Last Wishes: Alabama, Arkansas, and Missouri

"Are you sure about this, 'Bama?" Missouri asked with a sniffle. His light-blue eyes were bloodshot from crying. He just couldn't believe this was happening, at such a young age too...

"I'm positive." Alabama replied as he filled his brother's boots up with sand. "This is what he would've wanted. Do you have the mannequin?"

"Blonde, just the way he liked them!" the younger state cried.

A fresh wave of tears came pouring out of Missouri's eyes. Alabama ran a soothing hand through his younger brother's black locks. "There, there, Lucas. It'll be alright. He'll be in a better place soon enough. Help me put him in the truck."

Missouri quickly dried his tears before helping Alabama lift their brother. The older of the two opened the back door of a beat up, red pickup truck. Together, the two managed to get the other state buckled in. Alabama pulled out a pair of dark sunglasses and slid them over their brother's closed eyes.

Missouri clambered into the front passenger seat as Alabama took the driver's seat and started the truck up. The two southern states were on a mission that they couldn't fail: to fulfill Arkansas's last request. And by God, they were going to succeed, even if it killed them.


Missouri was crying again as they pulled up to their destination. The neon lights were bright, colorful, and blinding. Tanya Tucker and Mark Chesnutt were blaring on the speakers. The honky tonk was alive and well.

Alabama fixed his forest colored eyes on his little brother as he opened his door. "Dry those tears. We got a job to do."

Reluctantly, Missouri followed his brother out of the car. He opened the door to where Arkansas was sitting. After unbuckling him, he placed one of the Natural State's arms around his shoulder and pulled him out of the car, where Alabama took the other. Strapped to the his back, the oldest of the three was carrying a blonde department store mannequin. In a satchel he had slung across his shoulder was a thermos full of their brother's favorite stiff drink, a cheap glass wrapped carefully in newspaper, a cheap coaster, rope, and duct tape.

Missouri slammed the door shut once he was sure both he and Alabama had a hold on Arkansas. The two of them started to make their way into the honky tonk, carrying their heavy burden.


Luckily, nobody was paying attention when the states entered. The bartender was busy handling rowdy customer's requests and most of the patrons were too wasted to care about their surroundings. Alabama guided his younger brother over to a bright, green jukebox, which just so happened to be situated perfectly under a loud, pink neon sign that bore the name of the fine establishment it was located in.

Missouri swiped a stool from the bar as the two states made their way to their destination. Once there, Alabama took the brunt of Arkansas's weight so Missouri could set up. The younger state snatched the satchel and grabbed another stool. Luckily, both stools had a back on them. He then carefully removed the mannequin from Alabama's back and set it up on the stool farthest away from the jukebox.

After securing her to the stool with a combination of duct tape and rope, he went over and helped Alabama situate Arkansas on the stool beside the jukebox. The two secured a rope around the other state's waist and tied him tightly to the seat. Missouri went to work making sure Arkansas's feet were placed firmly on the ground while Alabama set up the drink. He poured the stiff one into the glass and sat it carefully onto the coaster. He then pulled off a piece of duct tape and stuck their brother's hand to the glass. Missouri than adjusted the sunglasses on Arkansas's face, making sure his blank, green eyes were hidden behind them in case they came open. For the finishing touch, Alabama placed a sweaty old baseball cap on top of the Natural State's brown locks.

"There we go." he declared proudly. "Now he could be partying. Rest in peace, buddy."

"We'll miss you more than words can describe." Missouri sniffled before placing a kiss on his brother's cheek. He looked at Alabama. "Let's get out of here."


The light caused him excruciating pain as it passed through his closed eyelids. And his head was pounding. "Ugh... Where am I?"

Arkansas slowly blinked as he opened his eyes, the bright lights blinding him. His started to come to his senses. Something loud was blaring over a speaker of some sort... Was that Hank Jr.? He couldn't tell. He was aware of something cold and smooth in his right hand and something plasticky feeling in his left. The air smelled like heavy booze and cigarettes.

"What the Hell? Where am I?" he asked out loud. He tried to get up, but found he couldn't. It was like he was tied to something. His combat boots also felt heavier than usual and really, really itchy.

He tried again, only to topple over and land on the concrete. There was a shattering sound and he became aware of an alcoholic smelling liquid beginning to soak the from of his shirt. "What the fuck?"

"Hey kid, you're not supposed to be in here." a gruff voice said.

Arkansas glared at the stranger, who had decided to go back to his drink. The state surveyed his surroundings. Neon lights were glaring down on him from every corner of the bar. There was a rope tied around his lap, securing him to a chair of some sort. He looked up at the occupant of the stool next to where he had woken up to find that it was a blonde department store mannequin that somebody had probably swiped from an area JcPenny and fixed up with a Halloween wig. He was also laying in a puddle of alcohol and had a bleeding gash on his right hand thanks to somebody having duct taped his hand to a glass, which landed on the concrete with him.

He quickly processed what had happened, and he was not pleased or amused at all.

"Alabama! You are so fucking dead when I get my hands on you!"


So this was based on Prop Me Up Beside the Jukebox (If I Die) by Joe Diffie. It is like the most ridiculous song ever and the video is ten times more ridiculous. I strongly recommend watching it if not for the ridiculous plot, then for Joe Diffie's mullet. Seriously, it's just funny. If you watch the video and listen to the lyrics, this will kind of make sense.

Anyway, poor Arkansas. He was on the receiving end of one of Alabama's pranks. And poor Missouri was convinced to help because he was convinced Arkansas was dead... Or was he? That's a story for another time.