It was a late Saturday night. Around 1 o' clock in the morning. It was passed the time I promised myself I would sleep and I knew I was going to regret in the morning when I wake up but I found it difficult to sleep tonight. I turned off the TV and turned around to the couch behind me check on Yoosung.
It's been a couple of weeks since we officially became a couple. The thought that I was in a real relationship was surreal for me. I almost couldn't believe it, but I was glad. Yoosung made me happy, an emotion I didn't have to force upon others for so long.
Yoosung tiredly snored, mumbling something about LOLOL. I laughed a little at how adorable Yoosung looked sleeping. He was laying on his left side, his arm was underneath his cheek and his legs were curled up to his chest. Yoosung had promised to stay awake with me since I had to finish work with the upcoming party that will be held next month. Poor thing couldn't stay awake although I'm glad he's sleeping. With his studies, gaming, not to mention the constant pain coming from his eye, it was nice to see Yoosung peacefully sleeping for once.
I walked out of my seat and walked towards Yoosung. I kneeled down and examined him. His right eye still had a bandage wrapped over his eye and around his head. Since his confrontation with Unknown, Jumin quickly scheduled an appointment with a doctor that will give Yoosung surgery to recover his eyes.
I traced my finger gently across Yoosung's cheek all the way to his eye. My finger hovered above his eye and I bite my lip. I remember the first time I met Yoosung; it was during the party and we just received word that Yoosung was in the hospital with V. Jumin, Zen, Seven and I left the party to see Yoosung while Jaehee stayed behind to look after the party.
I was so relived and happy to see him that day, I was worried about him that my mind wasn't focused on the party. I was happy to see him safe and sound. Although I instantly became more worried when I saw the injury on his eye. I was so scared and anxious, it took Yoosung to reassure me that he was alright.
I'm not an idiot as most people thought I was. I was aware Yoosung was hurt than he claimed to be. It was always made me feel horrible seeing him hurt. I was the reason why he got hurt in the first place, he wanted to protect me and look where that got him. He almost lost his sight because of me.
I bit my lower lip and stifled a sob. It was no good crying about it, but it still hurts. Yoosung could have gotten killed just so he can protect me. He went through lengths to make sure the Hacker didn't come near me and this is what he gets. It's unfair.
Yoosung moves in his sleep and I tense up. 'Oh god, did he hear me? Dammit!' Yoosung groans in his sleep and he slowly opened his eye. He looks at me with a sleepy gaze but confused look. "Rei...what time is it?" His eyes widened with confusion and he asks in worry, "Why are you crying?"
I hadn't realized I was crying until he pointed it out. I felt tears rolling down my cheek and I quickly wiped them away. I ducked my head down in embarrassment, my cheeks burning. "It's nothing." I said. "Its just my allergies acting up."
"Rei, I know you're not allergic to anything." Yoosung pointed out to me. "Come on." He sits up and pulls me next to him. He rests my head on his shoulder and rubs his arm on my shoulder. It was still foreign having someone comfort me like this but slowly I was getting used to it thanks to Yoosung. God, how did I manage to find myself someone like Yoosung? I didn't deserve it or his love. He's way too good for me.
"Rei, please tell me what's wrong. You know I'll listen to whatever you have to say to me. You can trust me." I did. I do trust him. Meeting Yoosung was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I glanced up and met his gaze and that horrible feeling crept up on me.
'Yoosung could have gotten hurt. He could have been killed. He could have lost more than an eye if he hadn't tried to protect me. He's hurt and he could lose his eyesight and it's all my fault. It's all my fault, it's all my fault...'
"It's all my fault." I mumbled.
I broke into sobs and buried my face on Yoosung's chest. "Yoosung I'm so...I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!"
"R-Rei, what are you talking about? What are you sorry about?" Yoosung asks more confused about my sudden breakdown.
"You got hurt...You got hurt because of me! You got hurt trying to protect me and now it's my fault that you're going to lose your sight! Yoosung I'm so sorry!" I was blabbering nonsense at that point, I forgot half the things I said to Yoosung. What I do remember is the guilt I felt as I expressed my feelings to him.
I don't know what caused my outburst. Maybe it was the emotions I've held in me that I hadn't realized were inside me. Maybe because I felt responsible for his injury and his future career. I felt horrible about what happened I began to question why Yoosung hasn't hated me yet. Why does he still stay with me even though I was the reason he almost could have gotten killed?
I gasped in shock when Yoosung pulled me in for a hug. "Y-Yoosung..."
"Don't." He said. "Don't ever blame yourself. Please Rei, it's not your fault. It was never your fault."
I sniffed. "B-but..."
"No buts. Listen, I volunteered to go with Seven that day. I wanted to go and protect you. I knew the consequences."
"But you didn't have too!" I shouted. I faced Yoosung but he still had his hands on my shoulders. "Seven had it under control Yoosung. You didn't have to prove me that you were a man just by protecting me. I love you for you! And if you got hurt because of me, I'll feel responsible. I could have lost you and I can't handle losing someone I love again. I just can't Yoosung..." I cried and rested my forehead on his shoulder.
"Rei...I told you before, I'd risk my life if you were ever in trouble."
"But why Yoosung? Why me? How can you go through lengths to protect me if I can't protect you myself?"
"Because I love you a lot Rei. You're my precious girl. I will do anything for you."
I sobbed more and because I couldn't believe someone like Yoosung could love me this much. A year ago, I didn't believe I would myself in a relationship let alone one like this one with Yoosung. Relationships I've seen growing up ended in disaster, were one-sided, or out of selfishness. No one truly loved another person and I believed I was going to end up in one too. But than Yoosung comes into my life and suddenly I'm experiencing something beautiful and amazing, it makes me believe that I'm living in a dream rather than reality. The relationship I have with Yoosung, the love I feel for him, they're all real. But I'm still worried, all of my self doubt and my insecurities plague me and I start to doubt I would be a good girlfriend to Yoosung.
That's why I was so confused when Yoosung said he would risk his life to protect me. I didn't deserve this sort of love, Yoosung is far better than I could ever be. How could someone as wonderful and loving like Yoosung ever fall for someone like me?
Yoosung rested his forehead against my own and pecked my nose. "Don't leave me." I sobbed. "Don't ever leave me. Just...stay by my side okay?"
I just wanted to write angst.