I'm really sorry that it's taken so long for me to write- I've been stressed and tired and I wasn't feeling it. I really feel like I owe you all as many chapters as possible before I head off to my mission trip! I needed this short chapter to help it all flow again and I hope you like it enough until I get some more in! I love you all and again I'm sooooo sorry for the late posts.
No matter how angry or frustrated I was, I would never again fight Gracie Newman. My whole body was stiff and certain movements caused me to whimper pitifully in pain.
Matt would look over at me in class and randomly chuckle; he had repeatedly told me that the pain is what I deserved for being a jerk. I flipped him onto his back as soon as he said it, a move that caused my entire back to ripple in pain. It was worth it though.
I shuffled my way to my room and rolled my shoulders slowly. My roommates chose to play soccer on the main lawn with the boys while I opted for a hot shower. We had a P&E test tomorrow and playing soccer in my state would only cause me to be immobile the next day.
I tossed my clothes off the side and stepped into the shower, sighing as the warm water hit my skin.
How was it even possible for skin to be sore?
I carefully sat in the bottom of the tub and let the water wash over me.
Immediately, thoughts rushed into my head from all directions.
Was Matt right? Was I just trying to be a martyr for the sake of having an epic legacy? Was proving myself worth wasting my childhood? I ran my hands over my hair in frustration, plastering it to my back. What if I never amounted to anything because I was 'just a kid'?
I hugged my knees and soon, I couldn't tell the difference between the water and my tears.
Did no one expect anything of me or was my last name the only reason I was going to be anything? I sat in the water until it ran cold. I had long since stopped feeling the water on my skin as I was pounded with more doubts and negative thoughts. What if I graduated and didn't have a single aspect about me that gave me the leg over my peers when applying to the CIA, FBI, or DIA?
Sobs wracked my body, causing me to shake violently. All I wanted- the only thing I wanted, was to prove my worth to everyone around me. But...what if I didn't have any?
I heard a soft knock on the door.
"Hey Abby, are you alright?"
I quickly turned off the shower and stood carefully. "No." I wrapped myself in a towel and opened the door, my hair hanging limply over my shoulders. Rylee pursed her lips. "You look absolutely terrible Abs."
I smiled feebly and sat down on my bed, not caring if my comforter got wet.
"I just feel like I'm worthless, you know? Like I'm never going to amount to anything or do anything worthwhile in my life. I feel like because my parents are Zachary and Cameron Goode, I have to do something amazing to make up for what they've done."
She nodded slowly, listening as I talked.
"And I feel like even Matt seems to outshine me with his grades and moves and he doesn't agree with me! He's never not agreed with me!" She folded her legs under her and clasped her hands together.
"Abby I seriously feel like you have a strong case of FOMO- not trying to sound like every millennial blog there's ever been- but that's honestly it." She grabbed my arms and shook me gently.
"You are gorgeous, amazingly strong, intelligent beyond compare- and most importantly Abigail Goode; you are you. You cracked codes with Aunt Liz at the age of six. You've illegally learned moves at ten that most agents don't learn until their third year out in the field. You have a team of friends whose loyalty is unmatched. You are Abigail. Forget your last name and forget who your parents are. Now is your time to do something for yourself." She leaned back and said, "If I've learned anything in my first 17 years- it's that trouble always finds friends and family of the Goodes and Morgans- and your family managed to combine that bloodline."
I smiled weakly and exhaled. "You're right." Rylee flipped her hair and stood. "I know I'm right."
She walked to the door and opened it before turning back to look at me.
"Being a legacy can suck; Every one of us understand and have dealt with the pressure and constantly feeling like you'll never amount to what your parents did. You do have to remember that even thought you may be a legacy Abs, now is the time for you to pave your own way and write your own history. So start today but make sure you start on your own terms."
I nodded and she winked at me, "Make sure you put some clothes on. We're all waiting downstairs for you."