I keep going to the river to pray
'Cause I need something that can wash out the pain
And at most I'm sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake…
Day after day, Padmé waited for the Force Ghost to appear again, and every time, she was disappointed.
She cried tears that felt like blood through her cheeks, thinking of all the pain her husband had to go through.
She prayed Luke and Leia wouldn't ever meet such a tragic end.
Once the twins were asleep, she sneaked out of the cottage, and she went to the river. She waited to see Anakin's reflection behind hers… but she was all alone.
"My love," she said. "Even if it is just once, please Anakin, come to me!"
Every day after the twins were asleep, she did the same thing, she said the same prayer, but the ghost never appeared.
She was really losing it.
Why did he have to come back at all?
How was she supposed to come to terms with his death, when she knew he could appear at any time?
There wasn't ever going to be a day or night when she didn't expect him.
She was doomed to wait forever.
And she didn't mind, if it meant she would at some point be with him again.
Her love was becoming, like once Anakin's did, an obsession.
Each time that I think you're gone
I turn around and you're creeping in
And I let you under my skin
Cause I love living innocent…
After feeding Luke and Leia, she talked to them about their father.
She omitted quite a few details that she was already forgetting or pretending to forget. Never mind the Sith lord, never mind the Jedi.
He was Anakin Skywalker, the man she loved and who she knew would come.
Whenever she heard any strange noise, she would open her eyes widely and cry Anakin's name.
The twins were growing accustomed to that activity.
Even they would scream, "Anakin!" when they thought someone was approaching, and each time, their mother would drop everything in the moment to go meet her deceased lover.
If an animal walked by their small cottage you would hear "Anakin!"
If the wind moved doors or curtains you would hear "Anakin!"
Any noise that wasn't caused by Padmé, Luke or Leia, was followed by that loud cry, full of hope, longing and desperation.
The kids were starting to hate that name.
Because every time Padmé shouted it, the fact that no man appeared, made the young widow shed violent and inconsolable tears.
It was some time after Luke and Leia's fifth birthday, they were becoming old enough to find a strange quality in their mother's behavior. They were smart and kind, but they wished for their mother to be happier.
Leia always found her beautiful, but sad.
So very sad.
Luke was a little bit too aloof around her.
They were in need of someone to guide them.
That someone was waiting for the right time.
He was waiting…
But he would come.
And when at last he did, the twins had in front of them a complete stranger.
It was a glorious morning in Naboo.
Leia was outside playing with some animals, talking and singing to them.
Luke was in his bedroom, running around, pretending to be a fine warrior, saving lives.
Padmé was resting on her bed, looking at the ceiling, thinking of a day long gone. It was the same day she thought about all the time; the day Darth Vader was born. She couldn't help but to think of her conversation with the Sith Lord in Mustafar, when he tried to kill her…
"Luke!" she suddenly heard from her daughter's mouth.
"What?" the boy asked loudly.
"Shut up!" Padmé cried.
"Padmé," a male voice said.
Her heart raced.
She got up and immediately went outside.
"Hello there," the newcomer said when he saw her.
"Obi-Wan… Hi" she said sadly.
"Is everything all right?"
It broke her heart to see someone wearing Jedi robes.
"Yes, fine," she lied. "Why do you ask?"
"Why are you so short with the children?"
"I just don't like hearing them screaming. I always tell them to speak calmly, unless it's an emergency."
"I would count this as one."
"What?" she sounded frightened. "What do you mean?"
"Padmé, I've come for you."
"For all of you."
"Why? Is this place not safe anymore? Oh, Obi-Wan, I don't want to leave Naboo!"
"I am afraid no place in the galaxy will be completely safe until the Empire is stopped."
She lowered her head in disinterest.
"You know I don't care about politics anymore. If that's what you've come here for…"
"Padmé, the Rebel Alliance needs you."
"No. Only my kids need me."
"For Luke and Leia, we need to work together to make this a better place for everyone…"
"Stop, Obi-Wan. I don't care about the rebellion."
"You practically helped found it."
"I still was a senator. Then."
"Padmé, I've come for them and you. I can't force you but… the galaxy needs them-besides, Anakin wants me to train them—"
"What?!" she blurted out. "How do you… did Anakin…?"
"Yes, he asked me."
"You're lying. Does he… does he ever… talk to you?"
"Oh!" she cried. "He never comes here!"
"Padmé you must be reasonable and…"
"Shut up! Leave! Leave my house right now!"
"Padmé, listen to me. Luke and Leia must be trained!
"Never! I will never allow it. If Anakin wants them to be Jedi, he has to come and say it himself!"
"Padmé, my dear… he's dead."
"I don't care! He can come! I know it. I know he can!"
Padmé spoke like a true mad person.
Obi-Wan Kenobi noticed the way the twins regarded their mother, with strong fear and deep sorrow. He needed to save them. But he couldn't just take them from the only family they knew. He considered taking them to Padmé's family, or even Anakin's in Tatooine seemed a better option, but he knew she wouldn't let them.
"Padmé, I worry about you here, all alone… maybe it's time for you to go back to your family, your sister is now living in a great house in Theed…"
"No!" she screamed and the kids jumped. "If he looks for me, he will come here! I can't move."
"Padmé, Anakin is gone. But you're still alive and you're so young, still. For your kids' sake, take care of you. If you ever want to, there is still a place for you in the Republic."
"The Republic is dead, Obi-Wan!" as was her sanity.
"It can be revived. If we fight for it—"
"Shhh! Shut up!" she interrupted.
Her eyes wandered.
"He's coming!" she cried.
"Ani…" she muttered.
Obi-Wan stroked his beard, now with a few glimpses of grey, in amazement. It was hard to see her, once a proud queen and smart senator of the Old Republic, now a heartbroken leftover of Padmé Amidala. Anakin's last evil deed.
He saw her run to the window and stare at nothing, waiting for the ghost to appear, he saw her walk around the poor living room, trying to catch a glimpse of him, he also heard her call for him, a man long dead. It was chilling to think that woman took care of the galaxy's last hope.
His heart ached for them, not just because they were Anakin's kids, but because no child deserved to be put through such a spectacle, and Kenobi guessed, they had probably seen worse.
"Padmé…" the Jedi master tried to reach her again, but this time, she ran outside of the house.
He was about to go after her, when a little hand detained him.
"Don't," Luke Skywalker said. "Let her go. She will be back in an hour probably."
The Jedi blinked in bewilderment. "How do you know?"
"She's gone to the river. And that's usually the time she takes."
Kenobi now blinked away tears.
"Luke, Leia… come here kids."
They did as he said.
"Are you two happy here?" he asked.
The kids nodded along. Of course, they had nothing to compare their happiness to, so he couldn't really be satisfied with their answer.
"Listen, if you ever feel like you don't belong here anymore, I can help you."
"And mother, too?" Luke asked.
"If she'll be willing. You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped."
That made sense in the kids' heads.
"But how could we find you?" Leia asked.
"Use the Force," the Jedi smiled at her.
"The Force?" both children were curious.
Obi-Wan proceeded to explain how the Force gave a Jedi their power. What's a Jedi? They also asked, is that like father? Yes, once, that was true.
Obi-Wan amazed the twins with his knowledge, and when Padmé returned, they asked permission to be trained by Obi-Wan. She denied it, of course.
He left, but Luke and Leia knew, they'd meet again.
Boy you never told me
True love was going to hurt
True pain I don't deserve
Truth is that I never learn…
Padmé's pale face was damn tired of shedding tears.
She was tired of being alone, more than anything.
Her kids left her.
Throughout the years, Luke and Leia talked to Obi-Wan Kenobi through the Force, asking him for advice, as to how to handle their ill mother.
When that communication wasn't enough, the Jedi visited them, and deep in the woods, he talked to them about the Force, about the Rebellion, and the state of the galaxy. Most Force users were in hiding, and the Galactic Empire was still too strong. They had a powerful weapon Kenobi never would've expected. They called it, THE DEATH STAR.
Kenobi was sure Luke and Leia could bring down that horrible weapon, which had already wiped out a few planets.
The twins, now teenagers, decided to leave for Dagobah, where an ancient Jedi master had been hiding.
It hurt them to abandon Padmé, but they knew, You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. And there were millions across the galaxy in need. So they left, which only prompted more madness for poor and lonely Padmé Skywalker.
When they left, they had few words to say to her. After begging her to join the Rebellion, which she quickly and violently denied, they said to her:
"We love you, mother. Please, forget about him. He's not coming back, please, Mother. Give up on the ghost…!"
Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
Stop the haunting baby…
I keep going to the river…
Beautiful was the night, chilly and clear on that forest in Naboo.
Padmé Amidala sat like usual in front of the river, staring at her own reflection hoping to see her husband appear behind her.
And as she saw only herself, the beautiful moon, stars, and woods reflected, she at last, lost all hope.
It hurt too badly.
Was he really never coming back?
She just couldn't stand it.
And just like once Anakin traded his soul for the opportunity of saving his love's life, she too wished for some power to bring back someone from death.
With such grim thoughts, the dark night covered her like a cold blanket.
She stood up and once more, she saw her reflection.
She remembered how she used to yell at herself to stop imagining the ghost, throwing water at her face, so likewise, she did similarly. Just that this time, she didn't say anything at all, she just threw the water at herself, as if with that she could cleanse her thoughts and fears.
But those drops didn't seem enough, so she walked onwards… in a straight line—till she couldn't feel the floor anymore, and then like in Mustafar, she couldn't breathe.
Padmé was drowning.
Her eyes showed her all clear blue around her as they stung her; pain arrived and soon probably death. But that wasn't meant to happen, and if it was, the boy who was born from the Force could stop it, this time.
She felt how she was carried to the top, she felt air on her lungs again, and then she felt the warm Naboo grass below her.
When she opened her red eyes, she saw Anakin's Force Ghost again.
The Ghost caressed her hair and face, it told her that she was still so loved by Anakin Skywalker and that she would always be, but that she must take him as an example, she must learn to let go of attachments… she must let go of his ghost, of his memory, and live long and happily for their children.
She felt a passionate kiss on her wet mouth, and she heard one last "I love you," then he was gone.
Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
No more haunting baby…
"Oh, Anakin! The ghost of you it keeps me awake!"