Prologue: Something Wicked…

Whelp, here I am! Magic Betty! In a Martian maximum security insane asylum! 'What's ya doing here, Betty?!' You might be asking…Well…it's a long story…

It all started on that fateful day, a thousand years in a small city in Scandinavia. Wow, I'm remembering things a lot more clearly now…eh, probably the solitude. Anyway, I had been visiting my fiancé Simon after he made a big discovery…a gold crown found by a fisherman at the bottom of the ocean! That crown…it was the start of IT ALL!

Simon decided to put the crown on, probably a gag in hindsight. Then all of the sudden he started acting crazy! Ranting about 'the power of ice and snow,' screaming about his 'princess' (me, it was Simon's nickname for me). So I did what any rational person would do…I ran. Oh Grod, why did I run?! Maybe if I stayed and talked him down I could have prevented…

Right back to the story. I ran for what felt like hours before something really weird happened. A rift in space-time open up and a healthy Simon from a thousand years in the future appeared to get some final answers on why I left. Though technical, I was leaving him for him…yeah that gets confusing. Anyway, I end up a thousand years in the future, where Simon is now the Ice King, a broken shell of his former self…

So now that I was in the future, I studied up on what was generally causing Simon's problem: magic. It was rather similar to some of my theoretically studies back in my old time. I later learned that every wizard and magic in OOO (that's the new name of the land, not sure why) have varying levels and aspects of Magic, Sadness, and Madness. The biggest block in my research was finding the source of magic, with my initial theory being that the power of magic was derived from sadness and madness, but I had no way to test it…

In popped Magic Man, a Martian magician of unprecedented power! Also, completely loony and kooky in la cabeza! Anyway, he came to me with a proposal. Apparently his brother Grob Gob Glob Grod (yes the god of OOO, wonder how that came about) bit it while trying to save Mars from a runaway comet. Magic Man had found his helmet and wanted to siphon off the power so he could return to Mars. In exchange, I could use it to try and find the source of all magic.

Needless to say, it backfired. I managed to learn something about Magic Man's past and gain all of his powers, but also his grief and madness. And baby, he had a lot of both! So for a few months I flittered around OOO, looking for what I needed to fix the Ice King's crown, so I could get back Simon. The program I installed didn't seem to work, though I blame outside interference. Why can't these shoobs realize I'm trying to help him?!

Anyway, my next to last attempt was to try and introduce the Ice King to some familiar sights, hopeful bring Simon's memories to the surface. What a complete waste of time that was?! Anyway, I retired to my shack (really Magic Man's, but he wasn't using it) and tried to think on what to do next. Then Tiny Manticore (another resident of the shack, can't quite remember his real name) suggested I try to get to know Ice King since it didn't seem likely I'd get Simon back anytime soon. Worth a shot I guessed!

So I returned to the Ice King's house and tried to get to know him… And honestly…for a while…it was going great. Ice King really isn't that bad a guy to get to know. But all the same…he wasn't Simon… Of course before I could really get into it, that creep Patience St. Pim had to freeze me and use me as a battery for her Elemental plans!

I was stuck in her Ice Palace for a couple of days before Simon and the kid and his dog could rescue me. Of course I was there long enough to see Patience plan fall apart….AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Take that you witch! I mean really, an amateur could tell you that you need the subjects consent for it to work properly.

Anyway, I promised the kid (Finn, that his name!) that with the Enchiridion, I could change OOO back to the way it was, and I could. But you know…I realized something… I could use the Enchiridion to go back in time and prevent Simon from ever becoming the Ice King! Maybe even stop the Mushroom War! (Although in hindsight, that was less likely. I mean I didn't even know if I could keep my magic for that.)

It was all going perfectly. I was within minutes of returning to the past and fixing everything! But then…Ice King distracted me…there was just this little hint of Simon pushing threw as he tried to argue for his existence. Was it Simon that convinced the Ice King to mess with the apparatus? Was…Simon against what I was doing? Either way the disruption lead to me instead being transported to Mars…

No worries! Mars is in fact capable of sustaining life! Wonder if the ancient Martians messed with our sensors back then or if they came later…? Any way I was plopped right into the throne room of the King of Mars, aka Normal Man (formerly Magic Man). I was put on trial, charged with attempting to 'meddle in time's funky flow,' judged as mentally unfit for punishment, and sentence to time remanded to a Martian insane asylum. Apparently in the same cell Magic Man was place previously too…it's pretty nice for a cell…

So here I am…locked up for trying to save the man I love and fixing this broken future….AAAARGH! Why?! Why is it so 'important' that the Mushroom War happen, huh?! Why does Simon have to suffer because of it?! Why do freaks like Patience get away with their atrocities, while my little misdemeanor gets me in a mental institution?!

'Sob' 'Sob' I just…want to save Simon…please someone…help me!

I thought you'd never ask!(1)

GAH! Okay…never a good sign when your hearing voices…

Oh, I assure you my dear. I am very real. Think of me as your guardian angel!

Well, if that's true, you've been doing a lousy job lately! Gone crazy, lock up in jail! I should talk to your supervisor!

HAHAHAHA! Oh Betty, the reason I couldn't help you before was…well you weren't quite that desperate yet. Besides, I might be your guardian, but I ain't no angel…

Ooookaaay, that's ominous. Still, I feel I should ask; who are you?

I go by a lot of names but given my current shtick of being 'everywhere and nowhere' call me…Schrodinger. Now, to start off, I help you out of Mars and back onto the good old Terra Firma…just step into that shadowy corner over there.

You mean that corner over there I've been instinctively avoiding for the last hour or so…okay sure, but that better not be the end of it!

Oh trust me Betty. This partnership has only just begun…

Postscript: I do not claim ownership of Adventure Time and any related characters. Only the OC characters and concepts of this story. Well, here's the start of my own Adventure Time miniseries. What do you think? My first attempt with Adventure Time so be brutally honest. Please read and review.

1 For the voice, think Mark Hamill.