Rule 3391. Please do not dump the contents of multiple energy shots (e.g. 5-Hour Energy) into large cups (e.g. Big Gulps) and drink them in one go.

Arashi glared at the door to Akigumo's room/workshop. It was almost time for Reitaisai, and Akigumo had been locked up in there for a solid 72 hours. Not for the first time, the redheaded destroyer cursed Yukikaze for getting their youngest sister into Touhou. Slowly, she raised her fist to knock again-


Yeah, whatever Akigumo had done to stay awake and draw for 72 hours, somehow it allowed her to read minds or see the future or something like that. Bizarre. Bizarre, and more than a little worrying.

"Any luck?"

Arashi glanced towards Tanikaze, then to Shimakaze, and then down to the small, steaming pot Tanikaze was holding.

"I made zosui," Tanikaze answered the unspoken question, holding up the pot. "Figured Akigumo hasn't eaten anything."

"And I'm here to make sure she's not drawing another one of those Shimakaze-kun doujins," Shimakaze replied, shuddering. "Put it this way: Amatsukaze really, really likes them."

The other two destroyers considered that thought, then shuddered. "Well, good luck with that," Arashi said. "She's not letting anyone-"


"Yeah, that."

Tanikaze opened her mouth-


And then closed it, worry written all over her features. "Okay, yeah, this is a super bad one," she remarked, placing the pot down and rolling up her sleeves. "Bust down the door?"

"Agreed," Arashi and Shimakaze said in unison. "In three. One, two-"

The door swung open, and Akigumo poked her head out. This should've been a good thing.

It wasn't.

The destroyer's gray hair, normally done up in two neat pigtails, was loose, greasy, and stringily fell wherever it wanted. Her skin was pale and waxy where it wasn't marred by dark bags. Her whole body seemed to vibrate, prompting Shimakaze to blanche in horror when she noticed. One fingernail was visibly missing. And underneath the rumpled, sweat-and-ink-stained tracksuit Akigumo wore she looked alarmingly thin.

Oh, and her eyes were a solid pink at this point.

"It's done!" she said, her voice a half-octave higher than normal. "I can't feel my face, but I'm done! A complete, 277-page six-part doujin in 72 hours!" Her head twitched to the side, fast enough to give the watching destroyers a sympathetic crick. "Oh, and don't worry, everyone, I'm completely fine! I think pissed 99% blood the last time I went, but I'm fine!"

Abruptly, a stream of blood gushed from her mouth, her eyes rolled up in her head, and Akigumo flopped face-first into a pool of her own blood.

Arashi was the first to say something.

"Well, shit."


A few minutes later found Shimakaze poking through Akigumo's room. Arashi had gone to take Akigumo to Akashi, since she'd gotten blood all over her and needed to change anyway. Tanikaze had followed with her zosui, stating that Akashi didn't eat enough, either, and that she didn't want her soup to go to waste. That left Shimakaze the task of investigating the cause of all this - and, she belatedly realized, writing up the report to the Admiral.

She thunked her head against the wall, and muttered "Well played..."

Oh well, nothing for it. Shimakaze stepped back and took in the room. It was an odd picture: immaculate, except for a writing desk stained with ink and covered in paper. Oh, and it also reeked. Quickly, Shimakaze opened a window to air the place out before going back to the desk.

Her eyes fell on a Big Gulp-sized plastic soda cup. Frowning, she trotted up and tilted it over, giving it a sniff. Then, she tilted it further, a drop of liquid hitting her tongue.

It was like drinking beep soda and two pounds of candy, all crammed into one orange-ish drop of liquid. Shimakaze shuddered and promptly spat out the stuff into the wastebasket, though she still felt energized enough to solve fifty insanity-level Sudokus in one night. Going a bit green, Shimakaze considered the size of the cup and what Makigumo had put into it.

One second later she was out the door and sprinting down the hall.


"Well, that explains all this," Akashi griped, eyeing her clipboard. "Torn muscles and tendons, lots of small internal bleeds, exhaustion and malnutrition. At least her metabolism's stabilized from all that Five-Hour Energy she chugged, she's not going to be dying anytime soon."

"That's super good news for her doujin fans!" Tanikaze said.

"Assuming they get the chance to meet her. She's still appallingly toxic, and I don't even know the aftereffects of something like this. I'm going to have to very slowly and carefully flush this all out, lest I kill her."

"I have a new procedure for that!" Yuubari jumped in. "Should speed things up a bit. But Reitaisai is out of the question, regardless."

Arashi and Tanikaze exchanged worried looks. "Y'think we might be able to convince Maikaze and her band to take over?" Arashi pondered.

"Probably. They'd love the band publicity."

"I'll get her notes," Shimakaze sighed.