Chapter 3

Sanji, Luffy and Dadan all breathed with relief when two drunk cooks were out of sight. But one problem still remained.

"Now, go cook something."

Dadan looked at two waiters.


They cocked their eyebrows.

"Someone needs to make some food, right?"

"Are you crazy? I'm a charwoman, not a cook. I have no clue how to do it. You're a cook here Sanji."

"And left him alone?" Sanji asked and pointed at the second waiter.

Dadan winced. She knew Sanji was right.

"What about Makino?" Luffy asked suddenly.

"Punk, she's not a cook but a barmaid."

"Yeah, a barmaid" he emphasised the last world. "I was there thousand times when Sanji kicked me out."

"You ate food for guests." Sanji said as he kicked the younger waiter.

"But Makino can cook. And she likes me. She'll help us."

As they decided they run to the bar next to Baratie.


Chopper kneeled next to the billiard table. The long-nosed man was still bleeding. He wanted to give him a tissue but he was stopped by the sharp voice of Mr Garp.

"What are you doing?"

"He's bleeding." said Chopper as if it was obvious.

"'Bleeding'? 'Bleeding'?! It's not war!"

Chopper blinked.

"Yes it isn't." he agreed.

"Yes it isn't" repeated Mr Garp and Chopper knew he didn't mean nothing good by it. "He's a rat, not a captive. He doesn't deserve anything... The only thing he deserves is a poison!"

Chopper stood up. There was no point in arguing with an old Marine.

"Speaking about poisons." Mr Garp spoke again as he looked at prepared glasses and calyxes. "Maybe we should take a little drink?"

"Mr Garp, there is no point in taking something little in life." said Mr Roronoa "If you're doing something do it with a blow."

Mr Garp smirked at him.

"Ah, young man, you have no idea how this philosophy is close to my heart." he said more to himself and then looked at Chopper again. "Mr 'Permanently incapable' will drink with us too, right?"

Chopper winced at the nickname.

"I would rather take a wine." he said shyly.

"Wine? It's not a faggot party!" he spat "Waiter!" he called but no employee of Baratie appeared. "Where is that moron?!"



Both Sanji and Luffy looked at each other. Makino agreed to help them but... Dadan was right. Makino was a barmaid, not a cook. She could make maybe 5 dishes but nothing too fancy. It was decided that Dadan would help Makino in the kitchen.

"WAITER!" they heard again.

"He's an impatient one..." muttered Sanji.

"More like anger-issue one." said Luffy and both men walked to the guest room.


The two waiters entered the room and saw four people. First, the older man in his late fifties. He was dressed in a Marine uniform. The expression on his face showed only anger. On the sofa were sitting two men in white suits. They looked rather odd with green dyed hair and crown-like hat. Near the billiard table was standing a big man in black suit with light brown hair. Luffy wondered where was the long-nosed fellow that he saw in the yard but decided it didn't matter.

"At your service." they said together.

"You lot better start doing your work or I'll stop being so nice!" said oldest man. He was still angry and probably nothing will change his mood for next a good few hours.

"How would like you, gentlemen, our service to be fulfilled?" asked Sanji with a forced smile.

"Like a servant... Firstly we would like something to drink."

Both waiters started preparing drinks when the man in black suit noticed the blood on his hands. Chopper flinched. It probably happened when Mr Roronoa and he dragged the long-nosed man into the room.

"Excuse me." he said meekly. "Where is the lavatory?"

Sanji was surprised by weird vocabulary but at least this guy was polite.

"Em... across the yard. Left door, then downstairs." he started explaining the route. Other guests looked at him weirdly. Since when the route to the restroom was that long. "Then right, then right, then right-"

"Stack, curlybrow?" asked the man with dyed hair. Sanji winced but decided to ignore the nickname for now.

"No, you just need to turn right three times... Anyway. Then you, gentleman, need to go upstairs and second door on the left is... no third. Second ones are the ladies restroom.

"What the fuck is it? The route to a closet or the plan of Marineford?!" old Marine was not amused.

"It's just that, that the main toilet got clogged." said Luffy this time.

For a second Chopper wanted to go but he couldn't remember the weird guidelines.

"I'm afraid I won't manage." he said.

"Then take a taxi." said Mr Roronoa. The man would never ever admit it but he was terrible with directions. Taxi was the only solution.

"Maybe I'll show you around." suggested Sanji but was immediately stopped by the old Marine.

"No. You two are here to make drinks."

Both waiters looked at one another and decided there was no use in arguing with the older man. He was intimidating.

Said ex-marine looked at Chopper.

"You have den-den?" when the man nodded Garp continued "Call us if you get lost."

Chopper does as he was told.

Sanji was about to fill the calyxes when Garp stopped him.

"In glasses. It's a man way." Sanji cursed internally. He put down the calyxes and took glasses. Luffy passed him a bottle of vodka. "Isn't waitering a shabby job. One needs to be a faggot to like that."

Garp sat down in front of men in white suits.

"Do you, gentlemen, know Ace for a long time?" he asked.

"We don't" denied Brook.

"We are Carina's guests." said Zoro.

"That bitch..." spat Garp. That woman should burn in hell! "But you, Bones, Roronoa, are okay dudes."

In this moment one of the waiters served them drinks.

"Why there is only three?" asked Garp.

The black haired waiter boy was surprised for a second.

"Because there is only three of you." it was more of a question than an actual statement.

"You have some problem with eyes?" asked ex-marine. "And that rat? He's not a dog!" he yelled pointing his hand at the long-nosed man under the billiard table. Then he added more gently. "I may be strict but I'm no monster."

"I don't want any vodka." said the long-nose but his pleases weren't welcomed.

"Noone asked you!"


At the same time, Chopper opened the door only to see a bunch of pipes taps.


"In the life of every man, there is a day when his son is about to get married." Garp stood up and started his toast monologue.

"And when he has a daughter?" asked Brook but seeing ex-marines' glare he only apologised. "Sorry."

Usopp looked into his glass of vodka still wondering what the hell is he doing here. He wasn't a wedding guest after all.

Sanji looked down. The oldest man was standing just a few feet away from the fallen spoon. Now as he thought about it, he probably should have picked it up.

"Usually at this moment, such man would drink to celebrate and complement the beauty of his daughter-in-law. Unfortunately for us, gentlemen, life is not a romcom. So, today, we have no other choice then say: 'Go to hell you all treacherous whores'!" he half said half yelled and drank his whole drink.

Others did the same. That 'wedding' was a hell after all.

When Garp was about to sit down he stomped on the forgotten spoon and fell down on the floor. Deaf crash. The glass from his hand went flying and Luffy was lucky to have good reflexes and caught it. Sanji kneeled down as fast as he could and grasped the spoon and hidden it in his pocket.

At this moment Chopper was back. His whole hands red. He wasn't sure if he was more shocked about his own state then Mr Grap's who was lying on the flood obfuscated.

Brook winced when he saw his hands.

"You have hematuria?" Zoro asked bluntly.



Chopper went through the yard but when he went inside the next building he lost his way. On his way he has found two drunken men, the kitchen, and ladies restroom but as he was gentleman he decided to find the other one. Then he saw it. The pipes room. He found there three taps. For good minute he was deciding which one he should use and choose the middle one. For a second there was nothing and then. Red!


"There was a red paint in the tap." Chopper said still shocked.

"Crap!" cursed Sanji and gave the poor man a tissue. "Gentlemen, you choose the wrong room."

"But I went just like you, Mr Waiter, told me to." he took the fabric and started cleaning his hands.

Brook and Zoro looked at the employees with a silent question.

"He must have found the storage." said Luffy.

"Owner's grand niece is an artist." agreed Sanji. "Performances and so on. She keeps her stuff there." he looked at Chopper who still couldn't clean his hands fully and his skin was covered with red strains. "You, gentlemen must have turned the 'Tap of Balladina'.


A month ago in Baratie was organised the Art Meet. Grace, also known as Miss Goldenweek, the grand niece of an owner was about to start her presentation. It was her big day. Everyone important in the art world was here: Miss Doublefinger, Sir Crocodile, Mr. 3...

"Tap of Balladina" she presented "Is and artwork that reconstructs romantic ideas. Letting flow inside..." she made a hand sign as if something was running through the pipes. "in this dead state of banality... a stinking but bracing..."

Something gurgled inside the pipes.

"Gurgle of anxiety!"

Luffy and Sanji only looked at each other. Thay had no clue what that girl was talking about. Not like that stopped Sanji from saying that she was the greatest and most beautiful artist in the world.


"No no no... I went along the guidelines. Third door on the left!"

"On the right!" denied Sanji. "I said, right, right?" he asked and looked at Zoro, Brook and Luffy. His workmate only shrugged while the other two shot their heads. "I said left?" They nodded.

"I told you they are morons!" yelled Garp who just now shanked off his dizziness and tried to stand up.

Luffy glared at the man and probably wanted to shout something but Sanji put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. The blond knew that Luffy never liked when someone insulted his friends and Sanji was one, no question about it.

"I would prefer if you, mister, didn't call me such names." he asked as gently as he could. This day was annoying anyway.

"And how am I supposed to call you? Your highness?" Garp half laughed half split.

"Call us nothing. We have a bad day, okay?!" Luffy was slowly losing his cool and even Sanji wasn't able to calm him down. Both waiters get back to bar table to make new drinks.

Usopp, still under the table, looked at the waiter to the ex-marine. One would have thought that after the wedding from hell it would be calmer here, in the countryside. Apparently not.

"Bad day... The bad day had your mother when she met your father." said oldest man, still talking in the same manner. "Evidently it was his first day out of the tree!"

"I don't know I never met my father." Luffy said calmly. One would have thought that what you don't know won't hurt you. For a long time, Luffy didn't even realise what father was. He was used that he only had a mother, Makino and Shanks. But lately... how was he supposed to be a father if he never has one.

"Buy a zoo ticket" the ex-marine didn't notice the mood swing. "I'm sure you apes will recognise each other!" and it was a breaking point.
The scrawny waiter turned around in a second ant looked old marine in the eyes.

"One more word and I'll kick your ass."

You could feel the temperature in the room going down.

Garp cocked an eyebrow. He was a war veteran: old but still enough to show you where is your place. This kid was scrawny anyway.

"Oh, finally some human reaction."

"He's not joking." said Usopp still lying where he was. Not like he cared what would happen to Mr Monkey. Maybe he'll finally have an occasion to explain everything.

Sanji could only agree with him. If you pissed Luffy... it wasn't pretty.

"Shut up, you rat!" Grap's attention change to the long-nosed man.

"Or maybe you should finally shut up." Luffy's voice was calm but everyone could feel the storm and they all waited for what was going to happen. Noone wanted to be caught in the cross fire. Garp had enough.

"Okey, listen now..." he wanted to grab waiter's shirt but a sudden attack of dizzyness from previous accident give an advantage to the boy. The waiter grabbed his hand and flipped the large man through his back. The marine was on the ground again. In a matter of seconds, Luffy sat on him and keep his arm sprinkled so the man wouldn't stand up.

Everyone was shocked. To see this scrawny boy overpower this large man? It did was something. This who know Luffy, were aware that in his little body was more strength then in 10 grown up man. But people who knew Garp realized that the boy had also a lot of luck, since the ex-marine was a bit obfuscated.

For a second there was silence with only sounds of jerking on the ground Garp.

"I told you he's not joking." said the long-nosed man as he stood up from his hideout under the billard table. "An argument is the most common cause of murder in the whole world. I would not undervalue this. Usopp Sogeking." he introduced himself.

"Luffy Mugiwara." said the waiter with a nod.

"Sanji Kuroashi." called the other one.

Usopp acknowledged and continued his reasoning.

"Predominately, murder is not actually an assault on an unaware victim, but rather an effect of dynamic interaction between the victim, the assaulter and witnesses, of said interaction, in other words: us."

Luffy almost laughed. Garp was still trying to stand up but the teen held him in his place.

"But I don't want to kill him."

"You don't. But you will." Usopp agreed and disagreed at the same time.

"What? Why?" he asked a bit confused.

"What 'why'? To keep the reputation. Honour, in other worlds, that was insulted by the victim's rude comments in the painful presence, let's not forget about it, witnesses!"

Silence. The man was right.

"Wow, you're good at this, aren't you? I'm Zoro Roronoa." the green haired introduced himself.

"Brook Bones." said the man in the furry coat.

"Usopp Sogeking, at your service." he acknowledged.

The last man decided he should introduce himself as well.

"I'm doctor Tony Tony Chopper. Just call me Chopper."

"Usopp. It's nice to meet y-"

"What the bloody hell!" yelled Garp finally free from Luffy's grasp. "If there is one person who has the right to murder in this local, it is my son! And during his absence, I'll represent him! There is no bigger crime! Even for a stolen horse was death penalty not to mention..."

"Excuse me?" the meek voice of Makino sounded in the room. All men looked at her. "Which one of you, gentlemen, is called Monkey D. Garp?"