the predicament began he held her in his heart. She wasn't letting go.

When he was played by Vicious for a fool, faith in finding her remained his driving force. Against warnings from Jet and the ever present danger of tangling with the syndicate he did so with the glimmer of hope that all roads led to Julia. As fate would have it it, they did. The hacker picked up a signal with the codename of his lost love. She was able to track it right to precise location for him. The green haired cowboy took his opening and ran into the war zone to retrieve her. Julia was finally within his reach! Letting her slip through his fingers wasn't an option. That just couldn't happen once more. Though it turns out that was just the beginning for him. Six degrees of separation isn't just some made up myth. Turns out there's a cycle repeating itself. Or maybe its God's way of saying finish what you started. Running isn't the way to solve anything since it came back at you in a full circle. What came about as an escape returned in your face ready to be dealt with.

The piece that made the point unavoidable is when both females met each other. One completely broken up for finding herself finally but had nothing left. All the things she knew have long since passed. She's in a time she didn't ask to be apart of and had to toughen herself up. If you had only known of her struggles, you wouldn't plainly see her as a woman with an attitude. A different story would have been told. She told you her memory finally came back and the cost of it, but you were dealing with your past just as she had to accept her fate. They met face to face and Faye saw what it is about Julia. Even from the briefest of meetings understanding planted seeds in her mind. Understanding of who the woman is to you not your reasoning for leaving. All you did was because of Julia. She gave you meaning, and that's your only concern.