We followed Peter up the steps to the upper room. Our comrade stopped in front of the door, just standing there. "Peter?" his brother Andrew asked. John's brother James opened the door, but Peter still stood there like he was frozen. Thomas gently put his arm around our friend and our companion leaned against him.

"We need to go in. It's not safe standing out here like this," John said kindly and I agreed. "The Romans are sure to come."

Peter suddenly seemed to find his feet and we followed him inside. Philip locked and bolted the door behind us as Matthew followed Peter to the table and the older man pulled out a chair for our friend. I went to them and put my arms on Peter's shoulders. He was shivering. The rest came to us and sat at the table, but a few of us remained standing.

Bartholomew glanced at me. "I can't believe Jesus is really dead..." I agreed totally. Peter placed his face into his hands. John touched his arm in question.

"Yes," Peter whispered. "Go ahead and lock the windows too." Thomas did as Peter said and then came back to the table again. "Andrew, brother..." Our friend stopped speaking and wiped at his eyes with his shirt sleeve.

Andrew smiled sadly. "I know."

James the less and Thaddeus hugged each other tightly. I squeezed our friend's shoulders and he sniffled. Bartholomew's eyes were as wet as everyone else's in the room. "We will get through this somehow, Peter," he promised softly.

Matthew added, "Remember that He is still in our hearts, my friend." Thomas was hiding the fact that he wanted to cry too, but I could see him biting his lip as his eyes swam. James sniffled and his brother put his arms around him.

Peter's shoulders were shaking violently as James the less rubbed his shoulder in comfort. "It's alright to cry," The little guy whispered as I leaned in closer to comfort both of them. Andrew wore a sad smile, but tears were running down his cheeks, James wept and buried his face on his brother's chest as John rubbed his back.

"Why did he have to die?!" Peter wailed helplessly and tears landed onto the table and started soaking into the wood.

Bartholomew sighed shaking his head. "Peter, you couldn't have saved him either."

"Jesus warned us this would happen," Philip replied, and our friend only wept all the harder.

"I denied him three times!" After that our friend said nothing more. The rest of us looked at each other in stunned silence for a moment.

"You were scared, Peter...just like the rest of us," I spoke up.

"I was scared of getting killed..." Peter whispered. Thomas sat in the empty chair by Peter and touched his arm.

"I know it isn't going to help you, but Jesus warned all of us about letting him down..." The tears he had tried to hide fell down his cheeks. "Peter, if it helps you any, we all let him down in some way." Peter pulled him close he could hear the guilt in our friend's voice.
John sighed. "I'm just happy you didn't witness all they did to Jesus. You wouldn't have wanted too."

I wiped my eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

John shook his head. "No, right now it's best that I don't." Peter sighed and calmed. "We need to eat. Would you help me?"

Andrew got up from the table. "Of course we will, brother." We followed them to the kitchen and got the things we needed. Thomas sat plates out for us as well as bowls and cups. I put wood into the stove and tossed a match and then closed the door. Matthew hummed as he got the lamb meat ready and put it into the oven.

We also put fresh fruit and veggies on the table and then after a couple of hours everything was ready. I filled the glasses with sweet juice. As we ate, we were silent for a time. There was so much we wanted to share with each other but none of us knew where to begin or how.

"I miss Jesus so much!" James the less whispered. "We all do, my friend." I said. James bowed his head and Thomas gently put a hand on his shoulder.

"This is so hard!" James admitted.

Philip sat his plum onto his plate. "James, where did you go after he was arrested?" James blushed. "I hid in a tree because I didn't know what else to do."

Andrew blinked hard. "I ran to a friend's house with James the less."

"He had the power to stop them from taking him," Thomas choked out. "Why didn't He use it?" "I don't understand either," James the Less whispered as he gathered our empty plates.

"I'll do those," Peter whispered gently, taking the plates from him.

"We will all help," we volunteered.

"Thank you." We continued talking about all the things that were on our minds. "All those miracles He did where so breathtaking!" Andrew said. "I really loved the one where he turned the water into wine!"

We all smiled sadly. "And how about when Lazarus was raised to life?" I said, and then I stopped speaking.

"That was just a week ago it seems like." Philip said. I nodded, feeling my eyes beginning to water. John softly put his arm around me and I burried my face onto his shoulder, shaking.

" I loved him so much..." The shock of what had happened just hit me so hard. " Jesus was innocent! Why did they have to kill him?"

" I don't have an answer..." John whispered. I suddenly just felt so tired and just clung to him.

For some reason I ended up waking up again and noticed John was still sitting beside me. " John?, are you awake?"

He startled then turned looking at me smiling sadly.

" Yeah. Sorry I did that. Was just thinking about Jesus." He said.

I sighed. " Think i'm going to bed." I replied as I stood up and John followed suit.

We both went to our blankets and fell asleep.

The end