So before you go on, I just wanna say a couple of thankyou notes because seriously, you can't do this multichapter shit alone.
First of all, to my (vitamin d loving) soulmate, Lauren. (tumblr: Zooeyslaychanel). For someone who can barely speak english, you have some pretty fricken great ideas. Seriously, the best parts of this fic came from her brain. Plus, you didn't abandon me even though writing this meant we hadn't watched greys in ages. You're seriously the best.
Once again, to Trueblue988 for being my dirty co-writer. The stars literally brought us together for the pure purpose of fic collaboration. Now this is finally over, I can catch up to your ass on Cheers.
To Lorde for inspiring the title. You're a boss ass bitch and I love Melodrama with my entire heart (here's me talking like she's actually reading this ness fic).
To all my roomfriends out there, ya'll are literally the best and I'm going way too overboard for a small note section of a 10 chapter fic.
Here's to a bigger and better season 7!
"What?" her eyes went big and the smile fell from her lips, hands still flat on his chest.
"Come on, Jess, as if it's not completely obvious. I mean, I don't really think I ever stopped loving you."
"No, you don't mean that, Nick. You're just- you're." She was mumbling now, talking faster and faster, her hands getting firmer on his chest.
"I promise you, I've never been more sure of anything in my life." He said the words with a low chuckle, feeling more and more confident with how well his words were working together. He let his hands find her wrists, trying to relieve the force of her push a little.
She swallowed hard. Prying her wrists from his grip she walked away, facing away from him. But he followed her.
"You have to go." She took a moment before turning to face him, a sad but sure look in her eyes.
"Jess, can't we just –"
"No Nick!" Her eyes were filling with tears. "I told you from the start, this can't happen. I made it clear, I didn't want this to happen." She was almost yelling now.
"What about what I want, Jessica? Think about what you wanted when I was with Raegan. If I knew then, Jess. If I hadn't been such a jerk and opened my eyes to what was right in front of me. Things would have been so different right now. If I had known, then. But I didn't. And I can't take that back. But I can tell you, I love you and I wish you would just let me." His voice was so pained.
She let the tears flow as she heard every inch of him in his words. She'd only felt him like this once. That day when they broke up all those years ago. And it made her remember how bad that day felt. How she never ever wanted to feel that kind of pain again.
And in his eyes, at that very minute, she remembered. This was why they couldn't do it. They loved too hard and too deep and they let themselves hurt each other. Her mind kept telling her it wasn't healthy. It was an endless cycle.
"I'm so sorry." She shook her head over and over, her eyes puffy, filled with tears and her heart aching. "I can't sit here and watch us kill each other all over again."
There was a knock at Jess's door a couple of days later and she had secretly hoped it was him. She wanted to fight with him because at least that meant they were talking.
But when she opened the door to a sympathetic looking Cece, she wandered back to the couch and slumped herself down to her original position.
"What's going on?" Cece followed behind her.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Jess said as she continued skipping through channels on the television.
"So tell me this, Jess. How come when I saw Nick at the bar last night and asked him how you were, he replied he was about to ask me the same thing?" Jess continued refusing to look at Cece, replying with little interest in the conversation.
"I don't know, Cece, I guess you both wanted to know how I was?" Cece grabbed the remote from her hand and turned the tv off, causing Jess to let off a huff sound.
"Did Nick do something bad?" the concern was so clear in Cece's voice that it made Jess turn to face her.
"No! I mean, yes, well, kind of." Jess started nervously stuttering as soon as she saw Cece's gaze intensify. "He told me he loved me."
Cece looked confused for a moment. A slight smile coming over her lips.
"And tell me Jess, why that's a bad thing?"
"I told you from the start! There's no more Nick and Jess. I want someone who sees the rest of their life with me. Nick only thinks temporary. I mean he said it himself, we will never 'get together'."
"Come on, Jess. You're the only one Nick has ever truly loved. You're in denial about this whole thing. It's because you're scared. You love him so much that you're scared to even try in fear that you won't make it." Cece reached out and grabbed Jess's hand.
"I know I'm scared." Jess mumbled. "But I'm telling you, it can't be worth it. That pain I felt when we broke up, hell, the pain I felt every time he was with Raegan, I can't give myself the chance to feel like that again."
"You love him, Jess. You need to let yourself admit that."
That night one of the biggest storms LA had ever seen rolled along the city. As it began to get dark, more and more areas were recording power outings, the only light being that from the sky.
Nick turned over in bed. He hadn't really managed to get himself out of it since their fight the other day. Was it even a fight? He wasn't sure if maybe it was more of an ending.
But as the thunder clapped down and shook the entire loft, all he could think about was Jess, sitting up in her bed, alone and terrified. The constant replay of their argument had been pushed out of his head, and instead, it had been filled with the need to hold her and protect her.
A half an hour later, there was a knock at her door that shook her out of her tears. She had been sobbing in her bed, candles covered the apartment. She wasn't even sure what she was crying about. Sure, the storm outside was horrific and she had jumped at every sound of thunder. But she couldn't use that excuse for the last few days of doing the same thing.
She turned the torch on her phone to high, sliding out of bed she tip toed towards the front door and the knock came again.
She stared for a moment until she heard a voice.
"Jess, it's just me." His voice was kind of quiet and hesitant but she had never been happier to hear it. She opened the door and saw him standing there in his jeans and a hoodie, hair a mess like he had come straight from bed. She had never felt more relieved in her life.
He took her in. She was so small and vulnerable in that moment, it made his knees feel weak. He could only just see her face enough to be able to tell her eyes were puffy and her cheeks were stained with tears.
"Hi Nick." Her voice was so shakey and soft and he knew it was taking everything she had to not breakdown right in front of him.
"Come here." He said, shutting the door and pulling her in to his chest.
Her hands grabbed his shirt so tight as she forced her head into his chest. His hand found her hair as he supported her body, all of her weight leaning into his as he felt his shirt become wet from her tears.
They stayed there for a little while, until her tears had settled. He continued to run his hand gently up and down her back and she had never felt safer in her whole life.
"Nick, I-" She broke the silence, talking into his chest.
"Shhhh." He interrupted her, pulling her back so he could see her eyes. "We don't have to talk about it right now, okay?"
She closed her eyes and nodded, her body threatening to cry again but knowing there were no tears left.
He let his thumb run under her eyes. Wiping away the tears from her cheeks.
"Can we go..." Her voice was broken up in sobs. "To bed now?"
He looked at her for a minute, taking in the whole situation. They had just had a fight that had threatened to end their entire six years. They hadn't talked to each other in 3 days. They were standing in an almost pitch black apartment. But they were still Nick and Jess and no matter what, he would do anything for this woman.
"Let's go to bed, Jess." He said as he grabbed her hand and lead her to the bedroom. Pulling back her side of the covers he helped her in, tucking the blankets around her arms and tucking her hair behind her ears.
He pulled off his shoes and moved to the other side of the bed. Sliding under the covers he found her not even giving him a chance to settle before she was already in his arms. Head back in his chest and arms trapped between their bodies.
Just as he could feel her drifting off to sleep, she mumbled into his chest.
"I love you too."
The next morning, Nick woke up alone in the bed.
He wandered out to the living room and Jess was no-where to be seen. Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out the envelope that had been scrunched up and slept on. Straightening it out, he placed it on the kitchen bench and left the apartment.
Jess was running from her problems. She knew it. But more than anything she just needed to get out of the house. Get away from him for a moment or two. Take a walk and clear her mind.
She had told him she loved him and she knew it wasn't a lie. She was sure of that much. But she hadn't worked out what she wanted to do with that knowledge.
Stepping back into her apartment, she hadn't expected him to be there. She knew he would have probably been upset and left angry. She deserved it.
She walked to the kitchen and found the envelope. 'Jess' was written across the middle in his hand writing and her heart jumped at what it might be.
Imagining the worst, she tore it open to find an official looking, computer typed document with a post it note attached to the top.
I wanted you to see this. It's the blurb for the second part to my book.
I wrote it for you.
She swallowed hard and placed the note on the table, taking a seat on one of the stools, she began reading.
Julius Pepperwood was a hero.
He was brave and strong and successful.
But those things meant nothing without her,
the woman that he loved, his best friend, Jessica Knight.
But it wasn't until he lost her that he realised,
he needed her more than she needed him.
This story is about Julius Pepperwood's biggest fight yet.
But it isn't about zombies or aliens.
This is a story about his fight to win back the woman that he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
This is about Julius finding his forever.
Jess knocked twice and before her hand hit the door again, it swung open.
Holding up the envelope with a concerning smirk on her face, she walked through the door.
"I mean; some parts are a little wordy." She turned to face him, leaning on the back of the couch.
"Oh yeah?" He raised an eyebrow and walked towards her a little, stopping before he got too close. "Anything else you'd like to add, Jessica?"
"Oh, I have a couple of things actually. First of all, what made Pepperwood realise? She was there the whole time, so why did he take so long?"
Nick laughed. Okay. They were playing this game.
"I think; Pepperwood was scared of Jessica Knight. He'd never experienced love like that, you know? It was different with her. Terrifying and overwhelming."
She nodded, looking down at her feet.
Silence filled the room for a moment as she stepped forwards. Closing the gap with every movement.
"Just one more thing, Nick." Now she was right in front of him. Voice just above a whisper. Eyes locked together. "How does it end?"
He swallowed. Deepening the gaze. Barely a breath between their faces.
"How it should have ended the first time."
I might get to an epilogue one day in the next century. I know I'm a bitch but it would have just been weird to not end on that line.