Third chapter: ~~This is a flashback chapter~~

Major trigger warning: self-harm, abuse, suicidal actions/ suicide attempt, alcohol abuse and all that nasty stuff, I have a lot on my mind. And I'm hella pissed. Whatever lets gooooooo.

The day she died was not a good day. The news was broken to me in a harsh way, as Lauren's father basically beat the words into me. That was it, the last known relative. Dead. I'd always kept a knife under my bed, she'd always told me to be prepared after all. But I wasn't stabbing anybody else, just myself.

Over and over, line by line. More blood, more tears. I'm faintly aware that I throw up. More blood, a song with no beat, no melody. Another line, all I see is red. I knew I couldn't do it anymore. I tossed the knife back under my bed. Tears still falling, blood still dripping. I grabbed a towel from the floor and wiped my bloody arms.

I went to the bathroom, bandages. I needed bandages. We had no bandages.

Fuck.

I grabbed a bottle of sleeping pills.

I drifted out of the bathroom. The police had long since left taking her, her lifeless body. The kitchen the destination I wanted. Three bottles of vodka lined up uniformly on the kitchen counter.

I picked one up. Opened the lid. One sip, two, five, ten.

A bottle of sleeping pills washed down.

Three bottles of vodka all gone, if anyone asked what'd happened no one would know.

Dizzy, blood, a scream. Crash.

Someone's at my side now, a panicked voice. So familiar yet so far away.

Someone else is there now they smell sterile and clean. I felt myself lifted, up and away.

-Time skip- -one week later-

Everything hurt, but wherever I was laid was soft.

Was I dead?

That when I heard it, a soft beeping coming from beside me. That denied my previous thoughts, it was an ECG machine, I guess I was alive after all. I cracked open my eyes, vicious light assaulted my vision.

I looked around slowly, now I wondered why the Hell was one of my arms handcuffed to the bed?

"Mr Choke?" A voice said from the doorway, I looked at the doctor that had been the one to speak then back at the handcuffs.

"Ah, that'd be a safety precaution, as you did attempt suicide."

Suicide?

The word sounded bitter in my head. But I knew I'd done it, the knife, the pills, the alcohol. Yet I was still alive, why? Why was I still alive? I asked that question every day, with every passing hour. Why? Why was I still alive?

"James?"

I was sent back to reality. Sitting on the bathroom floor, Kyle holding my hand. There were tears streaming down my face,

"Kyle." I whispered, he held my hand tighter, I pulled him into a hug.

"Kyle, please don't leave me. I don't want you to leave me." I cried into him.

"I won't, I promise. I won't leave you. Ever…"

I don't know how much I wrote but I just feel as if that ending there was a good place to stop this chapter as so much happened.