A.N.: Oh, Lord has it been a couple thousand years since I have posted anything? Yes, yes it has. Apologies. I just got caught up on S12 and I loved some things about it and of course, hated some things about it. Have to be honest, I wasn't a big fan of Mary. Mostly because I love the boys too damn much and I wanted them to have someone that came without all of the heartbreak. (*Psst!* Showwriters, Ellen! *Psst!*) So, anyway this a tag to the opening scene in "The Raid" because I just felt the words burn within me until I wrote it down. Spoilers up to then. No one beta-edthis so all mistakes are mine. Oh, and I'm going to a Supernatural convention in Phoenix AZ on Friday, let me know if any of you lovely, wonderful, talented people will be there!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Not now, not after everything. Not after…


Sam, who had just been kidnapped, tortured, burned by these people.

Limey dickbags that his mom was now working for.

He spares a glance at her, and feels like he is looking right through her.

Because no matter what pretty package she tries to wrap it up in, bottom line is that she lied to them, she lied to him. For months. He doesn't know why it still hurts this bad, why after years of lying and being lied to, it still tastes like a poison that he is forced to swallow.

He can't look at Sam, can't stand to see the heartbreak he knows that will be echoed on his brother's' face.

"And you are not a child." she bites out.

"I never was." he throws back.

Because it's the truth. It's been his truth for a long as he can remember,his little back bowing under the pressure of all that life had handed him.

It should make her pause, the tremor of unspent tears in his voice.

But it doesn't.

He's so damn sick of his enemies wearing his families face.

He can feel things cracking in him, things that he long thought dead and buried.

He needs her gone, doesn't want to hear another damn word from her, rage replacing all the disgust he had in him moments before.

As he storms off, briefly thinking to how hard this must be for Sam too, he wonders how the hell he always ends up here?

So far away from where he wants to be.

He scrubs a hand down his face, clearing away the evidence of tears.

He thinks to how he felt when he saw her in Jinns' dream world, as if the empty hole in his heart was finally filled. As if he was coming home. The feel of her touch on his face, the gentleness of her voice, the softness in her eyes as she looked at him.

It's chased away by the reality. The haunted look in her eyes, the harshness of her, the way it physically hurt when she left, all facts leading up to one undeniable truth.

Mary Winchester didn't want to be here, didn't want this life, didn't want their family. She didn't want him.

He wants to laugh, knowing that the sound would come out bitter and broken. How could he ever have thought that his Mom would want him? How could she? Who in their right mind, would?

Instead he stifles a sob as he hears his brothers heavy footsteps fall nearby.

He thought when he'd left that dream world, left everything that he thought mattered to him, lost his Mom all over again, that he wouldn't ever have to feel that way again.

Turns out the lie had hurt less.