Ravager's Rite of Passage: Coulson


Summary: every high ranking Revenger prove themselves through a rite of passage. Teaming up & joining them Phil Coulson knew that day will come sooner or later. He never knew that by accomplishing this feat would earn him the nickname "Dick Castrater"

Set between "Ravager's Inferno" and "Coulson's Heist".

The Rite of Passages one-shots of our favorite Ravanger characters will be scattered throughout the time line of the Ravanger AU series.

There are alien OCs that i have created for this one-shot. I may or may not reuse them later in the up coming stories.


Phil Coulson has been First Mate to Nick Fury almost five years now (time is much different to track out in space, so he maybe little off). He knew he had full respect of his human crew members but to other old veteran Ravengers that got added into the crew (Stakar Ogord asked [demanded] Fury to take on a few trusted members from his own crew into the Fury Clan to help ease into the way of the Ravager way of life as well keep on eye on them as he learned his lesson from what happened to his protégé Yondu Udonta when he became a new captain of his own crew).

Coulson knew he did not have their personal respect however because of his rank they will follow orders. Respect as it seems is universal of all planets and life forms; respect is earned.

Unlike Fury, whom's demeanor demands respect just by looking at him as well he gives out the vibes that basically says "don't fuck with me", Coulson by looks isn't much. In most alien standards he is short, not strong looking nor terrifying to look at. So people first meeting him don't ping him as second in command of the ship. He is soft spoken, polite and underestimated; to most Ravagers the complete opposite. Which Coulson uses this as his advantage since he been an agent at the tender age of 18 years old. But at the age of 52, many agents back at home along with Hydra have now started not to underestimate him, however the aliens out in space have time and time again.

It was end of the night shift; by Earth time date that is, as in space, time is much different as it's timed by Nova Empire time which is vastly different then Earth's. The universal calendar date used by all planets is funny enough is called stardate much similar that is used from Star Trek. Even after all these years, Coulson still has to slowly calculate in his head the difference and double check it on a cheat sheet that he has folded up in his wallet. It was much harder than translating between Celsius and Fahrenheit. At least Celsius goes by how cold or hot water is while Fahrenheit is based on freezing water, human body temperature, and the coldest point that was repeatably cool a solution of water, ice and salt. (1)

He was at the mass hall, after finally finishing paper work; writing up and looking over the mission reports. It was taxing and boring but someone had to do it.

He can hear the older Ravagers, all four of them (well five if you count their stray that follows them around) snickering behind him as he got his glob of stew from the cook and some stale bread. The group may be on the other end of the mass hall however they weren't masking their dislike of him. Everyone in the whole crew knew even Fury. Fury already gave him the okay to discipline the crew members as he sees fit. They both knew the Ravenger veterans are much more hard core, blood thirsty and ruthless so winning their respect would be a challenge. Fury basically said, do what you got to do. Coulson has yet to figure out how.

Coulson as always didn't mind the the group, ignoring them and saying hello to them as he walked past them knowing that it pissed them off.

After weeks of doing everything they can think of to anger the First Mate without the the captain knowing (that they know of) the older Ravengers are getting restless. What makes this guy tick? What does it take for this guy to be angry enough to fight back? Why doesn't anything bother him? Does the man have ANY respect for his own self? Most First Mates would demand respect from them if they so much of not look at them right. Captains are worse. You can flick this guy off and he just let it be. Coulson ignoring them or doing nothing back has made them angrier and angrier as months past and more and more less respect for him.

"Why don't you punch him. Maybe that will get to him." Egged Frosh, as the Aakon punched Jeikkith's shoulder who was an Xandarian as he chocked on his beer that he was drinking. Zrex who's Krylorian laughed, slapping his hand on the table.

"Are you nuts?" yelped Jeikkith.

"Deez nuts?" Joked Zez'ogh, who's an Easik who pointed at his crouch. The table laugh at the stupid joke. But all seriousness, punching the First Mate with no damn reason to most Clans is a death sentence. Many crew members have been killed for much less.

Zrex growled. "I hate him." He said, gripping his cup hard enough that the knuckles of his dark pink skin turned white. "He's too damn soft."

"That's probably how he wants us to think." Whispered Hueh who was the weakest of the group that wasn't part of the said group, he just liked to hang out near them to make himself look cool. The table laugh, what a joke that is, ignoring the runt.

"I don't know how Fury choose him of all people to be First Mate. I would be better!" Frosh slammed his drink on the table.

"Yeah you would!" Jeikkith laughed agreeing to the Aakon.

There was only a few ways to be First Mate. Being picked by the captain them-self or besting the First Mate in a dual to the death and replacing them. Zrex has been itching to be brought up through the higher ranks. He earn the rank that he has now, he single handily killed many people under his belt and done over 100s of missions through out the years. He's been to hell and back. He has been a Ravenger since he popped out his testicles. This no excuse, girly man is a disgrace to the Ravenger coat and that being a First Mate. It makes his blood boil just looking at this weak Terran.

He suddenly stood up, making his group jump up at the sudden movement and watch in horror as the Krylorian march towards Coulson that was sitting alone peacefully on the other side of the mass hall.

Coulson knew this day would come after months of being teased by this group of Ravengers . It was only a matter of time before one of them snapped. Coulson watch in the corner of his eye as Zrex, Coulson believes that's the name of the Ravenger, march his way over where he sat. Coulson checked all the exits and everything he can use as a weapon near him just in case. Fury would hate a gun fight in the mass hall.

Zrex, slap both his hands on the table, making Coulson's soup spill on the table with force as the table shook. Coulson willed himself from not flinching as he didn't look at Zrex when he slammed his hands on the table. "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" bellowed Zrex into his face.

Coulson then slowly looked up from his bowl, slightly smirking at the man who's eyes just looked at him with murder. "Hello, Zrex." he said, which made him the more angry. Coulson watch the rest of Zrex's group of friends slowly edge closer to watch this scene unfold itself as well be able to come for Zrex's aid if needed. "Something wrong?"

"It's YOU that is wrong!" Zrex looked flustered, not understanding why this guy just sits there not moving. Why won't this guy fight back at him? "What is wrong with you?"

"I do not see what is the problem." Coulson said knowing the reason Zrex is yelling at him because he doesn't understand his demeanor. The man is used of having leaders that are bullies for most if not all the years the man been a Ravager.

"Why won't you fight back?!" Zrex snarled, almost growling at him.

Coulson suddenly stood up without a word, making Zrex (and everyone else) jumped at the sudden movement. Zrex wasn't expecting it which angered him. Coulson has never done this before. "Because I don't need to." Coulson said, his voice not changing but his eyes said differently.

Suddenly, Zrex swing his fist into Coulson's face. Coulson easily blocked it with his left hand. Zrex face ping of pain, as he didn't know about Coulson's prosthetic hand, as Coulson whipped his hand around the man's arm and twisted it behind his back forcing the said Krylorian to twist his body around, his back up against Coulson's chest. With a quick movement before Zrex's group jumped up to attack him, Coulson pulled out his blaster up to the man's neck. Zrex's group stopped knowing that if they did anything, their friend's head will be blasted off as well the few of them are not good shooters so the chance of them missing and hitting Zrex is a high possibility.

Everyone in the mass hall was frozen. Watching . No one ever seen Coulson ever make a move of a fight before. Break fights of course but fighting back, after all these years?

Coulson smirked evilly at the everyone who was watching. He found himself enjoying the shock expressions on everyone's faces. Coulson lowered his face close to Zrex's ear, slightly licking him making the man jump in fear. "I'm going to let you go." Coulson said, gripping his hand tighter around the man's arm. If he grips any tighter he may break it. "When I do, I expect you and your friends to leave the mass hall. If you attack me I WILL kill you. Do we have an agreement?"

Zrex nodded, he didn't dare to look at anyone in the eyes of this embarrassment. Coulson let go and smacked the Krylorian upside the head with the blunt end of his blaster. Zrex trying to escaped, trip over his feet from the suddenly hit as two of his friends caught him from hitting the floor.

Zez'ogh grabbed his own blaster towards Coulson but the First Mate was too quick as he pointed his up to the Easik's face, so close that the old Easik can see right inside the barrel. "I wouldn't do that if I was you." Coulson said with a smile. Zez'ogh knew that he will loose as he put his blaster away and slowly joined his friends pick up the dazed Zrex. Coulson watched as the five friends quickly left the mass hall.

Coulson eyed at everyone else that was there. Everyone was silent. The humans wasn't surprised at the events as they all knew from their old experiences from Earth before the Hydra Uprising how Coulson is like. The rest however didn't know what to do or think. Zrex and his friends was much more open about their thoughts and feelings about Coulson, but Coulson knew that more then half of everyone else thinks the same but knows how to keep their mouths shut.

"What are you all looking at?" Coulson sneered at them all. Everyone quickly went back of what they were doing. Coulson picked up his own ruined stew that half of it was all over the table, picked it up and finished it like a drink. He took his roll of bread and walked out without a word.


"Oh my Gods, Fury! I did not know what I just did!" Coulson yelled after he closed the door behind him. Fury sat in his office with his eyebrow raise looking at his First Mate with a look. He was just sitting here minding his own business when Coulson just randomly barged in without knocking and now babbling at him.

Fury sighed. "What did you do? Finally put your foot down to the crew?"

Coulson grabbed a sit, sighing as he covered his face with his hands. "I can't believe I just did that." was all he said.

"Did you kill anyone?"

"Almost." Coulson went on explaining what had happened in the mass hall. Fury was almost glad that this finally happened. He was sick of people complaining to him about Coulson.

"Should have done something like that years ago."

"I didn't want..."

"Its a different world now, Coulson." Fury said, feeling that they had this talk before. "Sometimes you have do things that you don't want to do. Sometimes you gotta do something so damn crazy that motherfuckers would shit their pants."

Coulson sighed. He hoped this would quiet down the haters for a little bit. He doesn't want to do something so damn crazy that he will never hear the end of it. "I really don't know what's more crazier then what I just did."

Fury laughed. "Maybe the next time you get into a fight you would chop someone's dick off. But seriously Coulson, I am damn sick of all these complains I been having about you. I want it stopped. Now."

Coulson sighed. "Maybe I'm just not cut down of being a Ravager, Nick or your First Mate."

Fury slammed his fist on his desk. "Bullshit. You do have what it takes, Phil. You spit on the face of a god, more then one god for Gods sake." he shook his head. "Hell you even spit on Death itself and came back from the dead."

"That was your doing. It wasn't my choice." Coulson knew that he should not have said that which Fury gave him a hard look that made Coulson regret it. Yes he is happy he's alive but after all these years slowly the after effects is now taking an effect.

Fury snorted. "Well fuck you too." he said. "The next time a god stabs you in the heart, don't come crying to me." The two men sat staring at each other. "Here. This is your new mission. Don't fuck it up." Fury said handing over a new file to Coulson.

Coulson took it and cursed up a storm. He looked up at Coulson. "You're fucking with me." he said.

Fury smiled. "Maybe you should have watch what you said to me next time, motherfucker." was all he said before Coulson walked out without a word.


Coulson ignored the four crew members that he had a fight with in the mass hall the following day as they and others that was picked for the mission held on tight on the straps above their heads as they stood in the cargo hold ship as it flew into atmosphere into a planet that Coulson already forgot its name.

The mission was simple as they were entering a battle zone as the Kree and the Nova Empire fought against each other by both land and space. The spacecraft that they were in shook with a force as the pilots swerve back and forth trying not to hit by ship parts or get hit by enemy fire . No one made a sound as the ship moved back and forth as the ship made a hard landing. The doors opened, somewhere person was yelling at them to move.

They did, as they the moment they got out of the ship, everyone was firing left and right at the Kree as they were literally dumped in the middle of a red zone battle ground.

There mission? They had to meet up a group of Nova Corps version of the black ops further up ahead in no man lands and help escort an important senator that got captured by the Kree that just got rescued by the Nova Corps Black Ops back to safety where a ship is waiting to escort the senator back to Xandar. They needed more soldiers as Nova Empire lost a lot of their members already and can not afford to loose any more so they hired Ravagers to do the rest. Along with no having their people killed, it's cheaper and not much of a lost if the Ravagers die or not. Most Ravagers have a grudge against the Kree so it wasn't hard to talk into the Ravanger Clans to agree to the mission.

One of the members that is within the group Coulson is worried about is Marva-Ael, who is half Kree herself that is among the crew that was added into the Fury Clan from Stakar's. She hates the Kree as much as the next person, something about her mother being killed when she was a kid. Marva-Ael is part of the "lost children generation" time between the war between the Kree Empire and Xandar Empire is nicknamed when lots of children became orphans, lots of half breeds was born and so on. The woman may be in full Ravager gear along with an added a head scarf to covered most of her head, but her demeanor and face still shown her heritage. They are among people that will not hesitant to kill her off as well and Coulson will make sure that doesn't happen, even though Coulson knew the woman can take care of herself and able to hand anything that is thrown against her. But Coulson being Coulson will keep an eye on her just in case.

Marva-Ael doesn't like Coulson but enough to follow orders. She along with the other view Coulson as weak. Their medic, a former S.H.E.I.L.D agent that much like Daisy just got recruited the same time as she when the uprising of Hydra turned everything upside down. The boy was first as trained army medic turned computer genius operator and hacker but since joining the Fury Clan had him switch back to continue training as a doctor. Fury has everyone cross-train of different fields as well have everyone train to fight. Coulson himself went back to the basics of the old professions he was trained years ago.

Of course among them as well are the four Ravanger bullies; Zrex, Frosh, Jeikkith and Zez'ogh. Coulson expects that Fury put the four in the mission so they would planet-side with him so he would be able to control the four trouble makers once and for all. Coulson been waiting for them to shoot him behind his back since they left the mother ship.

"What've we got?" Coulson asked the leader of the Nova Corps Black Ops. The leader looked pained on working with the likes of them but ignored it as a job is a job and with them here it means none of his men will die.

"Intel says they are here." the Xandarian man said pointing at a map. "Plan is simple. Go in and get out. You guys go in and we cover you."

Coulson nodded. "Works for us." Coulson singled his group to head out. Luckily the time of landing on the planet it was getting dark. Which means more luckily to be able to sneak into the hide out where the senator was located.

It took time and effort but they were able to get to the shack, without anyone finding them. The shack was half covered in dirt that was created from a creator of a bomb. One of the black ops that went with them as an escort knocked on the door in code. It took a while for the group hiding inside felt safe enough to let them all in.

Coulson singled Marva-Ael to guard outside along with Frosh. They did so without question. Marva-Ael knew why of course as with her Kree blood it was more likely of the group inside not to trust them.

Coulson and the rest of the group went inside the shack. Coulson knew with no doubt of which person inside was the senator. Didn't matter which planet or species, all politicians dressed and acted the same.

The man in question looked scared using fake ego to cover up his fear as he expect everyone to follow his orders without question. The man even looks like the type of man that wouldn't listen to reason if he doesn't go on his terms. Coulson didn't like the man the moment he saw him that he reminded him the people he hated back home at Earth. Their black ops escort he can feel doesn't like the man either but hide it well.

"Sir, we are here to escort you to safety." He told the senator.

The senator was glad they got him as he was sick of hiding in the shit hole that he was forced to live in for the pass three days. He was hungry, haven't taken a shower for a week and only a bucket in the shack is used by everyone as a piss bucket.

"About time you showed up." He said getting up from the chair he sat.

"Sir you need to wear this." The back ops handed a form of bullet proof vest to the senator.

The senator looked at it like it was filled with lice.

Coulson snorted. Which made the senator looked up at him. The moment the man saw who was with the black ops Xandarian, his frown deepened. "You called them?" He snapped.

The black ops man shrugged. "We lost a lot of men." He said flatly.

The senator scoffed as if not caring about anyone dying. He then rudely snatched the bullet proof vest from the Xandarian hands and out it on. "Take the girl and lets go."

It was then Coulson noticed that there was a chained Kree woman in the corner. Coulson's felt a cold breeze brush against his arm as the Ravager's Code started whispering into his ear. "We do not traffics slaves." Coulson said.

The senator laughed. "Think of her as a prisoner, Ravager." He said offhandedly.

Coulson's hand twitched near his blaster from his hip. His mind is racing of what to do. The mission was clear. The moment the senator gets to safety the mission is done and they get paid (of course they have already got paid half but will get the next half when the senator comes back safe and alive). The Code still stands; no slave trafficking. Prisoners are fine but slavery is another. There is no proof that this Kree woman is slave or prisoner and how the senator is such a douche Coulson will not think the man is telling him the truth. There was nothing in the report that Fury gave him said anything about extra people to escort to safety other then the senator. Was it a mistake or on purpose? Everyone knew that Ravagers have a code.

Coulson knew that Kree woman isn't an hostage as the woman looked like a common civilian. They will need to release her however sadly the senator needs to kept alive. Fury will have his head on a silver platter.

Coulson forced himself to smile. "Of course," he said sarcastically with a mock nodded bow. This pleased the senator. Behind his back Coulson glared at the man in hate.

"Are we doing this?" the medic asked in a whisper making sure the rest of the group was able to hear.

"Mission says we have to take him to safety. Nothing said about killing him after we get paid."

This made the rest of the Ravagers grin.


The small group moved slow in danger zone as they had a few close calls of being found. The Kree woman was silent the whole way but even in the dark Coulson can see tears running down the woman's check.

Marva-Ael, Coulson knew is angry with him. Code is code for not trafficking. She kept her mouth shut just in case that Coulson has a plan which he does. A 12% of one that is.

At last they reached the safe zone. Coulson sigh in relief. He turned towards the black ops captain and the senator. "The rest of our pay." He demanded with a out reach hand.

The senator rolled his eyes as he took hold of the rope that bound the Kree woman's hands. "Here it is." He said handing the units to Coulson. "It is all there."

Coulson didn't look and handed it to Marva-Ael who counted it and nodded at him that indeed that it was all there. He can see hatred from the man's eyes looking at Marva-Ael when he noticed that she was part Kree.

"And the woman. We will take her as well." Coulson said just before the group parted ways. This froze the black ops as they knew this may happen.

The senator growled. "No that wasn't part of the deal."

"She wasn't part job either. The deal said nothing of her but you."

"She's mine."

"So it is true that she is your slave?"

"She's cargo. A prisoner nothing more."

"What did she do?"

The senator didn't answer as he was angry that someone is questioning him. "It's not of your business, Ravager. You are paid and now begone before I order my men to kill you of where you stand."

This didn't faze Coulson. The threats of this man are meaningless. "She is part of our business. We do NOT traffic slaves."

"Kill him." The senator ordered tired of this Ravager and the conversation as a whole. Coulson and everyone at the group was waiting for this as without a hesitation they each aimed their blasters are each of the Nova corps surrounding them and the senator in which they two raised their own weapons. They all fell dead once by one.

The senator now seeing that he was alone, Coulson is pleased to see the man scared. "You can not kill me." He ordered Coulson as the First Mate walked up towards him.

"You are correct." He said, taking the ropes from the man's hands. Coulson pulled out his blaster and shot the man in the leg. The senator gasp in shock as he fell to the ground. "But that doesn't mean I can't shoot you."

"You will pay for this, Ravager!" The man yelled. Coulson shrugged uncaring of what the man said. They are paid, the senator is back in safe ground and the Kree woman is not in the hands of this man. He untied the woman's bounds and just walked away not caring if the woman runs off or follows them.

They went to the nearest outpost requesting to be picked up from their pilot that stayed behind. Coulson lied telling the Nova corps there that the senator is out taking a dump in the bushes and should be back soon. They thanked them and looked weary at the Kree woman in the group that looked out of place but Coulson heed no mind to them.

They all went to nearby tent that has food and a small bowl of wash which Coulson was glad was there was he wanted to wash his face and eat something before take off. Even after years of living out in space going through the atmosphere still flaps his stomach that eating something before hand helps. Coulson hoped that no one finds the senator that they left outside before they are picked up. He would hate to have fight their way out.

Coulson went back outside where the rest of the group was waiting. Each of them done with whatever they did. The Kree woman and Zrex wasn't there however. Something wasn't right.

"Frosh," Coulson said looking at the old Ravager. "Where is Zrex?"

"Don't know." He said. Coulson knew he was lying. He looked at the other two of the group who refuse to say anything.

"Saw him follow the Kree woman over there sir." Pointed their medic towards another tent across the road. Coulson growled as he walked towards it. He made it clear before they took over of staying with the group.

He barged in without knocking and froze of what lay before him.

Zrex was fucking the Kree woman.

He was raping the woman guessing by the muffled screams.

Coulson didn't know what happened between him walking into the tent witnessing this evil act to grabbing Zrex's by the neck ripping him off the screaming woman beneath him. Coulson throw the bastard onto the floor hard, stomping unstop into his genitals, making the said Ravager scream in pain. The man started crawling away from him, as Coulson followed with cold fury in his eyes.

They ended up outside the tent as everyone; Ravager and Nova Corps watched in horror before them. The Nova Corps was hesitant as it's their job to bring order but these was Ravengers, it is not their place to interfere. The Ravengers on the other hand knew not to, as its Coulson's law where Nick Fury isn't there. If he sees fit of killing any of the crew he had good reason. It looks like Zrex finally done something to piss off the First Mate as the said man has never since he been pointed as First Mate single handily ever physically disciplined a crew member. Of course the man has under orders from Fury but like this? This was new. Coulson has well disciplined crew members for cleaning duties, grave yard shifts and other less liked jobs. What did the guy do?!

"YOU DO NOT RAPE!" Coulson snarled at Zrex as the man crawled away from the angry Terran. In a burst of fake ego the man turned to face Coulson. He held on to his dick as it now heavily bruised from the stomping. Coulson does have steel boots on. Coulson has a half a mind to start stomping the man's dick again but with his jet attachments from his boots on to burn them off.

"Why would you care? She is nothing but a Kree." This was the wrong thing to say as Coulson saw nothing but red at this point.

Coulson pulled out his blaster and aimed at the man's shoulder joint where the man's dominant arm is and fired. The man screamed. Krylorians are heavily one hand dominant species. The man's arm is now useless. He will not be hard to fight now.

Coulson slowly walked closer to Zrex. Coulson was startled to find that he felt nothing about this man. Felt no kinship that he has to many crew members and that of his other co-workers. He felt no sympathy as the man screamed in pain and anger. Coulson will not kill him as death will be too easy. He will make Zrex be an example for everyone.

It was then the three friends have decided to act as one fired at him which Coulson who was expecting it, easily dodged. One of the crew members from Starak's crew joined the fight against Zrex's group as she fired back at them. It was then Hell broke loose and ended within a minute. Marva-Ael held onto her two blasters in each hand looking to make sure that there was no others to shoot at. Everyone who didn't want to get in the middle of the fire fight came out from cover to see the damage. Only one other from Zrex group was still living as the man was shot at what would have been liver should be but Jeikkith being Xandarain it may not be where his liver is located even though Xandarain looks much like humans. Coulson without ordering nodded at Marva-Ael who walked up to the now prisoner, setting her foot on the man's wound at his torso to hold him where he laid bleeding.

"Marva, help?" The man pleaded to her. Marva-Ael spat on him as she pointed her gun up to his face.

"No." She said. "You broke code."

Coulson ignored them as he walked towards Zrex who thought he can get away during the fire fight. The man was shot at the leg as well, as both one arm and leg now useless for the time being it was almost funny watching him try to crawl away. Where will he go? The Kree will surly kill him on sight where the Nova Corp will take him to prison. Coulson noticed that there was some other fatalities as he saw one Nova Corp officer, a young Xandarian that just barely got out from his teens by the looks of it lay unmoving on his left. This filled his anger at the Krylorian. Coulson has never hated anyone this much before since Grant Ward after the Hydra Uprising. Coulson hoped he will be the one to kill him. But at the mean time he will wait.

Zrex's pants was still at his knees. Coulson knew he was still is being watched, kicked the man onto his back, knelled and took hold of the man's bruised gentiles, took out his knife from his hip and with a quick motion before Zrex or anyone can stop him, Coulson severed the pathetic excuse of flesh. Of course with the man screaming and thrashing Coulson knew he didn't get a clean cut cutting off the man's penis and testicles and noticed that the man still had one testicle left attached to him as blood was spilling everywhere. Of course he may be able to lose that other one as his scrotum was ripped open. Coulson threw the warm flesh from his hand onto the dirt kicking it across the road for good measure.

Everyone was complete shock, even Marva-Ael who is used on Corporal punishment from the Kree Empire have never seen this act done before.

Zrex is now crying, screaming and slowly trying to get to his dick across the road. "YOU- fucking-bastard! FUCK!"

Coulson stepped on the man's blooded hand. "Leave it." He snarled at him. "Maybe you should have thought though your brain instead of your dick you still would have it."

The man started to cry.

"Ah...em. Er... sir?" Gulped their medic that Fury signed for their group. For the first time ever the man was damn scared of his First Mate. Everyone was. The few Nova Corps that juat happened to be there them was scared to the fact that all the horror stories about Ravagers are true. Are they going to eat him now?

"Leave it to the dogs to eat." Coulson ordered, everyone knowing what he was talking about. He looked up at medic. "Do your damn job and make sure this one." He pointed at Zrex who was now in a fetal position. "stay alive."

Everyone knew Coulson is going to use Zrex as an example to everyone in the crew (and everyone else) of what happens when you broke code and piss off the First Mate.


"Coulson... When I, as a joke I will add, said that you may need to go crazy enough to chop a man's dick off I DID NOT TO MEAN TO DO IT!"

Coulson sat in front of Fury in his office the following day after the mission when he came to report to him when he was called. It looks like Fury had read the medical reports as Coulson only labeled the incident as "disciplinary action to crew member" without going into any details whatsoever of what he did. Coulson didn't know why he did it or why he wasn't guilty about it. And it freaked him out.

He doesn't have anything to say or know how to explain if he tried. "The man deserved it." Was all Coulson said.

Fury was not sitting on his chair but pacing, smoking a joint as he went. Stopping and looking at his friend, shook his head and continue pacing, cursing himself and muttering. Coulson hasn't seen Fury this flustered in years not since the Hydra Uprising and the time when Coulson had to tell him about what happened to him about chickens, Thor's hammer, a robbery he handled wrapped up about killer robots.

"I agree, however." Fury said looking at him, finishing the joint and grabbed another. After this is needs a drink. "The complains I have now about you are WORSE!"

This confused Coulson. "What?"

"Everyone is too damn scared to be around you!"

Coulson just blinked at Fury not knowing what to think or say.

"Do you know HOW many people have asked to be transferred out from the clan to the others? Look at this, Coulson!" Coulson looked at the pile on Fury's desk. It was a lot. "A shit ton. Because you chopped off a man's dick. Do you have any ideas how to tell Stakar Ogord what happened to his borrowed crew members?"

"I don't know how it happened."

"You used a knife."

Coulson rolled his eyes. "I guess I just spilled all my hate and anger i had on the guy. I wasn't thinking straight."

Fury sighed. "No you weren't but now thanks you I have to call Stakar to let him know what happened. Do you know how weird this going to be for me? 'Oh hey, Ogord. Whats up. Yeah about getting your borrowed crew members back... half are dead. How? Well my First Mate chopped one of their dicks off and had a fire fight during a mission. How about new crew members? Got a lot of request transfers you should take a look at'."

Coulson fought off a laugh at this. "Am I getting punished?" he asked.

"Fuck no. At least now people know not to mess with you. Already people are talking. I think that will be your punishment enough."


"Do you know what they are calling you now behind your back?"

Oh gods. He knew all the others. "What?"

"Coulson the Dick Castrater."

Coulson just stared at Fury not knowing if the man was making a joke or not. Fury does have a sick sense of humor. "Did Zrex live?" he asked.

Fury nodded. "They patched up as as good as he can get. His right arm is going to be sniff for the rest of his life but it will work with physical therepy it may heal like it was before. His leg is fine nothing wrong with his leg. The man has one testicle left and slight skin that may or may not be his dick that is left over or just fat as a memento of what happened to him down on planet-side."

"So he did able to keep it. The man was wouldn't hold still for me to do a clean cut."

Oh dear Gods, he needs a something stronger then the joint he been puffing. "Do you blame the guy of not holding still?"

Coulson shook his head. "No, but as i said before. The guy deserve it. Raping is against Code."

Fury nodded. Raping, enslaving and trafficking children are one of the highest rules that are universal of all Clans; breaking those codes the sentence is death. Maybe it would be more merciful just to kill the guy but now the guy will forever be the symbol of what happens when you make Coulson snap. Even Fury had a ping of fear when he found out what happened. He never thought Coulson would do something like that but after years of being surrounded by unlawful people in space, working with them...it rubs off on you. Fury is surprised on how long it took for Coulson or maybe he hid it better then most?

"What is going to happen to Zrex?"

Fury shrugged. "Doubt any of the other Clans will take him back of what he did and if any of the captains do take him back I doubt he will last long." Coulson nodded. Breaking code and living can be more of a torture then just being killed. The crew will make your life a living hell. "It will be his choice if he will stay or leaves but if he stay I will be demoted from rank if he wants to leave with no taking him we will drop him off to the nearest Nova Empire outpost for them to take him."

Coulson nodded. "Make sense." he looked at Fury. "And the woman?"

"Glad that you interfered as you did. Thinks that all humans are bat-shit crazy as you. She wants me to tell you thank you. Or i think that's what she meant. Can't tell much with the Kree. Weird bunch. Anyway, we dropped her off at a the nearest neutral outpost. She's fine Coulson. You saved her. Be happy about that."

"I am." Coulson said. Fury already knows about shooting the senator who lives to tell the tale of the night. As far as any of them know now is that senator was going take the Kree woman as a slave or sell her. Coulson doesn't regret shooting the man or punishing Zrex.

Fury's comlink started beeping. He looked at it and snorted. "There is a fight going on in the cellars. Go break it up." he ordered Coulson knowing that the moment they see him they will scatter like little insects. Fury can't wait to watch as Coulson nodded and left. Fury pulled out a surveillance video he has on the cellars and laugh as he was right. The moment someone said that Coulson as coming, everyone scattered in fright as the First Mate just by walking into the cellars broke up the fight.

(End of one-shot)

Words: 7,225

(1) Celsius and Fahrenheit... it's true. That is the difference and what each scale for.

Author's Notes:I have no idea where the dick chopping came from. It came to me when i was day dreaming about my stories at work. And the Ravanger's Rite of Passage came from a story that got really got dark and i loved it. Then i noticed that there was so few of "dark coulson" fics and i decided why not? hope you all liked the one-shot.